PREVIOUSLY:

Willow's thoughts were jumbled; she couldn't believe what was happening…

What she was allowing to happen.

She felt Buffy's hands moving down her chest…

Brushing against…

The locket…

***

Tara knew that she might somehow lose Willow to Buffy. The bond they shared was something she might not be able to get around. Not that she ever wanted to jeopardize the relationship by doing anything that Willow might see as a jab at her friend.

Still she couldn't help thinking that had it been the other way around, and if she finally realized how much she cared for Willow, she'd want to do whatever she could to make sure that the red headed beauty never gave the other girl a second thought. Not that she wouldn't encourage a friendship between them, but she'd make it quite clear, 'hands off.'

But, she wasn't Buffy, so she had no way of knowing exactly what the other girl had in mind. Of course she could think of all the things she'd like to be doing. But by the same token, she didn't want to think of 'them' doing anything. Willow had told her about what Buffy had said, as well as showing her two notes. Willow had said that she didn't want any secrets between them.

So, Tara knew that Buffy was interested, more than interested in Willow.

'Why now?' she thought. It had taken her so long to actually do something about her feelings. How many people could say that it was a simple gesture of holding hands that made the difference? She still had her memory of night they had shared together. Yes, she had put a stop to what was happening, but she couldn't in all honesty allow Willow to do something that she quite possibly wasn't ready for.

'I don't want to lose her. But, what if she wasn't mine to lose? Buffy's known her longer… they care for each other, that's plain to see. I don't want…' Tara shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts, her eyes blinking back the tears that had suddenly popped up.

She knew Willow would make a decision, one that would affect her life. For how long, that was a question she never wanted to answer. She sighed as she lay in bed. Sleep was eluding her, and these questions had decided to occupy her mind. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for Willow, and as soon as she had thought that, her mind taunted her.

'Buffy's the same way you know. What makes you think that Willow, beautiful, caring, compassionate, intoxicating… endlessly kissable Willow would want you? Buffy's better looking, she's the Slayer, she's know her longer… she's better than you, get that through your head.'

Tara took her pillow and covered her face, trying to block out the thoughts that had plagued her since the very beginning. Granted, finding out that Buffy was 'The Slayer' knocked her for a loop. How could she compete with 'that'? What did she have?

"I love her," she said out loud, stating something she felt deeply.

Her whole world had changed ever since she met the talented Wicca/Hacker.

Once again, doubts flooded her mind, and no matter what she might say to counter each one, there was always a small flicker of dismay. That no matter how much she loved Willow, Willow would not… could not love her back.

"Damn it!" she shouted into her pillow. The tears she had fought finally came, rolling down the sides of her face. She wanted nothing more than to be able to hold Willow in her arms, to wake up and see her sleeping, and looking in awe. She didn't think it was asking for much, not really.

'She fills my heart, she fills my soul, she is the half that makes me whole,' she groaned. "Great, now I thinking country song lyrics." Soon laughter bubbled up, and she could no longer contain it. She laughed until her tears had companions of their own.

She knew she had to wait. If things didn't go her way, would she be able to handle seeing her with Buffy? Could she still look into Willow's face and not see the woman she was in love with? Would she be bitter and cut herself completely off, thinking it was the only way to handle the situation?

Or would she swallow the bitter pill and go on with her life, being there for Willow. Could she let go of the friendship she so genuinely cherished?

"No," she answered herself truthfully.

She could only hope that Willow would still want to be her friend. She smiled, if there was something she knew about Willow, it was that she didn't give up on her friends. And if that was the only way she could have Willow in her life, it was better than never seeing her again.

"Willow… " Tara whispered, finally putting her thoughts to rest and hugging her pillow, that, if she inhaled deeply, she could still make out the faint essence of Willow's shampoo.

***

"Willow, what's wrong?" Buffy asked when the hacker pulled away abruptly. Perhaps she pushed to quickly.

"I… I need some time to think," she replied, moving to her bed.

"Oh, okay, I understand, I guess. You know what, I think I'll head out and do a quick look-see on campus. That'll give you time, I'll see you later," Buffy said as she grabbed her coat and left the room.

END