Disclaimer: Buffy and all of her people belong to Joss
Whedon and all of his people; I don't want to steal
them I just want to play with them for a while.

Prologue

In the Beginning There was Buffy

June 20, 2006
Journal Entry

It is strange how things turn out. As cliched as it
sounds, I never expected my life to turn out the way
it has. I've gone through so many different
transitions over the last few years, that to be
honest, nothing should surprise me.

In the beginning there lived a shy girl and her two
clownish best friends, Xander and Jesse. They lived in
blissful ignorance in a town called Sunnydale. OK
maybe blissful isn't the right word. The girl's
parents paid very little attention to her, as long as
she did well in school (which she always did.). Her
best friend Xander's parent's paid even less attention
to him than the shy girl's, and as they grew older,
the trio was ostracized in high school, as people who
don't exactly "fit in" frequently are. But we were
content enough I guess.

I lusted silently after Xander; Jesse lusted not so
silently after Cordelia, and Xander just plain lusted
after everything in a skirt (with the exception of
me.)

Then came Buffy..... Jesse died, we found out the
things that we thought only existed in our nightmares
were not only real, but thriving in the lovely town of
Sunnydale. You see Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. If
you want to know about the history of Vampire Slayer's
please read A Watchers Chronicles. The information
will be at the back of this book.

Yes boys and girls Vampires exist, and with the
exception of Angel, Vampires are nothing like the
sometimes haunted, but always beautiful creatures
depicted by Anne Rice. (Side note Anne Rice wouldn't
know a real vampire if it came and bit her on the...
well you know. But I digress. I am good as digressing,
heck as a matter of fact I am the queen of.... Well
there I go again. Back to the tale.)

Anyway, Buffy came to town and we became her
slayerettes as we called ourselves. We, being Xander
and I. My name is Willow, did I mention that before??
I'm afraid that I'm new to this journalizing thing.
Giles suggested that I start documenting the events in
my life. With everything all chaotic and jumbled the
way life is, especially on the Hellmouth, Giles said
that it might give things some clarity and perspective
to my crazy life, not to mention being a valuable
resource if something were to happen to me. I decided
that the best way to write this was just to put down
anything that popped into my head. It may be weird and
strange, but I have never claimed to be anything else.
Also at the back of this journal, is a compilation of
all of the spells that I have cast or have written
myself. It just made sense to have everything
together. But there I go on the tangent train again.
(choo choo.) OK, OK I never said I wasn't strange (

So Buffy, with the assistance of Giles, Xander, Angel
(the vampire I mentioned, he has a soul, unlike normal
vampires.) and occasionally Cordelia, saved the world
three times and, stopped a few prophecies. Buffy
died, but came back and I almost died twice. This all
happened before my freshman year in college, with a
few extra tidbits thrown in.

I met Oz, my werewolf boyfriend and started on the
path to becoming a Witch. Angel lost his soul, got
sent to hell and then came back. Faith the other
slayer went rogue and Buffy put her in a coma, and the
Major tried to eat the graduating class of 199, which
resulted in us blowing up the school. A lot of other
things happened in those three years, but I don't want
to go into that right now. This is supposed to be an
account of my life now, not my past.

Then I started college life that was when things got
interesting, (as if they were boring before, lol.)
Anyway Buffy and I became roommates; Oz got furry with
a she wolf, killed her and then left me. He didn't
come back. Buffy started getting chummy with Riley,
we found out that he was part of a demon hunting
organization called The Initiative. Spike got
de-fanged so to speak, and I met Tara. Tara was the
only person in my Wicca group that had a clue. It was
through Tara that I learned two very important things,
one was Witchcraft.

It was because of her and her mother that I've been
able to come into my power as a witch. Tara and her
mother became my mentors. Over the next four years
both my powers and Tara's grew into what they are now.


The second important thing that I learned was that I
was "kinda gay." It was something that had been
lingering in the back of my mind since the Evil Willow
incident (long story, don't wanna go into it right
now.) But, I was in love with Oz and at that point in
my life any abstract thought took second place to the
reality of a boyfriend. When I met Tara, the
suspicions about my sexuality became a reality.

I don't mean to sound so blasé and matter of fact
about discovering my sexuality. It wasn't an
overnight thing, or even a lust at first sight thing.
It took almost six months of casual flirting, and
eventually, seeing the campus counselor, before I came
to terms with it, but Tara stuck with me and our
friendship grew stronger for it. We dated briefly,
but Tara called it off because she said that she
didn't want to share me. After all these years I
still haven't figured out what she meant by that, but
we still remained friends. Heck with the exception of
Buffy, and Xander, she became one of my closest
friends and she eventually became a slayerette.

