Part Five

The room around her was busseling with activity. To a person removed the excitement, as Buffy was, it seemed almost as if someone had hit the fast forward button on a giant television screen. Like the morning before, Buffy had awoken to find Willow in her arm. Then just as they untangled themselves, Giles came into the room followed by a very disgruntled Spike-the vampire formerly known as William the Bloody did not appreciate being used to carry out manual labour, which in this case consisted of bringing Buffy's wheelchair into the room. Then, after some nervous greetings and useless information, Buffy had been lifted from the bed-and in a tense silence, I feel the need to add-and placed into the chair she now sat in.

Buffy knew that she should have been playing more attention, and taking a more active interest in helping her friends search out the answers that could cure her current predicament, yet the level of self-pity she was currently wallowing in took up a supreme amount of energy and she couldn't seem to muster up enough energy to inquire how things were going.

"Enjoying the new wheels?"

Buffy turned her head to see Spike standing beside her.

"Don't you have an elsewhere to be?" Buffy asked wearily.

"Is it so hear to believe that I just may be concerned about you and want to help?" the vampire asked in a most innocent tone.

"Yes."

Spike shrugged and dropped down onto the floor next to Buffy.

"Now you know how Spike feels," the vampire said a moment later in a tone that was almost conversational. "But it's not so bloody funny now that the shoe's on the other foot, is it? Is it?"

"Go away," Buffy growled.

"I may now be just a Care-Bear with fangs, but you're now an even bigger waste of space than I am," Spike responded ignoring Buffy's previous statement.

"Yet I could still kick your sorry ass," Buffy responded looking down at him. "How pathetic does that make you?"

Spike was silent for a moment, no doubt stewing that Buffy was indeed correct. But then he smiled.

"You'd have to catch me first," he said looking up.

It hit it's mark and they were both silent for a moment. There were wounds that needed to be licked, and ego's that needed to be bandaged. It was time to tend to their wounds.

"They're going to go after the thing that attacked you, you know?" Spike said his eyes focused on the younings in front of him-and they were youngings to him, even Giles.

"They want to…I know," Buffy responded shortly. She had hoped the silence would continue or he'd go away. She really wasn't in the mood for this.

"And you're going to let them?" Spike asked forcing a note of incredulity into his voice.

Buffy didn't respond because once again Spike had hit a sensitive stop. She didn't want them to track the demon that attacked her down. And she certainly didn't want them to fight it, not after she knew what it was capable of. Not after she was still bearing the effects of its attack.

"Your concern for their well being is well…simply chilling," Spike injected into the silence while inducing a full body shiver for effect.

"You know nothing of my concern," Buffy responded bitingly.

Spike smirked.

"Oh really?" he asked smugly. "I think I know a little something about it."

"Shouldn't you be stealing candy from a baby, or scaring the elderly, you big baddie you," Buffy said practically snaring.

"You, 'Bitter and Decrepit' Barbie, are scared out of you bloody mind and wallowing in enough self-pity to choke a fucking horse. In fact, you're so wrapped up in your whole 'woe is me' routine that you're just going to let Marianne, the Professor and Gilligan over there fight a demon that used you as a chew toy because you're in pain…and you call me a baddie?" Spike asked.

Silence met him.

"They're not going after it," Buffy finally said.

"But they ARE going after it. They're going after it, and they're going to fight it…to save their precious Snow Buffy…and they're going to die."

"They're not going after it," Buffy said shaking her head as if to ward off what he was saying.

"What's going to stop them?" Spike asked the picture of innocent curiosity.

"I'll stop them!" Buffy declared quietly yet ferociously.

"How?" Spike asked a well timed moment later.

"I'll…I'll…" Buffy faltered. What would she do? Everything that had come to mind was no longer viable as a result of her current circumstances. What would she do? What could she do?

"You'll…you'll what?" Spike asked with barely restrained glee.

"I'll…"

"Well, I'm not expert…wait, yes I am. You might want to put a little more thought into that, if you want to avoid that whole them dying unpleasantness," he finished rising to his feet.

Buffy focused her attention on the Scoobs after Spike walked away, and as she observed them she felt a heaviness descend upon her chest. The cause of this heaviness? Spike was right. They would track the demon down, and they would fight it-despite the odds of victory, if there was even the slightest chance that the demon could help her-and they would die. All for her, they would do that all for her and it made her want to weep, because she knew that she couldn't allow this happen, she couldn't allow them to fight it. So, she sat there-the one thing she could do rather well-and considered all that she must do and all that she couldn't do, and the heaviness settled more firmly over her and a tear ---though quickly wiped away-came to her eye. What would she do? What could she do?

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Buffy wheeled her chair back and forth by the opening to the hallway that led to Giles's downstairs bed and bath-the place that had been home to her for the past two days. If one was looking closely enough they would have been able to detect a twisting of her lips, and a distortion of her features they would have been hard pressed to categorize. Was it a smile? Was it a grimace? Well, it just so happened that someone was looking close enough to see this particular expression on the Slayer's face, and she was at a loss for how to describe it.

"Buffy?" Willow asked walking over to where the Slayer had embarked upon her mad cycle of pacing.

Intense blue eyes peered up at her and Willow felt lanced. The pain, and the dejection, in those kept in firmly in her place. It was as if she had taken root.

"Buffy…" she said again, this time more softly, this time not a question but a plea.

Buffy opened her mouth as if to say something, but then promptly shut it again. A hundred, a thousand, little retorts to her friends very heart felt plea had come to her lips. A defense to the gently voiced plea no different from a porcupine's pins or a possum playing dead. But she stopped it before the words tumbled to her lips. As much as she wanted to lash out she wouldn't unleash her frustrations on Willow.

"How's things?" Buffy asked releasing Willow from her gaze and turning her attention to Giles and Xander who were still seated in the designated research area.

"As always…slow and boring," Willow said keeping her eyes trained on the Slayer while Buffy's roamed. "What's wrong?" She had spent to much time around Buffy, observing Buffy-and though the Slayer didn't know this, loving Buffy-to not know when something was wrong with her.

"Nothing's wrong, what makes you think something's wrong?" Buffy asked glancing up at Willow while tapping the wheel of her chair.

"I can just tell," Willow responded. No matter how hard Buffy tried to hide it she could detect traces of bitterness in her words, and it stung her to see and hear her friend in such obvious pain.

Buffy looked up at Willow thoughtfully for a moment, then bowed her head seemingly in thought. Then she did the most unexpected thing. She started to laugh. Loudly. Hysterically. She laughed so hard tears escaped from her eyes. She laughed so hard that Giles and Xander stopped reading their books and directed their attention towards her. Then as abruptly as she started she stopped and focused her gaze on Willow again. There was no amusement in her eyes, only a self-depreciation-and not her usually fun-loving 'yes I kill vampires for a living' kind, but a darker more sinister kind-along with a self-loathing of sorts.

She beckoned Willow to come closer by crooking her finger. Willow did as she was asked and bent closer.

"You want to know what's wrong?" Buffy asked without inflection.

Willow nodded.

"I…" Buffy smiled here. It was not a nice smile. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"So…" Willow started to say, but she didn't need to complete the question. The answer hit her like a tonne of bricks or bucket of ice water.

"I see I'm not the only one who didn't think of the…logistics of my new found position," Buffy said in response to the look on Willow's face.

"We'll think of something," Willow said confidently looking down into Buffy's eyes.

Buffy smiled. This time a real one, and all for Willow.

"We'd better think of it fast," she responded dryly.

Willow's eyes widened and her lips parted slightly.

"How long have you…"

"About two hours," Buffy responded with a shrug.

"Two hours?" Willow asked incredulously though she didn't know why she was surprised. It was a very 'Buffy' thing to do.

"Give or take," Buffy responded. "Yeah."

They stared at each other for a moment in silence.

"Is everything alright over there?" Giles called out. He and Xander had been watching them from when Buffy had lapsed into her laughing fit.

"Right as rain," Buffy called back. Then she hesitated for a second before calling, "Oh, Giles?"

"Yes?" the watcher asked turning to face her again.

"How much do you like this carpet?" Buffy asked him in all innocence, or so she wanted it to seem.

Willow slapped her on the shoulder.

"Don't answer that," Willow said sternly, turning around to face the older man.

"Never hurts to have a back up plan," Buffy muttered softly.

"Now, you're just being gross," Willow said in a like tone, turning back around to face Buffy.

"It's a fact of life," Buffy responded. "Birds do it, bee's do it, even educated flees do it."

"No Buffy," Willow said in a mockingly patronizing way. "That's the game of love."

"Will," Buffy said in a more somber tone. "This IS going to be a labour of love."

Willow was quiet for a moment. Buffy was right of course, and that being the fact there was no one better to help Buffy than herself.

"How's your upper body strength?" the hacker asked a plan forming her mind.

"Fine. My arms are still Slayerific. It's south of the border that things start to get screwy."

"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that," Willow responded sighing. "We're definitely going to need it."

"That's your 'I have a plan' voice," Buffy said.

"Yes, yes it is," Willow responded enigmatically.

"Well then, into the wild blue yonder," Buffy said positioning her wheels towards the hallway.

Part Six

Willow glanced up from the cards in her hand and cast a furtive glance in Buffy's direction. Only the light of a candle, creating a rather intimate atmosphere that both girls found comforting, lighted the room. It was well past midnight. Willow was spending the night again, this time the question didn't even need to be asked, it just seemed like some inexorable fact that Willow would remain. As Buffy raised her eyes towards Willow, Willow averted her eyes from Buffy. It was a game that had been going on all night, a sort of demented version of peek-a-boo. It actually interested the two girls far more than the card game they were playing did. There was something faintly erotic about it, about the fact that both of them were secretly wishing to get caught. It charged the air with something indiscernible, yet without doubt appealing.

