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TO: Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs to the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs. FROM: The Director of Public Safety SUBJECT: Missing Attack Lawyer and 3 naked Gabrielle's in the Sunnydale Forest Woods Outback
Naked Gabrielle you say? Okay, first off do not panic, we do know the source of this. Apparently that little ripe in time wasn’t as patched as we thought it was, no worries the matter is being looked into. As of now I have order a List Gutter Emergency Response Team and Lynch Mob dispatched to the location of the rip to prevent anyone from accidentally falling intothe rip. Sending rescue parties to ancient Greece is always a bit tricky, especial when rogue bands of Amazons keep “adopting” them into the tribe and initiating them with the dreaded feather torture right of passage.
While I am on the subject, I will touch on the unfortunate incident involving the recently departed attack lawyer TomTom, the cause of death was been found and it is not pretty. Apparently TomTom was provoked bya visitor to the gutter that turned out to be a Joxer 4-life fanatic, while we are not sure how this being got into the gutter, we are still on stand by for any further insurrections by these sick... demented... evil and just plain insane creatures. While TomTom did receive immediate medical attention, he later passed on after a long battle... at the high of his delirium he started to sing the “Joxer the Mighty” song and trying to convince all who would listen that Joxer is really a better warrior then Xena. It was a sad, sadfate for an otherwise noble attack lawyer. He will be missed in the gutter.
As for the naked Gabrielle and the possessive Warrior chasing after her... List Gutter Rule Number 6 applies, which reads: For the citizens of the Woods Outback, there is no taunting, teasing, or the stealing of cloths of lovesick teenagers skinny-dipping in the big pond. These kids have to live over the Hellmouth and deal with troll-like principals on a daily basis, messing with them while they are naked in the big pond is just cruel. While we are wild animals, we arenot sadistic, leave the poor teenagers be, not many of them are going to be able to make it back to town still mortal, so give them a break while they are still human.
While I doubt the Warrior Princess will have much concern about the vampires and demons in the area... she does have this rather sharp sword and chakram that she is not afraid to use. And as several members of the Woods Outback would look terrible as throw rugs... leave both humans alone.
Again the matter is being looked into... both women will be returned to their proper time... as soon as we can convince Xena that weare not gods or in anyway connected with them, regardless what Rod thinks on that subject. So please for the most part let the naked Gabrielle be chased after by the tall dark-haired Warrior, I am sure they will find that nice cave near the edge of the forest and settle down for the night. And no... the Koala and Badger cannot volunteer to be honourary “bodyguards” for the two while they are in the Woods Outback. Xena HAS a sword and chakram and will kill both of you and possibly eat you.
That is all for the moment, we now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics.
Shadow - Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
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