Fic: Finding Her Way Home...NC-17 Buffy/Willow (29/?)

["Chris" <elizabethrex1@xxxxxxxxx>]

Disclaimer: All things Buffy belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 
lots of people in expensive suits. I'm not making any money here, 
just trying to create a happier Buffyverse for my favorite characters.
Spoilers, etc.: Pretty much everything after the Gift. 
A/N: Character thoughts are enclosed by **. Flashbacks are enclosed 
by //.  Thanks to Ivy for the preread and Zigpal for the beta and 
encouragement! I couldn't do it without you.
Archiving: By permission only.
A/N2: I'm mixing parts of S6 and S7 with very little regard to canon. 
For purposes of the fic, Dawn is over the age of consent *wink*.


"OK," Jennifer responded, green eyes wide, "I wasn't expecting that." 
She moved next to Faith, leaning against the fence. "Why?"

The moment of truth. Faith kept her eyes on her hands, gripping the 
wooden rail so hard she splintered the rough post. Bile burned her 
throat and stomach. Could she really tell this woman about her past?

"Faith?" She flinched at the hardness in Jennifer's voice. It was as 
if Willow's mother sensed the danger Faith represented.

"Murder One and assault," Faith blurted, adrenaline coursed through 
her and all her muscles tensed against the need to run.

A moment passed. Then another. Birdcalls and wind rustling through 
the trees were the only response.

Finally, Jennifer pushed away from the fence. "Murder?" Although her 
face was carefully blank, her voice shook slightly. "That's?It was a 
mistake, right? Why didn't your Watcher and the Council help out?"

"It wasn't a mistake," Faith ground out. "My Watcher," her lips 
twisted bitterly, "and the Tweeds in England tried to kill me." 
There, it was all out. The whole truth, if not the whole story. 

Unfortunately, the information seemed to be too much for Jennifer to 
handle. She took a quick step away before hurrying toward the house.

Faith maintained her stance when Jennifer walked away. Her vision 
blurred, and moisture dripped onto the backs of her hands. Redemption 
so sucked. Sobs choked her, and Faith struggled to breathe around the 
pressure in her throat. 

Rapid footfalls sounded from behind. Sniffing and dragging a hand 
across her eyes, Faith straightened. "Giles and everyone-" Dawn's 
voice started and then stopped abruptly. 

Not turning, Faith replied, "Spit it out, D. The gang's doing what?" 
Her voice was huskier than usual.

It wasn't going to be that simple. Dawn ignored the conversational 
nudge. "Faith, are you alright?" Faith heard her take a few more 
steps, could almost feel the younger girl behind her.

"Five by five, D." She congratulated herself on the firm tone until 
Dawn snorted. Head dropping tiredly, Faith rubbed her eyes. "Let it 
go, Dawn," she pleaded. "Just?let it go." 

"Only because we don't have time for me to kick your ass." Dawn 
sounded mad.

"Wow, D." A flicker of amusement helped Faith shove the pain deep 
inside. Spinning, she forced a grin. ""What would B say if she heard 
you talk like that?"

Blue eyes glared at her. "Like Buffy has any room to talk."

Striding forward, Faith looped an arm around Dawn's shoulders. "See, 
that ain't gonna work. I'm supposed to be taking care of things while 
the girls rest up. I'm sure Big Sister's going to want a report on 
things." She grunted when a sharp elbow poked her side. "Damn, D, 
what was that for?" 

"For treating me like everyone else," Dawn snapped as she tried to 
pull away; Faith didn't let go. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I 
mean," the taller girl rushed to explain, "Buffy had been a Slayer 
for three years when she was my age."

Faith absorbed that statement in silence for a minute. "Yeah, she 
was." Faith sighed, dropping her arm from around Dawn's shoulders, 
letting it rest around her waist, instead. "I think we all kinda 
forget that."

"Why?" Faith bit back a grin. Damned if Dawn didn't sound like a 
three-year old with that question.

"Can't speak for the rest of the gang, D." Faith stumbled to the side 
when Dawn shoved her. "Give me a minute, damn it. I was trying to 
explain." Leaning her head on Dawn's shoulder, she hunted for the 
right words. "I guess, for me, you're like?the way I want things to 
be. You know, happy and innocent. Not all fucked up."

She could feel Dawn's stare. "Like you?" Faith swallowed hard at 
Dawn's quiet question.

"It doesn't get much worse than me, Dawnie." Tears threatened again. 
Cursing her sudden lack of emotional control, Faith gritted her 
teeth. She needed to be strong. Buffy and Willow were counting on her 
to keep the Scoobies on the right track. Breathing deeply and 
blinking rapidly, Faith refused to cry. 

"Oh, yeah. The big, bad Dark Slayer," Dawn mocked. She gripped 
Faith's fingers where they rested against her hip, not letting her 
pull away. "I remember it all, Faith. Well," she backtracked, "I 
remember what the monks put in my memories. You aren't that person 
anymore."

They were at the back door to the house now. Faith stopped walking 
and turned to face Dawn. "D-" Her voice squeaked on the word and she 
had to clear her throat before continuing. "It means a lot, you 
thinking that. You gotta know, though, it doesn't work that way. Me 
and Fang talked a lot while I was in prison. Whatever I do now, it 
don't change what I did in the past." She met Dawn's eyes resolutely, 
not hiding anything. 

