FIC: Sundowning- Hot Off the Presses 2/2

[Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx]

Sunnydale cemetary. One of many. I feel like an intruder, who knows,
maybe I am. Buffy's grave... it's right over there. 'Bout twenty feet
yonder. Even in this black, moonless night I can make it out. Smell it
too. The few flowers left behind, the fresh turned earth. Even the
clean, sterile oder of a new gravestone. Nothing's clean about this
though. Absoulte zero.

I smell something else though. I smell her..no not Buffy.
Willow.
She's kneeling in front of the grave. Been there for hours, just
kneeling. She doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything. She's just
there, like another fresh grave.
Only she has the option of moving.

I'm getting impatient. I ... it's not fair of me I realise
that. And I'm not upset in any way with what she and Buffy
had..have..no. Had. It's not my buisness, so much so that I will not,
even if I'm tempted, to begrudge Buffy for not telling me. Seperate
lives she said and...damn me..I agreed.

I..I don't know what to do, or think, or feel. Jealous?
Outraged? Betrayed? I have no rights to these but they're there
anyway. Curling around my guts. On the plus side..I'll really sharpen
up these brooding skills people keep commenting on.

And Buffy would ask me, with one eyebrow raised, light
sarcastic humor alight in her eyes, 'This is good how?'

Vampires..I suppose we can cry. Though I've never heard of us
doing so. Maybe I could, though I've forgotten how, I think.

"Do you remember.." Willow! I strain my ears to listen. I
shouldn't. I should leave, should let her..them..have their moments.
I'm intruding after all. Of course I don't move.

"Do you remember about three weeks ago?" Willow asks Buffy's
headstone.

"I do. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget any of it,
and..I know you won't forget it, you were there after all. I just
never got to tell you what that moment meant to me, what I should have
told you."

I really ought to leave.

"The last months have been so hard." She continues. Her voice
is steady, strong, no wavering, no sounds like someone about to break
down and cry..and in that way it strikes me as wrong.

"Glory, Dawn, your mother. Sorry, sorry..shouldn't have
brought that up. How is she by the way? Have you found her? Was she
there waiting? Are you waiting for me now? Will you? I would. Yes, I
think you will too. Wait I mean..but ...still babbling. See? I'm
babbling. That's a good sign. I think so. You would too I bet.
Babbling aside though..do you remember? We..we were in bed
together..."

I _really_ ought to leave, this is getting way to personal. I
move to do so but her next words freeze me in place.

"Just..holding each other. You were so quiet, so sad. We all
had been. Holding each other, that's all it seemed we had left. I
remember that night. It was...so warm in your arms. Even with
everything outside being cold, it was still warm. Did you feel warm
with me? I hope so. Remember? I.. I asked you to tell me a story. You
gave me such a wierd look, I mean, me? Asking you to tell a story? But
the words just slipped out, there was no thinking behind them I
just..wanted to hear your voice maybe..or something. I asked you to
tell me a story and you gave me that wierd look, it made me smile, but
you told me a story. I remember it."

I listen, I can't help myself but my ..I burn to hear the
story, a story Buffy told the person she loved, that was once me but
she told me no stories. I should have asked..so now I listen to a
story from Buffy, even if it is one person removed.

"Once upon a time, you told me," Willow says. "Once upon a
time there was a girl. She was on a train. In her left hand she held
Water, and in her right hand she helf Fire. Beside her, by the open
window sat her lover. Her lover was staring out the window but there
was nothing to see, the scenery being all black outside but her lover
was watching it all rush past anyway. The track was long, and it just
kept going and going though neither the girl or her lover knew exactly
where it was going. All they knew, all the girl knew at least, was
that they were on the train and they had to stay on it. She also knew
her lover would ride with her, no matter where that track might lead,
no matter what the Fire or the Water might do."

I feel a sinking sensation in my gut. You don't have to be a
psyche major to pick up on THAT imagery. I listen as Willow continues
Buffy's story to Buffy, that Buffy once told her.

"The girl, she had been told that Fire and Water she held,
they were her strenghts and her burden. That they were all she had to
fulfill her duty, something only she could do. But she was tired, the
Girl. She was really tired and...she realised something. At that
instant, on the train, with it's long, long track and black scenery.
She learned. She learned that she had been lied to. And she changed
her mind.

