PART 10

‘I woke today, felt your side of bed,’ ‘The covers were still warm where you'd been laying.’ ‘You were gone, my heart was filled with dread.’ ‘You might not be sleeping here again.’ ‘But its all right, I love you. That's not gonna change.’ ‘Run me round, make me hurt again and again.’ ‘But I'll still sing you love songs.’ ‘Written in the letters of your name.’ ‘And brave the storm to come, for it surely looks like rain.’ Looks Like Rain by The Grateful Dead

It was raining. Not one of those stomp in the puddles and romp with your friends rain. More like that angry torrential the world needs to be cleansed rain.

Buffy and Willow came slamming through the door of Giles’ apartment with a very wet and cranky vampire in tow. They were soaked right through to the skin and Giles shifted into action. He handed them towels and sent them upstairs to change into the clothes they’d brought just in case. Spike stayed downstairs and changed in the bathroom. The apartment was quiet for all of five minutes then there was a knock on the door. Giles went to answer it.

“Angel” He stated unnecessarily.

He nodded. “Giles.”

”Come in, come in. I see you faired better than the others did.”

”Umbrellas. Yes, Giles, we’ve leapt into the twenty first century. Not that it’s done anything for my hair mind you.” Cordelia took her coat off and shook it out.

Giles turned. “Yes, and it’s always a pleasure to see you too, Cordelia.” He nodded to Faith and Anya. “Um, Buffy and Willow are changing upstairs and Spike is in the bathroom. They seem to have gotten caught in the downpour.” He took a sip of tea. “Can I get you anything?”

“Xander.” Anya demanded. “I want Xander now.”

Giles looked a little shocked at her forcefulness. “Um, yes well, he’s right this way in the. . .” She pushed past him before he could finish. “. . .back bedroom.” He shook his head. “Nice to see some things never change.”

Faith plopped herself unceremoniously on the couch. “Yo, G-man. Long time no Watch. How’s it hangin?” She grabbed the remote control and turned the TV on.

Giles merely smiled at her.

----------

Willow froze suddenly.

“What’s wrong Will?” Buffy had just finished putting on her sneaker.

“Voices.”

”Okay. . .in your head or. . “

”I’m serious Buffy. I hear voices downstairs and none of them belong to Giles, Spike or Xander.” Willow looked worried.

Buffy thought for a moment then it hit her. “You don’t think? He wouldn’t. Giles wouldn’t call Angel here, not unless. . .” She trailed of thinking about the last time they were all together. She was a vampire and Willow was the Immortal Watcher. She felt a shiver go up her spine.

Willow noticed how quiet she’d gotten. “I know, Buffy, I know. . .I remember it too.” She pulled the sweater over her head. “Come on. We should go down there.” Willow walked over to her and took her hand. She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “It’ll be alright. We can do this together.”

Buffy shook off her thoughts. “I know Will. But if Angel is here then so is. . .”

”And it doesn’t matter if she is here. I’m with you and nothing is going to change that. Cordelia and I were a long time ago. Now come on before you worry yourself to death.”

They held hands and walked towards the stairs together.

--------------

Angel was sitting in the oversized chair with Cordelia on his lap. Faith was flipping through the channels and no one had seen Anya since she made a bee line for the back bedroom. Spike was still in the bathroom and Giles was trying to get Anya to unlock the door. Two sets of footsteps could be heard on the stairs and everyone got up and turned around to see Buffy and Willow come down the stairs hand in hand.

No one moved and it seemed like no one breathed. Finally Spike came out of the bathroom and broke the silence. “Well looky here. It’s the old poof! Last time I saw you we were runnin around England together. How’s it goin old man?” He patted Angel on the back.

“I’m good Spike. You look well.”

“Ehh, well as can be expected.” He looked around the room at the others. “What the hell are all you ninny’s stand around here for? The boy’s awake and we need some answers. For pete’s sake, you’d think you’d never met each other before. Come on, let’s go. . .everyone shove off to Benedict Arnold’s deathbed.”

Buffy shook her head and laughed. Leave it to Spike.

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Anya finally opened the door and they all filed in one by one. Giles didn’t say anything to her, he knew it wouldn’t do any good, but he did throw a stern look her way. Buffy sat on the floor in front of the dresser and Willow sat down in front of her. Faith moved to the bottom of the bed and Angel stood next to Cordelia who had taken a seat in the one chair available in the room. Giles stood in front of the door, Anya was on the bed next to Xander and Spike hopped up on the dresser next to where Buffy and Willow were.

Anya removed the washcloth from Xander’s head and whispered something in his ear. After a few moments he opened his eyes and managed a weak smile. “Had I know this was gonna be a reunion I would have dressed for the occasion.” He whispered hoarsely.

“You’re blonde. . .and you look like hell.” Cordelia couldn’t resist.

“Way to state the obvious Queenie.” Faith commented.

“I think it looks good on him.” Anya threw in.

“As much as I’d love to go over the finer points of Xander’s transformation, I think we should start with the most obvious question. What the hell did you think you were doing?” Buffy spat out at him and tightened her grip around Willow’s waist.

He flinched as if he was hit. “Well, depends on what part your talking about Buff. The part where I almost got myself killed last night, the part where I’ve been living with Drucilla for the past 2 years, how I got the crystal, how I’m involved in the prophesy. . .pick your poison.”

Angel looked at Xander. “Crystal?” He then turned his gaze on Giles. “The mindset crystal?”

Giles nodded his head. “Yes. It was given to him by a council member to, um. . “

“I know what it’s used for Giles. It’s dangerous. Do you have any idea how much damage can be done with that?” Angel knew the questions were rhetorical. Giles knew full well the power of the crystal.

“He knows. He used it on Will and I.” Buffy said dryly.

“I thought I was helping.” Xander whispered and closed his eyes.

“Helping? You thought you were. . .by twisting our memories and making us forget every time we. . .five years Xander, you twisted and maimed five years of our life. You stole them from us and we can never get them back.” Buffy tried to fight back the tears but it was useless.

Willow turned a little and put her arm around Buffy’s shoulder. Buffy buried her head in her sweater. Willow turned to look at Xander and all she could do is glare. She had no words for him. Not right now.

Cordelia was still confused. “I still don’t get it. He used this crystal thingie to change your memories so you would forget stuff. What’s the big?”

Giles cleared his throat. “I, um, don’t think that needs to be discussed right now. We need to focus on the prophesy and who attacked Xander last night.”

Buffy looked up. “No, it’s alright Giles. They’re all going to find out sooner or later. May as well get it over with now.” She wiped the tears away. “It’s no secret that Willow and I are a couple. We have been since we were in England.” She took a deep breath.

“I’ll tell them.” Willow finally spoke. “Buffy and I. . .well, we first got together as a couple a few months after Oz left when we were freshmen in college.” Buffy took Willow’s hand and squeezed it. “Xander met up with a council member on his cross country trip after high school graduation and he gave him the crystal. Xander was told that if it ever looked like we were going to be together, to use the crystal and erase our memories of it.”

Faith shook her head. “Harsh.”

Willow looked up at her. “Yeah, harsh is one word for it. So all through college we kept getting together and he kept erasing our memory of it.” Willow looked over at Cordelia. “The last time he did it was when I came here to visit him and Buffy from LA.” Willow waited for a reaction from Cordelia. Her face changed a little but she didn’t say anything. She continued. “We know all of this because Buffy and I were researching ESP and we came across his diary. He sent it to Giles last year.” She pulled the diary out of her backpack and tossed it on the bed. She looked Xander right in the eye. “Thought you might want that back.” She said flatly.

He sighed. “Burn it for all I care.”

“So you and B don’t remember anything?” Faith questioned.

Buffy shook her head. “No. It’s all fuzzy. There are a few things we remember but they’re all just. . .” She shrugged for lack of words.

“Disjointed. Like when you dream then you wake up. You remember parts of the dream but not the whole thing.” Willow added quietly. “There were at least five times we got together. We can’t remember any of them.” She dropped her eyes to hers and Buffy’s hands. “Nothing.”

The room grew quiet as everyone absorbed what they’d just learned. Finally, Xander shifted in the bed and got their attention. Anya fussed over him and arranged the pillows. He gave her a grateful smile. “I got in over my head playing poker. Doesn’t matter where it was, I was in big time trouble. It was a bunch of mind reading demons at this little skank club – every town has them.” He swallowed as if every word hurt. “I lived in a little shack behind the club to work off my debt. One night I felt someone following me and it was Dru. She went into her usual wacky diatribe about the stars talking and that they were talking about me. That she needed my help to fulfill a prophesy about The Shadowman. Something about Liveside and Deadside being melded into one and I was the one to stop it.”

Giles perked up at this. “The Shadowman. He walks the line between this world and the other, maintaining order and function where there’s never been any before.” He trailed off remembering the prophesy. “I knew it was coming but. . .I never would have guessed that you. . .” He approached the bed and leered at him. “All of this could have been avoided. All of it. Do you realize what you’ve done? You’ve helped that maniac set off a chain of events that not even we can stop! How could you have been so stupid!” He grabbed Xander by the shirt and Angel and Spike rushed to his side.

“Giles.” Angel said. “Let him go. He’s no use to us dead.”

”Come on man. Let him finish. When we know what we need then you can mash him into a bloody pulp. But for now.” Spike put his hand on Giles’ forearm.

Giles relented and tried to gain his composure. He silently went back to standing by the door.

Again an eerie silence fell over the room. No one moved, and it seemed as if no one breathed. Finally Willow removed herself from Buffy and stood up. She straightened her sweater and shifted into her resolve face.

Xander looked truly frightened as she approached.

Willow sat on the edge of the bed and looked deep into his eyes. She placed one hand on his chest and the other on his wrist. Three, five, then ten minutes went by and they were locked in to each other, eye to eye. Sweat was forming on her brow and her body began to shake. Finally she broke eye contact, took a deep breath and curled up in Buffy’s arms again. She was exhausted.

Buffy smoothed the hair back from her face. “You didn’t have to do that Will.” She looked up at Xander’s shocked expression. “He doesn’t deserve it.”

“He can’t help us if he stays in bed all the time.” She whispered.

Xander looked over at them with a confused expression. Buffy finally explained. “She healed you, you idiot. From how tired she is, she probably fixed your broken bones and internal injuries.” Buffy looked down at Willow again and her voice softened. “I didn’t think you could still do that.”

”Neither did I.” She replied.

