Fic: "Forgive if Not Forget", Part Four

["jbstories _" <jbstories@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

"Forgive if not Forget"

===================================================================
Disclaimer: All the characters, Buffy, Willow, Giles, Xander, Faith etc.
belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Inc., and Warner Bros. I'm just
borrowing their brilliant creations. I intend no copyright infringement from
my use of their characters, and will receive no monetary or any other
compensation for their use, in any form, of the story that succeeds.
Synopsis: What would have happened if Faith had never escaped on that train
out of Sunnydale? Read on…
Rating: PG-13
Genera: Buffy/Faith
*Note* This story is told largely in flashbacks
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Part Four
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As Buffy placed the cap on the water bottle and rested it on her nightstand
table she remembered that Faith had indeed done their laundry. Buffy had
left the brunette in her dorm room while she went to class instructing Faith
to "watch some TV or something". When she had come back to the room, she
had found the place cleaned to a likeness she hadn't seen since the day she
moved in, and next to both of the closets laid a basket filled with lemony
fresh clothing. Buffy must have looked as shocked as she was feeling, for
before she could even say anything Faith had said, "so I got bored...sue me"
and then she immediately took up staring moodily at the floor.

As she settled herself on her bed, Buffy admitted that she had found the
entire display to be disarming and almost obscenely cute. She had pushed
the thought away at the time, but it had been there, she was sure. Instead
of touching Faith like she had wanted to, she had settled for saying thank
you, to which Faith had grumbled the response "don't get used to it...I'm
not a fucking maid". Buffy had found that equally as cute.

Buffy shook her head in consternation at the human psyche's ability to
believe its own bullshit. In that room, at that moment, she had gotten a
flash of possibility, a hint to the location of some secret prize, and she
had dismissed it. She had decided that finding the display cute was not an
acceptable response so she had formulated a more proper response and gone
about entrenching it in her memory as an inexorable truth.

Now, lying on her bed, she wondered how things might have been different if
she had just accepted those idle thoughts at the time instead of renouncing
them out of some foolish desire for propriety. She figured that there would
have been a night where she lay wake thinking--just as she was doing at the
moment--but that this night would have been weeks ago, and she would have
had her answer then.

"But then again," she thought, "you already know the answer; you just don't
want to believe it." And, as her mind drifted back once again, Buffy
continued to marvel at her ability to make things increasingly difficult on
herself.

{Faith lagged behind Buffy as they entered the courtyard to Giles' house.
As Buffy turned around to go get the stalling Slayer she sensed a pattern
beginning.

"Everyone's in there," Willow said as the Slayers approached her. Unlike
Buffy had predicted, Willow had told Tara to meet them at Giles' house
instead of coming with her to get Faith and Buffy. She had told Buffy, Tara
might feel better if everyone in her immediate area was having a stroke
right along with her.

Faith looked at Willow with a hard expression. There was joy in that voice.
She was looking forward to seeing the rest of the Scoobs tear her apart.

"I'm not going in there," Faith said ceasing all movement.

"We have to go in," Buffy said looking over at Faith.

"Why? So that they can pounce on me like a Panda in heat and tell me what a
horrible person I am and how you're insane for even talking to me? Been
there, done that," she said looking at Willow.

"I'll admit, that's a likely synopsis of the beginning of the conversation,"
Buffy responded. "But we'll explain everything to them, and it'll work out.
If this is going to work you have to face them sometime," Buffy went on.

"Why?" Faith asked belligerently.

"Because you can't move on until you do," Buffy responded.

"Have you been taking a psych class?" Faith asked suspiciously.

"That's not the point," Buffy said. "You know I'm right," she continued
looking Faith straight in the eye, daring her to deny it.

More words were spoken, but it ended with them entering Fort Giles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Faith listened to the Scoobs bickering around her, barely controlling the
urge to clamp her hands over her ears and curl up into a ball. Even the
goddamn vampire was badmouthing her, as if he was a person of such
impeccable personality. They were pointing and gesturing at her
emphatically, and the looks they were giving her were seriously starting to
piss her off. She was beginning to think that Willow was the saint Buffy
had always said she was. Willow had practically welcomed her with open arms
compared to what was happening now.

"She's a black widow!" Xander exclaimed.