'I don't need Heaven' She said and took off the Water,
throwing it out the window past the startled face of her lover.

'And I don't need Hell.' And flung the Fire past her lovers
face as well, out the window into the black.

'All I need,' She said taking her lover's hand. 'Is you.' And
she leaned in to show her lover what was really worth fighting for.

'That may be so.' Said the man in black now standing beside
her seat, he had not been there before but she always knew he would
be.

'But we all have Heaven and Hell. Why should you be any
different? Tickets please?' And he held out his hand. She saw that she
once again held the Fire and the Water. The End."

Oh sweet bleeding Jesus!

"You remember how scared I was Buffy?" Willow continues. "I
know you didn't mean to but you scared me awfully. You saw how much
you scared me though and you pulled me closer and kissed away my
fears. The story was scary but what you said afterwards, that's what
I'll always remember and cherish. You said, 'I don't need Heaven,
Willow, and I don't need Hell either. All I need is you.' And you
kissed me again.

'But what about the man in black?' I asked. 'What if he comes
back?' And you just gave that little laugh of yours, held me tight
and...and you whispered, 'I'll kick his butt Willow. I'll kick his
pyschobabble butt.' Then we fell asleep. It was such a good sleep too.
No one had ever said anything so wonderful to me before, you had never
said anything so beautiful to me." She pauses.

"What about you Angel? Did she ever say anything so beautiful
to you?"

Shit.

I step out of the shadows reluctently and make my way over to
where she's still kneeling on the ground.

"Knew I was there the entire time?" I ask.

"You didn't answer the question." She says. She stares up at
me, there's no trace of hostility or offense at my evesdropping. Just
an open, honest, curious face. Yet..it's not her, not the Willow I
know. I can't put my finger on it but there's something less about the
whole.

"No." I say. "No, she never said anything like that too me."

"Guess I'm the lucky one." She says.

"You are."

"Yes."

We don't say anything for a while, just look at the grave. The
marker that tells us, reminds us with all the permanancy of stone,
just what we're staring at and what we've lost.

"She loved you." Willow finally says.

"Once." I say.

"Still." She replies.

"Willow..." I begin.

"I mean it." She insists.

"I believe you, it's just that this is begining to sound like
a really bad movie." I say and run my fingers throug my hair.

"Maybe the movies ar'nt bad." She says. "Maybe it's life
that's really bad."

"Amen."

A few more minutes of silence.

"Spike filled in all the details?" She finally asks.

"Yes." I reply.

"I asked him too." She explains. "Just in case you were
wondering."

"Oh." I race to think of something to add. "Didn't want to
think I was prying." I settle for trying not to wince as I say it.

"You had been out of the loop."

"Yeah." I nod. "Though I do have some stories of my own."

"That's nice." Willow says. She pauses for a few seconds. "I
have to go."

"No, no it's okay." I object. "I'll leave."

"It's alright." Willow says. And she smiles. Which just makes
the warning buzz reach a higher credendo in my head. Buffy died less
than three days ago. She shouldn't even be able to talk much less
smile. Something is very, very wrong here.

"It's my turn to watch over Dawn." She explains.

"Watch over Dawn?"

"She has lost her family Angel." Willow chastises me slightly
with her tone. "So the rest of the gang are taking turns watching over
her. Just being with her, takeing care of her. We take care of our
own. G'night."

She stands up, brushes some dust off her lap and turns to walk
away.

"Willow." I say.

She half turns around.

"Yeah?"

"And you?" I ask. "Who's taking care of you?"

She smiles and even though it's a perfectly normal smile that
I've seen her wearing a hundred, hundred times before, it makes the
pigs blood from my last dinner run cold. I don't like cow anymore.

"Buffy of course. Who else?" She answers.

"Course." I say.

"I'll leave the two of you alone now. Was good seeing you
again Angel. Stop by the house?"

"Sure thing." I say alkwardly.

I watch Willow leave until she's out of sight and then turn
back to the headstone. Just the two of us. Me, the vampire, her the
Slayer. The dead Slayer as the the grave screams a reminder to me.

"Uh...hi."