keeper444@webtv.net

What is a promise?

Well, I looked it up and according to Webster's: it is a declaration made by one person to another, which binds the person who makes it to do or to forbear to do a specified act.

But it's more then that, isn't it?

Even Webster's goes on to say; a declaration which gives to the person to whom it is made a right to expect or to claim the performance or forbearance of the specified act or acts.

But does that really cover it?

Shouldn't Webster's also warn that to give a promise is to give someone the claim to a piece of your soul?

We all make promises everyday, right? We promise our parents that we'll be good-but we aren't always--are we?

We make the loved ones in our life promise to be careful when they leave the house or home.

We ask, "be careful, Willow.... Or Xander, or mom or Giles?"

And they agree. But they aren't always careful, are they?

When we are in love, we promise to stay in love forever but there is still infidelity and divorce. Mom and Dad being the best examples of the divorce part of breaking promises.

I promised to protect my friends and loved ones...and I didn't, did I?

First we lost Willow.

No, I don't mean she died or anything like that, at least I didn't think so, no I mean we lost her. She just wasn't there one morning. We all searched for her, everywhere we could think of, even the bad places where the evil half of our cozy little berg hide.

I was devastated. It had only been week after we had finally figured out how we felt about each other. It had been a blissful week full of love and lovemaking and kisses and holding hands.

And it had been a week of heartfelt promises of everlasting love.

We hadn't told anyone, not yet wanting to share our feelings with anyone. Wanting to selfishly keep them to us like all new lovers.

Then I came home from patrol one night to find her gone.

I panicked, of course, fearing the worst I called out for her, only to find silence. Frantically, I searched for her, but she was nowhere to be found. I called Giles and Xander and they helped but no luck.

Then I found that all her things were gone after I came home from the fruitless search and I knew.

To some people forever isn't all that long.

Giles couldn't understand why I was unable to function. He kept at me to get back to work, Slayer's work. He was continually reminding me of my promise to fight evil and the forces of darkness. He couldn't understand that some people just don't keep their promises.

Xander knew or he at least figured it out.

Everywhere I went he was there; looking at me with that "what did you do" look on his face. I couldn't even look him in the eye, when he finally confronted me. After he wouldn't back off, I told him what had happened between Willow and I.

I thought he would understand.

I was wrong.

I'll never forget that look on his face, when he realized what I was saying, it was one of pure revulsion. He yelled at me, called me pervert and queer and dyke--he said it was my fault Willow had left--that I had seduced her. That no one could resist 'The Chosen One.'

That when she came to her senses, Willow must have been so ashamed, she just ran away. And now, because of me, his one true friend, his one 'real' friend was gone.

I was hurt, I was angry, I was...ashamed.

He was right; it was my fault that she was gone. I'd pushed her too far, I had ruined my best friend's life, I had forced her to flee from her home and loved ones all because I couldn't control my hormones.

Xander's face was a twisted mask of revulsion anger and hate. His hands were clenched into fists at his side, and I thought he was going to hit me. I wished that he had hit me. But, the fire in his eyes died.

"I'M not my Dad." He said as he turned and ran away from me.

I waited to hear from him--I never did.

I heard rumors that he was seen hanging around constantly drunk and probably stoned, and when anyone asked him why, he told them to ask me.

Still Giles made me keep my promise to humanity and continue Slaying, and I tried, I tried to keep at least that promise.

Then came the night when the phone rang.

I wasn't asleep. I didn't sleep much any more.

The voice on the phone asked for mom. I told them she wasn't here so they told me she had been given as the emergency contact for an Alexander Harris.

It didn't register at first; then it dawned on me, Xander! The officer must have heard the desperation in my voice, so he told me there had been an accident. Xander was in the emergency room, they hadn't heard from the doctor yet, just to get down there, fast.

I left mom a note and took off running for the hospital. When I got there I practically assaulted the nurse behind the desk to find out his room number. I was almost there when a doctor and a cop stopped me.

The cop said that Xander had left the road at a high rate of speed and ran head on into a concrete bridge support. Of course his blood alcohol was 2.0 and there were no skid marks.