"Did you find it?" Buffy asked keeping her gaze focused on Willow who looked up sharply at the sound of her voice. They had been sitting in a comfortable silence for quite some time and she didn't want to disturb it, yet this question had to be asked, this conversation had to be had. The longer she held it back the worse the feeling in her stomach got, and quite frankly she was in bad enough shape without adding an ulcer to the line-up.

"What?" Willow asked. "The jelly-beans? Cause if you mean the jellybeans, Giles ate them all. He'll tell you that he didn't, but he did."

"The demon actually…but I was wondering about the jellybeans," Buffy replied.

"Yeah," Willow said brightening immediately. This caused a smile to grace her lips that sent Buffy's heart beating wildly, beating so fast in fact that she was sure it was about to beat out of her chest. "Well, not 'found' exactly, but we know what it is," Willow continued. She was secretly glad that Buffy had asked. The Slayers lack of interest in the proceedings had been beginning to worry her. It wasn't like Buffy to just sit back and not take an active interest. It went against her nature.

"Which is?" Buffy asked interrupting Willow's thoughts. She was referring to the demon.

"A Scheaklaer. They're a really old race, really, really old, which means they're survivors which isn't so good. But, what is good, at least for us, is that they need a lot of salt to survive so the places they can hide out are narrowed down considerably."

Buffy nodded along with Willow as she spoke, but she didn't respond right away. Her eyes were unfocused and Willow could tell that she was beyond lost in thought. Willow frowned. This was considerably less than the enthusiastic response she had been anticipating. Buffy should've been happy, they were that much closer to getting her the use of her legs back, but instead she seemed even more depressed than before. Willow was about to comment when Buffy spoke.

"I've been thinking," Buffy said carefully. "Maybe…maybe going after this thing isn't such a great idea," she continued bluntly. There was really no way to approach the subject delicately.

"What?!"

"I said, 'maybe going after this thing isn't such a great…"

"I got that. That wasn't really an 'I didn't hear you' what. It was more of a 'have you lost your mind' what," Willow interjected. "How can you say that this isn't a good idea? This thing is your best chance at getting the use of your legs back."

"No," Buffy disagreed. "This thing is a fat chance at getting my legs back and a excellent chance at you, Giles and Xander becoming a fiesta platter. That's what this demon is," Buffy continued raising her eyes to meet Willows.

"You don't trust us," Willow said softly, her eyes piercing Buffy to her very core. "You don't trust us to help you," Willow continued in a steady yet unmistakably hurt tone.

"It's not that I don't trust you, it's what I trust to happen," Buffy replied.

"No, not what you trust to happen…what you fear will happen," Willow responded, a kind of understanding creeping into her voice as she tried to work her mind around the thoughts racing around inside of her head. "But that's all it is, Buff. A fear."

"That's all it is?" Buffy asked incredulously. If she could have stood up to punctuate the incredulity of the statement she would have, but for now all she could do was sound as disbelieving as humanly possible. "Look at me, you look at me and then tell me that fear is all it is! It's not fear that put me in this chair…it was that thing, it was one of those things that I'm built to fight and that used as a rag doll. No, Will, fear isn't all it is…truth is what it is, the ugly, naked truth is what it is," Buffy finished shaking her head miserably.

"So we're just supposed to forget about the fact that this demon could cure you? We're just supposed to shrug our shoulders and say 'oh well, maybe next time' because there's a chance that we could be hurt?" Willow asked standing up and looking down at Buffy. The Slayer refused to meet her eyes. "Maybe we should just forget about it," Willow said softly a moment later when Buffy offered no response. "We can't help you if you don't want to be helped. We can't force you to care."

Buffy looked up at Willow when the hacker said this, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

"You think that this fun for me? Do you? Do you think that I like being trapped in this chair, not being able to do my duty or protect my friends? I don't want to be here, and I don't not want to be helped," Buffy responded. "I'll tell you one thing that I don't want though. I don't want to sacrifice you for a theory."

"Buffy you risk your life everyday to save us and people you don't even know. Is it so hard for you to comprehend that we're willing to do the same? That we'd risk it all to save someone we love?"

"I don't want you hurt," Buffy said softly.

"And I don't want you hurt," Willow responded. "But you are, and I want a part in making that go away."

Buffy was silent for a moment.

"There's got to be another way," she said finally, her voice carrying a note of desperation.

"What way?" Willow asked wanting to believe that there was, but not seeing one. She had given the subject serious thought and had come up empty handed.

"The Council," Buffy responded already mentally crossing it off her list the moment it left her mouth. She knew that wasn't even an option but it was the only thing she could think of.

"I know you don't believe that. They're not terribly impressed with you right now as it is…what with the quitting and all. Besides…you know what they do to crippled Slayers."

Buffy lowered her head. It was clear that the 'there had to be other options' approach was dead end, so she decided to switch tactics.

"You don't understand," the Slayer said finally. "When I think about something happening to you it makes me physically ill," she continued. "Don't you see…even if you went after the demon, and you found a cure but you didn't come back, it wouldn't matter, it wouldn't matter at all because I'd die anyway. Without you I'd die."

Willow looked at her with eyes made iridescent by unshed tears.

"And you don't understand that I feel exactly the same way. I can't lose you," Willow responded her tone taking on the same distressed leaning as Buffy's. "And you know that this isn't just about your legs, it's about your life. With Faith…otherwise disposed, not to mention crazy, and you…currently out of operation the world is without a Slayer. The Council…Giles warned us…you know they'll come for you if they find out. Buffy, we have to do this…your life is at risk," Willow finished not even wanting to continue thinking along those lines.

They stared at each other once Willow fell silent, both fighting back a waterfall of tears and the outraged cries of their souls. Buffy buried her face in her hands. Never in her life had she felt so utterly helpless. Impotence, she realized, was not a feeling that she cared for at all.

"You want to know something?" the Slayer asked looking up a second later. "The only thing that I want in the entire world right now is to hug you. That's all I want… and I can't even do that," Buffy said sad smile. "Aren't I amazing pathetic?"

Willow got up and walked over to where Buffy sat. She reached out her hand to Buffy and the Slayer grasped it. After debating internally for a moment Buffy took Willow's hand and placed it on her cheek holding it there for a moment. Suddenly, Buffy felt an overwhelming need to be closer to her friend-and not just for the first or hundredth time she cursed her injury. Then, she did the only thing she could do; she pulled Willow down onto her lap.

"Buffy, your legs," Willow protested, albeit weakly.

"I can't feel it," Buffy said to put aside Willow's fears. "I do feel like your sugar-daddy though."

Willow smiled at that, but still felt the need to ask.

"Buffy are you sure? …I don't want to hurt you…"

"Will…stop," Buffy said shushing her gently as she stroked her hand. "This is the best I've been in two days. Relax."

A few moments later Buffy felt Willow relax slightly in her lap. The rigid-ness that had existed in her friends body a few seconds before and Willow slumped against her. They were silent, and Buffy considered the appropriateness of resting her head against Willows shoulder. After deciding that it was completely inappropriate she did it anyway. After all pulling Willow onto her lap hadn't been the most respectable thing to do, but she had done it anyway. If something is worth doing, it's worth doing well, so Buffy decided to do as she wanted.

The Slayer felt Willow shift slightly once her head was on her shoulder and she knew that Willow was looking down at her. Then the most unexpected thing happened. Buffy felt a pair of soft lips press against the crown of her head. Then as soon as she felt the gentle touch it was gone, and Buffy felt cold, like the sun had burned out leaving her in the dark.

"It'll be alright," Willow said softly wrapping her arm around Buffy shoulder and bringing them closer together. Willow felt as if she should pull away, especially after the kiss, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

"I believe," Buffy responded in a reverent tone.

Willow didn't respond in words, instead she rested her head against Buffy's that was still nestled in her shoulder and let out a soft, contented sigh.

Somewhere in the world someone was dying of starvation, someone was getting to a car crash, someone was giving birth, someone was winning the lottery. Someone was getting shot, someone was sneaking home, someone was leaving home. But none of this occurred to Buffy or Willow as they sat there, wrapped together. It didn't even occur to them that it wasn't occurring to them. At that moment, at that time, the world where all of those things were happening didn't exist to them. In fact nothing outside of their candle lit room, their fortress of solitude, their intimate hide-a-way existed. And in that room, everything was perfect. The world was perfect and life was perfect. In that room was perfection.

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Buffy found herself in some kind of underground cave. In front of her was a small body of water. Sparkling, clear water. It was absolutely beautiful. Turning her gaze from the pool she tilted her head upwards. There was a vertical tunnel above her that led to an opening sunlight was pouring through. She realized where she was. She was in an underground well. Once when researching a project on Mexico she had read about them and had always wanted to visit one. Even in the books they had looked magnificent.

She wondered what she was doing there, and she probably would have wondered for a few more moments if a she hadn't been distracted by the sweet sounds of laughing. It was lilting, playful, and melodic. I called to her and she found herself moving towards where she assumed the source of it to be.

From where she was standing she could only see half of the pool, there was a sheet of rock that extended out blocking the rest of it from her view. She knew instinctively that the sound-that familiar sound-was coming from the side of the pool she couldn't see.

Quietly she removed her clothes and slipped noiselessly into the water and began to swim around. Almost the instant she passed the wall of rock she was shocked into inaction. At the other end of the pool was another figure. A girl. A girl equally as naked as herself with her back turned towards the Slayer. The other girl had pale, porcelain skin and red-hair just reaching her shoulder. She was a Siren, come out of Greek mythology to tempt Buffy, and Buffy was tempted.

As Buffy decided to proceed forward the Siren turned around.

Willow.

Buffy smiled, she knew it. She knew it was Willow.

Willow returned the smile.

They swam towards each other.

"You're looking better," Siren Willow commented coming to a stop just in front of Buffy.

"Yeah, the dreamscape is an amazing thing," Buffy responded. "Last night I was Wonder Woman…and trust me I found some better uses for the lasso."

Siren Willow smiled. It was a sexy, entrancing smile.

Buffy moved imperceptivity closer.

