Reviews for A Small Creature Who Can Barely Walk Valyssia 2008-02-01 id # 7176 Good read so far. It's a bit clunky in places, overly wordy. But overall the premise is intriguing and the story well formed. Course I'm one to talk on the overly wordy front. *chuckles* The mall scene read particularly well. Val Anon 2008-02-01 id # 7177 Very interesting. I like your characterisation of Buffy, particularly the change in her perspective as she's dying to her perspective once turned. Also, the 'chase' scene in the mall was very well done. Whatever you have planned next will, I'm sure, be every b it as entertaining as the story has been so far. -Chris- Valyssia 2008-02-01 id # 7178 Sitting here reflecting and it occurred to me that what I said does you no good. It's useless unless I illustrate. The one negative thing I said is more a feel thing than something I can put my finger on. I sort of lack the formal education and thus the terminology to put my feelings into words. Though, if you wish, send me a copy of the document and turn tracking on. I'll try to illustrate demonstratively. Just an offer. Val Mad-Hamlet mad-hamlet@usa.net 2008-02-01 id # 7179 Greetings, Well, you're true to your word. Massive Character Death. That Cordy is surviving is a surprise in and of itself. A smile twitched across my lips at the irony. It IS clunky though. There is a dependency on the Killing rather than horrifying us at the idea of our beloved Buffy being a vampire. True, it is, in a sort of way, true to a vampire but there's more to horror of horrors than just wanton death. The Watchers, yes, I can get behind that, Joyce well...yes. Kralik, no issues there. Willie...Willow disrupted it. Death should be part of the plot engine, driving the story on and it had been very well established that Buffy-Vamp was very, very casual about slaughter so now it's being oversold. Death is not a horror; the vampire that was Buffy is the horror. It is that aspect that must be explored, a dark rebirth has occurred so define and develop the child, damnit! Next up: The swearing. That's it? The bright, cheeky, incredibly verbose and compelling lingual skills of BtVS characters is flipped over to DownTown LA-speek? That and slaughter are what makes up Buffy-Vamps identity? Remember: You're arguing that this is some sort of ebon reflection of the actual Buffy so simply flipping the 'Adam Schandler' switch in her speech center does not a compelling Vampire make. Finally the Prologue. Sorry, but starting off with the introduction of New Characters, and as they seem to have a sense of allpower I dub them 'Annoying New Characters', is not the best way to go. We're reading this for a new take on the old, not some author conceived addition of your own devising that also just happens to have the answers, the power and the control. Also, quite frankly you've showed a lot of the cards far too early in the game, assuring us that 'The girls will get together' and in the actions of the prologue, Buffy's soul is coming. On the other hand I'm interested in just what kind of tool, I may be in error here, Buffy-Vamp will turn into, if she'll allow herself to be one at all. That should be interesting. Additionally, there is potential for some truly dramatic goings-ons with the souled aspect of Buffy-Vamp and the relationship promised. Unless this devolves into more of a murder-fest/dark sex/MDK extravaganza. Then it's just like all the other Vamp-Character-X fics. You have my attention. I remain, as always, Mad-Hamlet guy youn2731@yahoo.com 2008-02-01 id # 7182 I like the story, but I have to wonder. Why doesn't Buffy just kill Angel? Anyway, please update soon. zenithar 2008-02-02 id # 7185 Really great start. Unlike Mad-Hamlet I like the gods you placed in the first chapter, however, I'm confused on a point. Didn't you have them give Buffy's soul back at the end of that chapter? Because the way you have Buffy acting in the next chapter is as if all the stuff that went on in the weird dream-scape never happened. Perhaps thats what you meant to have happen, shrug, I'm not sure. I do agree with a point Mad-Hamlet brought up, killing of characters is becoming over used. It's the main reason why I never have vamped char's stay evil for long. There's no where you can go with evil except to kill things and well that sort of losses it interest rather quickly. I understand that killing the characters you have thus far have served a point, to a degree, but you wont be able to go on too much farther, in my opinion ofcourse. None the less, I really liked your start and I hope to see more soon. I even have a few theories in mind as to your plans :P Howard R 2008-02-03 id # 7186 Good gracious, this is excellent! I love the playfully murderous Buffy. Xander's reaction was perfect. Can't wait to see what happens to poor Willow. Shadowccub 2008-02-03 id # 7188 WOW! Ahn 2008-02-06 id # 7199 Great story so far. I'm sure between you and Val it'll be great. Update soon. Ahn 2008-02-16 id # 7223 This update was good. Buffy seemed more like Buffy then she did in the last chapter. keep updating ema 2008-02-16 id # 7227 just read and i like what you have writern so far an would love to read more so please update as soon as you can zenithar 2008-02-16 id # 7228 Ah, so this is where you were going with the soul thing. I'm really liking your melding of a soul and lack of control. Your vamp Buffy is much more fluid than my depictions of her as a vampire with a soul. Mine tend to be very clear cut - this is vamp buffy, this is soul buffy. I'm really liking where you're going with this, so please continue. ^_^ zinerva 2008-02-16 id # 7229 "Buffy seemed more like Buffy then she did in the last chapter." Credit goes to Val. She's awesome. emily Didge didge4@btinternet.com 2008-02-17 id # 7230 Interesting story although I find myself agreeing with the majority view that the body count is a little excessive. The killing of Travers in particular seemed a little "throw away" and could have been handled better. I too liked the inclusion of the characters in the prologue and don't agree completely with MH's views on the subject. You seem to be settling down nicely in Chap. 2 although Faith did seem to change sides rather abruptly. Anyway more please and let's see how you take the story onwards. Dirk Anon 2008-02-18 id # 7231 awesome story can't wait for more Rin 2008-02-18 id # 7236 Things are starting to heat up...yay. Can't wait to see what's really going on!! Ahn 2008-03-17 id # 7338 With how much Buffy's messing with Willow I'll be surprised if Willow will ever forgive. Good update. Rin 2008-03-17 id # 7342 I can never tell what's up with these characters...which makes them that much more enjoyable!! Yay for updates!! Cuprit 2008-03-19 id # 7353 I have to agree w/ Faith that was messed up what she did to Willow but that was hot what she did to Faith. Good Job. Bwriter 2008-03-21 id # 7364 cannot wait to read more of this one, i usually dont like stories in the first person, but im making an acception for this one, love your work Sousa 2008-04-25 id # 7527 Wow poor Faith,never gets a dang break. Rin 2008-04-25 id # 7529 Excellent... WRAITH 2008-04-25 id # 7531 You have my complete and undevided attention!!!! AMAZING! There's been many vamp Buffy or vamp Willow fics, but this one captures something they missed, not about love or souls, but about the rality of coming to terms with what we are, whatever that may be. Run with it kiddo!