FIC: "Madness Used To Be Mine" (8/12)

Buffy called Xander on her way home. Though wondering, the young man didn't question Buffy's request and agreed to say that Faith was with him the day professor Wirth was killed. Buffy asked him to call Giles and see if they could come up with a story. If the two young people were with an adult, it would have more weight.

Faith was still sleeping when Buffy walked into the room.

The older slayer sat just beside the bed and she stayed there, in deep thoughts.

Her cell phone rang, "Hi Riley. Yes I'm home. Yes I did, no everything's fine. No, stay where you are. I can't tell you much right now. No, yes. I'll call you, Riley. No, I'm not going to class tomorrow. Yes, no I?m fine. Listen, I just need to stay here for a couple of days. I'll call you when I... When I?ll know more. Yes, ok. Me too. Bye." Buffy hung up.

She put her cell phone on the bedside table and stayed there, staring at the brunette.

Joyce walked in the room with a plate full of spaghetti.

"I thought you might be hungry."

Buffy checked at the alarm clock. It was past 1 pm. She frowned; she hadn't seen the time go by. She'd been staring at Faith all morning long.

Joyce put the plate on the bedside table, "You should eat something, Buffy."

Buffy gave her mother a nice smile but Joyce could see sadness in her eyes.

The older Summers sat on the edge of the bed to look at her daughter, "You know she's going to be sleeping till at least tomorrow morning, or maybe tonight, not sure how those pills work on slayers. But anyway, you should rest in the meantime."

"I don't? I don't want to leave her alone?"

Joyce stayed silent, waiting for her daughter to tell everything she wanted to say, everything she was holding back, everything Joyce knew she?d been holding back for too long now.

"She was there, all alone for eight months. I never? I never went to see her..."

Joyce was listening carefully.

"And do you know why you never went?" She quietly asked Buffy.

Buffy lowered her head then looked at Faith, "I couldn't look at her. I couldn't look at her lying there."

"Because you sent her there?"

Buffy stayed silent.

"You should talk about it, Buffy. I always knew something was wrong because you never ever mentioned her again after that."

"That was the point; go on with my life as if she'd never been in it. That was my goal, mom. That's why I never went. For eight months I acted like it never happened, like she never was there. It was easier that way." Buffy lowered her gaze, "But I never stopped dreaming of her."

She stared at her mother, "Just like when she was there. I could never stop thinking about her."

Joyce still looked very calm, "Tell me what truly happened last year, Buffy."

"I would've done anything for him. Anything? But when I stabbed her? I felt the pain in my belly too. I felt like I killed a part of me that day. And I realized I? I?ve never hated her."

Joyce nodded, "You know the line is thinner than we think between love and hate. Love and passion. Passion can sometimes look very much like hate, or turn into hate if the person is in a bad place, or if their feelings aren't returned. It can make people act? dangerously."

Joyce stared at Faith. The older Summers started to have a better insight on the rogue slayer and her daughter's true relationship. It certainly was more complex than it first seemed.

"She scared me. She scared me cause she made me feel too many things that I couldn't understand. I didn't have room for Faith in my life at the time. Even the littlest room I refused it to her because I knew?. I knew it would be all or nothing with her. I knew she would creep her way everywhere. I knew this because it did happen despite it all. Ever since I? Ever since she disappeared from my life I've felt this big empty hole in me because? because she was everywhere."

Buffy took a deep breath, "That's why I never went to see her. I acted like it didn't matter, like I didn't care cause I still refused to believe she could mean so much to me when I was so sure I felt only hatred for her. I tried hard to keep on believing that was what it was. It was so much easier for me, and for everyone else."

Joyce kept looking at her daughter with a serious but understanding gaze, "And what do you think now? What do you? feel now?"

"I feel that I'm not sure of anything anymore. All I know is that she's here and I don't want to turn my back on her anymore. She means more than I ever thought she could. Now I can't tell you what this means, or how this is gonna turn out, I don't know. I don't know, mom. All I know is I don't want to be haunted anymore. So whatever happens, I'll be true to myself, true to her now."

Joyce smiled, she put her hand on her daughter's, "This is all that matters then."

The older Summers got up from the bed and left Buffy alone with the sleeping brunette.

Buffy stayed in deep thoughts but after a while, she went to lie down on Faith's side.

She rested her head beside the brunette and started feeling the tiredness finally getting to her.

She dozed off and on and therefore started getting cold, so she removed her jacket to creep under the sheets.

She took a deep breath and shivered as the brunette's warmth somehow hit her.

She put her arm around Faith's waist and held her tight. Shortly after that, she fell asleep.

Joyce walked back into the room a couple of hours later. It was 5 pm. She didn't know what to really think about what Buffy told her and the sight of them together in bed like that. She didn?t know. Joyce refused to put any judgment or allow any real thoughts about it. She would wait to see how this would develop and as she?d said; what mattered was that Buffy stayed true to herself.

Joyce pulled the thicker curtain close to darken the room some more then she left.

Buffy checked the alarm clock when she woke up; it was 10 pm.

She propped herself on her elbow and stared at Faith.

She ran her fingertips on the brunette's chin.

Buffy was in deep thoughts again and she kept caressing Faith's hair.

She observed the sleeping girl for a while then started running her hand on the brunette's neck and collarbone. Faith's skin was so warm. Buffy moved the sheets up a little to cover Faith's breasts correctly. But she let her hand under the covers and ran it over Faith's stomach.

Buffy took a deep breath. She felt like she couldn't get enough of the brunette's warmth. Buffy bent forward and tentatively brought her lips closer to Faith's.

She let their lips pressed together. Buffy's eyes were closed. She pulled away after a while and smiled.