I was still reeling from that when the doctor said that Xander had suffered massive internal injuries, that it was a miracle that he'd lived as long a he had. They had done everything they could but that Xander didn't have much time left.

My head was spinning-Xander was dying--I held on and before I went in to say good-bye I gave them Giles number.

I entered Xander's room. He lay there with tubes and wires coming out of his body. Poor Xander, the weeks of hard drinking had taken a toll on him and with the damage from the 'accident' I barely recognized him.

His eyes opened slowly and then focused on me.

Oh, god, the pain in those big brown eyes--I still feel the cold that gripped my heart when I realized that it wasn't the physical pain that caused his eyes to look that way--it was the hurt I caused him. The hurt I caused by breaking my promise and betraying his trust and friendship.

I fell to my knees by his bed and cried begging him to forgive me. I promised that if he'd just live I'd do what ever I had to make it up to both of them.

I saw his mouth move but I couldn't hear him over the beeping and other noises the life support machines were making so I got up and leaned close to his face so I could hear.

"You promised."

Then he died.

All the machines began sounding their alarms and the doctors and nurses rushed in to try to save him, though I knew it was over.

Giles met at the door as I was leaving. He tried to talk to me to find out what was happening, all I could do was walk away. He tried to follow me for a few short steps then gave up and went inside.

I don't know how long I walked or where I went--all I could think of were Xander's last words--you promised.

He was right I promised: I promised to be a friend, I promised to protect them, I promised to be there for them, and I broke every promise. There was no one there to protect Willow from me and when Xander had needed me, I failed him.

That failure was pushing me down, drowning me, when I first heard her, I thought I had finally lost it. I realized that I'd walked all the way across town and was in the middle of the oldest cemetery in Sunnydale.

I was still crying and berating myself, cursing all the promises I had made only to break--when I heard that beautiful lyrical voice.

"That's not true, Buffy." The voice of my heart said, "you didn't break your promises to us. We broke our promises to you."

"Willow?" I prayed. "Is that you Wills?"

"Yes, my beautiful one. I have come back to you." Willow said so softly that I could barely hear her. "I have come to hold you to your promise to me."

She stepped out of the shadow of an old dilapidated mausoleum; it was my Wills. She looked different somehow, she seemed more sure of herself, and her eyes held the promise of future passions. She moved with the grace of a jungle cat, practically oozed sexuality--the alarm bells went off in my head.

My expression must have given me away.

"That's right my love," she laughed quietly. "I've changed. I disposed of the fool that sired me because he wouldn't let me return to you and now I'm here sweetheart. I still love and need you."

She kept coming towards me and my first instinct was to slay, I pulled out my stake and started to meet her. She stopped and looked at me hurt showing in her still dark green eyes and tears of blood formed in the corners.

"Are you going to kill me, Buffy?" She asked her voice quivering, "you promised you'd never hurt me."

Ignoring her I knocked her down and jumped on her chest ready to dust her. Then stopped, and looked once more into the eyes of the one I loved most in this world.

Instead of plunging the stake into her heart I leaned down and kissed her. Softly at first, then harder more desperate as it progressed. My tongue demanded entry and her lips parted. My hot tongue invaded and explored her cool mouth.

Unable to breathe I pulled back and she whimpered in protest.

"I can't hurt you, Wills," I panted. "I still love you."

"I know." She answered. "They said you'd kill me, that you didn't care--I knew better, I knew our love still lived."

The next thing I knew we were laying on the ground our clothes scattered all around and Willow and I were holding each other exhausted by our lovemaking. I rolled onto my side and propped my head on my hand tracing patterns on my lover's soft cool skin with my hand, reveling in our renewed passions, when I remembered why I was out wondering through the cemetery at night.

"Will, I have some bad news." I whispered, the tears beginning to flow again.

"What's that, my love?" she asked.

"It's about Xander," I told her. "H-he died tonight."

"I know precious," she said gently brushing away my tears. "That's why I came to you. I felt his death and I knew you'd need me more than ever I couldn't stay away no matter what might happen to me."