The next four years just seemed to fly by. Buffy dated
Riley for about a year, but eventually they broke up,
and he moved on to fight evil somewhere else. We
saved the world a few more times, made UC Sunnydale a
safer place, and even managed to get an education.
Giles eventually got over being a "Man of Luxury" and
took a teaching position at UCS. Xander also got it
together, and went to community college. He then
took the entrance exam, and joined Sunnydale Police
Department. He decided that it was about time that
police stopped being so clueless, so far it's working,
slowly, but it's working. He and Anya are still
together and driving each other nuts, but they're
happy.

Buffy graduated with Bachelors in Business, and with
the help of her wiley roommate (that would be me,)
opened a Karate Studio. The studio is doing well, and
Buffy is the longest living slayer in history and we
intend to keep it that way.

I also graduated, with a Masters in Software
Engineering. I worked as a contractor for a pretty big
computer company while I was in school, it paid for
tuition and gave me a enough money left over for the
start-up on the studio, and the start up for my own
business. I own a small but successful Web Development
company. OK so I'm not the next Bill Gates, but I
like what I do. It pays well, and gives me the kind of
flexibility and anonymity that a slayerette and
practicing witch needs.

That about brings us to the present. I may eventually
write a full account of what happened in the last
seven years, but for now I want to focus on the
future. I just bought my first house. Buffy and I
decorated it and everything. I have my buds, my
business and my house. Life is pretty good.


Part One
Hospitals and Hot Tubs

Closing the book, Willow stretched languidly, and
checked her watch. "Six-o'clock, Buffy should be
coming home soon and I should think about dinner."
Willow thought with a smile, her tummy grumbling.
Humming softly Willow closed the door behind her and
walked down two flights of stairs to the kitchen.
Surveying her surroundings, Willow still got a flush
of pride as she walked through the enormous house. It
had originally been a medium sized warehouse on the
corner of town, but the industrial section had closed,
and the surrounding properties were turned into
fashionable condo's, hip shop's and restaurants, and a
Pacific Theaters Gigoplex, in a city wide effort to
make Sunnydale a more metropolitan city. Willow took
one look at the building and fell in love with it.
She then had the entire place renovated. Walls were
knocked out and replaced with windows and skylights.
The house consisted of three floors.

The third floor was Willow's; it was a beautiful
sprawling loft. Hardwood floors gleamed brilliantly,
and delicate but colorful silk screens separated the
office, lounging area and bedroom. The office area
held a serviceable computer station, with two
computers, a printer and a scanner. The rest of the
office was taken up by book shelves, books piled
everywhere, and a old Dingo's Ate My Baby poster,
hanging on the wall. The lounge area was simply a
large bright red couch, a chrome floor lamp and two
marble topped side tables. Her worn but loved baby
blanket was thrown over the arm of the couch. In the
corner was a king-sized bed and off the right, she a
huge bathroom had been built into the room, complete
with a shower and a Jacuzzi tub for two. The loft was
bright, airy, comfortable, and completely Willow.

The second floor was Buffy's. After they graduated,
the two just assumed that they would share a place,
they spent most of their time together anyway, with
research and slayage and all that it just seemed
natural. Buffy's loft was different than Willow's it
was more eclectic and a little more stylized and hip.
Very Pier One, Very Buffy.

The first floor was ground zero. It held a
professional sized kitchen, breakfast nook, living
room, dinning room, laundry room and tucked in the
back was a workroom. The first floor, the main part
of the house, was decorated in an interesting mix off
Buffy and Willow.

The kitchen was cozy and warm, but big enough for
three people to work side by side and not get each
other's way. The breakfast area was where most of the
meals took place; there were windows everywhere and
the kitchen and breakfast nook were bright and
cheerful. In a fit of spontaneity, Willow found a 50's
style pub table, complete with chrome and cushy black
stools, a neon clock completed the room. The dinning
room was simple but comfortable. The living room,
really was what the name implied, with the exception
of the kitchen, the living room was the room that was
used the most. The furniture was big, overstuffed,
incredibly comfortable and black. To offset the black
furniture, the rest of the room was splashes of color.
Vibrant jewel colored pillows covered the chairs and
couch, the floor was covered with a brightly colored
rug and lush green plants hung everywhere. On the far
wall there was a large cherry wood entertainment
center, complete with state of the art stereo and a
big screen TV (Buffy's first major purchases). Next
to the entertainment center was an enormous bookshelf
crammed full of books. The room exuded warmth, and
visitors were immediately drawn to this room.

The workroom was nothing more than hardwood floors,
and mirrors on one wall. There was a blue gym mat on
one corner, and a large punching bag dangled from the
ceiling. On a cursory glance it would look like
nothing more than a small dance studio or gym, until
you noticed the knives and swords hanging on the wall;
a small alter in the back, and a huge pentagram burned
into the floor. This is where the serious Magik took
place. This was her sanctuary.