She moved her hand to the brunette's neck and just stayed looking at her while caressing her neck.

Faith started moving her head.

"Faith?"

Faith moaned slightly.

"Faith? Are you awake?"

Faith tentatively opened her eyes and her first sight was Buffy's concerned face.

The newly awake slayer closed her eyes and opened them again.

"Faith? How are you feeling?"

Faith looked perplexed, as if she'd not expected Buffy to talk.

"I'm dreaming again." Faith whispered.

"No, you're awake, Faith."

Faith looked around, "Where?" She trailed off.

"You're in my room. You're fine."

"I'm dreaming."

Buffy smiled, "No you're not. You're awake, Faith. You're finally awake."

Buffy?s tone betrayed how glad she was that Faith was out of her coma.

Faith still looked in a daze. She focused on the ceiling. Buffy stayed silent for a while.

Faith frowned, "I'm naked."

"Yes, remember last night?"

Faith raised her eyebrows, "I'm naked, I'm in your room, in your bed, you're in bed too? And I'm not dreaming??"

Buffy couldn't help but smile though it still disturbed her.

All these unspoken feelings between them. They seemed to show so much now, on both sides.

Buffy went on, "Last night in the bathroom, Faith. You were? I brought you here and gave you sleeping pills. Do you remember?"

Faith squeezed her fist to feel the pain in her cut palm, as if to know if this had been a dream too. She'd dreamt of Buffy so many times...

But she slowly started making out what was real from what wasn't.

Faith nodded.

Faith then realized Buffy's hand was in her neck, and the blonde girl's thumb was still gently caressing her. Faith wondered a little but it didn't seem like she'd fallen asleep again.

"How are you feeling, Faith?"

"I'm not sure. My head hurts."

"Here, let me give you this." Buffy took the aspirin her mother had left on the bedside table; she put it in a glass of water and handed it to Faith.

Faith stared at her as she took it.

"Why are you doing this, Buffy?"

"You have a headache."

Faith barely smiled, "You know what I meant."

Buffy hesitated, "Did you wish I would have left you in those ruins, deal on your own?"

"I don't wish. But I expected you to... I mean? I didn't expect? this."

Buffy stared at her but she had no answers to give her, no explanations. No words came to her.

She stayed silent.

"What do you plan now?"

Buffy looked at her, "Honestly? I don't know. I wanted to bring you here, make you feel better and then? talk. And I guess we're at the talking stage and I'm kind of?" she trailed off.

"Never been much of a talker either."

Faith then drank the aspirin.

"What's there to say anyway?" The dark slayer sounded sad and bitter somehow.

"A lot. I think there's a lot to say. A lot we?ve never talked about and should have."

"It won't change what I did. It won't undo it." Faith stared at Buffy with pain in her eyes. She looked away, "And it won't bring me back those eight months either. It won't give me my life back, Buffy. So what's the point?"

She stared at Buffy.

"Building a new one." Buffy honestly told her.

"Do you really think I can? Do you think I should?"

"What else are you gonna do? You can't give up."

Faith seemed thoughtful, and sad too.

Both girls raised their heads towards the window as they heard sirens and could see blue and red lights by the window. Buffy got up and checked.

"Shit! Dammit!"

Faith got up, she didn't check as she knew by Buffy's reaction that it was the cops. She took the pants Buffy had put beside for her and the top.

"How did they-" Buffy stopped and checked at the picture of her, Willow and Xander that lay on the bedside table, "No, she can't have done that."

Faith frowned but didn't waste time; she was already dressed up as they heard a huge bang indicating the cops had broken down the front door.

Buffy hurriedly reached Faith and took her hands, "You were with Giles and Xander the night professor Wirth was killed. It?s checked with them already."

"I wasn't." Faith said in a defeated tone.

"God dammit Faith, listen to me now! Cops can't deal. They have no right to deal with that. You were with Giles classifying files for him. It was a part time job for you, and Xander was there to study with him. You stick to that version."

"But why Buffy? Why do you care so much if I rot in jail or in Hell!"

"Now is not the time, Faith!"

They could hear the cops in the stairs. Buffy locked her door room.

"Tell me, Buffy! Give me one good reason cause I frankly don't care where the hell I'm gonna end up right now."

"Well I do!" Buffy held her by the shoulders, "I do care. I need you here, Faith."

Cops started banging at the door.

"Please, Faith, trust me."

Faith swallowed.

"Police open the door!"

They broke down the door.

"Hands in the air!"

Both slayers raised their hands.

"Hands behind your head! Get on your knees!"

They did so.

Cops surrounded Faith and handcuffed her, "Miss Lehane, you're under arrest regarding the murder of Professor Wirth and for the assault of Miss Wing at the hospital."

Two other cops went to Buffy and handcuffed her too, "Miss Summers, you're under arrest for failing to respect the law by helping and hiding a suspect."

They started moving them out of the room at the same time Joyce could finally reach upstairs.

"What is going on here? Why is my daughter handcuffed?!"

"Miss Summers, we received a phone call; someone saying they saw the suspect climbing by this window. Seems like your daughter was hiding her when she knew we were looking for her, this is a constitutional crime."

"I?m sorry I didn?t tell, mom. I didn?t want you to worry."

The cop turned to Joyce, ?You really had no idea this girl was in your house??

Joyce had a slight hesitation but she went on with Buffy?s version, ?No. I would?ve called you.?

Joyce would be indeed more needed here than in jail with them.

"I'll call our lawyer, Buffy; it's gonna be fine."

Joyce couldn't see Buffy anymore as the girls were out of the house. They were both put in separate cars.

"Trust me, Faith." Buffy repeated as she glanced at the brunette before the cop forced her inside the car.