Fic: Simple Choices...NC-17 Buffy/Willow (16/?)

["Chris " <elizabethrex1@xxxxxxx>]

Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 
lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, 
just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers: I borrow heavily from "The I in Team" for this chapter. Big 
alterations ahead for the remainder of S5. Eh, who am I kidding? This 
is really AU now.
A/N: Thanks to the best beta crew: Ivy, Malea, Zigpal , and Zenithar. 
There would be no writing without you guys.


Everyone looked at Buffy, standing in the hallway. "Thought you were 
gonna get some sleep, B. The girls got things under control." Faith 
watched Buffy closely. The blonde Slayer was still pale and worn. 

"Couldn't sleep." Buffy shrugged, not looking directly at anyone. "I 
volunteer to be the guinea pig for the spell. Might as well be useful 
since sleeping isn't part of the deal." Wandering forward, she 
asked, "Will, what do you need me to do?"

*Go away*, Willow thought. It was too soon. She wasn't ready for 
Buffy to be here. Out loud, though, she managed a strangled, "Have a 
seat anywhere and then just relax." She wiped sweating hands on her 
pants as Buffy dropped to sit next to Xander. "Um, OK, do you have a 
memory in mind?" Like Buffy, she avoided eye contact as she asked the 
question. 

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

Hesitantly, the redhead moved to stand behind Buffy. "Just put 
yourself in the memory, and I'll work on expanding it." Wide green 
eyes looked at Tara. "Once I make the link, you'll need to do the 
Vicus spell." 

The rest of the Scoobies moved closer, watching the tense scene.

Willow's hands shook when she set them on Buffy's shoulders. "Ready, 
Buffy?"

"Yeah, Will." The blonde head nodded forcefully.

"OK." Willow sucked in a deep breath and tried to clear her mind. Her 
thoughts zoomed in a hundred directions at breakneck speed. All of 
the thoughts contained Buffy and kissing her in the bedroom. Slowly, 
she pushed her worries aside, regaining some inner calm, and reached 
out to the Slayer. It was easier this time. Buffy was open, accepting.

But as her mind got closer to her friend's, Willow froze. Buffy felt 
the change. "Will? Shouldn't something be happening by now?"

"Sorry." Willow fought off panic, breath coming in harsh pants. What 
did Buffy want to remember? What if she chose the scene in the 
bedroom?  Shaking her head, trying to focus her mind on the spell, 
Willow reached out again. Her mind brushed Buffy's, establishing a 
tentative link. *Good. I can do this.* Time to get to work. 
Broadening the link, she started to tease at the memory Buffy was 
holding and dimly heard Tara start to chant. 

In just a minute, there would be a three dimensional replay rife with 
emotions right in front of them. *OK. I really can't do this. Not yet?
* She broke the link with Buffy, grunting along with the Slayer at 
the abrupt termination of their connection. "It's not working right. 
I can't find the memory," she babbled unconvincingly. "Um, m-maybe it 
would help if I knew what I was looking for?" Sweat soaked her shirt. 
She had to know if Buffy planned to use their kiss for the spell. No 
way did she want the Scoobies to see Buffy's reaction to the very 
brief kiss. 

"Damn it, Willow. What's wrong now?" Buffy stared up at Willow 
impatiently. Something had happened between them. She understood 
that, but she didn't remember. Shouldn't this spell help with that? 
Willow had been the one to suggest the spell. Why was she freaking 
now?

Tears threatened, and Willow fought them back. Voice tight with 
strain, she whispered in Buffy's ear, "Can we talk first? Please, 
Buffy. I can't?I can't do the spell until we talk." She fled through 
the kitchen to the porch outside.

Six pairs of eyes followed her progress.

"Sorry, guys. It seems there's a momentary delay." Buffy climbed 
wearily off the couch and trudged toward the kitchen. 

The Scoobies' confused silence lasted only seconds, and then they all 
wanted to know what was wrong. 