"I've been waiting for you," Siren Willow said allowing Buffy to move closer to her until they were touching.

"I've been waiting for you," Buffy responded looking deeply into Willow's eyes. "There's so much I've wanted to tell you, but…"

"You've been afraid," Willow finished for her, reaching a wet hand up to place it on Buffy's face. "Don't be afraid," she continued leaning in.

"There's so much I want to…" Buffy started but once again Willow stopped her.

"This isn't the place," was all the Siren said.

"But…"

"No," she said again. "This."

With that she closed the remaining distance between them and brought her lips to Buffy's, kissing her softly, chastely. Buffy whimpered at the contact and drew her arm around Willow's waist holding her tightly against her.

"That's right," Willow said sighing, encouraging Buffy to continue with what she was doing. "This."

"This," Buffy repeated, then she lowered her lips to Willow's neck sucking on the skin there, nipping gently.

Under and above the water her hands roamed over Willow's body and her lips traversed the entire landscape of the masterpiece that was Willow Rosenberg. They spent an eternity exploring each others mouths, learning each others bodies inch by inch, kissing, licking, touching. Their bodies coming together and separating in a dance as old as time. Coming together, and separating, rising and falling into each until they come together one last earth-shattering, soul-searing time.

Buffy's eyes popped open.

Willow's eyes popped open.

Their faces were directly beside each other, there limbs tangled together and the sheets in disarray. There wasn't enough space between their bodies to fit a piece of paper.

They stared at each other, both of them breathing heavily and eyeing the other terrified and excited at the same time, wondering if the other could possibly have any idea what had just gone on in their heads.

"Morning?" Buffy said her voice cracking and rising halfway through.

"It is," Willow said her pupils not completely back to their normal size, and her breathing still laboured.

"You look flushed," Buffy said willing herself not to take note of her own bodies reactions. "Bad dream?"

"No…I mean yes!" Willow responded. "Very bad…hand on a hook bad."

"Yeah, that's pretty bad," Buffy, agreed. "Clown with a big knife for me," she volunteered before Willow could even ask.

"Scary," the hacker agreed.

"Yep, I thought so…obviously," Buffy, responded more for the sake of saying something. She didn't really want to think at the moment.

"Right," Willow responded, her motives the same as Buffy's.

"So…"

"So…"

"Breakfast?"

"Yeah! …I mean I could eat…food! I could eat food," Willow responded.

"Well, you're in luck. Food is on the menu," Buffy responded managing to sit up after struggling a bit. "You're just going to have to reach the high shelves," she joked as she used her arms to place her legs over the edge of the bed so she could lift herself into the chair.

"I always had to anyway," Willow responded climbing out of her side of the bed.

"Was that a short joke?" Buffy asked looking up sharply though her eyes twinkled.

"Who's joking?" Willow asked.

"I'm going to run over your toes for that," Buffy responded aiming the wheels of the chair at her friend.

Willow mock shivered, but then carefully moved around the Slayer from a safe distance. They headed into the kitchen after that and proceeded to make breakfast-graciously deciding to at least leave one scone for Giles-both thankful for the distraction though they knew inevitably they'd have to think about the dream. But hey, they're teenagers. Procrastinating is in their nature.

Part Seven

Buffy watched the proceedings at the table around her with an unavoidable discomfort. The kitchen table was covered with texts and maps, and they were all gathered around trying to prepare a course of action. Giles had narrowed down the area where they were most likely to find the demon and they had to figure out how they wanted to approach the situation. The area they were focused on were the caves on the concave of Sunnydale's shoreline.

"What do you think, Buffy?" Giles asked looking up and fixing his gaze on the Slayer.

Buffy met his gaze but then quickly looked away.

"I don't know," she said slowly. She didn't need to look at Giles to know that his eyebrow was arched and he was looking at her questioningly.

"Not even a suggestion?" the watcher asked in response.

Buffy shrugged.

Giles observed her for a moment, then stood up and straightened his back to a rigidity anyone birthed outside of Europe would have thought to be impossible. As he did this Buffy continued to avoid his eyes.

"Would you all be so kind as to give Buffy and I a moment alone?" Giles asked turning to look at the other members of the table individually.

The members of the table shifted their attention from Giles to Buffy and then back to Giles again. There was a moments hesitation, then slowly Xander, Willow and Anya stood up and moved away from the table into the sitting room.

"Would you like to get some fresh air?" Giles asked turning his attention towards Buffy. With the other still in the house they wouldn't really be able to talk privately.

"Would it matter if I said no?" Buffy asked finally looking up at him.

"Of course it would," Giles said looking down at Buffy gently. "But I would prefer if we could take a short walk."

"Then I'd love to get some fresh air," Buffy responded dryly.

Giles merely nodded and walked behind Buffy's chair. Grasping the handles he began to push her towards the door.

===============================================================

Buffy pointedly turned her face away from Giles, her lips were pressed together tightly in an attempt to contain her growing anger. So much for fresh air, she thought to herself, she was sitting in the middle of the Spanish fucking Inquisition. The moment they had hit sunlight Giles had started to lay into her about her behavior and she had just about had it.

"…and I know that being placed in this position has been difficult for you. But you are still the Slayer, and you have responsibilities. This non-committence can't happen Buffy. There'll be plenty of time to…"

"I think the word your looking for is 'wallow'," Buffy offered bitterly.

"There'll be plenty of time to REFLECT on what's happened later," Giles continued ignoring Buffy's interjection. "But right now we need you."

"Was I not there at the table?" Buffy asked looking at him angrily. "Was I not text reading girl? Was I not 'give a painfully descriptive account of your near death experience and the beast that did it' girl? Yes, I think I was all of those things, so please Giles, please because I'd really like to know…enlighten me as to where you're getting this absentee Buffy idea from?" the Slayer finished shooting a look at him that could've turn him into stone.

"No Buffy, sitting at the table not paying attention to anyone or anything does not constitute 'being there' where I come from."

"Yeah well, where you come from they call French fries chips, so you'll excuse me if I don't take your definition at face value," Buffy retorted.

"You're being difficult," Giles responded.

"And you're being a jerk," Buffy shot back.

"I had hoped we could have a civilized conversation," Giles said softly as he took off his glasses and began to rub his eyes.

"Yeah, and I once hoped to be given a bunny that would lay golden eggs," Buffy responded. "We don't always get what we hope for, in fact most of the stuff we do get we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy," she continued looking down at her legs pointedly.

"Yes, well life kicked you in the ass so I suppose we should all just give up go home and drink some tea, and you can role over and commiserate with yourself next decade or so. As for the rest of the poor wankers in this town well they can just bloody well fend for themselves from now on, right? Because we can't be bloody bothered to help the wincers, can we?" Giles said finishing his derisive tirade.

"Oh, that's just fantastic," Buffy responded antagonistically. "I lose the use of my legs, find out my friends are preparing to embark upon a suicide mission, and I'm some sort of shallow asshole for being upset?" Buffy asked in amazement. "Am I the only one that realizes this is a normal human reaction? I know that we don't spend much time around actual honest to god humans, but I was fairly certain that we still were."

"You're right of course," Giles responded. "It is a normal human reaction…but Buffy, you are not a normal human," Giles continued. Buffy looked at him sharply. "And I know that you don't want to hear that right now. I know that in addition to being a Slayer you're a girl with normal girl feelings, but you have responsibilities that can't be put aside because you're sad. And I know that hand you've given can sometimes be horrible, but it IS your hand to play out."

"Well…screw cards, I fold," Buffy said militantly. "It's my paralysis and I'll cry if I want to."

"Buffy," Giles said in a more pleading tone. "Please, help us help you."

Giles waited, but Buffy didn't respond.

"Fine," the watcher responded. "Have it your way," he continued then he walked around the fountain in his yard-that was curiously never on-and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked turning her head around to look at him.

"Inside," Giles responded.

"Wait! Giles ! You can't just leave me out here ! Giles…" Buffy finally stopped calling it was no use. He was already inside.

Buffy turned her chair around angrily and started wheeling towards the door. Once she reached the door she angled the chair so that she could reach the handle, but it was of no use, the chair kept getting in the way of the door.

"Giles!" she yelled at the door.

There was no response.

================================================================

"Where's Buffy?" Willow asked as Giles walked back inside.

"She's enjoying the fresh air," the watcher responded. "Please, all of you come back over here."

"But Giles," Willow said as the three of them headed over to the table. "How's she going to get back in?"

"Buffy's a resourceful girl," Giles responded leaning over his map of the shoreline.

"But…" it was Xander who tried to speak this time but Giles halted his protest.

"I know what I'm doing," Giles responded. "She needs this."

They were silent for a moment, until a yell interrupted them. It was Buffy calling Giles's name from outside the door.

Part Eight

Willow sat on the floor at Buffy's feet undoing the laces of the Slayer's running shoes. It was ten at night, and except for the sounds of their breathing the room was quiet. Xander and Anya had left a few hours before, and Giles and Buffy weren't currently on speaking terms.

That yell that they had heard while gathered around the table earlier had only been the beginning. Buffy continued to scream at the top of her lungs for fifteen minutes before Willow couldn't take anymore and went to get her. Giles had managed to stop her five minutes before and tried to stop her again, but she was determined.

Buffy had wheeled herself in silently and without looking at any of them-except for Willow who she tenderly thanked-she rolled herself into the bedroom where she remained for the rest of the day. Willow, who was less than thrilled with Giles as well, spent most of the day in the bedroom with Buffy, only leaving her to check up on the progress they were making in the main room.

"Thank you," Buffy said softly, breaking the silence.

"For what?" Willow asked.

Buffy merely looked down at her feet, the feet Willow was currently pulling shoes off of.

"I'm glad I can help," Willow responded before returning to her work.

"You're more than helping," Buffy responded. "Your saving. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here," she continued sincerely.

"Now you know how I feel on an almost daily basis," Willow responded with a sweet smile.

