FF: Conversations 14

["Selenay" <selenay@xxxxxxxxxx>]

Hi,

Thank you! You're the best feedbackers I've had *g* I think that there might
have been a little confusion though - when I said three parts to go I was
including yesterday's part. Sorry. But the good(ish) news is that I have it
all written. Not that I'm putting th finale out until tomorrow, but...

Selenay

Title: Conversations 12/?
Author: Selenay
E-mail: selenay@xxxxxxxxxx
Summary: It's time Buffy and Willow talked...
Distribution: This has no home yet, but please ask before posting it
elsewhere
Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon and those lovely folks
at Mutant Enemy, Fox, WB etc. Unfortunately I'm making no money from this.
The plot, what there is of it, is all mine.
Feedback: Praise, adulation, bribes (chocolate works best ;) etc can be sent
to the addy above or the list. I'm easy. Not easy in the easy sense, easy in
the...oh, I give up *g*


Willow sat on the floor beside her French windows watching the rain stream
down the glass. She had always found that she thought better like this,
although right now the thoughts just ran around her head in a never ending
circle. She loved Tara, but she loved Buffy, and she would hurt one of them
no matter what she did. So who should she choose? With Oz, in the end, the
decision had been taken out of her hands. Choosing Tara had been easy
because, realistically, she could not choose Oz and it had been the choice
that her heart wanted to make anyway.

Deep down she knew what her heart's choice was, but she hated to hurt
people.

The ringing of the telephone startled her out of her thoughts and she stood
stiffly, rubbing her back as she walked over to the telephone.

"Hello?" she said, not really sure whether she wanted to answer or not.

"H-hi, uh, is that Willow?" Tara asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, hi," Willow replied, sitting down on her bed.

"Hi. How are you?"

"I'm good. And you?"

"I'm good too." There was a brief silence. "I'm sorry I haven't called. I've
been kind of busy and I don't know where the time goes. My folks are keeping
me pretty busy here; I think they want to cram in as much time with me as
they can."

"It's ok. I've been pretty busy myself, what with being trapped in a cave-in
and all."

"You got trapped? Are you ok?"

Willow shrugged even though Tara could not see it through the telephone. "I
had a headache where I got hit by a rock but other than that . . . we were
pretty lucky. I remembered that force field spell you taught me and Buffy
took care of me when the rock fell."

"You were trapped with Buffy?"

Willow was immediately swamped with guilt. "Yeah. I was unconscious most of
the time though."

"Oh." There was a pause and Willow could imagine the blonde girl playing
with the cuff of her shirt while she worked up the courage to say something.
"So you, uh, didn't have time to talk . . . maybe? About . . . stuff?"

"Not really. I was mostly out of it."

"Oh." Tara sounded almost disappointed.

"What did you want us to talk about?"

"I don't know. Things. Maybe you, uh, there were . . . feelings?"

"Feelings?" The guilt became stronger.

"Uh, yeah . . . uh, heart-to-heart, maybe talking about, uh, feelings?
B-between you?"

"Tara, what are you tying to ask?" Now the guilt was almost like a physical
presence in the room.

"I-I-I . . . d-did Buffy mention anything about, uh, kind of, loving you?"

Willow felt as though her heart had stopped. She could not breathe and she
stared wildly at the telephone for a moment.

"H-hello? Willow? Are you still there?"

Tara's voice shook her out of her shock. "Yeah, I'm still here. I'm just a
little surprised."

"Oh. So she didn't . . . Willow, I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. She did mention . . . something. And it's been all I can
think about for the past week."

There was silence at the other end of the line.

"I'm just so confused right now," Willow said. "This is worse than when Oz
came back! I don't want to hurt anyone - I never wanted to hurt anyone - but
no matter what I do I'll be hurting two people that I love. I kind of had my
decision made for me with Oz, and I was really happy about it, but now
nothing is going to make my decision for me and I'm terrible at deciding. I
have to have rocky road and toffee fudge ice-cream at the same time because
I can't even decide about that!"

"So, you love her?"

"You see, there's my problem. I love her but I'm not sure whether she's
going to let me love her. And you're . . . well, you're you and that just
makes it all harder."

She was not even aware of the tears streaming down her face now. "I don't
want to lose you, but I know that I'll lose someone whatever I do."

"Willow, I'll always be here," Tara said softly. "No matter what happens, I
could never hate you and if you want to be with Buffy you should. I'll
always want to be your friend."

The redheaded witch wiped away a tear. "Thanks. It's just so hard to know
what to do. Normally I'd go and talk to Buffy but she isn't really the right
person to talk to right now."

"She's your best friend; it's only natural that you'd want to talk to her."

"But it kind of leaves me with no one."

"There's me. I'm always here."

Somehow, through her tears, Willow managed to smile. "I think you'd be
biased."

"I wasn't with Oz. I mean, sure, I hoped but you needed someone to talk to
and I tried to be that person." Tara paused. "You have to follow your heart,
Willow."

"That would be good advice if I knew what my heart wanted."

"You do, but you're fighting it."

Willow thought for a moment. "Maybe I am," she allowed eventually, "but is
following my heart going to be the best plan? It will hurt people-"

"It will hurt you more if you don't," cut in Tara. "I've always known that
if it came down to a choice between me and Buffy you'd chose her. It's ok;
all I ever wanted is for you to be happy. You deserve the best and I think
that when she loves it's with all her heart.

"You . . . don't mind?"

"I-It's not like that, but I think you deserve to be with the one you love
most. And I know that's B-Buffy."

"Tara," Willow whispered sadly.

"Don't feel sorry - I'll get over it. We're still friends though, right?"

"We'll always be friends."

"Good."

Willow paused awkwardly. "I'm not really sure what to say now."

"Do you know what you're going to say to Buffy?"

"Not really. Knowing her I'll have to talk her out of her huge bout of guilt
and self-pity before I can even start trying to talk her into believing a
relationship can work."

"You'll do it."

"You think?"

"I know."

"Tara, I'm sorry-"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." Willow heard a distant shout through the
telephone. "I have to go. Let me know how things go with Buffy?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll, uh, maybe see you at college?"

"I'd like that. Bye Tara."

"Good bye."

The line went dead and Willow carefully turned the telephone off before
lying back on her bed with the receiver of her stomach. Somehow, she had
known she was going to make that decision all the time. It just took Tara to
prod her in the right direction. And that was probably the strangest part of
all.

The telephone rang and Willow almost jumped off the bed. Taking a deep
breath to calm her, she shakily lifted the telephone and answered it.

"Hello? Oh, hi Mrs Summers."