Xander began to move. He sat up against the headboard and noticed that while he was still sore, the shooting pain was gone. He thought about thanking her, but knew that nothing he said would make a difference now. They hated him. He saw it in Willow’s eyes. There was nothing he could do but continue with the story. “That’s all I know about the prophesy. The council member I ran into in my travels told me I was destined for great things. That everything I was doing was for the greater good and survival of the world. Dru said as much too – but made the words rhyme.” Xander took a sip of water from the glass Anya handed him. “I spent 2 years with her in New Orleans under St’ Anne’s church.”

“Sewers. Who’d a thought I’d wind up living in the sewers.” He looked around at everyone in the room and spoke to no one in particular. “She. . .she took care of me. Made me feel useful. She needed me. Every week or so she. . .she fed off of me. That’s what the scars on my back are from. It’s like. . .like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Like a transference of power from her to me and back again. I told her that I’d send for her when things settled down here but she didn’t listen. She came waltzing out of the darkness last night just like the first night we met. I took her to the mansion – it had been over 2 weeks since she’d last fed. The power, the connection we feel – it’s intoxicating. Before I knew it I was grabbed and thrown up against a wall and someone was going to town on my head with a tire iron. Dru screamed for me but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t save her. They put her in a burlap sack and carried her away, just like that. I guess that’s when Spike found me and brought me back here.” He swallowed and turned to Giles. “We have to save her.”

He shook his head. “We have to do no such thing. She’s done enough damage.”

Xander’s voice took on a pleading tone. “You owe me nothing. I know that, but Giles, when I think about what they could be doing to her – I can almost feel it. We’re connected. The ceremony is almost finished. Two maybe three more feedings and the prophesy was to come true.” Giles continued to shake his head no. Xander stood up and faced him. “Don’t you understand what I’m saying? If we don’t find her, if we can’t see this thing through, all hell is going to break loose, literally.”

“He’s right, Giles.” Angel finally spoke up. “If the ceremony isn’t completed then the walls between this world and the other will be torn down and a temporal fold will occur. Both worlds will mix and believe me, the human population of earth is nothing compared to that of the demon world. I brought some of my books. We can go over the finer details later.”

Xander grabbed his head in pain. Anya jumped to his side and held him steady. Finally he calmed down and spoke softly. “They’re torturing her. I can feel her screaming for me.” He shook off the images that flooded his mind and looked at Giles again. “This is the bottom line. If we don’t find her in time I die.” He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I’m not a vampire but – I have fed off of her. Her blood is in me. If they kill her or if she doesn’t feed again in time *I die*, that temper fold thing fang boy talked about rips open and you’ll all be living in demondale instead of Sunnydale. It’s that simple.” He climbed back into bed, pulled up the covers and closed his eyes.

------------ PART 11 ------------

‘I only want to say, if there is a way, take this cup away from me.’ ‘For I don’t want to taste it’s poison, feel it burn me.’ ‘I have changed, I’m not as sure as when we started.’ ‘Then I was inspired, now I’m sad and tired.’ ‘Listen surely I’ve exceeded. . . expectations,’ ‘Tried for three years, seems like thirty.’ ‘Could you ask as much from any other man?’ Gethsemane from “Jesus Christ Superstar”

“Sorry baby, this is for your own good.” Xander whispered to a sleeping Anya as he tied her up and gagged her. She didn’t stir, didn’t move at all. Just continued to sleep peacefully. He’d slipped her some sleeping pills Giles gave him and she was out cold. He dressed quickly, still sore from the beating he’d received a few days ago. The past few days were filled with researching the prophesy, Buffy and Faith patrolling, and lots of silence. Well, silence when he was in the room. He knew this would happen, but until it did, he didn’t know how bad it would feel. How the feeling would curl up in the pit of his stomach and ferment like a rotten piece of meat.

He made his decision when he saw the look Willow gave him. As soon as he was strong enough he’d leave in search of Dru. He could feel her weakening, but she still called to him. Given enough time, he could hone in on her exact location like a beacon in the night. Then they’d perform the final ritual and everything would be in place.

He thanked whatever God was out there that the gang hadn’t deciphered the prophesy yet. He made sure of it by hiding the key book in the bottom of a box of books that Giles never used. They wouldn’t resort to the boxes until after they’d exhausted every other avenue. That should give him at least twenty four hours, maybe more if he was lucky.

He opened the window carefully and shimmied out to the back of the complex. Once he was far enough, he broke into a full sprint to the last place he’d seen her – the mansion. He’d be able to pick up her scent from there and hopefully get on the right track. Hopefully.

*****Twelve hours later*****

“Damn!” Giles slammed the book down on the table, causing four heads to snap up in his direction. “Sorry. Do any of you have volume 6 of the Garzian texts?”

“I was looking for it before but couldn’t find it.” Willow answered finally.

Giles shook his head. “It was right here yesterday when. . .” He trailed off in thought. “Xander hasn’t been out of his room today.”

Cordelia shook her head. “No. He’s been in there with little miss ‘I-want-orgasms’ since last night. You’d think she would give him a break seeing as he almost died. He must have some constitution.” She went back to flipping though her book.

Willow gave Giles a look then sprinted to the back bedroom door. She started knocking frantically. “Xander? Anya?” She tried the knob. “Open the door!” She looked back at Giles worried.

“Can you, um. . ?”

She nodded. Willow closed her eyes and concentrated. After a few seconds the lock clicked and she opened the door. “Xander, what do you think you’re. . . oh God.”

Anya was tied to the bed. She was struggling with her bindings and she was gagged. Willow and Giles went to her and began to undo the knots. Giles reached up and took the scarf off of her mouth. “Are you alright?”

Anya narrowed her eyes. “Do I look alright to you? I woke up at eight o’clock this morning. Didn’t any of you think to come in here?”

“Anya we’re sorry. What happened to Xander?” Willow tried to get her to focus.

“I’m wonderful, a little parched but what would you expect after being gagged for half a day?” She sat up and rubbed her wrists. “As for Xander, I don’t know. We were talking and the next thing I know I’m laying here, tied up. And it wasn’t even in a fun way.” She crossed her arms and pouted.

Willow turned to Giles and rolled her eyes. “I think she’ll be fine.”

“He must have gone out the window.” Spike commented from the doorway.

“How do you know that?” Giles turned to him.

Spike pointed to the window. “Cause it’s open you ninny.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m on the wrong team.” And he walked out.

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“This wacky vampire could be anywhere.” Faith turned to Buffy. “Tell me again why we’re patrolling during the day?”

“She may be a vamp, but the people that took her were human. Giles gave a pretty vague description, but from what I can tell it’s the same kind of guys that tried to. . .” She trailed off, not wanting to bring up bad memories.

“You mean the same MIB’s that tried to cart my ass across the ocean?” She sent a sideways glance towards Buffy. “I never saw them but I get the drift.”

“They tried to cart MY ass across the ocean.. . “ Buffy stopped short and looked at her. “And yes, it’s the same kind of guys, only different ones.” She narrowed her eyes wondering if that made sense.

Neither Faith nor Buffy moved. Faith knew Buffy stopped for a reason, they’d never really talked about it, but she couldn’t help but push the older Slayer’s buttons. “Technically, it was my ass.” She smiled.

“Yeah, and I was in it thanks to you!”

”So what? Now you wanna go toe to toe over something that happened ages ago? Cause if you do, I’m ready.” She took a defensive stance. “As a matter of fact, I’m ready to go blow for blow on anything you’ve got to drudge up.”

Buffy looked at her for a few moments. “No.”

She’d said it so quietly and with such resignation that it made Faith soften. “What’s the what, B? Don’t tell me this thing’s got you wigged, cause you’ve faced a lot tougher shit than this and it didn’t faze you.” Faith paused a moment. “Hell, you even put me down for the count – the only time it actually counted.” She said quietly.

Buffy laughed under her breath. “Yeah? Where was I when this happened?”

Faith took her by the arm and pulled her into a nearby alley. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember.” Buffy shook her head. “Man! Wonderboy really did turn your memory into scrambled eggs.”

“What are you talking about Faith?”

“Us. I mean *US* us.”

“There was never an us.” Buffy looked up at her. She wasn’t sure, but she could almost see a hurt look on Faith’s face, then it was gone in an instant. “Faith?”

“No big. Wonderboy must have gotten rid of that nasty little memory for you when he was busy wiping out your smooch-fest with Red.” She shrugged and started to walk away.

Buffy grabbed her arm. “Tell me. If you’re never honest with me again, if you’ve never been honest before – this is the one time I need you to be. Please.”

Faith didn’t look up at her. “Before patrol, after patrol. . . “ She laughed a little. “Even during patrol. Behind the Alpert mausoleum.” She walked away a little. “That is of course until you and Angel got back together, then I was yesterday’s news.” She turned around and tried not to look fazed. “Don’t worry B, as far as I know all the pedals were still on your little flower when we were together. It was one big frustrating smooch-fest. But that was a long time ago. No big you don’t remember. We’re five by five now. It was wicked crazy to think it would last anyway. You’re too vanilla for me.” She smiled.

Buffy blinked once or twice. “I. . .I don’t remember.” She kicked the nearest garbage can half way across the alley. “Damn him! He took it all away and I’m never gonna get it back!” She kicked a few more cans then slid down the wall and put her face in her hands.

In a very un-Faith like move, the dark Slayer knelt down in front of her and put her hands on her shoulders. “You’ll get it back. And he’s gonna pay big for what he did. He’s not on anyone’s Christmas list right now. . .and I have a feeling it’s gonna stay that way for a long time. You’re strong, B, stronger than most. You’re gonna get through it.” She smiled as Buffy looked up at her. “Even if I have to pull you through it kicking and screaming.”

Buffy smiled back. She didn’t know what to say. There probably weren’t enough words for it. To have anyone say that was one thing, but for Faith to do it, well, she knew it must have taken everything she had and a little more just to form the words in her brain, let alone say them out loud. “Whoah, a serious moment from the big bad Slayer who doesn’t need anyone. That means a lot.”

”You’re never gonna get it again, Buffy, enjoy it while you can.” Faith smiled at the expression on her face when she said her name. “And for the record, I’m sorry about all that body switch stuff. I was runnin scared and it was my only option. Don’t blame me for something that you can’t say you’d never do if it was your only choice.” She closed her eyes a moment then opened them again. She stood and put her hand out to Buffy and helped her up. Suddenly Faith perked up. “Hey, I have an idea about the whole memory thing, but you’re gonna have to trust me.”

Buffy let out a sigh. “What is it?”

“Can’t tell ya. . .but if you want it back, at least some of it, this may be the only way. You game?”

As soon as Buffy shook her head yes, Faith grabbed her hand and dragged her out of the alley at a full run.

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He looked at his watch for the tenth time. The longer he wandered around in the open, the quicker he was going to get caught. He’d been wandering around the cemetery for over an hour now. His senses told him that Dru was near but he’d had no luck finding her.