"I guess I do," Buffy responded returning the smile.

They continued to look at each for a few more seconds before Willow finally averted her gaze and started to remove Buffy's socks.

"You're going to have to talk to him again sometime," Willow commented softly a moment later.

"No I don't," Buffy responded petulantly.

"He wasn't trying to be mean," Willow responded in a reasonable tone.

"If his intentions were so honorable then why haven't you been talking to him all day either?" Buffy asked. "Protecting my honor, perhaps?" the Slayer cleverly asked.

"He just…"

"Wanted to prove to me that I DO need your help, and that if I keep acting the way I have been I'm going to be alone, and that I'm beyond vulnerable the way that I am and I need to get my legs back or I'm dead, and that feeling sorry for myself isn't going to get a damn thing done. Is that 'just' what he wanted?" Buffy asked looking down at Willow.

"Well, yeah," Willow responded grinning. "I guess it worked though."

"It was inhumane. If I was a dog there would be a network special dedicated to the trial I had to go through. But I'm lower than a dog, I'm the Slayer! I don't lick my own ass, or drink from the toilet, I just save the world so who gives a flying fuck!" Buffy finished dramatically.

"I spoke too soon," Willow said softly sitting back on the floor.

"Please, Will…don't," Buffy said shaking her head as if to ward off the oncoming attack. "I don't need to get the speech from you too."

"What speech?" Willow asked softly.

"The 'you're not allowed to have feelings because your Slayer' speech. The 'so you're paralyzed, suck it up speech', and any other variation on the theme that you can think of," Buffy responded.

"Okay," Willow said slowly lifting her hand up to take Buffy's into hers. "Would you consider hearing an 'I love you Buffy, and you and can lean on me, cry on my shoulder and whatever else you want' speech?"

"Yeah, I think I could deal with that," Buffy responded smiling.

"Well, I love you," Willow said looking up at Buffy. "And you can lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on," Willow continued in an utterly serious voice, which only made Buffy's smile widen. "And whenever you feel the need…or want to just for the heck of it…you can cry on my shoulder, or pant leg, or any other part of my body, and if there's something else that you can think of that would help…well, you can do that too."

"That's the best speech I've ever heard in life," Buffy replied. "Look, it's made me all misty-eyed," she continued blinking back some tears.

Willow raised up onto her knees so that she and Buffy were face to face. Then she reached up with her right hand and brushed away a tear that Buffy couldn't quite manage to contain-though she was giving it a valiant try. Once she had done this Willow continued to reach around with her hand, brushing a few strands of Buffy's hair behind her ear, before finally leaving her hand to rest on Buffy's cheek.

Buffy leaned into the touch slightly, her eyes flickering closed as she absorbed the sensations flooding through her body. She wanted to turn her face around and softly kiss the palm of Willow's hand. She wanted to take that hand in hers and rain a shower of kisses across it, and along her arm. She wanted to take Willow into her arms and kiss her until nothing existed in the entire world except for them. She wanted…

She needed to end this before it started, because she knew if it started she wouldn't be able to end it.

"Willow," Buffy breathed in husky timbre she hadn't intended, but couldn't help.

At the sound of Buffy's voice Willow became painfully aware of their positioning and of what she herself was doing. She also noted with an agonizing sluggishness that her heart was thundering in her chest, and she became almost unnaturally aware of the blood that was madly coursing through her veins. In short, she realized that her body had responded to Buffy's muted utterance with a pure, unadulterated rush of desire. She could feel the yearning burning in the pit of her stomach like a wild fire, consuming her.

She felt like a thug, and was overcome by a moment of intense self-loathing. She couldn't comprehend how she could be so selfish at a moment like this, and it made her sick to think that at a time when Buffy needed her friendship more than anything, all that she could think of was kissing her friends lips-lips she had decided after careful consideration, years worth at least, were the best, most lush, most kissable lips ever to be created.

Willow yanked her hand back and stood up abruptly. Buffy looked up at her questioningly, her friends unexpected movements momentarily destabilizing her equilibrium.

"We should go to bed," Willow said meeting Buffy's gaze.

"It's ten-thirty," Buffy responded giving a Willow an uncertain smile.

"It's been a long day," Willow responded.

"That it has," Buffy said a moment later, sighing. "Sleep sounds good actually."

============================================================

Buffy held her position-facing the door, her back turned Willow-for a second more before finally turning around. They had gotten in bed about half an hour ago, but neither of them had managed to fall asleep. She could hear Willow breathing and her breaths were still coming in the fast, erratic pattern of consciousness.

"I knew ten thirty was too early to go to sleep," Buffy said into darkness. "I'm really kind of night person."

She didn't need to open her eyes to know that Willow was laughing.

"I can't imagine why," Willow responded shifting so that she was facing Buffy as well.

"Hey, if you're worried about the guy with a hook for a hand, don't. I'll protect you," Buffy said, but as she said the last part her voice hollowed out as if she only then realized that what she was saying was no longer true.

"I know you will," Willow responded with absolutely certainty. She had picked up on the change in Buffy's voice immediately and knew what caused it. She shifted a little bit closer to Buffy and placed her hand on the Slayer's shoulder. "You know that you're my hero, don't you?"

"Well, you might want to start checking the classifieds for a replacement," Buffy responded dropping her eyes though Willow couldn't see.

"Won't need to," Willow said. "You're going to be back on the job in no time."

Buffy raised her eyes again after that, feeling an intense need to be close to Willow. She couldn't even really describe what she feeling, only that then, there, Willow was…Willow was… everything. She was shining and shimmering and everything that was good and pure in her life, and in the world. She was the one who could save her from the ranks of the freaks, the suspect, and the lonely.

"I…" the Slayer started to say, but she couldn't think of the words. "There's so much that I want to…" but she trailed off again not knowing how to describe all that she was feeling. But she needed to do something, she needed to…she needed to…kiss the girl.

So she did.

Buffy closed the small distance that remained between them, and touched her lips to Willows, barely brushing the hackers full lips with her own.

Then she pulled back and observed Willow. The red heads eyes were closed, her lips were slightly parted, and she didn't seem to be breathing.

"I just…this," Buffy said almost inaudibly, then she brought her lips back to Willows. She pressed them together more firmly this time, but the kiss was still chaste, and quickly over.

This time when Buffy pulled back Willow's eyes were open and she was watching the Slayer with a kind of wide eyed wonder that Buffy was certain was unique to Willow alone. She opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but no sound came out and she quickly closed her mouth.

"Do…do you think you'll be able to sleep now?" Buffy asked reaching out to brush a strand of hair that had fallen over Willow's eyes out of her face.

"Yeah," Willow said softly, nodding her head as if the empathize the truthfulness of her response.

"Good," Buffy responded, leaving her hand where it was for moment longer before removing it and returning it to her side.

"Goodnight," Willow said, her voice was shaky.

"Night," Buffy responded contemplatively.

Willow shifted settling back into her former position, and was ready to try and fall back asleep-which she seriously doubted she would be able to do-but she stopped and turned back around to face Buffy.

"I love you," she said with a touch of awe in her voice.

"I love you too, Will," Buffy responded with a small smile.

With that both girls turned around and placed their heads back down on their pillows and took up staring at the door and the window respectively. Both of them began reviewing the events of the night, and the past few days. Both of them began reviewing what they themselves had said and initiated, and what the other had said and initiated. And as they did this both them were left wondering, what the hell was going?

Part Nine

It was eight in the morning and the Scoobs-minus an Anya and plus a Spike-were once again gathered in Giles's living room. Today was the day of reckoning…they were going after the Scheaklar. The mood was tense, they all realized the danger of the mission and the consequences of failure. Buffy's future, and accordingly all of their futures were at risk.

"So…according to what we've learned from the texts, the liquid found a sac behind the demons femur should combat the toxin which is currently attacking Buffy's spinal cord. This means that it is preferable to take the demon dead rather than alive," Giles said gearing the team up for their mission highly improbable. "Any questions?"

"Yeah," Xander said piping up. "How do we do the killing again? I missed how we do the killing."

"The weakest section of a Scheaklar 's body is the area in-between their shoulder blades. A major part of their circulatory systems is located there, and one sturdy thrust with this," Giles said holding up one his many old swords, "should kill it quite effectively. Once it's dead I should then start the process of removing the sac."

"So basically, Will, banana head and I are suppose to distract this Sch-a-what's-it while you play Lancelot?" Xander asked.

Giles nodded.

"Just making sure," Xander responded before plopping back down on the couch.

"Are there any other questions?" Giles asked looking around the room.

Buffy raised her hand.

"Not so much a question as a concern," the Slayer started. "Am I the only one here the least bit concerned that Willow is missing school? Am I?" she asked in a suitably indignant tone.

"Buffy, really," Giles said in a disapproving tone.

"What? I'm concerned. Education is important," Buffy responded in her most sincere voice.

"Well, if that's truly your concern, let me put it to rest," Giles replied. "It's Sunday."

"Really?" Buffy asked looking at her watch. "So it is," she continued momentarily defeated. "But……………church!"

"Buffy, I'm Jewish," Willow responded.

"Right," Buffy said with a defeated sigh. "Then I guess I'm not of questions and or concerns."

"Alright," Giles said clapping his hands all ready to go. "Let's," he glanced over at Willow. "…get going as soon as somebody decides to get dressed."

Willow looked down at her cow pajamas.

"I can't help but think that was directed at me," she responded.

Buffy smirked.

"Come on," the Slayer said. "I'll help you find something appropriate for inspiring abject terror in all but the most terrible of beasts."

"All I have are pastels," Willow commented as she followed Buffy into the bedroom.

"So it'll take awhile," the Slayer responded. "Rome wasn't built in a day, you know?"

===============================================================

"Tell her", that annoying voice in the back of Buffy's head screamed as the Slayer watched Willow pull on her socks.

"No", Buffy yelled at the voice effectively conveying her wish for it to shut the hell up.