"She made a mistake Xander, and I think she's paid for it," Buffy said
turning around to face him. "I know that right now what I'm saying probably
doesn't make much sense, but Faith and I have worked out an
understanding...and if you'll just give this a chance, if you'll all just
give this a chance, I'm sure we can work everything out."

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Giles asked turning around to
face Faith.

Faith stared at him for a second before smiling. "Can't we all just...get
along?" she asked.

This caused a whole new set of protests to be issued and the room erupted
into chaos once again. Faith had actually found the response amusing until
she saw the disappointed look Buffy sent her. The moment their eyes meet
she felt ashamed and regretted the sardonic response she had given.

"Wait!" Faith yelled out over top of the others voices. "I do have
something to say," she continued ignoring the look Xander shot her. "I know
that I did a lot of shitty things to you guys, and truthfully I know that
there's no explanation or excuse that I can give you to make it all better.
I don't expect absolution. I just want you all to know that I really AM
sorry, if you'll let me I'd like to try and make it up to you."

Things after that had gone smoother which wasn't to say that it was a
particularly pleasant experience...because it wasn't. But at the end of it
all, Buffy was certain that things would work out. It wouldn't be easy at
first, especially between Xander and Faith, but if they worked at it, things
could work out. And to Buffy, that was a good thing.}

And she considered, she had been right. Sure, things had been rough at the
beginning, especially with Xander, but they had worked through their
problems--surprisingly with a lot of help from Willow, who Buffy suspected
was influenced to forgive if not forget by Tara. After a few days of
listening to Buffy, Willow, and Faith complain about how cramped the dorm
room was getting, Giles had even agreed to allow Faith to stay with him. He
had grumbled about running 'a blasted boarding house', but had taken her in
nonetheless.

Buffy could actually smile about the whole experience now; it had turned out
to be a far better arrangement than any of them could have hoped for.
Somehow, no one had figured out quite how yet, Giles and Faith had formed a
mutual regard for each other over the time they spent together. Faith had
aggravated Giles to no end when she first moved in, but the longer they
spent together, the more Giles started to realize that she wasn't doing the
things she was doing for the sole purpose of annoying him, she was doing
them because that was what she did, it was part of what made her Faith. From
that point on he was able to start to see a kind of beauty in it. Through
no intention of her own, Faith had succeeded in lightening Giles up quite a
bit, or as Xander referred to it "she had yanked the giant stick out of his
ass". Buffy had actually come over one day to find the two of them playing
Crash Bandicoot.

At the same time, Giles had had a rather calming sort of effect on Faith.
Being in a stable environment, with a parental type figure had done her a
lot of good. The role that Giles was playing in her life was a part that
had been miscast to begin with and then missing completely after that. But,
it was a role that needed to be filled, and Giles had done so excellently.
And even though Faith still wouldn't admit that living with Giles had
anything to do with her growth as a person, Buffy knew that she appreciated
everything he had done for her, especially the mere fact that he was there
for her. But that was classic Faith, and Buffy wouldn't have changed that
about her. It was one of the things that she loved about her.

Buffy sighed and ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "It was one of the
things I loved about her," she thought to herself. "Loved about her...love
about her," Buffy's mind continued to ponder. Love.

The topic brought her mind back into the past.

{Buffy was walking leisurely across the campus grounds, though she wasn't
quite as care free as her saunter seemed to indicate. The fact was that
earlier that morning they had just finished moving Faith into Giles' house,
and they--the statement had been directed at all of the Scoobs, but it only
really applied to Buffy--were forbidden to return to the house for the rest
of the day, so that Giles and Faith could get 'acquainted' without
interruption. The thought of the two of them locked up in a house together
with tensions still high didn't sit too well with Buffy, but it was a
condition of the arrangement and she had to follow it.

"Buffy!"

Buffy turned around at the sound of her name being called from somewhere
behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Hey," Riley said catching up to her. "You sure can move fast for someone
with..."

"You're not going to want to finish that sentence," Buffy said in warning
tone that was undermined by the smile she had on her face. She had learned
to sense short jokes coming from a mile away.

"I come in peace," Riley said holding up his hands in the universal sign of
pacification.

"How are you feeling?" Buffy asked turning her attention to his side.