He stopped short suddenly and knocked himself in the head. They crypt that ran down to the master’s old lair – that was the only place he hadn’t looked yet. Sophomore year was the last time he’d been down there and he hoped that his memory served him correctly. He headed off in the general direction of where he thought it was then ducked behind a headstone when he saw Faith run into the cemetery dragging Buffy along with her.

He silently cursed to himself. It had only been about thirteen hours, they couldn’t have known he was gone yet. He watched as they ran across the lawn and behind a crypt, but didn’t come out the other side. He debated with himself over running or seeing exactly what the hell they were up to. His curiosity won out and he crept in a big semi circle about 100 yards or so across from the last place he saw them.

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“So what’s this? A trip down memory lane?” Buffy finally caught her breath enough to question her.

“You catch on quick. I knew you were a smart girl.” Faith smiled and took a few steps closer to her.

“What are we doing here Faith? The only thing that comes to mind with this place is slaying.”

”Remember when we got ambushed by those three strung out vamps? They were mouthing off about feeding off of a heroine addict and they thought that they were invincible. Said when they were done with us, they were gonna go take some flying lessons cuz that’s what real vampires do.”

”Yeah, that was over there by that bunch of trees.” Buffy pointed behind her. “So?”

Faith switched gears. “So Angel and I had this case. It was a real tough one. This chick, her kid was taken by a bunch of demons. They thought he was their leader come back to help them rule the world or some crap like that. So the woman couldn’t remember anything about the guys. Nada. Then Angel takes her to the place where the kid was taken, it was in this alley, and he had the woman walk around to see if she could remember anything. So she’s walkin and saying that it’s hopeless and they’ll never find him when suddenly she stops. Get this. . .the demons were the slimey kind. They leave a trail where ever they go – like a calling card. So the woman is sniffing like a bloodhound and suddenly she remembers everything. Angel found the kid the next day and we did some serious spring cleaning on their nest. Took me a week to get the smell outa my leather jacket.”

”I still don’t get it.”

Faith got closer and Buffy took a step backwards. They continued like that until Buffy’s back was pressed against the Alpert Mausaleum. “Don’t you get it, B? It’s the whole trigger thing. You see something specific or you smell a certain smell, and you’re reminded of something. The smell of Jack Daniels always reminds me of my old man.” She put her hands on either side of the blonde Slayer so that she had no where to run.

“Yeah, I smell turkey and suddenly I’m eight years old again.” Buffy caught on finally to what Faith was leading up to and shook her head no. “Faith I can’t, we can’t. I’m with Will and I would never do anything to hurt her. I love her too much to. . .”

Fatih cut her off. ”You don’t have to do anything, B. If she finds out and it doesn’t work then you can blame everything on me, tell her I seduced you. I can take it. But if you want your memory back, this is as good a place to start as any.”

Buffy had a million other reasons on the tip of her tongue as to why this couldn’t happen – why it could *never* happen – but Faith kissed them all away. She resisted at first and even tried to pound on Faith’s shoulders to break free, but Faith just kept on kissing her. Finally she relaxed and gave up. As it grew more intense, Buffy felt some sort of charge run through her and a thousand images flashed through her mind. Everything that was hazy became clear, everything grey turned into the color it was supposed to be and all of the bleary lines suddenly came into sharp focus. She was remembering.

Faith pulled away suddenly for air. “Damn, B. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’ve improved.” She wiped her lip to get rid of the lipstick she was sure was smeared there.

Buffy chuckled. “You know, if this didn’t work I’d probably be kicking your ass all over this cemetary and bringing the pieces back to Angel in a box.”

“But your not.”

She looked at Faith. “I’m not. I’m starting to remember. . .everything.” She took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “You’re really good at that too by the way.” She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts. “It’s all still a little muddled but. . .”

”But you remember. So just look at the kiss being in the name of science.” Faith shrugged.

“Yeah. And I also remember being really harsh to you when Angel and I got back together.”

”Don’t say it. Keep it buried where it belongs, B. It was a long time ago.” Faith shot her a serious look.

“I know. But let me just say I’m sorry. I mean it Faith.” Buffy took a step closer to her and looked her in the eye. “It all started with you. You were the first girl I ever. . .and I think now if I hadn’t, then Will and I never would have gotten together. You saw it in me, you said as much and I remember it, and you drew it out. Even though I went back to Angel, I couldn’t deny who I was and what I felt – or who I felt it for. You knew, you knew I had feeling for Will.”

”Yup. It was wicked obvious, at least to me. The way you looked at her, the way she looked at you. I always knew you guys would wind up in the hay sooner or later.” Faith smirked. “Looks like it was both.”

Buffy nodded. “Come on, we have to get back and tell the others.”

Faith grabbed Buffy by the arm. “Slow down blondie. How exactly are we gonna explain this? Especially to your honey. I really don’t need to be turned into a cuddly little rabbit, or a frog or even worse. She could make it so I never have sex for the rest of my life. I’d be of no use to anyone! Your girlfriend has a way wicked habit goin on that I don’t want to be on the receiving end of. Get my drift?”

Buffy laughed. “We’ll figure something out. Come on.” They headed toward the main gate and back to Giles’ apartment.

------------

Xander stood up as soon as he’d seen them walk through the gate. He couldn’t hear the conversation, but from the eyefull he’d gotten – he’d surmised that Buffy and Faith had something going on and probably had for some time. That wasn’t a first kiss they’d shared – that was a familiar ‘I-know-how-to-make-you-sqirm’ kiss and had all the makings of more in it. As angry as he was, he felt a little better. At least he knew now that he may have spared Willow some pain by using the crystal. Who knows how many times Buffy had been with Faith, and if Willow found out then she would have been devistated. He smiled just a little knowing that he may have spared his best friend unbearable pain. Now all of those memories were gone and she wouldn’t find out. At least for now.

He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the crystal. He rubbed it between his palms and closed his eyes. Close – she was so close he could practically smell her. The crystal began to glow and he looked down at it. Time was growing short and if he was to fullfill his destiny he’d have to start by finding her – his vessel of strength.

PART 12

‘there is a place in the heart that’ ‘will never be filled’

‘a space’

‘and even during the’ ‘best moments’ ‘and’ ‘the greatest’ ‘times’

‘we will know it’

‘we will know it’ ‘more than’ ‘ever’

‘there is a place in the heart that’ ‘will never be filled’

‘and’

‘we will wait’ ‘and wait’

‘in that’ ‘space.’

“No help For That.” Poem by Charles Bukowski found in the book “You Get So Alone Sometimes That It Just Make Sense.” Published 1994

------------

She’s in there. In there all alone and he had to get her out. He was looking at her maybe ten feet away and he couldn’t reach her. Two men were sitting at a table playing cards. She was tied to a pipe moaning softly and swinging her head back and forth. He could swear she was whispering his name.

He leaned back against the cold wall and took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he’d used his strength – possibly over a year – and he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to muster enough to get her out of there and dispatch of them.

He closed his eyes and began to concentrate just like she’d taught him. He clenched his fists and after a few moments, he could feel his temperature begin to rise. He was burning blood, her blood, and the power in it began to fuse his muscles and tendons with almost inhuman strength. He felt his shirt begin to rip and knew it would be a matter of seconds before he could be fully charged.

He let out a blood curdling scream and the two men at the table looked over at him in shock. Drusilla’s head snapped up at the sound and she cackled wildly. He rushed them with his arms open wide and sent them crashing into the wall. They both laid there stunned.

“You dare take her away from me?!” His voice took on an eerie timber and it echoed against the walls of the long forgotten church. He was breathing heavily and his eyes took on a blue glow. “You’ll pay, you’ll pay for all of it!” He stalked around the trembling men. “Seven years of my life you bastard! You took it away and for what? You used me, used my friends all for the sake of a damn prophesy. Well you know what? To hell with your prophesy and to hell with you!”

He grabbed the shorter man by his collar and yanked him to his feet. “I know the outcome, I know what has to be done and what you are trying to prevent.” His voice had taken on an eerie softness, though his actions told them he was anything but calm. “You won’t stop it. If I have to die to make this prophesy happen, I will. I’ll die first before I let your kind get the better of me or my friends.” He threw the man against the wall again.

He lost all control finally. He began beating on them unmercifully. He didn’t know what he was hitting or who, he just knew that flesh was coming in contact with flesh and it felt good. He grabbed the shorter man again and put him into a choke hold. “I’ve read the prophesy and I know what I need to do.” He was about to snap his neck. . . .

“No my pet. It is done now. They can never hurt me again.” She yanked on the chains that held her to the wall and they came free. “Come now, we have work to do. It’s been so long since I’ve fed.”

Xander regarded her, looked at the man who’s life he held literally in his hands, and let him drop to the floor. He wasn’t ready for this. . .wasn’t ready to take a life, no matter how disgusting it was. As soon as the ritual was complete, well, then he’d be ready.

He walked over to Dru, kissed her lightly on the forehead, and led her out of the room. He figured that the sun must have gone down by now. They would be safe.

-------------

“So where’s Will?” Buffy asked.

“She’s um, out with Angel looking for Xander. Since she healed him, she was able to do a tracking spell. I tried to get her to wait, but. . .” Giles trailed off.

“It’s okay Giles, once she sets her mind there’s no stopping her. I know she’s safe with Angel.”

“You need to know something Buffy. I haven’t told Willow yet, I haven’t been able to find the right time.” Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his temples. He motioned for all of them to gather around the dining room table.

Buffy regarded him with interest. He looked so tired, so old and possibly even defeated. Something was terribly wrong and Buffy knew in the pit of her stomach that if they got out of this alive, none of them would ever be the same. She put her hand on his and whispered. “Giles, what is it?”

He took a moment then looked up at her. “Oh, dear. How do I tell you this?” He shook his head. “It’s Quentin, Buffy. He’s the one that gave Xander the crystal. Xander picked him out of the Council records I had him go through the first night he got here.”

“No, it can’t be. He’s dead.”

”He’s not, I can assure you. He and Ethan were the ones that beat Xander and took Drucilla. They’re not. . .” He struggled with the words. “They’re not human, Buffy. They must have been infected somehow by the remains of the hybrids we fought against. Xander says they are half-demon and very strong.”

”Willow. Does Willow know?”

He shook his head. “No, not yet. I wanted to tell you together but now I think it’s best if you let her know. At least now we know some of what we’re up against.” He rose from his chair and looked at all of them. “It is imperative that we find that book. Volume six of the Garzian texts. It’s a black book with gold script on the cover and spine. Buffy and Faith go through those boxes over there. Cordelia, Spike and I will go through the books on the table again.” He nodded his head and they all went to their assigned posts.