"You have to tell her," the voice continued. "Would you be able to live with yourself if something happened to her without you having told her how you feel?" the voice went on.

"Nothing's going to happen to her," Buffy told the voice.

"Well, if this was such a cake wake than why have you been trying to convince them not to go for the last two days?" the voice asked in a reasonable tone.

"Because," Buffy said trying to think of a response. "The salt will be bad for their shoes."

"Oh, that's a convincing argument," the voice retorted.

"Why do you not shut up?" Buffy asked the voice peevishly.

"Because you don't really want me to," the voice responded.

"Yeah, I think I do," Buffy shot back. "I think I really, really do!"

"If you really, really, did, I wouldn't still be here."

"You're talking in donuts," Buffy responded. They were going around in circles but nothing was in the middle.

"Tell her," the voice responded. "I'm hear because you want to tell her but you're afraid. I'm here to make you actually do it."

"Well, your doing a piss poor job of it, because I'm not telling," Buffy replied.

"Yes, you are," the voice said with a certainty that irritated Buffy. "Don't you think that you at least owe it to her to be truthful? She is risking her life for yours after all."

"She knows that I love her," Buffy responded.

'Tell her how much," the voice pleaded.

"I can't," Buffy responded knowing that she could but she was just scared.

"You can," the voice said confidently. "And you will. There's nothing to be scared of."

"But what if…" Buffy's response to herself was interrupted.

"Buffy?" Willow asked, her voice tinged with concern.

"Yeah," Buffy said looking up at Willow. "Wow," she continued checking Willow out. "Lara Croft look out there's a new chick in town."

"Stop it," Willow said blushing.

"It's true," Buffy replied. "I'm getting scared just looking at you."

"Are you okay?" Willow asked desperate to get the conversation off of her clothes and how she looked in them.

"As okay as can be," Buffy responded.

"You looked a little out of it," Willow replied.

"Yeah, I was…I mean I," Buffy paused there for a moment. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about before you go," she said looking up and snaring Willow's eyes with an intense gaze.

"Okay," Willow said taking a seat on the edge of the bed so that she was almost eye to eye with Buffy.

'It's about…it's about last night, when I…when I…when I kissed you," Buffy said getting off to a sputtering start. "When I…I mean…I wanted to tell you that…" Willow cut her off.

"I know," Willow responded, a piece of her heart chipping off with every word. "It was strictly platonic…a comfort kiss," she continued while thinking that it was anything but platonic on her side of the fence, and that she desperately wanted the same to be true for Buffy's side as well.

"No," Buffy said shaking her head in disagreement. "It wasn't that…it wasn't that at all."

Willow was silent for a moment, trying to wrap her mind around what Buffy was actually saying, and what she wanted Buffy to be saying.

"What?" she asked softly.

"When I first got attacked and was lying in the cemetery there was this one persistent thought in my head, this one unshakable image…you," Buffy responded tenderly. "You smiling. You laughing. You with your 'resolve face' on. You typing at the computer. You lounging on your bed. It was like a Willow collage in my mind, and all that I could think about was how much I was going to miss you and…and how much I love you," Buffy continued gaining confidence as she went on. "And these weren't new feelings or thoughts, it was just that…that this was the first time it was safe to admit what they really were.

"But…but when I woke up, it was like everything had to go back into it's place, and I tried…I really, really did, but it was no good, I couldn't put them back because I remembered what it was like to love you, and it was beautiful, and…last night I just wanted to, I don't know…I guess I just wanted to show you.

"And, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I took advantage of the situation like that, and I'm sorry for once again demonstrating a total lack of control, but my heart…it was in the right place. It really was. I just had to tell you, before…well, before. And don't think that I'm telling you this, because I expect something, cause I don't, I just wanted you know. And…and I just hope that now that you know you won't hate me, or want to leave, because as much as I've proven I can take that's the one thing I don't think I could…" Buffy finished trailing off, all the while wondering why the hell she listened to that stupid voice.

"Buffy," Willow breathed out softly once the Slayer finished. What she had just heard was the realization of a dream she never thought would be anymore than that-a dream-and it had her in some kind of state of shock.

Buffy dropped her head down. The last thing that she wanted was for Willow to offer her some heartfelt words of pity.

Willow moved off of the bed and dropped to her knees in front of Buffy.

"Buffy, look at me," Willow gently implored.

Buffy hesitated for a moment, then she looked up at Willow as originally requested.

Willow's lips curved up into an alluring smile when their eyes met.

Buffy's heart missed a beat.

"I am sooo okay with everything you just said," Willow continued holding Buffy's gaze with her own. There was this fluttering warmth consuming her, she felt as if the sun was beating down solely on her, and it was great to be alive.

She placed her hand on Buffy's cheek, then raised up onto to her knees.

And then they were kissing. Lips brushing against each other, bodies arching in search of a closeness to match that of their lips. Colours exploding behind the lids of their eyes, heart rates increasing, thundering in their chests. Nerve ending on fire, cells misfiring in every direction, blood coursing through their veins. They kissed. They kissed for an eternity, they kissed a kiss that stretched on for eons binding their souls together 'til infinity. They kissed for a nanosecond. They kissed until the world made sense again.

"Uga boda uh," Buffy muttered once they broke apart.

"Ama pusha tem," Willow responded equally incoherent.

"Whoa," Buffy said-in a very Joey Lawrence during his prime way- starting to gain some control of her oratory system.

"I'll second that," Willow responded somewhat breathlessly.

They were silent for a moment, then they both broke out into spastic grins.

"I feel I should warn you that I'm having very powerful urges to kiss you again," Buffy said softly gazing directly into Willow's eyes.

"It's not good to repress powerful emotions, it leads to festering and stomach hurts," Willow responded leaning forward. "In the interests of your health and general well being I would have to encourage you to give into the urges."

"Is that your professional advice?" Buffy asked gently taking Willow's hands into hers.

"That is the final prognosis of Dr. Willow Van Goodlove."

Buffy smiled, and leaned in to meet her friends lips.

"Oh, good there you are," Giles said breezing into the bedroom.

The girls froze for a second-or as it felt to them a century or two-then pulled back into their original starting positions two meters away from each other.

"Giles…wha…you can't just…what if one of us were naked?!" Buffy exclaimed agitatedly.

"I must confess the thought never entered my mind," Giles responded frowning.

"No reason it should have," Willow said jumping in. "Nobody was naked, or planning on being naked, or even hoping to be naked. Nope…there was no nakedness to be had…especially not the naughty kind," Willow continued babbling nervously.

"If we could veer the conversation away from nudity it would be greatly appreciated," Giles said visibly shuddering. He was British after all.

Buffy started to open her mouth to respond but Giles-wisely-stopped her before she could.

"It's time to head out," he said directing his words to Willow.

The hacker nodded, then turned to look at Buffy before standing up.

"Giles wait," Buffy said as Willow started to head towards the Watcher. "Could we just have a minute?"

"Yo…I'll be outside," Giles said. He had started to protest but something in Buffy's eyes had told him that whatever she wanted to say to Willow was important.

Buffy waited until Giles was out the door, then turned to face Willow.

"Come over here?" Buffy requested softly.

Willow walked the few steps over to where Buffy was seated.

Buffy reached out her hand and took Willows into hers. Then she did what she had wanted to do the night before, and countless other nights, days, evening, and mornings-she raised Willows palm to her lips and placed a kiss directly in the middle.

"I know you have to go," Buffy started holding Willows hand to the side of her face. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you," Buffy said placing another kiss on Willow's hand to accentuate her words, "and to hurry back so that I can keep telling you that until you get absolutely sick of hearing it."

Willow leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on Buffy's lips.

"I love you too, and I'll never get tired of hearing or telling you how much."

"You better go, Giles is probably going nuts out there," Buffy said reluctantly letting go of Willows hand.

"I'll be back," Willow said as she headed for the door.

"I know," Buffy said nodding to convey her belief in the statement. But, at the same time her heart fluttered, and she sent a silent prayer to whoever wanted to listen that Willow would come back to her. "Will?" Buffy asked a moment later.

Willow turned around looking at her curiously.

"Ask Giles to come in?"

Willow nodded, then continued out the door.

Moments after Willow disappeared through the door, it opened once again and Giles came walking in. His head was down cast, and his steps slow and measured.

"Willow said you wished to see me," Giles said finally looking up.

"Yep," Buffy agreed. "I did say that."

"What about?" Giles asked.

"Well, you see, my mother has always told me that honesty is the best policy. So, in the spirit of that sentiment I just wanted to inform you that if anything happens to Willow on this mission I WILL kill you," Buffy related with a perfectly serious expression on her face.

"I…see…" Giles responded slowly.

"That, and well…this," Buffy continued rolling her chair over to the bed and reaching down underneath. She pulled out a gym bag.

"What's that?" Giles asked walking over to Buffy.

"This," Buffy responded dramatically. "Is me taking an active interest in my life," she continued unzipping the bag. "Our little…chat…got me thinking. Granted it mostly got me thinking that you're a big jerk…but, it also got me thinking that you were a little, and I do mean a little, right about how I've been acting." As she said this she started unloading the contents of the bag. "So, while I was in here wallowing after our…chat…I did some gathering. What you see here is…"

"Every flash light that I own," Giles supplied giving her one of his time-honored outraged looks that were always undermined by an inescapable amusement caused by the wonder of nature that was Buffy Summers.

"Well yeah," Buffy agreed. "But it's also your best chance at distracting this thing without using your bodies as giant targets. I've tired that, and believe me it's not the groovy idea that it might sound like."

"Flashlights?" Giles asked skeptically.

"Yes, flashlights," Buffy responded scowling at him. "You see, as the only one in this room who has fought the demon, I managed to learn a few things. Firstly, the demon doesn't like light. Flash the flashlight on it and it's skin starts to sizzle…this equals major pain for it which should be a cause for the happies for you."

"Interesting," Giles said thoughtfully.