"Honey, is Willow alright?" Joyce started to get to her feet.

Buffy paused. "I don't know, Mom." She tried to smile. "Maybe she 
just wants to make sure I'm not going to embarrass all of you with my 
choice in memory."

"You mean like Parker and the beer thing?" Xander asked, then shrunk 
back on the couch when Buffy leveled a glare at him. "Or something 
else. I'm sure she wasn't thinking of that."

Sensing even more questions were soon to follow, Buffy held up a hand 
to forestall them. "Look, Will and I need to talk. No talk, no 
spell." She shrugged. "That's all I know right now." She went after 
Willow, who was leaning against the railing on the small porch, head 
bowed. "Will? You gonna maybe explain what's going on now?" She 
gently stroked her friend's arm.

She wasn't prepared for the violent way Willow jerked away. "Don't!" 
Willow sounded almost hysterical. "Don't touch me. Goddess, just 
don't."

Pain slammed Buffy, and she struggled to breathe. "Will?" She bit her 
lip, tasting blood. "What did I do to you? I didn't?" It all came 
together now. The kiss, Willow's pulling away at her touch? "Will, 
did I hurt you? F-force you?" Nausea rolled through her, and she 
fought to keep from being sick.

"No, Buffy." The words were quiet, and tears streaked Willow's face. 

Buffy took a staggering step backward, hand on the rail to keep from 
falling. "Wow. Not so big with the disagreement, Will." She sucked in 
a deep breath, wincing as it hurt her throat. 

"Buffy-" Willow reached out a shaking hand, eyes dark with pain.

It was too much. Adrenaline surged, and Buffy responded by hurdling 
the railing. Landing lightly, she pivoted, sprinting through the tiny 
yard. Blinded by tears, she stumbled into the narrow alley behind the 
property, and fled Willow's voice calling her name. 

***

Willow tried to catch Buffy, but lost sight of her almost 
immediately. Sobbing, arm clamped against the stitch in her side, she 
jogged back to the safe house. Pulling the door open, she hurried 
inside.

"Good Lord!" Giles was the first to notice her, and he blanched at 
her condition. "Are you alright?"

Willow shook her head rapidly. "Buffy?" she struggled to get the 
words out, choking on sobs and exertion.

"B did this?" Faith's voice was incredulous. She jumped off the couch 
and ran for the back door.

"No.Wait!" Willow managed, and Faith slid to a stop. "We?She wanted 
to know what happened when she was still drugged."

Faith nodded slowly, frowning. "Where is she?"

"I don't know," Willow almost whispered. Tears poured from her 
eyes. "She didn't give me a chance to explain." She met Faith's 
eyes. "She thought she'd hurt me, and she ran."

"That can't be good." Xander stood and started pacing. "Upset Slayers 
mean big fights and many injuries."

"Then we get our asses out there and keep that from happening." 
Faith's voice was determined. "G-man, Blondie, stay here and man the 
phone and keep digging for ways to beat Adam. The rest of us will 
split up and hit B's favorite haunts."

Joyce interrupted the exodus. "We need to go in pairs, guys. If Adam 
is still looking for us, we stand a slightly better chance if we 
aren't alone. Xander, why don't you come with me? We'll check the 
house and the university first. Willow, you and Faith can try the 
nightclubs and cemeteries." She grabbed her coat from the back of her 
chair. "Check in every hour or so. 

***

Buffy slowed to a walk when she hit downtown. It was late, and the 
streets were empty. Rubbing at the tears drying on her cheeks, Buffy 
wrapped her arms around her stomach. *I didn't hurt Will. No way.* 
Internal certainty warred with the look on Willow's face and the way 
she'd pleaded not to be touched. Buffy's head dropped to her chest. 
Tears threatened again. She clenched her fists. No more crying. It 
wasn't helping. She had to find a way to get her emotions back on an 
even keel. Patrol usually helped her think. Maybe it was time to work 
out some of her confusion using vamp therapy.