Willow gave a small mental check on her magical wards
and shields and padded into the kitchen. Singing
softly to the CD in the background, Willow confidently
moved around the kitchen preparing dinner for a hungry
Witch and a soon to be ravenous Slayer. The phone rang
in mid chop, and Willow answered it awkwardly, trying
to balance the phone, a knife and a carrot.

Willow listened to the agitated voice on the other
line, the knife and carrot clattered noisily to the
floor. Hanging up the phone, Willow vaulted up the
three sets of stairs, her face a mixture of worry and
rage. She slammed her feet into a pair of boots,
pulled on a sweatshirt and ran toward the door and
into the slayer.

"Whoa Tonto, where's the fire?" Buffy asked playfully,
smiling at her best friend. The smile turned to
concern, when she saw the expression on her friend's
face.

"Will, what is it? What's wrong?" She inquired softly,
pulling her friend into a hug.

Willow hugged her back tightly, then pulled back.

"Tara's in the hospital, its really serious Buffy,
they said she may not make it." Tears threatened to
spill out of her emerald eyes and she forcefully
pushed them back.

Buffy gave Willow's arm a quick squeeze then grabbed
her jacket off the floor, and set the burglar alarm to
the house.

"Come on, I'll drive." Buffy called and she led Willow
away from the house and locked the door behind her.

Willow sat silently in the passenger seat of Buffy's
Jeep, her face pale and tense. She said a silent plea
to the goddess, as Buffy broke every speeding law
written, both lost in their thoughts and hopes that
their friend was OK.

Chapter Two

Hospital Hell


Willow practically ran down the white linoleum hall of
Sunnydale Hospital, her boot heels clacking rapidly
behind her like a Clydesdale on speed. Buffy followed
one step behind her wordlessly, her face a mask of
worry and dread. Buffy watched her best friend talk
to the charge nurse, thoughts running rampant through
her brain.

"Oh God, what if it was vamp's? I should've been
there. I should've protected her. Hell I never
should've let her join us in the first place." Buffy
thought, mentally whipping herself. While they weren't
as close as Willow and Tara, she was a friend. Tara
had pulled both her and Willow out of trouble a time
or two over the past few years.

"Buffy," Willow called softly, tugging on her arm.
"You OK?"

Buffy nodded wordlessly, and gave her friend a tight
smile.

"It wasn't vampires Buffy." Willow said quickly, as if
reading her friend's mind. "She was in a car accident,
a pretty bad one." Willow gasped for air, as hot salty
tears ran down her cheeks. She grabbed onto Buffy like
a man drowning, and began to cry. After a few minutes
her body stopped shaking, and the tears subsided.
Buffy rubbed Willow back softly as she held her,
trying to comfort her any way she could.

"It doesn't look good Buffy. She's bleeding
internally, but wouldn't let them operate on her until
she talked to us first, she asked for both you and
me.." Willow said softly, he voice raw with grief and
tears.

"We better get in there. Ya gonna be OK Will?"

Willow shook her head pitifully. "No. I don't want to
lose another friend. But..." she said resolve face on,
"I'm going to pretend to be, for Tara's sake."

Willow pulled Buffy into a brief hug. "I'm glad you're
here Buffy, don't know what I'd do without you." She
whispered into Buffy's blond hair.

Willow took a deep breath and walked toward Tara's
room. Buffy followed her and laced her fingers through
her best friend's.

Buffy and Willow were no strangers to hospitals and
the injuries that brought them there, but they were
not prepared for the sight of their once lively and
vivacious friend.

When Willow first met Tara, she was shy and somewhat
awkward, much like Willow herself had been three years
earlier, but once she got to know Tara, she discovered
that the blond witch was fun, intelligent and had a
great, but quirky sense of humor.

Four years of college had been a time of change for
all three women, but for Tara, the changes were the
most drastic. The shy reserved girl had never really
had friends before, but under the love and acceptance
of Willow, and then Buffy, Giles, Xander and even
Spike, Tara blossomed. Tara became a cheerful and
welcome addition to the Scooby Gang.

She dated different people over the years, no one
really seriously, then a little over a year ago, Tara
informed the gang that she was pregnant. Buffy and
Willow were the only ones who knew the identity of the
father. Not even the father knew, and that was the
way Tara wanted it. Seven months later Talia Willow
O'Niel was born into the world. She had big blue eyes
and a shock of auburn hair.

Tara was the picture of the happy mom. She had a
beautiful daughter, parents that loved her and adored
their new granddaughter, as well as the love and
support of her friends and extended family, the Scooby
Gang. That happiness was shattered three months
later, when she learned that her parents had been
killed in a car accident. Now, in a horrible twist of
irony, it looked like another car accident was about
to affect her life.