-------------

Buffy and Faith had been back at the house and were filled in on the current situation. Xander was gone, and so was the one book that could explain the prophesy and Quentin and Ethan were on the loose again. It was a tense situation and all of them could feel it in the air. Buffy and Faith were huddled together looking through Giles’ old boxes. Cordelia was watching them with sudden interest and it wasn’t lost on Faith.

“You know Queenie, if you take a picture it’ll last longer.” Faith quipped.

Cordelia widened her eyes. “What’s going on between you two? You’ve been huddled together since you got here and you’ve been whispering like two cats that shared a canary.”

”Nothing is going on, Cordy.” Buffy answered.

Cordelia sat up and looked between them. “Something is going on!” She got up off the couch and stood over them. “You look guilty as hell.”

Faith stood. “You’ll just drop it if you know what’s good for you.”

“No, I won’t drop it. You two were out on patrol an awfully long time.” Cordelia narrowed her eyes at Faith. “And you forgot to put your lipstick back on after you were done doing what ever you were doing.”

Buffy looked stricken. Damn Cordelia and her sense of fashion. Only she would notice the one time Faith wasn’t wearing lipstick and make a federal case out of it. Buffy stood up next to Faith. “Cordy. . .”

”No. I’m right, aren’t I? You two were lip-locked somewhere and all of us are here breaking our asses looking through these smelly books.”

Buffy looked over at Faith and back to Cordelia. “I remember. Not everything, but most of it. I’m starting to remember everything that Xander took away from us.”

“How?” Cordelia pressed on.

“What does it matter? Especially to you Cordy. She remembers the whole year she spent cuddled up next to you, but she can’t remember anything with me. Why do you care?”

“Oh, so it finally comes out now. The perfect Buffy Summers is jealous of the relationship I had with Willow. You know what Buffy? It doesn’t matter. She came to Angel and I, she lived in my house, she slept in my bed, I held her when she cried until she fell asleep from exhaustion. Then we did it all over again the next day. I made love to her, I love her and a part of me still does. But none of it matters because whether she remembers anything with you or not she still went back to you! You won! You beat Cordelia Chase in the one thing that mattered and you’re still not satisfied! You want more. Well now you’ve got it. You rekindled what ever sick little flame you and Faith had between you years ago *and* you have Willow. Don’t try to deny it either, I know all about your little patrols with her back in high school. Making out in a graveyard? How sick is that!”

”Cordelia you are way over the line here!” Buffy felt hot tears of anger forming in her eyes. “You have no idea what your talking about.”

Faith grabbed her arm. “Knock it of Cor. I didn’t tell you that stuff to use against her.”

”No, Faith, let her go. Now you’ve seen the real Cordelia Chase. Always thinking about herself and what she can gain from the situation. You never change, Cordy.”

”You know what Slayer? I have changed. I changed a long time ago and it was because of Willow. And if you think for one minute that I’m enjoying this then you have another thing coming. How could you do this? You have her, she loves you and it’s still not good enough. How could you risk it all to be with her!?” She pointed to Faith.

“Answer her Buffy.” Came softly from behind them.

The three of them turned around and saw Angel and Willow standing in the doorway. Willow was leaning against Angel and he had his arms wrapped around her.

Buffy took a step forward. “Will.” She whispered.

Willow wiped a fresh tear from her eye. “Answer her!” She yelled and Angel pulled her in closer.

Buffy swallowed and walked towards her a bit. “Faith told me that when she first came to town, we had something together that you guys didn’t know about.” She looked at Angel. “She told me about that recent case you had, the one with the kidnapped boy. She thought that if I put myself into a situation that I can’t remember being in, then. . .”

”Memory trigger. Interesting. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.” Giles commented from behind her.

“Yeah, that. So Faith and I went to the Restfield cemetery. . .that’s where we, I, broke it off with her. She kissed me and I fought her off, believe me. . .she has probably has the bruises to prove it. . . but I remember. Not everything, but I remember us Will.” She continued her slow approach of the hacker. “Our first kiss. Jeff and his buddy’s were spreading rumors about us. . .you wouldn’t talk to me. Finally we went slaying and I got hurt. You took real good care of me that night. We poured our hearts out and I told you all about. . . “ She trailed off, wondering if this conversation would have been better without the company, but there was no ideal situation. If she was going to get Willow to understand, she’d have to do it here and now. There was no other way. “I told you that Angelus knew how I felt about you. . .that you were the most important person in my life and that’s why he went after you.” She glanced up at Angel and he had a sad expression on his face. She continued walking and she was now inches away from him and Willow. “I kissed you and you told me that it’s what you were afraid of all along, you were afraid of. . . .”

”How I felt about you. . .and if you felt the same way.” Willow whispered. “Then you took me on the roof and we watched the sun rise.” Willow’s head shot up with the realization of what she just said.

Buffy’s eyes went wide and she looked between Angel and Willow. Angel placed a soft kiss on the top of her head and walked into the back room. Buffy watched him and realized that the others were gone too. They were alone. <Will. Say something.>

“Faith. . .” She whispered.

“Helped in her own twisted little Faith way.” Buffy responded.

<You know it wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t love you. But I do.>

<I know Will. And I know that the first thing you thought about when you heard us arguing was Oz. . .that Oz had done the same thing.> “But I’m not Oz, Will. You have to know that I would never jeopardize us.” Buffy finished out loud.

Willow nodded and wiped a tear away. “I know.”

Buffy put her hand out and touched her cheek. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

Willow looked up at her. “No.” She sighed. “But I can understand why you did it.”

Buffy closed her eyes. “I’m so sorry Will. You don’t know how much. . .” Buffy didn’t finish. She felt Willows arms go around her waist and there were no words left. She put her own arms around the girl in front of her and rubbed her back as she cried.

“Buffy. Why don’t you take Willow upstairs, we’ll continue to research.” Giles spoke softly from behind them.

She nodded her head and led Willow upstairs to Giles’ bedroom and quietly shut the door.

--------------------

They had been researching for over an hour. The last of the boxes were being gone through by Faith and Anya when Cordelia stood up with a book in her hand. “Black book, gold writing, right?” She handed it to Giles.

He looked at it. “Very good. I don’t remember putting it in there. . .Damn! Xander must have found it and hid it. Which means that he’s already read the prophesy.” Giles began flipping through the book. He finally stopped half way through and began to read to himself. He placed the book on the table and looked up at all of them.

Angel stepped up next to him. “What is it?”

Giles shook his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

PART 13

‘I once met a young girl filled with fire,’ ‘That saw through my front to this shell of a man ‘ ‘She knew I'd be a handful from the start,’ ‘This strong willed woman had an angel's heart ‘ ‘The holes in these wings don't allow me to fly ‘ ‘So you'd better brace for a life of pain, ‘And if fate is the path to this better life’ ‘Somehow I feel you'll never see the faces change’ ‘Through thick and thin, She stood by you’ ‘She held the key to my broken heart’ ‘Upstarts and Broken Hearts’ by Dropkick Murphys

Buffy and Willow were laying in Giles’ bed cuddled up. Willow was laying on her side curled up facing the window with Buffy behind her. She’d stopped crying about ten minutes ago and just rolled over and squished herself into this little Willow-ball. Buffy was at a loss of what she should do. Should she try to hold her? Maybe groveling for forgiveness was in order? Or maybe she should just lay in bed thankful that Willow was willing to be in the same room with her. “Will?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

”Buffy.” She whined and turned over. “I know, but you have to stop saying it otherwise, well. . .it’ll lose it’s meaning.”

“Oh.” Buffy looked down at her hands.

“Look. I know you’re sorry. I really do but, well, now comes the hard part.”

”I hate the hard part.” Buffy pouted.

Willow took Buffy’s hand. “You have to show me you’re sorry and you have to earn my trust again. I understand why you did it and that you may not have been a willing participant at first, but that doesn’t change the fact that. . .”

”I still did it. I get that Will, I really do.” Buffy looked up at her. “When I think. . .when I think of what my life might be without you I just. . .I can’t. You not being with me is something that I never want to happen. There’s just badness there.” She shook her head and put Willows hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles.

Willow spread her fingers to cup Buffy’s face. “For me too. That’s why this hurt so much. I love you. You’ve been my best friend for, God, for. . .do you realize it’s been almost twelve years since we met? I’m gonna be twenty-seven next month and I can’t remember what my life was like before I met you. I don’t even think I had a life then, I just kind of, you know, existed.” She smiled a little remembering the first time they met. “I was eating lunch, you came and sat next to me and. . .”

”You asked me if I wanted you to leave. I remember.” Buffy smiled too.

“My whole life went into warp speed after that day and it hasn’t slowed up yet. But you know what?”

Buffy looked up at her. “What?”

“I wouldn’t trade it for anything.” Willow slowly brought her lips to Buffy’s and brushed them gently. She moved on top of Buffy without breaking the kiss. This wasn’t a sexual thing and they both knew it. It was a comfort thing, both wanting to get as close to the other as possible so as to really feel the other one was there. Willow laid her head on Buffy’s shoulder and Buffy stroked the red locks away from her face.

“I promise you Will, when this is all over, *when* we get through this whole prophesy thing, I’m gonna throw you the biggest combination birthday party graduation party Sunnydale has ever seen. Mark my words Dr. Rosenberg.” Buffy yawned.

“Dr. Rosenberg – I’ll have to get used to the sound of that.” Willow smiled. “Oh, and consider your words marked in permanent marker.” Willow whispered.

Soon they both drifted off to sleep.

---------------

“Can’t say I didn’t expect that.” The first man remarked.

“Me either. At least he came right on time. There’s nothing left to do but wait.”

They rose to their feet and dusted themselves off. Slowly they morphed from human to demon form and not a scratch could be seen anywhere on them.

“Hey Quentin.”

He turned around. “Yes, what is it Ethan?”

”You think the old man has it figured out yet?” He smirked.

“I have no doubt, but it’s of no concern now. The boy has taken her and no one can stop the transformation now. The final ritual we performed will begin to work in an hour or so. She’ll go mad – madder than she is now if it’s possible. He’ll be dead before the changing of the guards can take place. With the current and future Shadowman dead, the gates will open and we shall have our revenge.”

Ethan smirked. “All in all I’d say it’s not bad for seven years of work. Wouldn’t you agree old chap?”

“Absolutely. Demons shall walk this earth – just as it should have been before the Slayer and her little followers got in the way. As soon as the boy is dead, she’ll go after them. If she doesn’t kill them first, well, when the gates open they’ll be wishing she had.”

----------------

“Oh, dear.” Giles sat down on the couch.

Cordelia slammed her book down. “Giles, enough with the British drama already! What is it?”