"Better," he said touching it self-consciously. "Not about to play some
X-games anytime soon, but it's getting better," he went on. "I've been
calling."

"I know," Buffy said dropping her head slightly.

"If this is about Faith..."

"It is and it isn't," Buffy responded cutting him off. "It's not about you
and Faith, that's yester...a no fault zone," Buffy went on quickly. "It's
just that things with the gang...Faith's return and all, have been kind of
complicated to say the least and I've been kind of distracted," she
continued. "You'd be surprised how NOT happy people were to see her."

"Five days ago you were one of those people, I mean when you got that call
you were preparing to lead the troops into battle," Riley responded as they
started to walk again.

"A lot's happened since then," Buffy replied.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Still, this seems like a complete 180. I've got to
admit that I don't completely get it."

"It's a Slayer thing," Buffy responded.

"That's kind of a cop-out as far as answers go," Riley responded frowning.

"It's just that I don't have any irrefutable, scientific response that will
magically explain it all," Buffy responded sighing. "It's a feeling that
I've got...and before you give me that look...my 'feelings' have saved my
ass a number of times. I've learned to trust them. When we switched
bodies, we made this connection, Faith and I, and I know that she's changed
and I have to help her stay on this road."

"She's wanted by the police...what are you going to do about that?" Riley
asked hesitantly. Buffy knew that the question was asked to gently remind
her that Faith was a dangerous criminal wanted by the authorities, but it
was of no consequence. She knew Faith, and her circumstances, better than
he could ever hope to.

"No...she's not," Buffy responded evasively.

"But you said..."

"I was wrong."

"Oh," Riley said knowingly. "This is one of those things I don't want to
know for my own safety right?"

"I could answer that but then I'd have to stake you," Buffy responded
seriously. "Listen," she continued a moment later. "You're going to have
to trust me on this, because I'm not going to stop helping her. I promise,
I won't let her kill or maim you."

"That's...only slightly comforting," Riley responded finally.

"That's been a common reaction," Buffy said glancing over at him.

"What are you doing later?"

"Nothing, I'm free for the rest of the day," Buffy responded with a smile.

"How do you feel about Italian?"}

Buffy ruefully smiled into the darkness of the room. "When things were
simple," she pondered, and then shook her head. It said a lot about her
current situation if she was now thinking that things back then were simple.
"At least you thought you knew what you knew," she sighed as she rolled
over onto her back. At that time she had at least thought that she
understood what was going on in her life. Even if things were complicated
she was on top of it. She had it all under control. But now, now it was
her that was out of control, her feelings that were complicated, and she
didn't know what she knew anymore.

Things with Riley had been fine for a time after that encounter. They
hadn't really grown closer, but they hadn't really started to drift either.
If anything, after that day it had been like their relationship was inside
of a stasis chamber. Cryogenically frozen in the spot where it had been
before Faith had woken from her coma. Admittedly, that wasn't a bad place
and it was fine for where they were when they first entered that stage, but
it wasn't a place where you wanted to be stuck. But that's what had
happened, they had gotten stuck in the middle of the book and inevitably
things had started to go down hill. Buffy knew that she had no one to blame
for that situation but herself. The thing was that she couldn't regret what
had happened, because it was beautiful and special. She didn't want to
regret it, and at the time she hadn't been able to forget it.

{Buffy watched Faith with a weary expression. The brunette was smiling, it
was a mischievous smile, and Buffy knew that it meant trouble. The look
also caused a fluttering excitement to rise inside of her that she would
deny if anyone asked.

"Seems like no creepy crawlers are out," Faith commented casually.

"Looks can be deceiving," Buffy responded.

"Yeah," Faith agreed. "I mean you LOOK nice," she continued an impish grin
spreading across her face. Buffy backhanded her playfully in the stomach.
"Then you start in with the man-handling," she said in response to the hit.

"I'll show you man-handling," Buffy responded fixing Faith with a stare that
was supposed to be intimidating but was actually the opposite.

"You promise?" Faith asked with a lecherous expression. "Cause I'll stick
around for that."

"I'm beginning to think that slaying is just an excuse for your perpetual
state of horniness," Buffy responded breaking the surprisingly intense look
that Faith had engaged her in. There was a light in the other girl's eyes
that was making her uncomfortable.