I lay there for a few minutes thinking about what she'd said, I realized she still loved me so much that she came to take care of me even at the risk of her life. She came to take care of ME. Willow gave me a kiss on the top of my head and got up and began gathering up her clothes. I followed her example.

"What happens now Will?" I asked her as we dressed

"I gotta go Buffy," she answered lightly. "It's almost dawn and that is kinda hard on my complexion you know."

"No I mean to us, what happens to us?" I asked fearing the answer. "Are you going to leave me again? I'll be all alone now Will and I can't do that any more." I gave into my impulse, "Let me come with you Will, I can't go on without you."

"I'm sorry Buffy," Willow said sadly explaining as if I were a child. "You're the Slayer and I'm a vampire by tradition I don't think it will work."

Then the solution was clear; I knew that with Willow as a vampire I couldn't be the Slayer anymore.

"Turn me Will," I blurted out. "We can be together forever just like we promised. Come on, Will, it's perfect. I need you so much it hurts, please!"

Willow flinched visibly at the thought of me being in pain and it being her fault.

"Wait, Buffy," Willow said holding up her hand to stop to stop me. "I was forced into this but you have a choice, think about what it will cost you. All the sacrifices you'll have to make by becoming a vampire. Think of Giles and your mother--you know you'll never be able to see them again."

"I don't care, Will," I told her truthfully. "They don't need me. If I'm gone Giles can go back to England and I haven't seen my mother in weeks. The only reason I ever did this was to keep you and Xander safe. Now that Xander is gone there is really nothing left to hold us here we can go anywhere we want together. What do you say? Please let me be with you."

By the time I finished we were dressed and Willow stopped and looked at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. I could see she was trying to see if I really meant it or if it was just my grief for Xander that made me come to my decision.

"Will honey, even if Xander hadn't died I'd still want to be with you." I reassured her, "my Slaying has been really lousy since you left me. Face it, Will, without you I'm lost. You are the only thing that means anything in my life please don't make me suffer without you anymore."

I could tell by her expression that Willow had come to a decision, I felt myself trembling in anticipation of her words.

"I'm still not sure you know what you're saying," she began quietly. "I'll tell you what I'll do, Xander's funeral should be in a couple of days so on the night after his funeral meet me here and we'll go from there. If you don't show I'll know you changed your mind."

My heart soared with the joy that filled it. My Wills had excepted me an in a few short days we'd be together again.

"I'll be here Wills." I said picking her up and spinning around overwhelmed with joy. "I'll be here waiting for you I promise."

*****

We buried Xander today.

True to form, neither of his parents showed.

Giles paid for everything, he tried to cover for them saying they were too grief stricken to cope. Yeah, right they didn't give a damn and everyone knew it. They were probably so drunk they didn't remember having son.

I didn't cry. Mom did. Hell everybody did, even Giles.

Giles told everyone that asked that I was just being strong and stoic that I would probably break down later.

That wasn't true, I'd already shed all the tears I was going to on Xander Harris. My last memories of him was his damning accusation:

"You promised."

Where was his promise? When I needed him, he'd turned his back on me. He called me names then he turned into a drunk just like his parents. I knew deep down that not only was he better off he probably wanted to die before he repeated the cycle he was stuck in.

They all tried to comfort me but I didn't need comforting--my Wills was back--and tonight I was joining her.

As the sun went down I headed for the door with my crossbow and stakes, Giles tried to talk me out of going and even offered to join me just in case. I finally convinced him I was fine all I needed was to be alone. He backed down and let me leave reminding me to be careful. I promised that I would be careful.

Now here I am waiting, the sun set an hour ago my Willow should be here soon and we'll be free at last to be together like we were meant to be.

"Buffy?" A quiet call that reaches into my very soul. "Do you still want to be with me?"

"Oh, god, yes, my love," I moan in anticipation. "I want to be with you forever and ever and ever and ever."

"I'm so glad my Slayer, cause I want you, too." The center of my universe tells me. "I was afraid you might not be here, that they wouldn't let you come."

"Nothing will ever keep us apart again," I promise taking her cool skinned hand in mine.

And that's the one promise I'll keep forever.

The End