Disclaimer: All BTVS characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.

1:30am

One second. She’s here, looking at me from across the room and I suddenly think: How the hell did someone like me get so damn lucky? What do I have to offer her? Well, other than anything she’s ask for that is. Every word in the dictionary strung together coherently is still an inadequate attempt at describing who she is, and what she has suddenly started to mean in my life.

Two seconds. Now she’s smiling. Wow. I mean. . .wow. That’s a great smile to have really. I hear my inner voice say, ‘is that for me or is someone else standing behind me?’ I quickly dismiss the thought when she beckons to me with a quick movement of her head. Yeah, it’s for me. And look at that! The smile just gets wider upon my approach.

Five seconds. She touches my arms lightly and drops her head in that shy, really cute way I could never get tired of. Damn, did I do that? Lifting her head with my finger, I smile back.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Really?”

Nod. “I just, um, really like you.”

Smile. “I really like you too.”

Ten seconds. . . .and the kiss is just. . .wow. Again. I really need to study up on that new fangled book called the dictionary, ‘wow’ has suddenly become my favorite word. Not much of a vocabulary for a college student, I know, but can I help it if all motor function goes out the window when she’s -thisclose-? . . .and the neck thing. . .where’d she learn to do *that*? I get a shiver and realize that it doesn’t matter where she learned it, as long as she keeps doing it.

Twenty seconds. I could really get used to this stand and snuggle thing. We just, I don’t know. . .um, ‘fit’ I guess? I don’t know how I manage it, but another thought creeps into my head. How could anyone think this is wrong? Someone our age was killed only a few states away almost two years ago simply because he suggested it. Here I am actually doing it. I hold on just a little bit tighter, she doesn’t seem to mind and nuzzles my neck in response.

Forty seconds. Laying on the bed, lazily running my fingers up and down her arm. . .starting to get lost in the chocolate brown eyes. *This* is what it’s all about. Saying without speaking – feeling without having to second guess – knowing the answer without having to hear the question. It’s all about being on a journey. We’re lucky when we can find someone willing to walk the road with us, even if it’s only for a short time. The beginning of the journey is always the best part though. Getting to know each other, telling secrets, repeating the tragic stories of our past, and finding out when it was that we stopped believing in monsters under the bed. I sigh. . .don’t you just wish you life consisted of beginnings only?

“Something wrong?”

“No. You’re just. . .so adorable.”

Blush. “Thank you.”

Fifty seconds. She closed her eyes a few seconds ago. Now comes the part I like: Wacthing her sleep. It’s been a rough day, hell, it’s been a rough life. Things are never easy and life sure doesn’t come with an instruction booklet. I’m just struggling alone, same as anyone, trying to find my place amid the confusion and chaos and hurt. It’s not about sexual attraction for me – it never has been. I can go without, probably longer than most. It’s about that pull you feel, not in your heart, but in your soul. It’s like a physical ache, but more acute and tuned in. I can’t describe it. If I’ve learned anything in life, I’ve learned that my body is just a temporary housing, a vessel. It’s a storage containment for something even more beautiful – the human soul. I sigh again and she snuggles closer. Did I mention that I could really get used to this? Where was I? Oh yeah, we’re souls with bodies, not bodies with souls. If the hate mongers and the preachers and the bashers thought about that long enough, well, maybe they’d see that it isn’t just two women lying here. Maybe they’d see that it’s two people who connect and enjoy each other and are that much better for it. That there were, at one time, two souls rattling around searching and desperate to find something to cling to. Now, there are two souls that are silent and content and anything but desperate.

One minute. I push some stray hair away from her forehead and she smiles in her sleep. Leaning in, I kiss her shoulder lightly and . . .there’s that smile again. Yeah, I could *so* get used to this.

1:31am and all’s well.

FINIS