“We may want to get Buffy and Willow down here for this. I’d hate to disturb them now, but. . .”

”I’ll go.” Angel offered and headed up the stairs.

About five minutes later, Angel came down with two cranky girls in tow. They both flopped on the couch and rubbed their eyes.

Buffy spoke first. “So what’s up Watcher guy? This better be good cause I was in the middle of one really good dream.”

Willow nodded in agreement and put her head on Buffy’s shoulder.

“Cordelia found the missing book with the prophesy in it. It seems to me that Xander found it, read it and tried to hide it among my lesser used books, possibly to buy himself some time.”

“So what does it say already man!?” Spike was growing impatient in the corner of the room.

“Well, it’s not a prophesy at all. It’s an ancient foretelling of the changing of the guardians. I’ve researched this at length and all signs point to the fact that the Shadowman is prepared to go into a sort of retirement and he is looking for a replacement.”

Willow asked the question on everyone’s minds. “What is the Shadowman? I remember you mentioning it before, but. . .”

“He’s the guardian of the gate between this world and the next.” Anya chipped in.

“You knew of this?” Giles looked at her.

“Of course. Hey, I was a vengeance demon for over a thousand years. You do make contacts you know. I lost track of the time when I became human. See, the Shadowman is either killed because he is careless, and the one who kills him becomes the next Shadowman, or he retires.” She smiled with pride.

“Yes, yes. . .it says here that in the office of the Shadowman or Gatekeeper, one must execute certain duties. Keep our world and the demon world as separate as possible for one, aide in the delivery of ‘those with darkness’ to the nether realm. . .”

”Those with darkness? Can your books be anymore vague G-man?” Faith asked from the corner.

Willow perked up. “Hey, I remember studying this when I was working on my doctorate. Those with darkness refers to really evil people or demons. They have to be escorted to the nether realm otherwise they’d go off on their own and wander around in limbo forever.”

”Hell.” Angel finally said. “They get escorted to hell.”

“Angel, you know about this too? Am I the only one who is to remain uninformed?” Giles looked over at him.

Angel struggled with his answer. “Well, actually, that comes from personal experience.”

Giles was caught off guard. “Oh, of course. . .sorry.” He began flipping through the pages again. “Another duty of the Shadowman is to. . .” He looked up at Buffy then to Angel. Angel simply nodded his head. “You knew? You knew of this and never told me?”

“Would it have mattered, Giles? I helped and we did a lot of good, that’s all that should matter now.” Angel waved the comment off as if it were nothing.

“This is serious Angel. Had I known I would have never. . .”

”Never what? Never allowed it to happen? Never allowed a vampire to fall in love with a Slayer? There were other forces at work here, that book isn’t going to tell you everything. You can count on it.” He was getting angry now.

Cordelia touched his arm. “Angel?” She pointed to his face.

He had unknowingly slipped into game-face and as soon as she pointed it out he slipped back to human guise. “Sorry.” He kissed her on the forehead and put his arm around her. “Giles, “ He began calmly. “You have to know, you need to understand that I knew the risks going into this. Had I left things the way they were supposed to be then, well, there’s no telling what would happen.”

“Could someone please fill us in on what you two are arguing about?” Buffy yelled at both of them.

Giles put the book down and looked at her. “The most important role of the Shadowman is to aid the Slayer in her duties.”

“Then why didn’t I ever meet this guy?” Buffy questioned.

“Because Whistler found me.” Angel began. “Said I had it in me to be one of the good guys. He told me that the Powers That Be sent him to find me and that I had a destiny, a purpose. When he found me my only purpose was trying to stay alive on rats in alleys. He intervened and in turn, I intervened with your meeting the Shadowman. He saw that you were well taken care of and decided that you were the one Slayer that didn’t need his assistance. I met up with him again. He took me to hell. He said his time was short and he had less than a decade to complete his office, then a new person would be called whether they were willing or not.”

Giles crossed the room and sat down on the coffee table so he was facing Buffy and Willow. “When Angel stepped in, it changed things. Changed the course of both of your destiny’s. Had Angel not stepped in then the next appointed gatekeeper would have been the Immortal Watcher.”

“Giles that’s impossible!” Willow argued. “We didn’t know anything about me being the Immortal Watcher until after I joined the Council.”

“No, no we didn’t. But that doesn’t mean the Council didn’t either.” Giles let out a sigh.

“You mean I was set up? But why? I’m not the Immortal Watcher, they didn’t get what they wanted.”

”Yes they did.” Buffy was finally catching on. “They did Will. Don’t you see? They set it up right from the beginning, and I’ll be it was those bastards Quentin, Ethan and Richard all along. When they didn’t have Xander doing their dirty work for them anymore, they knew somehow that I was going to visit and knew I would find out what was done to you. They even made it so that Angel had no choice but to turn me into a vampire. But they didn’t count on you turning your back on me. No, what they probably counted on was me killing you.”

“Yes, I see it now.” Giles began. “I told them you were coming Buffy, it’s standard procedure. With Xander’s refusing to help anymore, they knew it was a matter of time before the two of you came together again. Therefore they counted on your reaction to Cordelia’s and Willow’s relationship to ensue a fight. I can’t believe we didn’t put this together before. They knew what lengths Willow would go through in order to save you, even counted on it. When Willow gave up her station, she did exactly what they wanted her to do all along.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You see what this means, don’t you.”

Buffy shook her head. ”Not exactly.”

“Xander thinks he’s preordained to be the Gatekeeper?” Willow asked.

“Not quite.” Giles corrected. “You see, without an Immortal Watcher, the office of gatekeeper is somewhat up for grabs. The current office holder could have someone in mind, or when the time to change comes, it could simply be at random. I’m almost positive that Xander is doing this to protect you, both of you. The next Shadowman has to go through a ritual, an exchange of blood with an immortal. I suppose any immortal will do – which is why he’s taken to Drucilla’s company.”

”He thinks this Gatekeeper guy is coming after Will? Is that why he. . .” Buffy couldn’t finish her sentence. The implications were far too great.

“Yes, I’m afraid so. Remember, Xander wasn’t here when we arrived back from England. He still doesn’t fully know what happened to the two of you there. He may have been under the impression that Willow has been in danger all along. For all we know, Quentin could have told him she was to be the next Immortal Watcher, and when he read the book years ago. . .” Giles didn’t have to finish. They all knew the conclusions that had been drawn.

”I still don’t see where Xander fits into this?” Anya chimed in.

Giles shook his head. “Neither do I. How in God’s name did he wind up with Drucilla of all people?”

“Hey!” Spike sounded offended. “That’s my girl your talkin ‘bout.”

”Seems to me she’s wonderboy’s girl now, Spikey.” Faith smirked.

Anya folded her arms and pouted at that comment.

“It is imperative we find Xander. There’s nothing else useful in any of the books. He’s the only one that can fill in the blanks now.” Giles rose to his feet. “The sun is down. I suggest we break up into groups and go searching for him. It’s the only way.”

“Fine.” Buffy got up off the couch. “Will, Angel and Cordy will go with me. Giles, Anya and Spike go with Faith. We’ll canvas the town and meet back at Restfield in about two hours.”

------------

“I knew you’d find me.” Dru was smiling down at him.

Xander stirred and sat up. “Uh, God Dru. . .how much did you take this time?”

“Mommy was thirsty. You look stronger now. . .inside *and* out.”

Xander shook his head in an attempt to clear it. “How do you know what my insides look like?” He put up his hand. “No, never mind, I’d rather not know.” He stood on shaky legs. “My turn.” His voice took on a grainy tone and he began to burn blood without even thinking about it now.

She nodded. “Yes, pet. You know what this means, don’t you? Shadowman, Shadowman. . .he walks the line where no one can.” She walked over to him and kissed his neck. “Your time has come. . .your transformation, your new life, your destiny.”

He’d had enough talk of the damn prophesy, enough of his friends being in danger, enough of this insane vampire – enough of it all. He took the pen knife out of his pocket and approached her. She complied with his silent wish by offering her wrist. As soon as he licked the fresh wound, the swoon came. It would be complete soon, very soon.

PART 14

‘How could I stay?’ ‘How could I breathe?’ ‘There had to be more for me’ ‘Promises gone’ ‘Plastic and stone’ ‘I’m doing fine all alone’ ‘So your having a breakdown’ ‘So your losing the fight’ ‘So your having a breakdown’ ‘And I’m driving and crying’ ‘Unraveled and flying’ ‘I’m coming to your breakdown tonight’ ‘I cannot run and I cannot hide’ ‘It came with me locked inside’ ‘The bough will break’ ‘The cradle will fall’ ‘It only takes one call’ ‘So your having a breakdown’ ‘So your losing the fight’ ‘So your having a breakdown’ ‘And I’m driving and crying’ ‘Unraveled and flying’ ‘I’m coming to your breakdown tonight’ “Breakdown” by Melissa Etheridge

Willow had been lost in thought as they walked around town looking for Xander. Finally she spoke up. “Buffy, as much as I was mad at Xander before, I think he really was trying to help. Quentin tricked him into thinking he’d be keeping me safe.”

Buffy stopped and turned to her. “I’ve been thinking about that too, Will and I feel bad. We really laid into him and if we find him. . “

”When we find him.” Willow corrected.

“When we find him, we’ll explain everything that happened to us in England. . .and a I’m never above a little groveling.”

”Look.” Angel pointed up ahead. “Two demons just went in. Do you think?”

“Quentin and Ethan?” Buffy nodded. “I have no doubt.”

Willow put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder. “Buffy, Quentin and Ethan are dead, remember? Big explosion, sewers, oozy stuff?”

“No, Will. While you were out with Angel, Giles told me that they’re the ones that beat Xander and took Drucilla. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to tell you before.”

”Oh.” Willow looked at Buffy dumbstruck.

“Will. . .as much as I’d love to fill you in on everything, we really have to catch those guys. And Xander. . .”

”I know, I know.” She took a few moments to gain her composure. “Okay, lets go.”

”Angel, you and Cordy take the side entrance. Will and I can go in through the main gate.”

-----------

“And how do you feel?” Dru was gazing over the now transformed Xander.

“Powerful. . .the power I feel it’s. . .intoxicating.” His features shifted slightly. His skin now had a darker tone and looked worn like leather. His muscles had taken on a more defined, rippled texture. His hair suddenly grew out to the length of his shoulders and he grabbed a strand of it, twisting it between two calloused fingers. He smiled. “Not much unlike Lestat in those vampire books. Don’t you think?”