Jaywalking across Main Street, Buffy ducked into an alley. The 
darkness between the buildings suited her mood, and the military garb 
she still wore let her disappear completely from view. Stomping in 
and out of puddles, she made her way quickly out of town and into 
Shady Acres. Not as large as many of the cemeteries in Sunnydale, it 
still managed a good number of vamps. Wandering through the 
tombstones and crypts, Buffy stayed alert. Nothing. Damn. "Hello? 
Anyone out there?" Buffy called out. This was just wrong. She needed 
something to beat on. "Come on, guys. I'm here ? alone ? in the 
middle of the night in the cemetery. Don't you need a snack or 
something?"

No vamps, demons, or small furry animals emerged from the oppressive 
darkness. Buffy persevered, however. Arms swinging at her sides, she 
completed two full circuits of the grounds with the same 
results. "Never a fucking vamp around when you need one." She 
considered her options. More fruitless searching in the cemeteries 
didn't appeal. Walking meant thinking about the feel of Will's lips 
on hers and the pain in her eyes on the porch. Not thinking sounded a 
whole lot better.  *Hmmm, maybe there's a way to get a little fun and 
a little forgetting, too.* Sprinting out of Shady Acres, she headed 
for Willie's.

Pushing into the bar, Buffy paused to let her eyes adjust to the 
change in lighting. The place rang with emptiness. Even the space 
behind the large wood-topped bar was vacant. *I guess the fun 
fighting is out.* "Willie?" she called, moving forward.

A greasy head popped out of a storeroom to the left of the 
counter. "Hey, Slayer. What are you doing here?" Willie waved at the 
empty room. "As you can see, no one's here. No need to break anything 
or make any threats." He ducked back into the room, voice floating 
through the door, "Between you and that military group, I'm thinking 
of shutting down. Maybe heading to a new location."

"Well, hold off on the move for one more night." Buffy dropped 
heavily onto one of the stools at the bar. 

"Oh, yeah?" Willie came out and grabbed a towel, wiping at the 
bar. "You looking for some information or something? I'm good for the 
latest demon gossip." He slid a bowl of peanuts to Buffy.

She wasn't on an information hunt. She wanted a nice, normal fight. 
Still, maybe Willie could help. "Got anything on a new demon? Calls 
himself Adam." Buffy tossed a handful of nuts in her mouth, a flicker 
of hope pushing at the knot in her stomach. However, Willie shook his 
head. "Too bad." The knot grew bigger. Hands twitching restlessly on 
the scarred wooden bar, Buffy chose the only option left. "How about 
a beer, then?"

Beady eyes widening, Willie looked at the Slayer slumped over the 
bar. "You wanna drink here?" Tilting his head to the side, he pressed 
for answers. Someone would be interested in word of the Slayer 
slumming in his establishment. When cold hazel eyes met his, though, 
Willie opted for personal safety. Wide smile pasted on his narrow 
face, he said, "Sure. I can help you there." He reached under the bar 
and slid open a refrigerated compartment. "Anything in particular you 
like?"

Dropping her eyes, Buffy shrugged. "I'm not picky. Whatever you have 
a lot of." She stared at her hands until a brown bottle appeared in 
front of her. "Nice. Thanks, Willie."

"Sure. Got a deal on it from some Rrothnag demon last week. Plenty 
more where that came from it you're thirsty tonight." Willie went 
back to wiping down the bar, sneaking glances at Buffy as she raised 
the bottle to her lips.

The dark liquid was bitter, but not bad. Sliding off the stool, Buffy 
glanced around the bar. "I'm not looking for conversation, especially 
not with you, Willie." She pointed at a booth in the back. "Bring the 
rest of your stash of this back there and then leave me the fuck 
alone." 

Leaving Willie to stare at her, Buffy strode through the tables to 
the back and sat down in her appointed booth, booted feet on the 
bench and back pressed to the wall. Tipping the bottle again, she 
quickly finished her first drink of the night.












Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      --'Choices'

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