"Beginning?" Faith questioned.

Buffy smirked.

"I'm going to assume that you brought up the lack of action for a reason
besides assaulting me with a barrage of sexual innuendoes," Buffy responded.

"Never assume B, it makes an ass out of you and me," Faith said chuckling.

"No, it just makes an ass out of you for thinking, let alone saying that,"
Buffy replied starting to walk again.

"Let's get the hell outta here," Faith said placing her hand on Buffy's
shoulder. "Seriously, this blows! It b-l-o-w-ssss."

"So what you're saying is that this blows?" Buffy asked saucily.

"That's what I love about you B, you're always on the ball," Faith responded
sarcastically. "And yes that is what I'm saying."

"Well, as the resident expert on things that don't...as you so artfully put
it 'blow', what would you suggest we do?" Buffy asked. "And if you say 'get
the hell out of here' I will bitch slap you."

"I might like it," Faith said with a look identical to the one she wore
earlier.

Buffy bit her bottom lip thoughtfully and regarded Faith.

"It never ceases to amaze me," Buffy commented finally.

"What?" Faith questioned. "My brains? My beauty? My..."

"Ego? No," Buffy said interrupting Faith. "You're incessant ability to
turn the most innocent of comments into something sexual."

"Incessant, huh?" Faith asked thoughtfully. "I'm not really into that...but
hey, whatever floats your boat, B," she finished smiling.

Buffy responded by playfully running at Faith and ramming into her. Faith
replied by looking at Buffy with a raised eyebrow and slamming back into
her. Buffy responded by pushing the other Slayer and winking at her. Faith
replied by pushing Buffy back and smiling cockily at her. Buffy placed her
hands on her hips.

"You wanna piece of me? Huh, chump!"

"Nah, baby," Faith responded bouncing on her heels. "I want the whole pie!"

And next thing Buffy knew they were laughing and rolling on the ground. She
wouldn't quite describe what they were doing as wrestling--well maybe if
they were in mud--but it was something very close. They certainly weren't
using any of their slayer skills cause if that was how they fought they
would have died a long time ago.

Finally they came to a stop, Faith on top of Buffy straddling her hips.

"Guess I'm king of the castle," Faith announced proudly.

"I let you win," Buffy responded.

"Oh, I'm so sure," Faith, retorted.

They stayed like that for a moment, Faith sitting on top of Buffy looking
down at her, both of their breathing slightly erratic. As they sat there,
Buffy became increasingly aware of Faith's weight on top of her. But more
importantly of the warmth of Faith's body nestled against her hips. Then,
as soon as those thoughts started to appear, Buffy became aware of the smell
of the other girl--something sweet and spicy that made her nostrils flare
hungrily--and of the way Faith's chest rose and fell with each breath.

She needed to move.

Buffy bucked her hips slightly as a signal for Faith to get off (excuse the
pun). But Faith either didn't get the hint or didn't take it for she simply
rode out Buffy's movement with the skill of a rodeo cowboy. Buffy tried
again, this time harder.

"The native is getting restless," Faith commented looking down at Buffy.
Despite the casualness of her voice her stare was intense and just made
Buffy want get away even more.

"Faith," Buffy said softly, and if she was completely honest, a little
pleadingly.

Faith held her gaze for a moment longer, some indefinable emotion passing
through those dark eyes. Something tender, and sad...a longing. But as
soon as it appeared it disappeared and Faith gracefully moved herself from
atop the other Slayer and stood up offering her hand to Buffy.

"What..." Buffy started, her voice hitching for a moment as their hands
connected. "What do you want to do?"

"It's not what I want, B, but what I can," Faith responded softly.

"Alright," Buffy responded refusing to meet the other Slayers eyes despite
the fact that every cell in her body was telling her to look up.

"Point 'n' Put," Faith responded a rakish grin spreading across her face.

"Seriously?" Buffy asked suspiciously. Mini-golf was a decidedly
un-Faith-like thing to do.

"Hey," Faith said shrugging her shoulders. "When in Rome, do as the Romans
do."

Buffy smiled.

"You've got yourself a date."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy, her right hand over her eyes, peaked through two separated fingers.
Faith looked over at her and scowled at the display before turning back
around to line up her shot. Pausing, the dark Slayer licked the tip of one
of her fingers and held it up in the air, testing for wind velocity.