"That's what I thought," Buffy agreed shoving the flashlights back into the bag. "Secondly," she continued turning her attention back to Giles. "It has a blind spot. If you get into trouble you'll want to maneuver yourself there. It's eyes on the sides of it's head, so if you…"

"Stand directly in front of it, it won't be able to see you," Giles finished for her.

"Precisely," Buffy said in an effected British accent.

They were quiet for a moment as Buffy handed the bag over to Giles.

"About what I said yesterday," Giles said looking down at Buffy. "I was out of line," Giles went on. "I don't think that I need to-wait, yes, yes I do. I care about you Buffy, and I know that I'm not your father, but you are like a daughter to me, and as aggravating as you can be, as bewildering, and confounding, and…"

"I get it," Buffy said interrupting. "I'm difficult. Can we move on to the pro-Buffy side of the list, please?"

"Well, those things that I find the most curious about you, are also the things that I find most remarkable about you. And over the last few days, I was seeing the spark that I've come to associate with your resilience fade…and it worried me, and saddened me…so I did the only thing that I could think of to make it return. So, I reasoned to myself, if that spark came back as a result of deep, deep dislike, well, then the ends would justify the means."

"Wow, that kind of makes my 'sorry that I called you a jerk' seem kind of shabby in comparison," Buffy said smiling in response.

"Make no mistake, that was my intention," Giles replied allowing himself a small grin. 'Well," Giles said a moment later. "I should be going."

Buffy nodded.

"Giles," she called just as he reached the door. "Remember, if she's hurt I WILL beat you to death with a shovel."

"Well, I suppose there's no longer a need to ask what my motivation should be," Giles responded before continuing out the door.

Once he was gone, Buffy dropped her head into her hands. She hated waiting.

Part Ten

"You can't be bloody serious!" Spike exclaimed looking at the object Giles had just thrust in his direction.

"If he doesn't want it, I'll take it," Xander graciously volunteered.

"I bet you would," Spike responded shooting Xander and irritated look, but hugging the flashlight closer to him nonetheless. "Who was the git that came up with this brilliant idea anyway?"

"In her former confrontation with the demon Buffy discovered the light damaged it," Giles responded shifting the sword he had flung over his shoulder.

"Oh, and look how bloody well that turned out for her," Spike replied without missing a beat.

"If you're too scared to go through with this, then just leave," Willow said speaking for the first time since the disagreement started.

"Scared?! I'm William the goddamn Bloody and you think I'm scared of some cross-eyed, overgrown, newt?" Spike declared clearly insulted. "Well, sucks to that."

"William the Bloody, Attila the Hun…it doesn't change the fact that you're a yellow-bellied coward with hair to match. After all that Buffy's done for you-despite all reason-after all that we've all done for you, you still can't see past your own desires…fine I get it, you're evil. So I'm not going to pretend to be shocked or disappointed by your complete lack of a spine. But next time you're getting ready to impale yourself on a stake, don't expect anyone to come running to your rescue encouraging you to go on," Willow responded shaking her head-for despite what she said she was disappointed with the way Spike was acting. There was some decent part of the vampire, she was sure of it. Sure, that part was deeply hidden-deeply, deeply hidden- but she was certain that it existed. "Come on," she said turning to Giles and Xander.

Spike watched them begin to walk away.

"I didn't say I wasn't going to come!" he called after them. "I just question the wisdom of using a person who got their ass kicked as a template," he muttered under his breath as he jogged to catch up to them.

================================================================

Giles took one last look at the map and directed them into the final tunnel that would take them to the final grotto of the caves. The walk had been silent, tense, and though Giles wouldn't admit it if someone asked-not that he actually expected anyone too-but he was looking forward to getting in there and making the demon pay for what it had done to all of them.

"This it?" Xander asked when Giles came to a stop.

"Yes," Giles responded. "Lights on," he continued and dutifully all of them turned on their flashlights.

"Are you going to count to three, or can we just bloody go in?" Spike asked positively hopping up and down. He had been in much better spirits since finding out he could hurt demons-which wasn't by any means saying that he was in good spirits.

"Let's go," Giles said waving his hand towards the opening.

Xander was the first into the opening, and just as he always wanted it WAS much in the style of John Wayne.

"We've come to kick ass and chew bubble gum! And guess what, we're all out of bubble gum!" Xander declared flashing the lights beam around the cave.

The moment he finished speaking, the room was filled with a wretched screeching sound, then the room erupted into a fury of motion.

===============================================================

Part Eleven

Xander ducked under a burly tentacle-like appendage that was aimed directly for his head, and skittered off over to the side just barely avoiding becoming the headless Xand-man. Trying to regain his balance he just barely avoided knocking over Willow who was barely holding onto her already precarious state of balance behind him.

"Giles man, have you got with the stabbing yet?!" Xander yelled hurling himself and Willow out of the range of another bone-breaking punch that was all for them.

"Patience is a virtue," Giles yelled back moments before getting knocked against the cave wall. "I'll work faster," he muttered to himself pushing off the wall and twisting out of the way of another intended blow.

"You okay Will?" Xander asked getting off of her. His 'avoiding death' push, turned out to actually be an 'oh God don't let me die' shove that ended with him on top of Willow.

"I will be once you g-e-t o-f-f!" Willow said grunting slightly as she attempted to aid Xander in the removal process.

"Righ…tttttttt!" Xander started to respond before getting some more help from the Scheaklar which latched onto the back of his pants and pulled him up into the air.

"One thing you have to admit," Spike yelled joining in after seeing Xander get flung around. "It's got multi-tasking down to an art form," he went on ducking under a tentacle and coming up in front of the beast to start pummeling its head.

"Pain, my new best friend," Xander groaned picking himself up off of the ground and stumbling back into the fray.

Giles who had managed to pull his sword from it's sheath charged the demon arching the blade above his head, before lowering the blade swiftly, cutting off the one of the demons limbs.

"Why, I repeat, WHY are we not using our flash lights?!" Giles yelled peevishly jumping out of the way of yet another counter attack.

"Oh, I don't know…maybe because we're playing bumper cars WITHOUT THE BUMPERS!" Xander responded. "Again with the ouchy," he mumbled before getting knocked to the side again.

Ducking out of the way of a free flying feeler Willow spotted one of the abandoned flash lights and made a dive for it.

"I would like to take a moment to reiterate my former statement," she said trying to turn the thing on, "that we SHOULD have gone with Velcro wrist enforcements!"

"Perhaps," Giles responded. "And this is only a suggestion…we could discuss this LATER!"

"Ohhhh," Spike said giddily catching the flashlight Willow tossed to him. "Somebody's in a mood."

"Has everybody got one?" Willow yelled ignoring Spike's statement. She had managed to locate the missing flashlights.

"Yeah, yeah," Xander answered in an agitated voice. "Let's turn 'em on, let's turn 'em on!"

"Concentrate the burst," Giles called out to them as he attempted to move around to the back of the beast. "All three of you aim for one section and keep the blast there," he continued finally able to get himself behind.

Willow was the first to lock onto a spot. Seeing a red circle-which equaled target-on it's stomach Willow locked her beam there and watched as it started to sizzle. Xander was the next to lock on, then Spike--who finally managed to tear himself away from raining a shower of fists on the beast-aimed his flashlight with the others.

The cave was starting to fill with smoke, and the Scheaklar was in a considerable amount of pain. The damaged caused by the initial beam had more that quadrupled in size, and there was now a hole approximately the breadth of a head.

The Scheaklar was howling in pain now, trying to huddle into a protective ball. The talons it had been assaulting them with since the entered the cave were now being recalled into its body, and it was lowering onto it's hunches.

Giles waited until he was sure the demon was suitably distracted then he stealthily moved in on it. Drawing his sword he raised it above his head, and then without a moments hesitation he struck savagely, thrusting the blade in between the Scheaklars shoulder blades.

The demon reared up, expanding to its full height and width, it's tentacles extending out in all directions, once the blade was thrust into it. Giles, and the rest of the gang backed up against the walls when the beast started to revolt, endeavoring to wait out the outburst without getting injured.

"I think it's dead," Xander commented once the beast had quieted down. It had been over a minute since it last moved.

Giles bent down and removed the knife he had strapped to his ankle.

"How very James Bond of you," Spike commented as he walked over to the demon and started to kick it experimentally.

Giles ignored him and walked over to the body.

"I'm going to need a little light," Giles said as he bent down over the body.

=============================================================

Part Twelve

Buffy sat in the hallway staring at the front door to Giles's house. She had in fact been sitting in the hallway staring at the front door to Giles's house since the gang left the house three hours before, and every minute that she sat there felt like an eternity, and every minute that passed without them walking back through the door caused this stabbing sensation in Buffy's heart. It was like she was being killed a little at a time, like she was being stabbed to death by a tiny little knife. This vigil that she had been on was probably the hardest thing that she had ever had to do in her entire life. She was wired for inaction, she wasn't built to sit still, and be patient, and wait. She was the Slayer, she was suppose to move, she was suppose to act, and she was suppose to be out there. And not being able to do any on those things was almost as bad as knowing that her friends were out there fighting a demon to save HER life.

In addition-as if all of that wasn't enough to worry about-she was left to think about, and ponder, and doubt all of what had been happening between her and Willow since her injury, culminating with their talk shortly before the gang left. It was all very confusing to Buffy, everything was so new, and just when they started to figure out what was going on Willow was taken away from her. If there was like a scale-one being the lowest and 10 being the highest- that catalogued the worst moments that something could possibly happen this would have been a 9.9 on the scale.

Buffy had to admit, though, that it was quite fitting. If something had actually gone well she would have had to assume that hell had frozen over and would consequently have had move into a cabin in the interior of the mountains of Montana.

However, since all of that was mere conjecture and things hadn't gone well, hell hadn't frozen over, and Buffy didn't even like Montana, the Slayer was left with only one option. Sit. So that is exactly what she did.