Dru smiled back at him. “The brat prince has nothing on you my pet.” She leaned in and kissed him seductively. Soon she was tearing at his shirt, his pants. . .straddling him, seeking to dominate the situation. She broke the kiss suddenly and her eyes rolled back in her head. She dug her nails into his shoulders and let out a blood curdling scream.

Xander grabbed her arms and tried to break free. It was no use, she was much too strong. Soon he found her hands wrapped around his neck, and he now fought for air. Just as soon as it started, it stopped, and he felt a weight lifted off of him. He turned his head just in time to see Dru crash against the side of the mausoleum. “Dru!” He cried out, but he was held down by two cold hands on his shoulders. He looked up. “Angel?! What the hell?”

“Your down and you’ll stay down if you know what’s good for you. We know everything Xander. It’s over.”

He shook his head. “You, you know nothing! “ He grabbed Angels duster and switched their positions. “You don’t know what’s going to happen. . .you don’t know what I’ve been through dead-boy.” He punctuated the sentence with a right cross to Angel’s face.

The began rolling around on the ground, trading punches. Xander gained the advantage from beneath Angel but before he could do anything, Dru grabbed Angel by the neck and lifted him off the ground.

“You’ve made me cranky daddy.” She threw him against the wall, knocking him out.

Drucilla and Xander slowly stalked around in a small circle, sizing each other up. “I don’t want to hurt you Dru.” Xander said through clenched teeth.

“Oh, the boy grows bold. Come here boy, you’ve been naughty and mommy must take you over her knee.” She began to weave intricate patterns in the air.

Xander shook off the trance sensation he was beginning to feel from watching her. “Not gonna work Dru.” He lunged for her and they fell to the ground.

Drucilla gained the advantage and pinned him to the ground. “Game over.” She smiled down on him and slipped into game face. “Mommy wins, boy looses.” She clamped down on his neck.

He reached up for her head and twisted it to the right. She let out a scream and fell over next to him. Xander grabbed a stake from inside his jacket and drove it through her heart with such force that after the dust cleared, it remained lodged in the grass. He rose to his feet and dusted himself off. “Thank you Mr. Pointy.” He looked down and noticed something laying on the ground next to the stake. He reached over, picked it up, and chuckled silently to himself. “Looks like it’s off to the orphanage with you.” He took the doll between both of his hands and ripped her in half. “I never liked that damn doll to begin with.” He flung the pieces off into the distance.

The skies went pitch black and not a star could be seen. A thick fog settled suddenly over the cemetery and a bright light broke through the door of the Alpert mausoleum. As the fog cleared, Xander saw the silhouette of a man. His eyes glowed with a bright blue light. Xander rose to his feet and knew. . .the Shadowman had finally arrived.

“Xander, no!” Giles called out from behind him.

Xander turned around to face the Watcher who had Faith and Anya at his side. Angel had just come around and was making his way to Cordelia’s side. He offered them a sad smile. “Yes, Giles. It’s the only way.”

---------------

A right hook sent Buffy crashing against a tree. She shook it off and went at the demon again. “Bastard!” A round house kick landed firmly against the side of the demons face and Buffy heard the crack of it’s jaw. He stumbled to the ground and the slayer pounced on him immediately, taking his head between her hands and wrenching it to the left. “Now this time, stay dead.”

She looked up in time to see Willow fall, and the other demon grabbing her ankle to draw her closer to him. She sprinted over and jumped on his back giving Willow enough time to scramble to her feet and begin a chant.

The demon reeled backwards and slammed the slayer into a nearby tree. The impact would have broken any mere mortal’s spine, but this was the slayer, the immortal slayer and her soul mate was in trouble. The impact was more of an annoyance than anything.

Willow raised her hands to the sky and thunder crashed around them. A lightening bolt struck the tree, sending both Slayer and demon flying in opposite directions. Willow ran over to Buffy.

“Buffy!” Willow reached down to her.

“Did I ever mention how glad I am that your on our side?” She smiled at the concern on the other girls face. “I’m okay. . .a little winded but, good to go.” Buffy sat up and looked around. “Something’s not right Will. . .that was way too easy.”

Willow looked off into the distance. She could see a light about 100 feet away and it was growing larger. “Oh my God, Xander!”

------------

The Shadowman stepped in next to Xander and put his hand on his shoulder. Xander looked up at him and nodded then turned to his friends. Buffy and Willow had just arrived.

“Xander don’t do this! You don’t understand!” Willow cried out to him. She tried to go to him but was held back by Giles.

“No, Will. You don’t understand.” His voice was calm and soothing. “All my life it’s been the same. I had nothing to grab onto, nothing to call my own. You’re a witch and a hacker, Buffy is the Slayer, Giles is her Watcher. Even Angel served his purpose – vampire or not. Cordy has a purpose now too and has for a long time. Even Anya has a colorful resume with being an ex-vengeance demon.” He smiled at her. “What do I have? What have I ever had? Nothing. I was donut guy or message boy. . .I never had any real purpose to our little group – I didn’t bring anything to it. I don’t have superpowers, I’m not much of a studier, and magic, well, we all remember what happened when I tried that little venture. We spent the entire afternoon looking for Buffy rat.” Again he smiled. “So when Quentin approached me and told me that I could help, possibly even save your lives. . .well, how could I refuse?”

“Xander, you don’t have to do this. You’re not pre-ordained.” Giles tried to reason with him. “The Shadowman isn’t here for you specifically, he’s. . .”

Xander stopped him with a wave of his hand. “Don’t you think I figured that out by now? If you’ve taught me anything Giles, it’s to read carefully between the lines when researching. Quentin and Ethan put some sort of a spell on Dru so she would go mad and try to kill me. That way, the office would remain vacant and the gate would open. I figured as much, so I sped up the transformation so I could fight her off. Even if I wasn’t meant to take his place,” Xander gestured to the still silent man beside him. “from what I must look like now, I don’t have a choice.” He took an old looking small book from the pocket of his duster and tossed it to Giles. “That is volume seven of the Garzian text. If I don’t take the office, I die. My body will reject the immortal blood I’ve taken from Dru and I will waste away and die.”

“No.” Willow protested. “There has to be some other way, we missed something, or skipped a chapter or. . .no Xander you can’t. . .”

“The boy speaks the truth.” Shadowman finally spoke. His voice had an eerie resonance to it. “He will die and the one who was destined for this office will have to take it. It is of no consequence that you are no longer the immortal watcher, young one.” He looked at Willow. “The Powers That Be have seen fit to bestow upon you the gift of immortality as well as your equal.” He gestured to Buffy. “The two lesser beings meant to corrupt you and take away your innocence, that way when you ascended, things would be as they had wished. With the boys intervention, the great balance will remain the same and the gates will be well guarded I’m sure.” He laid his hand on Xander’s shoulder. “The office taker must be willing and pure in his intentions. Even if I did pass over the boy, you would not be willing, so the next candidate would be the vessel.”

”Drucilla? Pure is hardly a word I’d use on that nut.” Faith replied.

“Pure evil, Slayer, I never said it had to be pure good.” The man smiled.

Xander nodded his head. “You really don’t think I’d let a wacky vampire be the one thing standing between you guys and a bunch of demons, do you?” Xander watched as the Shadowman walked away casually towards the entrance of the mausoleum. He nodded slowly and turned back to his friends.

“Xander.” Buffy choked out. “What are we gonna do without you?” She put her arms around Willow who had been crying for sometime already.

He smiled. “You’ll be okay, Buff. You and Wills have each other, everything is the way it’s supposed to be. . .the way it should have been from the beginning.” Shadowman cleared his throat and Xander visibly shuddered. He began to slowly back away. “You know. . .I knew it was coming, but I never imagined it would be this hard. I never imagined. . .” He reached the doorway and disappeared into the light.

The fog lifted as soon as the light winked out. The sky cleared and the stars shone brightly in the dark blue sky.

Willow fell to her knees and sobbed. Buffy was right at her side with her arms wrapped around her love, her soul-mate, holding her tightly and rocking her, telling her that everything would be alright. Buffy realized after a few moments that she was saying it for herself as much as for Willow.

Anya stood stock still. She hadn’t said a word during the entire exchange, yet something changed in her eyes – something was lost suddenly. Giles approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder. It was only then that she slumped her shoulders and relented – turning her body around to clench at the tweed jacket inches away and weep silently. His heart broke for her. None of them had ever seen her show such a range of emotions.

Cordelia leaned back into Angels arms and sighed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered. “I know, Cordy. I know.”

Faith stood in contemplative silence. Just as she was about to say something, Spike came running across the grass and stopped short at the sight of them.

He looked around eagerly. “What? What the bloody hell did I miss this time?”

Buffy shook her head at Spike and leaned down to Willow. “Come on. Let’s go home.” Willow nodded in agreement and they all filed out of the cemetery.

----------

***The following night***

Angel opened the door to Giles’ apartment and nodded to the Watcher.

“How are they?” He removed his glasses and marked the page of the book he had been reading.

“Much of the same. Cordy bought some groceries and is there with them now. Faith stayed behind too.” He shrugged.

“Good, good. They need to take some time to grieve. Xander didn’t die, but he is still lost to them. They know they may very well never see him again.”

”Yes they do.” Angel looked around the apartment. All was quiet. “Anya and Spike?”

“I really don’t know. Spike took off last night after I informed him of Drucilla’s demise. Anya was gone when I woke this morning.” Giles rose from the couch and stretched. “I’m afraid she’s taking this very hard. The girls and Xander were best friends, but to loose someone you are romantically involved with. . .it’s, devistating.” Giles noticed the stricken expression Angel was trying to hide. “Sorry.”

”It’s okay Giles. You know.” Angel walked around the couch and stood in front of him. “They’re not girls anymore. They’re women. Willow is going to be twenty-seven in a few weeks.”

------------

“How is she?” Cordelia walked up behind Buffy who was standing in the doorway of hers and Willow’s bedroom.

“The same. She cried herself to sleep.” Buffy’s voice rattled from exhaustion. She’d been up all night with Willow trying to comfort her. “I feel so helpless. There isn’t anything I can do for her, nothing I can say to make her feel better. She’s inconsolable.”

“They’ve been best friends since they were six, Buffy. He always stood by her no matter what. . .she may be feeling like she let him down.”

Buffy turned to her, puzzled. “There’s one of those double entrance things in there, right?”

Cordelia smiled. “Double entendre. Willow always stood by you no matter what happened. When she was attacked, she felt like she let you down. . .like she disappointed you. We both know what the result was with that. She ran, she was ashamed.” Cordelia got quiet for a moment and whispered. “Just love her Buffy. Let her know how much you love her and what a good person she is. . .eventually she’ll believe it and stop blaming herself. But for now, let her sleep.”

They walked down the hall into the livingroom where Faith was watching TV. “Hey, how’s Red doing?”