Tara lay still and virtually lifeless on the hospital
bed. She was pale, bruised and had tubes coming out
of every possible body part. She looked like a broken
doll someone had propped up on a bed that was too big
for it.

Tara smiled softly, as she saw her two friends walk
into the room.

"I'm glad you made it in time." She rasped softly.

"Tara don't..."

"Willow please, I don't have much time, and I need to
talk to you while I can."

Willow nodded, and reached for her hand, Buffy placed
one comforting hand on the small of Willow's back, and
the other on Tara's leg.

"Remember what we talked about last month?"

Willow and Buffy nodded, dread filling them both.

"I need you to take care if Talia for me. You two will
be good for her, you'll be good parents."

Willow's resolve broke and tears began to fall.

"Tara, this is not gonna happen. We'll take care of
Talia until you get better, but you're gonna get
better. You're not gonna die on me! You hear that.
This is not some cheesy "lifetime" network movie where
the heroine dies tragically and leaves her five month
old daughter with her college friends!" Willow yelled
as she let out a strangled sob.

Tara smiled gently and kissed Willow's hand.

"Ironic huh? I know you'll take care of her. She's
with Xander today. I guess it's a good thing that I
left her there, huh? Let me say what I have to say
Wills, and then I'll let them operate. OK?"

Willow nodded, and grasped her hands a little tighter.

"The nurse has my keys, I told her to give them to
you. On it is a key for a safety deposit box,
Sunnydale Mutual number 212. The paperwork for Talia,
and some other stuff is in there. This is all related,
Mom and Dad, me. I don't think it was an accident.
Protect my daughter." Tara's face contorted in pain
and her breath caught in her throat.

"Tara, I'm gonna go get the doctor now. We'll take
care of Talia until you get better." Willow rasped,
squeezing her friends.

"And if I.. You'll take good care of her, right? Tell
her that I love her." Tara whispered, fighting back
the tears that threatened to fall.


"We'll take good, care of her Tara. Whatever else
happens, We'll love her and keep her safe, I promise.
Just concentrate on getting better ok?" Willow said
shakily, then kissed her friend on the forehead and
walked out of the room.

"What do you mean it's not an accident? I don't
understand." Buffy asked, after Willow had left the
room

"It's all in the deposit box. Tired now, wanna sleep.
She loves you, ya know." Tara whispered wearily. "Take
care of them both."

Willow rushed back into the room, trailed by doctors
and nurses.

"Tara, they're going to operate now, you'll be fine. I
know you will. We're going to go pick up Talia, and
we'll be right back."

Willow leaned over and hugged the frail blond.

"Love you." Tara rasped.

"Love you too." Willow whispered, kissing her friend
gently. Willow walked to the end of the bed, allowing
Buffy access.

Buffy leaned over and kissed Tara on the forehead.

"I love you, you're a good friend." She said softly.
"I'll take good care of both of them, I promise."

Buffy stepped next to Willow, and gently led her out
of the room, to allow the doctors and nurses to do
their jobs.

Willow took one last look at her friend, and then
collapsed into one of the chairs in the waiting room,
memories of her friend flooding her mind.

Willow remembered the exhilaration that she felt when
they joined powers for the first time to move the
vending machine, and how great it felt to be told that
she was special. Tara was always saying things like
that to Willow, leaving her little notes, and
occasionally flowers. It took Willow two months to
realize that Tara was "courting" her, much the same
way Riley pursued Buffy.

Willow unconsciously brought her fingers to her lips,
as she remembered the first time that she realized
that Tara liked her.

Tara and Willow were in San Francisco visiting Tara's
folks. They had just completed their first spell
together, and both were flying high on the rush of
accomplishment. To celebrate the occasion, Tara took
Willow to the wharf. They were sitting on a bench by
the water, as a gentle ocean breeze danced around
them. Tara had reached out to pull a strand of hair
out of Willow's face, then impulsively leaned over and
kissed her gently on the lips. A few moments later,
Willow pulled away blushing and stammering. The rest
of the visit was strained and uncomfortable. Once
they returned to Sunnydale, Willow began to distance
herself from Tara, confused by what happened and the
things that she felt.

Tara gave Willow her space, but still made sure that
she knew that they were still friends. Willow began
to see the school counselor, and eventually came to
the realization that she had feelings for Tara, and
that it was OK.

After that epiphany, they began to spend more time
together. Tara moved slowly, but once again she began
to give Willow little treats and flowers. Tara made
her feel special, and the attention, and sweet
attentiveness went a long way in healing the hurt that
was caused by Oz's betrayal and disappearance.


