List Gutter Affairs Safety Report

["Bill LaBarbera" <asagiri@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

 

To: The Director of Public Safety

 

Subject:Missing Attack Lawyer and 3 naked Gabrielle's in the Sunnydale Forest Woods Outback.

 

Shadow,

  Several members of the Woods Outback have mentioned seeing a naked Gabrielle frolicing in the Woods ever since you joined the Merwolf Pack. While seeing a naked (and we guess lovely) blonde human in the forest and swimming in our river is bad enough. She seems to be chased? by a tall, dark haired warrior woman. This has caused my favorite attack lawyer, Bobo, to go chasing after them both and he has not been seen for days now.

 

So to all pack members, if you see my attack lawyer roaming about (You can't miss him he's short, wears glasses and a dark brown suit and tie) please let me know and do not poke or laugh at him as he is sensitive about his looks will immediately launch vicious and unfounded litigations at the closest person.

 

And to my friends in the Woods Outback, that blonde is not the human Buffy Slayer but someone named Gabrielle, who has a rather possessive, tall and dark-haired lover named Xena (Is that a strange name or what? But they are humans so what do you expect?) No teasing or dropping pine cones on them! (This means you Sammy and your fellow cohorts the Bunny Slayer, Willow the Red fox and Shy-fox)

 

That is all for now, you may now return to your reguarly scheduled fanfics.

 

Oh yes, before I forget. Tater, you should warn the UVE (United Vegetable Empire) members that this Gabrielle likes to cook using vegetables, warn your members to look out for her and have the Vampire Tomatoes stay far away. It has been rumoured that the human, Xena, likes to eat raw, Vampire Tomatoes at least several times a month.

 

Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs to the Senior Executive Committe of List Gutter Affairs.

Backup (or is that Safety?) Bartender to Sam I Am the Koala

Resident Gopher of the Sunnydale Forest Woods Outback

Proud Gopher Papa to Matthew Timothy Gopher