FIC: Never Free VIII

["Jophes" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Please see part one for all disclaimers.


Never Free VIII




"Kennedy left you and ended up with Faith?what happened to Robin?"  
Buffy almost chokes on the last bite of her chicken.

"Buffy?please don't say anything?" Willow warns cautiously.

"No, I wasn't going to?I just don't understand."  Buffy holds her 
hands up in surrender.

"Well, Robin was just Robin.  He wanted something Faith didn't.  For 
Faith, men are simply a fun ride?truth is most of the time women were 
too, but sometimes she could get attached.  There have been two times 
she has fallen in love and the second one loves her back."  Willow 
begins explaining.

"Okay, first?that's not what I don't understand.  I don't understand 
Kennedy leaving you for Faith.  I mean yeah Faith is with the wicked 
hot and a great slayer, but she's not?well?just not your quality."  
Buffy whispers the last part.

Blushing, Willow looks away, "Thank you, but it wasn't Kennedy's 
fault.  I pushed her away like I did everyone.  She couldn't take the 
distance.  She couldn't handle that I couldn't love her the way she 
deserved.  She did the right thing for herself by leaving and 
apparently for Faith.  I am happy for them.  They have both earned 
that kind of love."

"Yeah?I suppose so?I just don't get what was so important that you 
had to push her away?"

"You."  Willow says without hesitation, "You were that important to 
us all?Faith left after you did and then Kennedy went with her.  
Faith was hurting without you...she chose to fill your spot in Italy 
instead of here."

"I?I didn't?Faith hurting?"  Buffy stammers.

"She loved you, Buffy, but she was willing to let go of you and now 
she and Kennedy are happy.  It has all worked out.  You have no idea 
how you affect people do you?"  Willow shakes her head.

"I shouldn't have?I don't deserve?.I can't do anything to make any of 
this right?"

"Do you want to make it right, Buffy?  Do you want to?do want to 
change how it is?"  Willow looks into the slayer's luminous blue eyes.
"Oh, Willow?.you have no idea how I wish things were?how I wish I 
could change so much," Buffy rasps out, "Look at me?.look at you?I 
think constantly of how we could be?what we have both lost?what I 
threw away?but I can't change any of it?"  Buffy heaves forward with 
a wracking dry sob.

"Buffy, don't cry?please?you're here now?please?please?"  Willow 
wants to hold her friend, but doesn't dare move to her.

"I can't cry Willow?it's another new change.  I can't even shed tears 
for the pain I have caused."  Buffy puts her head down on the table.

"You don't have to cry, Buffy.  I can feel your pain?please stay and 
let me help you?please don't leave me again."  Willow feels her 
cheeks are wet, but she knows she is really crying the slayer's tears 
not her own.

Buffy lifts her head and looks deep into Willow, "I keep hurting you?
I don't want to do that?I don't want to hurt the others?I don't want 
to go, but I may have to."

"I know.  I feel it."  Willow reaches her hand out, but doesn't try 
to touch the blonde.

"Is it too late, Willow?"  Buffy reaches out toward the red-head's 
hand, but doesn't touch it.

"I don't know Buffy, but goddess I hope not."  Willow watches as the 
slayer nods and stands walking away.

"You reached something inside her Red."  Spike pops up behind the 
witch.

"Damn it Spike."  Willow turns to him, "Tell me the truth and stop 
with the cryptic.

"I can't?I'm sorry.  She is so close to telling you.  Keep chipping 
at her pet, but hurry.  She has her own timetable."  Spike blinks out.

Willow closes her eyes against the 
confusion.  `Spike...Buffy...sacrifice?death?'  Willow's mind 
swirls.  `Why can't I put it together?  Balance?is something to do 
with balance?but what has caused the imbalance?'  Willow rises 
clearing the dishes from the table.

"Balance?"  Willow muses out loud, "Buffy died and I brought her back 
creating the imbalance that allowed the First to come forth?but what 
imbalance exists now?"

"Imbalance?"  Giles questions as he comes up out of the 
basement, "What were you saying, Willow?"  Giles removes his glasses 
to clean them.

Willow catches his nervous tick, `I'm onto something that he already 
knows.'  Willow watches the watcher sit at the kitchen table.

"Something is not right with Buffy.  It doesn't take a genius to 
figure that out, but I feel something is not adding up.  There is 
more of an imbalance of power coming from the slayer than I have ever 
felt before?a deep pain?darkness, but I have no idea what is causing 
it.  I feel death?somewhere death is involved, but it can't be the 
imbalance that we created when we?when I pulled her from heaven?so 
what death?"  Willow lets flow from her to Giles.

"Imbalance?that is a good theory."  Giles says guardedly. "Buffy is 
obviously carrying something dark to be changed as much as she is, 
but death.  I couldn't begin to fathom what death would have to do 
with this."

"I?everything about the balance of the slayer's powers revolve around 
death just the same as good and evil.  It all has to do with death, 
Giles.  Whether it is as a calling, an ending?a price?a price."  
Willow stops abruptly.

"It is an interesting theory."  Giles smiles at the witch, "I can't 
wait to hear the rest when you have it put together."  

`She is so close.  I hope she figures it out then she will have a 
chance at truly helping Buffy and keeping her here with us.'  Giles 
watches as Willow leaves the kitchen deep in thought.

Outside, Buffy sits on the steps again watching the sun lower in the 
sky.  `I don't want it to be too late, Willow.  I want nothing more 
than to stay here and be with you if you would have me.  I would stay 
here and be nothing more than your friend if that is all there is for 
us, but I can't.  I can't bring this evil to you.  I can't let the 
world lose you.  There are plenty of slayers now to save the world.  
I made sure you did that and the least that I can do is take this 
evil back to hell.  Then, the life debt will be paid and the balance 
will be restored and perhaps if I am lucky I will get to watch over 
you as you live out your days.'  Buffy dips her head into her head 
into her hands as the sun dips behind the trees.

"Buffy, the girls are ready to go patrolling with you.  Do you want 
me to send them out?" Dawn calls out the door.

Buffy pulls her hair back into a pony tail, stands with a deep 
sigh, "Yeah, let's get rolling.  The faster they learn, the better 
off they will be."

The blonde slayer watches as the girls come out with stakes and other 
weapons.  As the last slayerette comes through the door, Buffy shakes 
her head when the red head walks out the door as well.

"Where do you think you are going?"  Buffy demands.

"I am going to watch the girls patrol."  Willow answers coolly. 

"I don't think so.  Your strength isn't what it should be yet."

"Buffy, I don't think you have any right to tell me what I can and 
cannot do.  Also, if my strength is so low, then I will just have to 
count on you to protect me won't I."  Willow walks down the steps 
past the slayer, "It will be like the old times.  You won't let 
anything hurt me."

"Never."  The one word answer sends a brief shiver down the witch's 
spine as Buffy comes down the steps to lead them into the night.

TBC






Willow: "It's a good fight, Buffy, and I want in."
Buffy:  "I kinda love you."
                      --'Choices'

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