Willow felt her chest constrict painfully, as she was
brought back to reality.


"You feel it, don't you?" Willow asked her voice
muffled by tears.

Buffy nodded, and embraced the redhead.

"She's dying isn't she?"

Buffy nodded again. Opening the floodgate of emotions
they both gave into their grief and began to sob,
holding onto each other tightly. They stayed that way
for a long time.

Eventually the tears subsided, even though the pain
didn't. The two women pulled themselves together, and
after a brief discussion with the nurse, the Slayer
and the Witch walked out of the hospital and went to
go pick up their new daughter.

Chapter Three

Mourning Musings

June 23, 2006

Journal Entry

When Giles suggested that I start documenting my life,
I didn't expect things to change so drastically and so
rapidly. I buried another friend today. Gods, just
writing that sentence makes my stomach churn.

I've always known that death was a reality. Hell,
living on the Hellmouth, I know that fact better than
most twenty-four year olds. I didn't expect this.
We've all become so accustomed to Vampires and demons
and such, that none of us even entertained the idea of
a mundane death like a car accident. I was so not
prepared for this, none of us were.

Years ago I accepted the fact that I might not live
to see my next birthday. Every night for the last
four years, I've patrolled, and slain vampires and
other baddies with Buffy. Every night that we go out,
I'm aware of the possibility that one or both of us
may not come home. But every night we go, because if
we didn't evil would win.

But this wasn't supposed to happen to Tara!!

DAMN IT!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!

I am writing this, because if I don't, I'm afraid that
I'll let the rage that's inside me out. That I would
start yelling and throwing things until everything I
own is destroyed. The only thing that is keeping me
sane is Talia and Buffy.

I'm a mom.

Gods, I don't think that has truly sunk in yet. A few
weeks ago, Tara asked if Buffy and I would joint
guardians if anything happened to her. We both said
yes, and signed the papers, but neither one of us
thought that it would happen. It's not that I don't
want Talia, I do. I mean she is the most beautiful,
sweetest baby ever but. DAMN IT!!!

I get so angry thinking about, I feel like I'm gonna
explode. It's like I'm dangling on this ledge between
absolute grief and despair, and all-consuming rage and
hate. But once again I digress.

The funeral was small and brief. After her parents
died, we became the only family she had. She was
cremated, like she'd asked, and we all drove out to
the beach and scattered her ashes in the ocean. Tara
once told me that she wanted to be cremated because
cemeteries were just pain creepy. After patrolling the
cemetery's for the last few years, I have to agree
with her.

Gods there's so much that I have to do, and I'm not
ready to deal with it all. We still have to get the
papers and stuff from the bank. I don't understand
what she meant when she said that the deaths of her
parents are connected to her accident. The deaths were
all accidents weren't they? And if they weren't why
would someone want to hurt Tara and her family? Tara's
parents were wonderful, kind people. Cassie, Tara's
mom was a patient and kind teacher. I learned more
from her than I ever would have in books or on all of
the techno-mage web sites. Cassie taught me more than
how to properly cast a spell. She taught me about the
laws of Magick, shielding, transfiguration and other
things that would probably bore anyone reading this. I
know I'm off track again, deal with it.

I spent many weekends and vacations in San Francisco
with the O'Niels. It was actually Sean, Tara's dad
that started Buffy on the path of Martial Arts. Sean
was a detective with the San Francisco Police
Department. Yeah I know, the stereotypical Irish cop,
but all of the men in his family had been cops and he
wanted to make a difference. Anyway, Sean was also a
self-defense instructor.

One time, when Buffy, Tara and I were visiting, I woke
up and found him doing Tai Chi out in the back yard.
I was mesmerized by the fluid and graceful movements,
and was soon begging him to teach me. Buffy followed
suite and pretty soon we had a new set of lessons.
When we came back from vacation, Tara took over as Tai
Chi instructor. Buffy fell in love with the style,
grace and discipline of martial arts, and started
taken lessons, from a Sensei here in Sunnydale. Two
years later she had her black belt and had wormed her
way into her Sensei's good graces and when he retired,
she bought him out and took over the place. Buffy and
I still do Tai Chi every morning.

Every morning I am reminded of the wonderful people
that took me into their hearts. I still miss them.
Gods I can't believe I just lost her too.

Talia, I have to be strong for her. Buffy and I are
all that she has left and I won't let her down.

Giles and Xander went to get Talia's things, so she
will have a place to sleep. For the last two nights
we all slept at Xander's. No one wanted to be alone,
and quite frankly, after we learned that Tara had died
in surgery, none of us was in any position to drive
anywhere. The next day, Buffy and Giles went to take
care of the arrangements, while Xander looked after me
and Spike and Anya took care of Talia. I just didn't
have the energy to get her set up at my place.