"Just take the shot," Buffy said hardly able to contain the laughter that
was threatening to bubble out of her throat.

"Yes, mom," Faith responded sarcastically, lowering her arm nonetheless.
Looking down, she returned her attention to the ball in front of her.

As Faith started to swing Buffy grimaced, this was going to be interesting.
Faith brought the club forward and the ball went flying, ricocheting off of
the perimeter of the hole and flew back in their direction hitting Faith in
the shin.

"God-fucking-dammit!" Faith exclaimed reaching down to rub her shin after
throwing her club down in a miniature hissy fit. "I HATE this game."

"Come on," Buffy said once again trying not to laugh. "It's fun if you..."
she was interrupted.

"Can get the ball in the hole?" Faith asked her darkly.

"Well...yeah," Buffy agreed.

Faith glared at her.

Buffy broke the gaze and walked over to where Faith was sulking. "Listen,
this is a game of finesse and precision. You can't just use brute force;
you have to plan your shot in an advance using angles and stuff."

"Well, thank you very much Bill Nye," Faith responded still pouting.
"'Angles and stuff', that makes it all so clear." She paused. "Besides,
even if your advice HAD been good, I was never really a fan of the math's."

Despite Faith's highly caustic tone, Buffy smiled.

"I'm not exactly Gerald Bull either, but I manage," Buffy responded fondly.
"I'll show you."

Faith looked over at Buffy through her eyelashes, then nodded her head.
Despite that fact her general demeanor would still have had to have been
described as glowering.

"Okay," Buffy said once Faith had picked up the club she had not so
gracefully disposed of moments ago. "Look at the entire hole and tell me
the shot you think would be most efficient."

Faith opened her mouth as if she was about to make some comment, but she
promptly shut it and did as Buffy instructed. "Just hit it straight," Faith
responded finally. There was a shed with a hole at the bottom about three
meters in front of her and a meter behind that was the hole.

Buffy shook her head. "The shed is just there to trick the young and
gullible," she responded unable to help herself. "The ball never goes
through it." Faith turned around and looked at the blonde with an
expression that clearly illustrated that she was not amused.

"Enlighten me," Faith drawled.

"You can't get this hole in one shot," Buffy said holding up the score card.
"See, par 2. What you want to do is hit it off the side just before the
bend and get the ball in the open so that you can...at least theoretically,
tap it in on your next shot."

Faith looked at the ball, then turned her attention to the hole, then she
looked back at the ball, then up at Buffy. All of the looks held the same
skeptical expression.

Buffy responded by placing Faith's ball down on the green, then moved so
that she was standing behind the other Slayer. Hesitating for a moment, but
only for a moment, Buffy then reached around Faith and encircled the other
girl in her arms, placing her hands over Faith's, which were holding the
club.

"B?" Faith questioned tensing slightly.

"Do you want to learn or not?" Buffy responded willing herself not to tense
as well.

Faith merely inclined her head slightly in response.

"Are you loose?" Buffy asked a moment later.

"Yeah...I think so," Faith replied in an amused tone, grinning.

Buffy shook her head once again, astounded at Faith's ability to give
everything a sexual overtone. "Alright, just relax and follow my lead."

With that Buffy shifted her hips back slowly causing Faith's to shift with
her. As she did this, she moved their arms back, and then shifted them
forward again hitting the ball. They stayed wrapped together like that as
the ball rolled forward bouncing off of the wall just as Buffy had said it
should. And as they stood there Buffy felt her breathing increase, and her
eyes flicker shut as she became acutely aware of the feeling of Faith's body
pressed against hers.

Her eyes opened.

She removed her arms from around Faith's waist and stepped back.

"Very...effective, demonstration," Faith said softly as she turned around to
face Buffy.

"Your turn," Buffy responded not trusting herself to say anything else at
that particular time. She bent down and placed her ball on the green so
that Faith could try it herself this time.

Faith continued to look at Buffy for a moment, once the blonde Slayer was
standing again. Her face was shadowed and Buffy couldn't exactly make out
the expression on it, but she did detect a brief flicker in those dark eyes.
But then Faith turned away, and Buffy was relieved.