“Not good, but at least she’s sleeping now.” Buffy flopped down on the couch next to Faith.

“She’ll get over it, B. Red’s a strong kid. Don’t worry so much.”

“Kid? She’s going to be. . .oh my god, I almost forgot. Her birthday is in three weeks and I promised her a party.”

”Party planning? Now that’s the kind of reseach I can get into.” Cordelia perked up. “So what do we need to do?” She stood and walked toward the door. “Just let me get my bag from the car and we can start planning it now.”

---------------

Willow stirred under the covers Buffy had placed over her only moments before. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked around. She was in her room, hers and Buffy’s room, in bed alone and it was dark out. Had she been sleeping all day? With the night she had, she wasn’t surprised. Her eyes were still stiff from crying and she rubbed them again to try and get the sleepies out.

She knew what she had to do. She’d thought about it ever since Giles let her see the seventh volume of the Garzian text. She had to find Xander, had to get answers, give answers, make him understand that he didn’t let her down, that she didn’t stop loving him and he’d always be her best friend. She couldn’t let him go on thinking that she was mad at him. There were too many times in the past that she had let things go, let things fester and their friendship had suffered for it. In order to be at peace with herself, she had to be fester free – and in order for that to happen she’d have to find Xander. Which meant leaving Buffy, again.

She packed a few essentials in the oversized backpack she brought back from Oxford. She chose different herbs and candles at random and grabbed a few magic books just in case. How did someone find a Shadowman anyway? Well, she was about to find out.

When her bag was packed, she sat down to write Buffy a note. This was hard. . .this was so hard and she didn’t know how to begin. . .she didn’t know how to say how much. . .

I love you. I really do. You have made my life so much better than I ever could have imagined. I swore to you that I would never want to be away from you for any reason if I could help it, and I meant that. But right now, I can’t help it. I have to find Xander and I have to fix this. I can’t let it go, I have to fix it and I hope you can understand.

For the first fifteen years of my life he was there. He protected me and looked out for me. We looked out for each other. In a lot of ways, we only had us. Then you came along and suddenly there was a group of us and it was good, great, it was very groupie and we all just clicked.

You and I went to college, and although we didn’t forget about him, I can understand how he must have felt left out. I hope you can understand why I need to do this. I need to know that he knows I love him and he is my best friend and always will be. I’m giving myself a month to find him and if I can’t by then, well, I’ll have to accept that he just doesn’t want to be found.

You are my soul mate, my lover, my best friend, my rock – Buffy, you are everything to me. I need you to know and I need you to understand. You can doubt anything but never doubt the love I have for you. Ever. I can only hope you will forgive me for leaving again and accept me back into your arms when I return.

Yours always,

Willow

She folded the note and placed it on the pillow. Quietly she opened the window and slipped out, using the trellace to climb down to the ground. She gave a last look up at the Summers' home - her home - and walked away into the night.

Epilogue

‘Through the night, through the dawn’ ‘Behind you another runner is born’ ‘Don’t look back, you’ve been there’ ‘Feel the mist as your breath hits the air’ ‘And its underneath the moonlight ‘ ‘Passing some’ ‘Still your heart beats in the moonlight’ ‘Like a drum’ ‘And you will run your time’ ‘A shooting star across the sky ‘ ‘And you will surely cross the line’ ‘To pass on the flame’ ‘Sun come up, sun go down’ ‘Hear the feet see the sweat on the ground’ ‘Watch your step, keep your cool’ ‘Though you cant see what’s in front of you’ ‘Runner’ by Mamferd Mann’s Earth Band

She walked without purpose, without direction or intention. Her clothes were dirty, wrinkled and she supposed that she smelled really bad. It didn’t matter. Nothing did now that he was gone.

Anya stopped and stood under a streetlight on the corner of Fifth and Main. She looked around and sighed. She imagined that it might be around one or two in the morning, she wasn’t sure. Again, it didn’t matter. In over eleven hundred years of being a vengeance demon, she still couldn’t wrap her head around the reasons men do the things they do. Or why women still love them despite their stupidity.

She felt her stomach lurch and lost her balance. She gained it quick enough, but when she adjusted her vision, she was no longer standing in Sunnydale. No, she was standing in a place much more familiar than that wretched little town.

“You no longer travel well. Must be the time you’ve spent as a mortal.”

She’d recognize that voice anywhere. “D'Hoffryn.”

The demon emerged from the shadows and bowed his head to her. “Anyanka. You look well.” He steps up in front of her. “Your screams are keeping me up at night, as well as most of Arash Ma’har, and the community is not pleased. What seems to be the problem?”

Anya glares at him accusingly. “What seems to be the problem? What’s the. . . .you have got to be kidding me! I’ve been wronged, dropped, dumped by a man! My heart is broken, I have no orgasm friend, and you ask me what my problem is!?” She crosses her arms across her chest. “You are definitely male, D’Hoffryn.”

He tried to suppress a grin. “I see. So a male has caused this difficulty in your life.”

”You didn’t bring me here for idle chit-chat. You can do that with your minions any hour. What do you want?”

“He doesn’t want anything.” A deep voice answered from behind her. “I, on the other hand, wanted to see you.” Xander placed his hand on her shoulder. “And this was the only way I could think of at the moment.”

”Xander.” Anya whispered. She turned around and blinked a few times, wondering if it was a dream. “Are you real?”

He chuckled. “Of course I’m real! Go ahead, touch me. I won’t disappear, I promise.”

She reached out and poked him in the ribs a few times.

“Hey! Cut it out!” He swatted her hand away. “I may be immortal, but I’m still ticklish.”

She smiled up at him for a few seconds, but then her smiled turned into a blank expression. Then her blank expression turned into a frown.

Xander knew that could only mean one thing. “Anya?” He whimpered.

She pulled her arm back as far as she could and decked him. Hard. She got a sudden burst of adrenaline and started whacking away at him anywhere she could.

“Anya! Ouch. . .no. . .stop! Hey. . cut it out!” He finally got a hold of her arms and held her still. “Take it easy. I heal quick, but not that quick. That smarts!” He gave her his best lopsided goofy grin.

“You left. Not a word, no note, no last orgasm, no goodbye. You just disappeared into that dimensional tear.”

D’Hoffryn cleared his throat from behind her.

Xander looked up, embarrassed. “Yes, well. . .lets go someplace else and talk.” He put his hand out to her.

Anya hesitated for a moment looking between his face and his hand.

“Come on. Trust me.” He pleaded. “I want to tell you a story about what happened to me when I was standing on the corner of Fifth Avenue and Main Street. Only not here.”

She relented. “Fine.” Seconds after she placed her hand in his, their bodies faded out, leaving two tiny lights floating in the air. The two lights scurried off into the darkness and D’Hoffryn shook his head as they disappeared. “Kids these days.”

--------------------

Buffy found the note almost two hours ago. Faith, Angel, Cordelia and Giles were out looking for Willow. They all spread out to canvas the town and Cordelia took Angel’s car to cover more ground. Buffy decided to stay behind in case Willow changed her mind. As Cordelia made a left turn onto the main road, she spotted Willow immediately. Quickly she parked the car and ran to catch up to her near the Espresso Pump.

“Have you totally lost your brains!?”

Willow was startled out of her reverie. That piercing voice could only belong to one person. “Cordelia?”

“Damn right. You’re lucky I’m the one that caught you trying to pull a Copperfield and not Buffy. Just what do you think your doing?”

Willow placed her bag at her feet. “I have to find Xander. I have to explain to him. . .”

“Willow. You have to earn a living, pay taxes on them, get up in the morning, shower, eat, and die. Well, you and Buffy are exempt from the dying part. But that’s not my point. Xander made his choice.”

”And so have I.”

Cordelia shook her head. “If you leave now, it will kill her. . .well, metaphorically that is. I mean, do you get that at all? Do you get just how much you mean to her? To all of us?”

“Cordy, please.”

“No, Red. . .I’m not budging on this one. You came to me and Angel after you were attacked. Maybe that’s what you needed, maybe it’s what was best for you but when she found out – she went crazy! To save her life, Angel had to turn her into a vampire! Hello? How many people can say they were a vampire and lived to talk about it?”

“I was there Cordy, I remember everything. I know how much she hurt, and I gave her time and now I need time and. . .”

”She called Angel after you left for Oxford. He was on the phone with her all night listening to her cry and talk about the fight you guys had and how much she missed you. He called her every day after that just to make sure she got out of bed and went on patrol and was living some sort of a life until you got back. You didn’t hear her Will, you didn’t hear the emptiness in her voice.” Cordelia paused a moment then put her hand on Willow’s shoulder. “If you leave now, I don’t think she’ll be able to take you back, Will. I really don’t.”

”He left, Cordy. Xander’s gone and I may never see him again. We’ve known each other since we were five and he stole my Barbie doll.” She chuckled. “I can’t imagine my life without him – I just can’t.”

”There was a time that I couldn’t imagine my life without someone too. We had built such a strong relationship, learned to rely on each other, told each other secrets and loved each other in our own special way.” Willow looked up at her and she smiled. “But she left and I had to move on. It hurt, but I did it. Xander’s not dead, Will. He’ll come back when he’s ready. Until then, you and Buffy need each other. Don’t you think you’ve been apart too many times already?”

Willow reached out and squeezed her hand. “Cordy, I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be sorry, Will. I’m not. I wouldn’t trade the year we had together for all the money in the world. And with how stingy Angel is with raises, that says a lot!”

Willow stood in contemplative silence for a few moments. “I love Buffy, I really do. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to go and try to find him, or to stay here and let him come to us.” She walked away a few paces. “God, Cordy. . .do you realize that I’ve been running since I got out of college? First it was to England, then to you and Angel in L.A., back to England, back to Sunnydale for about a year, off to England again to finish my degree and here I am *again* in Sunnydale.” She took a deep breath and smiled at Cordelia. No matter how old she got, she kept the babble-mode ready and waiting at all times. “I just don’t know what to do, where I belong.”

”You know where you belong Red. You belong with Buffy. Since your freshman year in college you two have been getting together. Not even a mystical crystal thingie could keep you apart. Don’t you think the Powers That Be are trying to tell you something?”

“Cordy?”

“Hmm?”

“Take me home?”

Cordelia smiled. “You got it Red.”

------------

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed flipping through her charred high school yearbook. It seemed like such a long time ago and things were simpler then. She, Willow, Xander and for a time Cordy and Faith – they were to core Scooby gang, the Slayerettes. They did it together. They fought the good fight and Giles was right: She was the longest surviving Slayer for a reason and that reason was the support she got from her friends.