What are we going to do without her? She's only been
gone for three days and I already miss her.

Tbc...

Chapter Four

And Baby Makes Three

Willow slammed the book shut as hot tears raced down
her face and onto the leather cover of her journal.
For the fifth time that day, Willow covered her head
face with her hands and broke down crying. Her pale
shoulders shook with the force of her sobs, and time
stood still. Ten minutes later, Willow shook herself
from self-pity and grief. With a growl, Willow picked
up the nearest object on her desk, the journal, and
hurled it across the room. Willow smiled sadistically,
as it smacked against the wall with a satisfying thud.

"That felt good." Willow mumbled to the empty room.

Deciding on a new course of action, Willow quickly
changed from her "Funeral Dress" into a pair of loose
white drawstring pants and a forest green sports bra,
then scurried down the stairs and into the work room.

Willow walked over to her alter and lit a stick of
cinnamon incense, she then walked to the middle of the
room and plopped down into lotus position. After a
series of calming breaths, she found her Center and
began a simple meditation. When she was finished, she
hopped to her feet in one fluid motion, and walked
over to the small stereo mounted on the wall. Willow
popped Crystal Method into the CD player and cranked
the volume as loud as she could stand, then headed for
the punching bag in the corner of the room.

Willow circled the bag, bouncing on the balls of her
feet the way Buffy had taught her. BAM BAM, Willow
jabbed the bag in rapid-fire motion. Jab, jab, jab.
The movements were just pure power and rage. Willow
smacked at the bag, her hands a blur of motion, until
they were red and numb. Breathing deeply, Willow
inhaled the cinnamon scented air. The spicy fragrance
calmed her raw nerves. When the fury and anger had
abated, Willow stretched briefly, and once again began
to dance around the bag. Left, then right, she
punched the bag, following up with a snap kick and a
roundhouse kick. She began the routine again, only
faster, changing the punches and kicks every once in a
while. The blows were still powerful, but this time
they were controlled and accurate.

When Buffy got her black belt, Willow and Xander were
her first students and while her students were no
match for the teacher, they could both hold their own
in a fight, both demon and human alike.

Willow continued the routine; the kicks and blows
matching the tempo of the music. Her muscles screamed
and strained, sweat poured down her face, but she
continued, lost in the sweet oblivion of adrenaline
and physical exertion.

Buffy silently crept into the workroom, unwilling to
interrupt her best friend, who was working the bag
like a demon possessed. The fevered beat and mental
caffeine that was the Chemical Brothers beat violently
at her mind, as she studied her best friend as she
worked out. Buffy watched Willow with a
professional's eye and nodded approvingly. While
Willow was still lithe and supple like the tree that
she was named for, she was toned and firm. "She
reminds me of a sleek panther when she works out, all
stretch and strength and grace." Buffy though to
herself as a smiled tugged the corner of her mouth.

Sensing her friend's presence, Willow finished the
routine, then walked over to the CD and turned it off.

"I had some pent-up rage." She explained as she walked
over to Buffy and gratefully accepted the towel and
water bottle that the blond held.

"So I see." Buffy answered wryly. "You looked pretty
good, but you've turned your hands into hamburger
meat. You Ok?"

Instinctively Willow knew that she wasn't just asking
about her hands.

"I don't know why this is hitting me so hard Buffy. I
mean, I knew Jesse longer and Miss Calendar's death
was almost personal, you know with the whole Angelus
thing. But this, this is just different ya know?"

Buffy nodded encouragingly and waited for her to
continue.

"It just that everything that I am, is enraged at the
injustice of it. I mean I know that bad things happen
to good people, and that life isn't fair and all, but
it's like the rules don't apply with Tara. She was a
mom, this shouldn't have happened to her."

Buffy gathered her up in her arms, and they stayed
that way for a long while, not crying or talking, just
taking comfort in each other. With a sigh, they
pulled apart and smiled at one another.

"Giles, Xander, Anya and the little princess are here
with all of her majesty's stuff. We should figure out
where to put her."

Willow thought for a moment, and then replied "My
room, if that's okay. I have the most room, and the
bigger bathroom." She added with an evil grin. Buffy
loved Willow's bathroom and used the tub as often as
she could get away with.

"All we have to do it move the couch and the screen a
little bit, and she could have the whole corner by the
bed." Buffy said with a smile. "I said that you had
too many rooms up there." She teased.

Willow smiled once more at Buffy, squared her
shoulders and walked out of the room to meet her
friends, and the newest addition to her family.

*****

Three hours, and many arguments later Talia was set up
in her new home. After much discussion and
re-arranging of furniture, they found a comfortable
spot for Talia's Crib, Baby Swing and changing table/
dresser. It was close to Willow's bed, but not so
close as to be crowding. The gang had dinned on take
out Chinese and after much protesting they left,
allowing Willow and Buffy a chance to get used to
their newest boarder.

