Re: End of the Month State of the Gutter Report

[keeper444@xxxxxxxxx]

TO: The Director of Public Safety;  All Department Heads; United
Vegetable Empire; The Amazon
War-Council; and all other interested parties

From: The Dept. of Unofficial Village Idiots, undercover gutter-dwelling
scooter-trash, part time trouble making were-badgers, Semi-retired
Scooter Tramps, and holy spooks

SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter Report/ An Answer to
pertinent Items

Item 2:
> > Reports about roaming bands of scooter tramps and Amazons singing;
"Give me a home where naked Gabrielles roam and the skies are not filled
with
chakrams all day" - please do not panic.  For the most part these are
harmless, if rather off key, carollers and do not mean any harm.<<

This is a fair assessment, as long as you are not a naked Gabrielle (or
naked ex-May Queen). Hey I got the nut bread and honey! <waggles
eyebrows suggestively>

> > However if any of them start singing the "Joxer the Mighty" song
please alert
security at once and the offensive singers will be put out of everyone's
misery.<<

Awk!!!!! not none of us would be "caught" singing Joxer....Joxer the
Mighty!!! <evil laughter fills the air>

Item 5:
> Regarding the recent soaking of the were-badger Alex, after a lengthy
investigation the mysterious tidal wave that hit him has been traced
back to a rather ticked off lake sprite who took offense to something
the badger said in a drunken haze.  The events leading up to the tidal
wave in the usually calm lake are as follows, according to several
Amazon and Forest Dwellers who witnessed the incident.<<

And we all know how blatantly unreliable they can be. So neyh.[:-P  

> > At approximately
0354 on 19.10.00 one Alex W. Badger was seen leaving the residence of
the demented flying fox that lives in the big oak by the path leading to
town, after another night of playing rummy and blaring Queen, Blondie,
and Meatloaf throughout the entire forest.<<  

That's right it's all the Bats fault (yeah that's the ticket) The Bat
made me do it

> > On his way back to his den,
Mr. Badger stopped by the calm waters of the big lake<<

Just peacefully minding my own business.

> > and apparently started hurling insults and expletives at the still
waters.  Witnesses' report he seemed rather determined to quote "dam
the lake" end quote.<<

Well, it's the damn lakes fault that it needed a dam, and I, being civic
minded, simply decided to help damn it!!!!

> > After approximately ten minutes of the somewhat off beat, if not
impossible,<<

Nothing is impossible if you're limber enough and have a sufficient
supply of lubricant. <BEG>

> > cursing a huge tidal wave rose up and drenched the were-badger on the
spot as well as causing minor flooding in the burrow of the bunny slayer
and her little red fox companion.<<  

Both of whom were already quite wet on their own!!!!

> > The bunny Slayer and her companion have since relocated to a larger
burrow<<

Hey, they were gonna move anyway. 

> > near the Amazon village where they have been adopted by some of the
younger Amazons.  It is still unknown at this time why Mr. Badger felt
the need
to dam the lake, although he has been mumbling something about British
mages and their damn "London Fog" mixed drinks.  The matter is still
being looked into at the moment.

I did it for the nymph...oops, I mean I did it for my country...ahhh...
would you believe I did it for...well I did it. How was I to know she
didn't like that position and chocolate sauce???

My only defence is hormones, and my second childhood. While I will act
mature if necessary, but I refuse to grow up!!!!!!!

and now back to the show........

Later
Alex
(Unofficial Village Idiot, 
undercover gutter-dwelling scooter-trash, 
part time trouble making were-badger,
Semi-retired Scooter Tramp,
and holy spook)
.............................
Don't sweat the petty things --- Pet the sweaty things.
~A~
............................
Y'all keep me occupied...I am having a real good time.
~Belle Starr~ ("The Long Riders")
............................
{Proud Member}... BtVS Writers Guild....because Fiction makes anything
possible.