As she turned to the page she knew so well – the page with Willow’s picture on it – a small piece of paper slipped out and onto the floor. She bent down to pick it up and smiled when she saw what it was. Willow had slipped it to her in chemistry class out of the blue. Everyone had just found out that Angel was back and somehow, Willow knew exactly what Buffy needed to hear. She began to read out loud:

When I take stock Of all the times we shared Strangely enough The memories I hold most dear Are not from the moments of fun and laughter But of the times When food was scarce and times were tough. . .

Willow slipped quietly into the room and finished the rest of the poem.

And you found your strength in me And I in you For surely those were the times That we truly learned the meaning Of love.

Willow smiled at her. “You know. . .even then I knew on some level how I felt about you, it just took me a while to realize it.” She sat down on the bed next to Buffy. “I’m scared, Buffy. And when I’m scared I run. So instead of running now, I’ve decided that what I need most of all is you. I need to let you see me hurt because in the end I always wind up running to you anyway. So if it’s okay with you, I’ll just cut out the middle part and go straight for the comfort.”

Buffy placed her head on Willow’s shoulder. “No matter how much time passes, I’ll never get tired of hearing you say you need me.”

“Well good. Cause I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

“I miss him too Will. I don’t understand what you’re going through but I can try. All I can do is try and be there for you and be what you need.”

Willow kissed her forehead softly. “You’ve always been just what I needed. Always. And I’m not going to forget that again. I promise.”

------------

***Three weeks later – A warm March evening – The sun has just set***

“You’re sure?”

“Buffy I’m positive. Sheesh! Angel went to pick her up at the airport. Her plane gets in around seven and she’ll be here by eight. Now would you relax already? Everything will be perfect.”

Willow spent five days with her parents and Nana in Oregon. They said that if they weren’t going to be able to spend her birthday with her, the least she could do was visit them for a few days. She agreed knowing that her parents wouldn’t give up on it. It was good the way things worked out because this way she was guarenteed to spend her birthday with her friends in Sunnydale. Right where she belonged.

The Summer’s house was buzzing with activity. Cordelia was hanging the last of the streamers in the back yard with Giles, while Joyce and, of all people, Faith prepared the food.

“I never would have guessed you could cook.” Joyce commented to the brunette slayer.

Faith shrugged. “I pretty much took care of myself growing up. Everybodies’ gotta do it sometime. I just did it sooner than later I guess.”

“Hey you two. Mmm. . .looks good.” Buffy stole a chicken leg from the stove.

“Hey, B! Can’t you wait?”

Buffy shrugged. “Slayer metabolism, F. . .” Suddenly, Buffy froze. “Shh!! Everyone!” Buffy strained to listen to something coming from outside. “She’s here! Quick. . .take your places!!!”

---------

“. . .then when Giles was sleeping, I took the seventh volume of the Garzian texts, hid the sixth and, well, you were there for the rest of it.”

Xander had taken Anya on a walk through limbo. It was quite peacefull actually. It was somewhat like a forrest, but not. Everything was alive and able to communicate. Anya had almost forgotten what it was like there. She plucked a flower from the base of a tree and the old oak turned to her and preceded to lecture her on having manners and not taking what didn’t belong to her. After all, how would she like it if he went to her house while she was sleeping and took a lock of her hair? Or decided that he wanted her ear for himself? Xander found this greatly amusing. Who would have thought that he would be more comfortable in this dimension than an ex-vengeance demon?

They walked along in silence. He wanted to give her time to absorb everything he’d told her. She stopped finally and looked up at him. “It was selfless and selfish at the same time. Only a male could pull that off and get away with it.”

“I love you.”

Anya froze mid-step and looked at him as if he had three heads.

He cocked his head to the side and smiled. “What?” He took her hand in his. “I love you. Is that so hard to believe?”

”You don’t love me. You left me. You can’t possibly leave someone that you love.”

“Anya, sometimes you have to make it harder now so that it will be easier later. I’ve been human a lot longer than you have, and I’ve been Immortal for less time than you also but the one thing that we have in common is that we need people. We need to be loved and give love in return. Human or demon – that will never change.”

“I loathed people for over a thousand years. I reigned in terror and was worshiped. I don’t need anyone.”

“If it weren’t for people, then you never would have ‘reigned in terror’. After you left me again you went to L.A and have been working with Angel ever since. If you don’t need anyone, then why did you go to him? Why not crawl around in the sewers like a rat or live in back alleys away from people?”

“So what are you trying to tell me Xander?” She was growing impatient. . .plus, she hated to lose an argument to him.

“I’m saying that I still want to be with you, I still want there to be an us. It’s not that difficult really. I have a job to do here, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t go to the mortal rhealm every now and again to see my girl.”

“So you want to have more orgasms with me?”

He laughed loudly. Somehow, he never got tired of hearing her say that. “Yes, if that’s what you want to call it, sure.”

She concidered this for a moment. “I guess it could work.”

“Well good.” Xander looked at his watch. “Oh God, I didn’t realize how long we’ve been gone.”

”How long?”

“Three hours. Arash Ma’har hours.”

Her eyes went wide. “But that means. . .”

”Three mortal weeks.” He smiled at her. “On the job for not even one day and I’m already goofing off.” He started to walk in the direction they came from. “Come on, lets get you back.” They walked hand in hand for a while, then he turned to her. “Wait. I left on a Friday. . .picked you up Saturday morning. . .three weeks mortal time is three hours here so. . . “ He suddenly got a panicked expression. “How could I forget?! Come on. . .there’s something I have to do.” He practiacally yanked her arm out of it’s socket when he broke into a full sprint.

---------------

“I still don’t see why we couldn’t stop in a Giles’.” Willow glanced at Angel in the driver’s seat. They had just pulled up to Rovello Drive. Willow was thankfull to be back home again, but she was anxious to see Buffy.

“I have my orders little one. Buffy said you were to go straight home without any stops.”

She frowned at him. “Grumble, grumble.”

Angel smiled at her. “Lets get inside. I’m sure Buffy will be here any minute.”

“Fine.” She got out of the car and went around the back to grab some of her bags. “Big old mean vampire.”

------------

“Surprise!!!!”

Everyone jumped up at once when they heard Willow and Angel walk into the backyard. She dropped her bags and looked around at the smiling faces of her friends. She looked at Angel, looked at Buffy, looked back at Angel and buried her face in his chest and immediately started to cry.

Buffy ran up to her. “Not the reaction I was expecting.” She smiled at Angel.

Willow chuckled and turned to her. “Buffy I. . .you did. . .party?. . . .I. . .oh geez.” She pulled Buffy into a hug.

“Now that’s more like it!” Buffy wiped the tears from Willow’s face and placed her hand on her cheek. “I take it you’re surprised?”

Willow nodded. Slowly she brought her lips to Buffy’s. She nipped and kissed and emersed herself in the feeling and they were both soon lost to everyone around them.

“Ahem.” Angel cleared his throat.

Willow blushed and kissed Buffy quickly again. “Thank you.”

”You can thank me like that anytime. Just maybe not so much with the audience next time.”

-----------

“And finally, this arrived today. I don’t know who it’s from.” Buffy led Willow over to a large box.

She opened the card and smiled. “I can’t believe it.”

Buffy walked over to her. “Who’s it from Will?”

“Dear Red, Hope you have a good one. Have as many as I have and you won’t want to be celebrating so enjoy it while you can. Make sure that Slayer treats you good or she’ll have the big bad to answer to. Spike.” She looked up at Buffy. “Can you believe it?” Willow unwrapped the box and immediately began to laugh. “It’s a bookcase and there’s another note inside. ‘To replace the one you and the Slayer smashed to smitherines.”

“I’ll never cease to be amazed at what Spike is capable of.” Buffy smiled.

“What’s this about a smashed bookcase?” Joyce quirked her eyebrows at the two girls.

“Nothing mom. Long story.”

“Have room for one more gift?”

They all turned around and saw Anya walk into the yard.

“Anya, I trust you’re feeling better.” Giles smiled at her.

She nodded. “Yes.” She handed a small wrapped box to Willow. “Here, this is for you.”

”You didn’t have to get me anything, but thanks anyway.”

Anya smiled at her. “I never said it was from me.” No one moved or said anything for a few seconds. “Well? What are you waiting for? Isn’t it tradition for you to open a gift when you receive it?”

Willow carefully undid the wrapping and opened the lid of the box. When she removed the tissue paper she gasped at what she saw. “No. It can’t be.” Gently, she lifted the item out and held it up. “I can’t believe it.”

Buffy looked at her, concerned. “What?”

“Xander.” In Willow’s hands she held the Barbie doll he stole from her when they were five. How could she tell? Other than it’s tattered and worn appearance, she lifted the shirt the doll was wearing and looked at her back. Scratched there in a child’s unsteady hand she found this:

W.R. + X.H. BFFAA

“How do you know it’s him?” Buffy whispered.

“The back of the doll.” She replied in a shaky voice. “Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris. Best Friends Forever And Always.”

“You’ll see him again. Just give it time.” Anya stated simply.

Willow nodded and smiled in reply.

“Okay! Who’s up for some birthday cake?” Buffy announced suddenly. She had to lighten the mood one way or another. “How about you Dr. Rosenberg. It’s ice cream cake. . .”

Willow’s eyes lit up. “Ice cream cake? You didn’t. . .” Buffy nodded and smiled. “You did!”

“Rocky Road!” They said in unison.

------------

Happy birthday was sung, a little off-key, and the cake was handed out to everyone by the guest of honor. Willow had three pieces herself and by the end of the night what once was a cake now only looked like soup.

Willow walked off towards a lone tree in the back yard and was content for a few moments just standing there, watching her friends – no – her *family* have a good time. She looked beyond the festivities to the street light out front. She caught a glimpse of someone standing there and began to go towards him, but he put his hand up to stop her. He bowed low, blew her a kiss – then simply disappeared. She smiled and knew it was Xander. He’d said everything she needed to hear without saying anything at all.

“Good thoughts?” Buffy walked up to her.

Willow smiled. “Nothing but. . “

“How about some more cake?”

Willow shook her head. “No. No more Rocky Road for me. I’ve had enough of it to last me a good long while. I’m all sugared up as it is. Do you want me bouncing off the walls all night?”

Buffy wrapped her arms around Willow’s neck and leaned into her ear. “I don’t mind you bouncing all night. . .but off the walls isn’t what I had in mind.”

”Buffy!”

Buffy stopped any other protests Willow may have had in mind with a kiss. It was long and soft, unrushed and desperate at the same time. Finally she broke away for air and smiled at the beautiful redhead in front of her. “Hey.”

Willow smiled back. “Hey yourself.”

FINIS

Fiction.Index