======================================================

Willow was the first one out of Giles's K-car, and by the time the others got out she was halfway through the courtyard and to the door. She could hear Giles calling to her but she didn't stop, she wanted to get inside. She wanted to get to Buffy. The last few meters to the door seemed to take forever. It was almost as if she was running in water. But finally, finally, she reached the door.

"Buffy," Willow gasped spotting the Slayer sitting in the hallway facing the door the moment she entered the door.

"Will," Buffy breathed softly taking in her friends somewhat haggard appearance. "Are you okay? You're…"

"I'm alright," Willow said cutting off Buffy. The worry was evident in her friend's voice and she wanted to alleviate it. "Just a little banged up," Willow continued looking down at her state of disarray.

Buffy visibly relaxed once this piece of information was given. This was evidenced by a soft sigh escaping her lips.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that," Buffy said finally.

"Oh, I think that maybe I do," Willow responded, her mind going back to all of the times she had waited awake alone at night waiting for Buffy to come home from patrol.

"Where are the others?" Buffy asked looking past Willow to the still open door.

"They're com…" Willow managed to get out before the rest of the gang appeared at the doorway. "…ing," Willow finished as the gang walked in.

"If this is what the winning side looks like," Buffy commented able to observe all of them for the first time. "I'd hate to see what the loser looks like."

"Oh, I'd say it's feeling no pain," Spike said breezing into the house and ripping the overcoat from on top of him. It was just demeaning having to walk around like all of the time.

"Did you get it?" Buffy asked finally, not able to hold back on asking the question any longer.

In response Giles held up a small container with a fluorescent blue liquid inside. Buffy stared at the vile for a moment. Her heart was thundering in her chest, and her eyes locked on the glowing liquid. It was an odd sensation to be able literally see someone holding your future in their hands. Buffy had to say that it wasn't an all-together pleasant experience. It was equal parts terrifying and exhilarating.

Finally Giles lowered the vile breaking the spell.

"Shall we?" he asked looking directly at Buffy.

"I think we shall," the Slayer responded.

======================================================

The gang congregated in Giles's bedroom, more specifically around Giles's bed. Buffy was lying on her stomach in the middle of the bed with the other gathered around her. Willow was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Buffy's hand while Giles prepared the syringe.

"So," Buffy said in a somewhat choked voice. "Tell me again how we're going to do this?"

"I," Giles said as he swished the liquid around, "am going to pour the serum into a syringe. Then I'm going to inject the liquid into you spinal cord," the watcher continued calmly.

"That's what I thought," Buffy said whimpering softly.

Willow leaned over so that her mouth was right beside Buffy's ear. What she wanted to do more than anything was hold Buffy in her arms and try to assure and reassure her-by any means necessary-that everything was going to be alright. She wanted to take Buffy in her arms and kiss away her fears. But, she knew that there, then, she couldn't do any of those things without raising more than a few eyebrows, so she settled for squeezing Buffy's hand and offering a few words of encouragement.

"It'll be alright," Willow whispered softly. "Giles knows what he's doing…you probably won't even feel a thing."

Buffy was about to thank Willow for at least attempting to make her feel better when she got a look at the size of the needle on the syringe Giles was preparing.

"What is that?" Buffy asked in voice squeaking in alarm. "I mean, you better be planning on going Whaling later, because that harpoon isn't getting any closer to me or my spine," Buffy continued in an agitated voice.

"It's perfectly safe," Giles responded meeting Buffy gaze. He was finished. "Let's get on with it shall we."

"Ah, did anybody hear me say that harpoon is not getting any closer to me or my spine? I for distinctly remember saying it," Buffy responded.

Giles opened his mouth to respond but Willow beat him to it.

"It'll be alright," the hacker said softly. "You know it has to be done."

"But…but look at it Will," Buffy said pleadingly. "I've seen javelins that a smaller than that!"

"Buffy," Willow said tilting Buffy's face up so that she could see her eyes.

"Fine," Buffy responded dejectedly. "But I'm warning you, I'm going to be grumpy after this. Very grumpy."

"Understood," Giles said. "Now this won't take but a minute," he continued leaning over Buffy's back. "You won't even," he said as he rested the needle against her skin, "feel a thing…"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Buffy hollered as he sunk the needle in. "I SO felt that!!!"

Part Thirteen

"What are you thinking about?" Willow asked looking over at Buffy who was facing the television but clearly not watching it.

The sun had just set and they were Giles's bedroom-which seemed to be their designated area of late-watching the television. An old episode of Star Trek the Next Generation was on, but Buffy had tuned it out. She had started to watch it, but then she gotten distracted by something shiny and when she turned back to television the crew was in Victorian England and she couldn't figure out how it happened.

"Nothing really," Buffy responded looking over at Willow who was stretched out on the bed. Buffy, was seated in her chair beside the bed. "My mind's as blank as…something that's blank a lot," Buffy continued lamely.

"Do you feel anything?" Willow asked watching her intently.

Giles had told them that the reaction from the serum wouldn't be immediate, he had guessed that it would take a number of hours, maybe even a day before Buffy began to get the use of her legs back.

Buffy was silent for a moment as she concentrated on taking stock of what her body was feeling. After a moment she looked over at Willow and shook her head.

"I don't think enough time has passed," Buffy said softly. The statement was true enough, but both of them really didn't care about the validity of the statement they just wanted Buffy to have her legs back.

Willow nodded.

"Yeah, it's only been a couple of hours," she said lying back down but keeping her eyes fixed on Buffy. "Why don't you come lie down?" Willow asked. She could definitely use some snuggles.

"Yeah," Buffy responded, but she sounded distracted and made no move to actually get on the bed. "Before though…I just wanted to…" she trailed off shaking her head at her own inability to just say what she meant. "Could we just talk for a minute?"

"Of course," Willow said sitting up. There was a seriousness in Buffy's voice that made her apprehensive. Suddenly she found herself wondering Buffy was having second thoughts about what had happened between them in the morning. After Giles had made the injection, they had all sat around for while talking-actually they had all sat around and listened to Xander regale Buffy with a tale of his heroics-which hadn't really given Willow and Buffy a chance to talk about what they had done or said earlier. Then once Xander had gone home, and Spike had gone out to wallow at Willy's, Willow and Buffy had come back to the bedroom to rest. But, much to Willow's chagrin Buffy didn't seem to want to talk about what had happened between them, or of anything of significance really. After exhausting all the channels of useless chit chat they had access to they had settled into silence watching the television.

But that was almost an hour ago, and Willow needed to talk. She needed to find out what was going on inside of Buffy's head, and more importantly inside of Buffy's heart.

"About what…happened this morning," Buffy started looking down at her stocking feet. "I just…if this doesn't work, this serum thing, and I don't get my legs back, I just want you know that…" she faltered here, not wanting to say the words she was going to, but feeling that they should be said. "…that I won't hold you to what you said this morning. We can just pretend like it never happened," Buffy finished never lifting her eyes from her feet.

Willow stared at her for a moment in state of complete shock.

"Do you really think that little of me? Of yourself?" Willow asked a moment later. She had thought that her tone would have been angrier, but it wasn't, it was more disillusioned. She now understood why Buffy had been so reluctant to talk since they got back. She was afraid that if she didn't get her legs back, she wouldn't want her anymore. It was the most ridiculous thing Willow had ever heard, but it broke her heart.

Buffy looked up at her finally when Willow posed those questions.

"I…it has nothing to do with how much or how little I think of you, or myself," Buffy responded softly. "I think the world of you…I love you," she continued plaintively. "And I know that this," she said gesturing to her current position, "couldn't have been what you had in mind when…if you ever considered what a relationship with me might be like."

Willow dropped down off of the bed after Buffy had finished speaking and knelt in front of the Slayer.

"Obviously, those nights that I lay awake wondering what it would be like to be with you it wasn't like this," Willow started gesturing to their current situation. "There was no reason to think of it like this…but it doesn't matter," she continued. "It wasn't the being on a beach in Fiji part, or lying by the fire part of the dreams that was important…it was the being with Buffy part that made it magical," Willow said taking Buffy's hand into hers. "And it's the being with Buffy part that's important now, and I am and it's wonderful," Willow went on in an reverent tone. "I hope with all of my heart that this serum works, because I've spent a considerable amount of time thinking about all of the bad that will come if it doesn't and…but never, ever, would this or anything else change the way that I feel about you," she finished.

Buffy was silent for a moment after Willow finished speaking. There was just one last thing nagging at her, one last worry that she couldn't shake and for the life of her she didn't know how to bring it up in delicate way. It was just too…

"Just…what if…you know I may…" Buffy started to say, then she just stopped trying to bring herself together. "What if I can't…you know…consummate the relationship?" she asked her voice dropping to a whisper.

Willow smiled, that sweet, irresistible, sexy, completely Willow smile that could melt the hardest of hearts, even in deepest depths of a Siberian mineshaft in the middle of night in December.

"Is that what you're really worried about?" she asked softly.

"Well," Buffy said a little defensively. "There's also the not being able to save the world, and fight demons and stuff…I mean those are serious concerns as well," she went on avoiding Willow's gaze.

Willow stood up and lowered herself onto Buffy's lap. Something she seemed to be doing a lot of lately, and something they both seemed to be partial to. Buffy looked at her quizzically but didn't say anything as Willow settled herself. Once she was settled Willow leaned in and brought their lips together in a sweet, tender, passionate, hungry kiss that had both of them arching forward trying to increase the contact between them so that they could further devour each other. It was one of those all-consuming kisses where sparks erupted behind their eye lids and their hearts felt as if they would beat out their chests, and they weren't sure if they were in heaven or still on earth.

"You feel that?" Willow asked placing her hand over Buffy's heart once they broke apart.

Buffy nodded her answer trying to get her breathing under control.

"I don't think that…consummation is going to be a problem," Willow said grinning. "In fact I think we almost consummated a minute ago," she went on her grin taking on a lecherous leaning.