A slight flush colored Dawn's cheeks. "I understand that, Faith." 
Smiling, Dawn threw her arms around Faith, hugging her tightly. "I 
just want you to know, I know you've changed."

Dawn's words and her hug warmed Faith deep inside. Teetering on the 
edge of laughter and tears, she returned the embrace, face buried 
against Dawn's shoulder. "God, D," she whispered raggedly, "you have 
no idea what that means to me." The earlier tears returned, refusing 
to be held off again. They soaked Dawn's shirt. 

"The rest of the gang will figure it out." Dawn stroked Faith's back, 
not pulling away. "I'm just smarter than they are about certain 
things."

Faith laughed through her tears and pain at Dawn's self-satisfied 
tone and leaned back. Peering up into Dawn's eyes, she felt more at 
peace, more confident than ever before. "Thanks, Dawn." Faith raised 
a shaking hand, softly stroking the younger girl's face. She took a 
deep breath, amazed at how much better she felt.  Dawn's eyes 
darkened, and Faith's palm tingled. For a minute, Faith was sure she 
felt?something, a whisper in her mind, a warmth surrounding her 
heart. She blinked, realizing she was up on her toes, lips nearly 
brushing Dawn's. 

"Faith?" Dawn's voice was soft and deeper than normal. Faith could 
feel the other girl's heart pounding against her.

"We?" she started before losing her train of thought. There was 
something she needed to do. What was it? Faith leaned in closer, 
mesmerized, when Dawn licked her lips. 

***

"Retire?" Buffy looked at Willow, hazel eyes wide. "Can I retire? I 
mean, I know you said Kirstan did. Giles never said anything about 
being able to just quit. It was always `duty?blah, blah, blah?kill 
demons and save the world?.blah, blah, blah?die an early death." 

Willow dropped her arms and moved to sit on the end of the bed. 
Tucking her legs underneath her Indian style, she said, "I don't see 
why you can't, Buffy. With Faith out of prison and back on the right 
side, you have more options."

Almost giddy at the thought of not being solely responsible for 
saving the world, Buffy grinned. "Let's plan on it, then. We can 
travel even more than your parents." An awkward silence fell. "Well, 
um, the Rosenbergs. We can visit more countries than the Rosenbergs."

Giggling at Buffy's excitement, Willow held out a hand. "Come here, 
silly."

"Hey, who're you calling silly, Hirsch?" Mock scowling, Buffy stalked 
toward her wife. "I'll have you know, I am perfectly serious." She 
ruined the image by diving at Willow, pinning her to the bed, and 
tickling her. "See? Look at how serious I am." Cheating slightly and 
using Slayer speed, Buffy out-maneuvered Willow's squirming and 
writhing. "Perfectly serious, that's me." 

"Buffy!" Willow gasped, flushed and breathless. She batted at the 
fingers seeking out ?and finding ? all of her most sensitive 
spots. "Please!"

Stilling her fingers, Buffy sat back on her heels and watched Willow 
hiccup and shudder on her way back to normal. "Thank you," she said 
softly. 

A warm hand cupped her face. "For what, baby?"

Avoiding the question, Buffy turned her head and kissed Willow's 
palm. 

"Buffy?" Willow tried to sit up. "What's going on in your head right 
now?"  The mood had shifted again. Buffy hunched forward, hands 
rubbing restlessly on her thighs.

"I?"Buffy finally met her gaze. "I'm sorry for blocking the link. I 
knew you were trying to help. Something kept telling me to keep you 
out." Tears gleamed on her cheeks, and her voice dropped to a 
whisper. "You're my best friend, Wills. Before anything else we are 
to each other, you're my friend. Why can't I talk to you? What's so 
wrong with me that I run and hide every time something goes wrong?"

Willow bit her lip. She'd wondered the same thing as she'd battered 
against the blocked link. "Buffy, I can't answer that." Buffy 
flinched, dropping her head, and Willow reached out to tilt the 
narrow chin back up. "Let me finish before you go all Depresso Gal 
again, OK?" 

"OK." Buffy sniffed and scrubbed at her eyes.

Starting slowly, giving herself time to find the words, Willow 
continued, "If this were the first time, Buffy, I might think you 
didn't want us to be together." She grimaced ruefully. "Goddess, I 
did think that earlier, when you said you didn't want to do this 
anymore. I should have known better.

"From the minute we met at Sunnydale High, you've always pulled away 
when things got tough." Lost in memory, Willow's voice softened, and 
she smiled whimsically. "I used to admire that, you know. Me, I just 
get all flustery and babble."

It was too much for Buffy. "No! Willow, you-"

A single finger pressed against her lips. "Listen, would ya'?"

"Don't wanna," Buffy pouted. "I don't want to hear how you're so 
pathetic, and I'm so perfect."

Willow blushed. She hadn't been planning to say that?had she?

"Remember, Wills, best friends. I know you better than anyone else on 
the planet." She leaned down, kissing Willow softly. "Let's make a 
deal. You don't beat up on yourself, and I won't duck and cover when 
I get scared."

Wrinkling her nose, Willow looked into Buffy's eyes. Buffy made no 
attempt to look away, and Willow slowly nodded. "What did you have in 
mind to seal the deal?"















Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      --'Choices'

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