Buffy was now curled up on Willow's king sized bed
cradling the beautiful little girl. Willow came out of
the bathroom dressed in a comfy T-shirt and boxers,
toweling her hair dry. Her breath caught in her
throat as she watched the two together. They looked so
beautiful, so peaceful.

Smiling, she crawled into bed next to the two, and
placed a soft kiss on Talia's forehead.

"Hi there little one." Willow whispered as Buffy
passed the baby to her. "What do think of your new
home huh? We won't let anything happen to you I
promise." She vowed, as she held her new daughter
close.

Buffy quickly brushed away a tear that spilled down
her cheek. The sight of Willow and Talia together was
both beautiful and heart wrenching at the same time.

"I'm gonna jump in the shower real quick." Buffy said
softly "You need anything?"

Willow shook her head, smiling down on the baby in her
arms.

"Nah, I'm just gonna get acquainted with the little
one. You gonna come back up here when your done?"

"Sure, if you want me to?"

"Yeah, I do." Willow replied softly.

Buffy quickly padded out of the room, and headed to
her own.

The baby shifted in her arms, and snuggled a little
closer, her eyes fluttering in and out of sleep.

"How I am going manage this, I don't know the first
thing about babies." She muttered to herself, as she
reached over and flipped on the TV, turning to the
Disney channel.

"Might as well get used to this, huh?"

Willow and Talia watched the adventures of Mickey and
his pals for a while, until Talia began to fuss.
Muttering and Cussing under her breath, Willow managed
to change Talia, after destroying three diapers.

"Information, I need information." Willow muttered
once again as she shifted Talia to her hip, and
wandered over to the computer. Cradling the little one
in one arm, Willow expertly navigated the Internet
with her free hand. A few minutes later, Talia began
to make "I'm hungry" noises. Charging to her rescue
Buffy swooped in and scooped up the baby.

"I'm going to go feed her." Buffy called over her
shoulder, and headed to the kitchen.

Willow turned back to her online shopping cart, and
continued on her quest for knowledge of all things
"baby."

Twenty minutes and two hundred dollars later the baby
was fed, and every book, bauble and developmental toy
imaginable was on it's way, thanks to the marvels of
online shopping.

"Gee, Wills how much did you spend this time."

"Don't ask." Willow replied with a chuckle "At least
we'll be prepared."

Willow turned off her monitor, and crawled back in bed
with Buffy and Talia, claiming the baby once more. The
trio watched the Disney nighttime movie in
companionable silence, until eventually both Willow
and Talia fell asleep.

Buffy sighed softly, and watched them sleep for a
while, then when the baby began to squirm, she picked
her up and carried her to her crib. Leaning over the
crib, Buffy kissed the baby gently and placed her
housewarming gift to the child (Mr. Gordo) next to
her. Walking on tip toe, Buffy began to creep out of
the room.

"Is she asleep?" Willow called softly from her bed.

"Yeah, she'll be that way for a while." Buffy
whispered back.

"Come talk to me?" Willow asked patting the empty spot
on the bed next to her.

"How long do you think she'll sleep." Buffy asked,
nestling in to the pillows next to Willow.

"Not sure, Buffy. Gods there's so much we don't know
about raising a kid. What's she supposed to call us
when she gets older? Which one of us if going to be
the primary guardian, what are we going to tell her
about witches and slayers and vampires. I mean I
always assumed that I would have children some day, I
just didn't think it would happen so soon. I just have
so many questions."

Buffy patted her arm reassuringly. "The questions will
still be there tomorrow, Will. Right now all that
matters is that she is safe and loved, the rest we'll
figure out together." Smiling, she squeezed her
friend's hand. "How are you doing otherwise? By the
looks of things earlier, it looked like you were
trying to break the punching bag open with your bare
hands."

Willow sighed softly, and squeezed Buffy's hand back.
"I miss her, it hurts." She said simply. "But the
anger and rage have subsided some."

They both turned their attention back to the quietly
flickering TV screen, both aware of the fact that
nothing else could be said. Willow's breathing
eventually slowed and became even as she drifted off
to sleep. Buffy turned the TV off, and started to get
out of bed.

"Stay." Willow mumbled sleepily. Smiling gently, Buffy
snuggled into the comfortable bed, and was soon
asleep, secure in the knowledge that while the grief
and loss of Tara's death was still there, and would be
for a long time to come, the raw pain and anger had
abated enough to allow them to survive.


Tbc......

