List Gutter Missing Persons Update

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads, UVE, and all interested parties.
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: List Gutter Missing Persons Update

It has come to my attention that at least two high-ranking members of
the Gutter Committer have dropped out of site recently... namely our
beloved listparents. While I would like to report that both are locked
away in a small remote cabin somewhere doing things that I don't even
want to think about. {Face it, mental images of your parents having sex
is just wrong... and evil... and emotionally scaring no matter how open
minded you are.}

As it is, I do know the whereabouts of both of our beloved listparents,
the reason I have not told the rest of the list sooner was because they
asked for a little privacy while they took care of personal issues.
However since an APB on our listmum has been issued I'm forced to break
my word to both of them, if only to stop any undo worry and concern
among the Gutter Community.

First off, the whereabouts of our ever-absent listdad... I'm afraid he
has been captured once again by the "Ms. Edith Fan Club and Cult of Rio"
and is as we speak being held in a small village somewhere in the Amazon
being forced to sing the theme song to Annie and act as Ms. Edith's
Earthly consort. What exactly Ms. Edith's Earthy Consort does is still
a bit unclear, but apparently it involves wearing little pink dresses
and a feathered boa. {Personally I rather not know... the mental images
could very well give me nightmares or something.}

Second off, the whereabouts of our beloved listmum and official List
Gutter Lust Goddess, that one is a bit involved I'm afraid. It all
started about a week ago, when she woke up in a hotel in Miami with ten
cases of spiked jungle juice and a "I love lobsters" tattoo on her
tummy. From Miami she made her way to Memphis.. the one in Egypt not
Tennessee... where she visited several museums looking for some ancient
weapon rumoured to be able to slay the dreaded Spam demon.
{Unfortunately her trip was in vain, but she did get some nice pictures
of the Great Pyramids and the Sphinx.} From there she went to a small
Tibetan temple looking for those monks that helped poodle-boy, in hopes
that she could learn what they taught him so she could pass it on to
Buffy Summers of the Reality Shift universe. And lastly she is
currently on a mountaintop somewhere in the Alps pondering the enigma of
Willow/Spike 'shippers, trying to figure out if they are harmless or
have watched one too many viewing of "American Vampire in Romania."
When I last spoke to her, she was mumbling something about "Looking for
my lobster in all the wrong places" and trying to convince me that Giles
is really Buffy's father and Hank Summers is a fungus demon. I think
she has been up on the mountain too long and I have dispatched a few
members of security to bring her back to civilization... or at least
what passes for it in the Gutter anyway. At last report the rescue team
has collected listmum and she is on the plane home.

So in a nutshell that is where both of our listparents have been up
too... so please do not worry. Our listmum is being flown back the List
Gutter as fast as humanly possible. As for our listdad, well
considering that this is Rodrigo we are talking about, who could tell
the difference if the Ms. Edith Fan Cub and Cult of Rio brainwash him
into becoming one of them? However if he does start demanding Ms.
Edith/Mr. Gordo fics... the Brooklyn Biker Nun's of Saint Bart's are on
standby and Quin has the wet noodles of death ready... we will deprogram
him! {That is just sick no matter how you look at it.}

That is all the information I have at the moment... I will keep the rest
of the list updated as events warrant. We now return you to your
regularly scheduled fanfic.


Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper.
Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback.
The Big Bad and Little Comma.