FF: Conversations 13

["Selenay" <selenay@xxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the kind words. You're all great *g* The good news is, this
is nearly done. The bad news is - there are only three more parts. Hope you
like this one though.

Selenay

Title: Conversations 12/?
Author: Selenay
E-mail: selenay@xxxxxxxxxx
Summary: It's time Buffy and Willow talked...
Distribution: This has no home yet, but please ask before posting it
elsewhere
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon and those lovely folks
at Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB etc. Unfortunately I'm making no money from this.
The plot, what there is of it, is all mine.
Feedback: Praise, adulation, bribes (chocolate works best ;) etc can be sent
to the addy above or the list. I'm easy. Not easy in the easy sense, easy in
the...oh, I give up *g*


Joyce leaned against the doorjamb and watched her daughter. It had been over
a week since the cave-in and the weather reflected Buffy's mood. For the
past few days Sunnydale had been having one of its periodic storms and the
blonde girl had spent all her time curled up on a wide windowsill upstairs
watching the rain splatter against the window. For the first time since she
found out about Buffy's destiny, Joyce was truly worried about her. She
barely ate, she barely talked and she had not seen any of her friends since
she came home from the hospital. Even Giles was worrying and had asked her
to see if she could find out what was wrong.

"Honey?" she said quietly.

There was no answer.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Joyce tried again.

Buffy stirred slightly. "Nothing mom."

"There's something wrong. You can't hide that from me."

"There's . . . I'm fine."

"Sweetheart, I'm worried about you. Everyone's worried about you. Mr Giles
even offered buy you ice-cream."

Buffy smiled slightly but did not stop watching the rain.

"Please Buffy? Talk to me?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"So there is something wrong."

"Nothing that talking will fix. I just have to wait."

Joyce ventured into the room. "Maybe if you talked about it you'd feel
better."

The Slayer smiled sadly. "I don't think so."

"Try it."

"You wouldn't understand."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just . . . trust me, you wouldn't understand."

Joyce leaned against the wall and smiled down at her daughter. "Maybe I
don't need to understand in order to listen."

There was no response.

"Honey, I can see that whatever is wrong is eating you up inside. You're not
eating, you haven't seen your friends," Buffy winced, "and Mr Giles says
that you haven't been to him for training since the cave-in. Please talk to
me. Even if I don't understand, sometimes just getting whatever-it-is off
your chest can help."

Buffy said nothing for a long time and Joyce began to give up.

"Have you ever said something that could change everything in your life, and
then wished you could take it back?"

The question was asked so quietly that Joyce almost missed it.

"Have you ever wished that you could replay time so that you didn't do
something that could turn out to be a disaster? And have you ever done
something that will probably end up with you being alone for the rest of
your life?"

"Buffy, you're talking to a divorcee; of course I have."

The Slayer turned her tear-streaked face towards her mother and the older
woman sat down and hugged her.

"Did you feel like your world might end when you did?" Buffy asked, her
voice slightly muffled against Joyce's shoulder.

"Not really. I felt more as though my world was about to start again." Joyce
paused and began gently stroking her daughter's hair. "I guess if that's the
problem I don't understand. But I can listen. What happened?"

This time the silence went on so long she was sure Buffy was not going to
answer.

"I told someone I loved them."

"And?"

"Sh-They love me."

"The problem is?"

"They're involved with someone else."

"Ah."

"She wasn't even suppose to hear! Now everything's messed up and it's all my
fault."

Joyce caught the word Buffy probably did not mean to say but sensed that now
was not the time for *that* discussion. "What's messed up?"

"Sh-They shouldn't leave the person they're with for me - I'm not worth it.
You only have to look at my track record to see that. Me and relationships
always equals disaster, and I don't want to lose the best friend I have
through my selfishness and stupidity."

Slowly, Joyce managed to work out what had happened and hear what her
daughter was not saying. Her heart broke at the despair she read in Buffy's
eyes. "What did you do?"

"I said we needed to think . . . and then I ran. She hasn't called so I
guess that's it."

"Maybe she's waiting for you to call," Joyce suggested.

Buffy shrugged her mother's arms away and Joyce stood up. "It would be
better if she forgot I ever said anything. I'll get over this eventually and
sh-they really do love the other person."

"Buffy, sometimes I really do despair of you. Have you considered that maybe
this person you say you love really does love you and they're afraid that
you don't really want them? You can't go through life afraid of your own
feelings just because you've had a couple of bad experiences."

Buffy turned back to watch the rain through the window.

"Sometimes the noble thing to do isn't the right thing to do. Sacrificing
your own happiness for the sake of someone else may seem noble and good, but
if you're actually stopping this other person being as happy as she could be
as well . . . well, it may not be the best thing after all."

There was still no response from the blonde girl and with a sigh Joyce
decided that she had done as much as she could. She quietly left the room
without looking back; she knew that Buffy would probably not even notice she
had gone, she was so sunk into her misery.

Downstairs, Joyce hesitated a moment before she picked up the telephone and
dialled a number. It was answered after a couple of rings and she took a
deep breath before saying, "Could I speak to Willow Rosenburg?"