Her eyes on the ball, Faith brought the club back slowly shifting her hips
as Buffy had done. Then she started the motion forward. She was right on
track to hit the ball perfectly, but just as she was about to make contact
with the ball her mind flashed back, remembering the feeling of Buffy's hips
moving against her own and the ball went shooting off the end of the club
contacting the side of the hole violently and flying off into the bushes.

Faith cursed silently. Fucking hormones. Just once she wished that her
body would be able to come up with a different response to every situation
other than the standard old horniness. Buffy had only been trying to help
her, and as usual she had to go thinking with her lower instincts.

"B," Faith said walking over to the bushes, trying to put some space between
her and Buffy. "I really appreciate the tutorial," she continued grimacing
a little as she reached into the prickly bushes. "But, I think I'll stick
with brute force if it's all the same to you."

Despite that statement however, by the last hole Faith was matching Buffy
shot for shot.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay," Buffy relented smiling. "I'll admit, it beat the hell out of
patrol."

They were approaching Giles' house, and Buffy was certain that it was well
after midnight. After they had finished with the mini-golf they did the
batting cages, then they went to the 7-11 for slurpees.

"Say it with me," Faith responded. "Responsibility, somonsibility!"

They had finally reached Giles' doorstep. Once they got there they were
quiet for a moment. They both knew that it was time to say their good-byes,
but neither of them really wanted to leave.

"Isn't this the part where you kiss me goodnight?" Buffy asked jokingly, and
more for the sake of saying something to break the now uncomfortable silence
than anything else. Although, the moment it was out of her mouth she
realized that it probably wasn't the smartest idea she had ever had. It had
come out sounding more like a genuine inquiry than she had intended.

Faith leaned back against Giles' front door and observed Buffy thoughtfully.
There was an odd quality to her voice and Faith was having trouble
deciding just how to interpret the question. Also, she guessed Buffy wasn't
exactly sure how she meant the question either. She knew how she wanted to
respond to it though. Finally she decided on a course of action. Buffy
was, after all, the one who asked.

Swooping forward before either of them had a chance to think about what was
happening Faith brought their lips together. Another time, another place,
with any other person she could have turned the situation into a seduction.
She could have attacked their lips, pressed her advantage weakening their
resistance to her, making them crave her. And, she was fairly certain that
she could do the same to Buffy, but she wouldn't. She wouldn't because it
wasn't another time, another place, or another person. It was here, now and
with Buffy.

The kiss was soft, tender, and brief. It couldn't have lasted more than two
or three seconds but that was more than long enough.

"You should be careful what you ask for B," Faith said quietly as she
reached behind her for the door knob. "Sweet dreams," she murmured, then
she disappeared behind the door.

Buffy stood there for long moments staring at the door.

"What..." she started to say before dropping into silence again. She felt
like her brain's batteries were dying, slowing down so that everything
around her became fuzzy and unclear.

She continued to stand there, looking at the spot Faith had vacated, with an
utterly bewildered expression on her face. After a moment she reached up
and touched a shaky finger to her lips. Lips that Faith had kissed minutes
before. Lips that could still feel the other Slayer upon them.

She lowered her hand and turned away from the door and in the direction of
campus. As she walked she made a concerted effort to push the memory of the
kiss into the basement of her psyche, and pushing the feelings it had caused
within her down even deeper. She didn't have the strength to deal with the
ramifications of what had happened. She simply didn't want to deal with
examining what the kiss could mean or not mean. So, she took a page from
the Sunnydale Handbook and denied, denied, denied.}
==============================================================

Later,
Janine

-------------
I may look like I'm doing
nothing, but at the cellular
level I'm really quite busy.
-------------
Anything worth fighting for
is worth fighting dirty for.
-------------
"If you have love in your life
it can make up for a great many
things you lack. If you don't
have it, no matter what else there
is, it's not enough." - Ann Landers
-------------
"The secret of becoming a star, is
knowing how to behave like one" from
"Velvet Goldmine"
--------------
If someone ever catches you talking to
yourself, the best thing to do is point
at a chair and say, "He started it!"
That way they won't think you're
crazy.
------------
"Never wrestle with a pig. You
both get all dirty, and the pigs
like it!"
-----------

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