Buffy stared at Willow for a moment, then broke out into a huge smile and leaned forward resting her head against Willow's chest.

"Tell me about it," Buffy said. "I think I'm still consummating," she added chuckling. Her breathing still hadn't returned to it's regular routine and she doubted that as long as she was this close to Willow that it would.

"Which brings me back to my original question," Willow commented planting a kiss on the top of Buffy's head.

"You had a question?" Buffy asked genuinely perplexed.

"Why don't you come lie down," Willow clarified.

"Oh that," Buffy responded tilting her head up so that she was looking up into Willow's eyes. "I think that's a very good idea. Excellent actually."

Part Fourteen

Buffy ran her hand up and down Willow's left side as their kiss gained momentum. Then, as her lips moved down to kiss Willow's jaw line her hand started to creep under Willow's shirt, and then back up again. This time flesh on flesh, creating a delicious friction. Willow arched up into Buffy's touch and a low moan escaped from somewhere deep in her throat setting Buffy's blood on fire. As her hand slowly made it's way up Willow's torso Buffy returned her lips to those of the hacker deepening the kiss as her hand gently traced the curve of Willow's breast.

"Oh God," Willow groaned pushing forward into Buffy's body. She tore her lips away from the Slayer's and buried her head in the crook of Buffy's shoulder, kissing and nipping at the exposed skin there as Buffy explored the regions under her shirt.

Buffy responded by lifting Willow's shirt up a bit more to give herself better access. After placing a small kiss on Willow's cheek-which was the only part of the hackers face still visible to her-she devoted her full attention to manipulating the mound of flesh cupped in her hand.

Willow responded by raking her hand down Buffy's back and dragging them even closer together. As Buffy shifted them so that Willow was lying flat on her back and the Slayer was leaning over her Willow worked a hand under Buffy's tank top and began her own journey into the unknown. Buffy moaned and pushed down onto Willow seemingly trying to fuse their bodies together while doubling her own efforts.

"Will," Buffy said in a somewhat strangled voice.

"Uh huh," Willow answered not really up to forming real words.

"This has got to go," Buffy said fingering the material of Willow's shirt with her free hand.

"Uh huh," Willow responded already starting to pull the tank top Buffy was wearing over her head.

Once the Slayer was suitably undressed-at least for the time being-Buffy concentrated on removing Willow shirt while trying not to lose contact with any part of the hackers body. It was a complicated task to say the least, but Buffy managed. Dedication and motivation will do that.

The moment Willow's shirt was over her head Buffy flung it across the room and returned her attention to Willow's neck which she rained sweet kisses on, before devoting her attention to sucking on Willow's pulse point while the red head raked her nails down Buffy's back while moaning her name.

Buffy slowly made her way down, kissing Willow's collar bone, and shoulders, until she finally made her way to valley in between her breasts. When Buffy concentrated her efforts there she could feel as well as hear Willow growl, and felt Willow's hips pushing up into hers.

Suddenly Buffy stopped what she was doing and froze.

"What is it?" Willow asked in a ragged tone of voice.

"Shhhh," Buffy said bring a finger up to her lips. "Be very, very quiet," she continued.

"Wha…"

"Buffy, Willow!" Giles called. Buffy could hear him approaching the bedroom. "Dinner is ready," he continued still coming towards the room.

"Okay, we'll be right there!" Buffy yelled back hoping the footsteps would stop. They didn't.

"It's quite alright, I need to come in anyway to get…." The rest of his response was cut off.

"You can't!" Buffy yelled motioning for Willow to try and find their clothes. "Willow's changing," Buffy went on ignoring the look Willow shot her. "There's a half-naked teenager in here, that's a definite no for admittance," Buffy continued catching the shirt Willow threw at her.

"Why is she changing?" Giles asked in a perplexed tone. Buffy sighed in relieve, the footsteps had stopped.

"Uh…she was wearing wool?" Buffy responded though it sounded more like a question.

"No she wasn't," Giles responded staring hard at the door.

"Right," Buffy said pulling her shirt over her head. "I meant she changing into something wool…she's cold," Buffy went on dragging her chair around so that she could get into it.

"Buffy, it's over 80 degrees," Giles said a bit of irritation creeping into his voice.

"She's sensitive to changes in temperature," Buffy said settling into her chair. "Lights," Buffy whispered to Willow. "Turn on some more lights."

"Well, I'm coming in now," Giles said opening the door. "If she's not done then I'll apologize profusely."

"Gil….whatever," Buffy responded. As Giles opened the door Willow hoped on the bed and turned on the television.

"See," Giles said moving over to the closet. "All's well that ends well," he continued. Then he turned and looked at Willow. "That's what you had on this morning," he said squinting.

"Ah…" Willow said looking over at Buffy-it was, after all, her brilliant idea. "Ah…" she continued a moment later when Buffy offered no assistance.

"Articulate as always I see," Giles responded deciding he didn't want to know what they had been doing. "Like I said dinner has been served," he went on heading for the door. "Oh, and you might want to open a window…you're both looking a little flushed," and with that he was gone.

Part Fifteen

Willow leaned back in her chair and immersed herself in an activity that was fast becoming her favorite pastime. It was a little game that she liked to call "Buffy Gazing". The best part about the game was that it was almost sinfully easy. All that one had to do to win was, gaze at Buffy, and she could definitely handle that. Buffy was sitting across the table from her. They were all seated around Giles table in a very Brady moment. Giles and Buffy were engaged in an arduous discussion-and Willow used the term lightly-about the best ingredients to put on a Kabob. Willow had no idea how the conversation had arrived at such a topic of universal importance, and since she didn't really have anything useful to add the eloquent polemic taking place, she decided to Buffy gaze.

"Is too," Buffy said leaning forward so that her face was only inches away from Giles's.

"Is not," Giles's shot back not backing down. "That didn't even make sense," he went on in a huffy tone. "That wasn't even a point!"

"What?" Buffy asked clearly outraged. "That…that was entirely pointy!" she continued emphatically.

"You did it again," Giles said pointing a finger in her face. "You're non-sensical...you're a non-sensical Slayer!"

"A non-sensical Slayer?" Buffy asked incredulously. "And I'm the one who's not making any sense?"

That was about the last of that compelling discussion Willow heard, for her Buffy gazing soon metamorphisized into a deep reflection of recent events. For the first time-in what felt like weeks, but had actually been days-Willow was able to sit back and reflect on the journey she had been through over the past few days-the horrors of it, the wonders of it, the uncertainty, the excitement, the beauty and ugliness of it all, starting on that one cold night. She had no idea that coming upon Buffy's body in that cemetery, lying there cold and motionless, would only the first of the horrors visited upon her that night and indeed in the days to follow.

Through no volition of her own, Willow found her mind wondering to the later hours of that night. In her minds eye she saw herself, and Xander struggling to hold down Buffy's protesting body as Giles attempted to bind her wound. It had without a doubt been one of the most horrific experiences in her entire life, and truly considering the things she had seen and done that was significant statement. Every time Buffy's body bucked, or shook, or whimpered, it felt to Willow as if she herself were being branded-for doing nothing to stop the pain, and for doing the only thing possible to stop the pain.

She remembered staying with Buffy after the others had left, and she remembered picking up the Slayers unmoving hand and bringing it to the side of her face before succumbing to sea of tears that had been threatening to overwhelm her from the moment she had first laid eyes on Buffy's prone form. She had sat there, leaning over Buffy's body crying, raging, and aching for the better part of an hour, trying to purge herself of the tumultuous emotions brewing inside of her and failing miserably to do so. It was true that sometimes a good cry helped, and it was also true that some times it was as useless a book left unread, or a pencil with a broken point-utterly, and wholly.

And then, joy of joys, Buffy had awoken. Bruised and beaten but not defeated she had awaken, and the angels had sung and Willow's heart had soared. In the company of doves, her heart had risen, had flown into the white of the clouds and the sun had shone upon her warming her formerly tortured soul. And there, wrapped together in as tender a moment as they had ever shared, verging on a closeness that had only ever been considered in the deepest depths of their unconscious minds and there buried before the light of day could encroach upon its edges, they had lay if not in blissful ignorance then in a state of happiness as close to it as one could get.

And then, horror of horrors, Buffy had fallen. And once again the dark, towering, mountains of gloom appeared above, over, and around them. Trapping them in yet another revolution of desolation.

But somehow, miraculously in those dark days, a bond already formed by years of friendship and devotion had been cemented, and furthermore augmented. Words had taken on deeper meanings, touches carried with them more serious connotations, and looks which before had been obscure and ambiguous at best began to take form and transform into something tangible, into something obtainable. In those days something beautiful was being born between them; it was phosphorescence in the dark, cruel depths of the ocean.

And now, here they were. Gathered around a table, in the home of a man both of them considered a father of sorts-and one certainly preferable to the contemptible examples of the species each of them had been given-sharing dinner and discussion. Willow found herself thinking that this was quite a remarkable near conclusion to all that had transpired erstwhile.

"Willow?"

The hacker was brought out of her musings by the sound of an impatient Slayer voice.

"What's the up?" Willow asked looking over at Buffy.

"Giles wanted to know if you wanted…" Buffy began but she paused, a positively libidinous smile working its way across her face, "…dessert," she finished licking her lips.

Willow refusing to be baited meet Buffy's gaze and allowed an equally sensual smile to cross her own lips.

"A truly inspired idea," she responded.

Buffy grinned, and they both turned to face Giles how was looking at them rather oddly.

"Yes, well," he responded at a complete loss as to what he had just witnessed. "How does Napoleon sound?"

"Is that a short joke?" Buffy inquired without missing a beat.

Willow smiled. Somehow, through some mysterious, untenable impetus a feeling of rightness enveloped her. Everything would be all right, she was sure of it. Everything had to be all right, she reasoned, for that was the only suitable conclusion to the trek they had been taken on, so everything had to be all right. And would be.

Part Sixteen (conclusion)

Fiction.Index