June 24, 2006
Chapter 5
My Head is a Yo-Yo

I'm an emotional yo-yo. Last night I was so angry
that I bruised at least four knuckles and nearly
sprained my wrist, beating the crap out of a punching
bag, and this morning, sheesh, I don't know if I even
want to talk about this morning.

Last night the gang and I spent the better part of an
hour putting Talia's things together. If the
circumstances weren't so wretched, it would've been a
funny sight. Everyone loves that little girl.

Most of the bickering and arguing wasn't about where
to place the crib or dresser, but who was going to
hold and feed her. I don't know who was more
pathetic, Xander or Giles. We eventually got them to
all go home for the night, but only after I promised
Giles and Xander that I would let them both baby sit
our little princess as often as possible.

I wonder if Giles ever regrets not having children?
Although some would say that being a mentor to Buffy,
Xander and I is hard enough. I suppose they have a
point. Yeah sure we all stopped the apocalypse a few
times, but we were still teenagers. ICK!! I shutter to
think about what I'll have to deal with when Talia is
a teenager. As Xander would say, "Scary visual place."
Oh, well. There I go rambling again.

Anyway, after they all left, Buffy and Talia and I got
ready for bed, and settled in for the night with the
Disney Channel. Sounds great, right? Wrong. After
Talia drifted off to sleep, I did something that
embarrasses me to even think about. When Buffy was
about to leave, I asked her to stay with me, in my
bed. It's not that we haven't slept together before, I
mean every once in a while, we would both fall asleep
while watching a movie or something, but she always
left in the middle of the night.

Buffy's presence has always been a comfort to me,
after all, she's my best friend, and that's what best
friends do. Right? But this was different; it wasn't
just a comfort thing. It was a need thing. I needed
her to stay, as surely as I need air to survive. I
needed to be able to wake up in the middle of the
night and know that she was next to me. That scared
me.

I told you I was an emotional yo-yo. I'm a freak on a
leash.

I woke up this morning, and there was this warm body
next to me, not a common occurrence at all. Buffy was
curled up against me on her side, her arm thrown over
my waist, and in the space between us was Talia. She
had fussed in the middle of the night, and I guess
Buffy brought her to bed with us. The sight of the
two of them was enough to make me want to cry.

I've always known that Buffy was beautiful, I mean
hell, you'd have to be blind to not see it, but when I
saw her this morning as the sun danced across her
golden hair, and her face relaxed and unguarded, she
was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

It was then that I understood why a two
hundred-year-old vampire would fall in love with a
fifteen-year-old girl. Simply put, Buffy was
luminescent. Here I was, lying in bed with my best
friend, and this beautiful precious baby and I was
overcome with how right and wonderful it felt. I felt
complete somehow, like a family.

Then the guilt started. Tara has only been gone for a
few days. I don't deserve this. Talia is her daughter,
not mine. Not to mention the fact that I'm in la la
land and the whole "family" thing is nothing but an
illusion.

I love having Buffy here, she is a great roommate and
I like having my best friend around, but I know that
this isn't a long-term arrangement. One-day she'll
meet Mr. Right and they'll fall in love. Then she will
move out and have a family of her own. I want that
for her. I do, I want her to be happy, but there is
this awful, selfish part of me that wants things to
stay the way they are. It's no secret that I have a
less than desirable relationship with my parents,
(understatement of the century.) They were either not
around, or too busy to spend anytime with me. I guess
that is one of the reasons why the Scooby gang became
my family. I suppose that is probably why I am
projecting this whole family thing on Buffy. Sheesh I
don't know.

See, I told you I was a freak.

We went to the bank today and got the stuff out of the
safety deposit box. There was a bunch of papers about
Talia's guardianship, and her parent's estate and
such, as well as Tara's Will and a package for Buffy
and I. We have an appointment with the lawyers
tomorrow for the reading of the Will and such. Grrrr,
I am not looking forward to that at all.

There were also letters for Buffy and myself. That
fact alone fills me with dread, it's almost as if she
knew that something was going to happen to her. We
haven't opened any of the packets yet. Buffy had to
patrol, and she wanted us to go through the stuff
together. As for Tara's letter to me, I guess I
haven't read it yet because I'm afraid of what it
might say. I never said I wasn't a coward. I don't
even want to think about the ramifications of that
one. Speaking of letters, it's strange that she had a
letter addressed to Buffy, but not to any of the
others. I wonder what it says.

Ahhh, saved by the bell. My little precious is making
hungry sounds again. If I didn't know that it was
impossible, I'd say that she takes after Xander. It
seems like she's always hungry. I'm not complaining
though, I love having her around. It's a huge
adjustment, I know that, but she really is adorable.
Oh goddess, I am beginning to sound like Xander and
Giles. That is a truly scary thought. Well, I'd better
go feed the little monster before she starts sucking
on Mr. Gordo.