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Title:
Straight Through the Heart [3/?]
Author: Dan Spector Rating: R (this Chapter PGjust f/f undertones) Summary: After "Lovers Walk", one slayer comforts a heartbroken Willow and the other heals an injured Cordelia. This Chapter: Buffy cools down Willow, and gets heated up doing it. Spoilers: Everything through "Lovers Walk". Key eps this time are "Innocence", "Passion", "Becoming, Parts 1 & 2" and "Dead Man's Party". Disclaimer: I don't own "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or its characters. I don't need to own them. Which is a good thing for me, because Joss Whedon, et. al., aren't giving them up. Archiving: Misty, you're the first. Thanks. But still plenty of ground floor, folks; Give my words some cyber-immortality. And tell me about it, natch. Feedback: Feed Me! Feed me all night long! Yeah, I'm ficdom's answer to Audrey II. Either on the lists or at danspector@xxxxxxxxx . Flames cause indigestion. Skip 'em. Note: Yes, the first two paragraphs of this are the last two from Chapter 2. Just getting us back into the story; think of it as the "Previously&"
Well, isn't that nice! This one was going to be dedicated to Kimber anyway, since I wanted to acknowledge the work of B/W listmoms and I could hardly forget the woman behind buffyloveswillow/ buffywantswillow, the first lists I ever joined. But as an unexpected bonus she went and reenabled the HTML coding. Hello, white background! Hello, colors! Hello, Italics! Hello, various font sizes! Thanks, Kimber!
Chapter 3: World Peace and Quality Hair Care (or: I Wanted to Die, but I Moved to L.A. Instead) Buffy couldn't believe the core of loneliness and pain Willow had tapped into. Sure, she had moments like that, but not Willow, please, not Willow "Willow," she cried, her own tears flowing, "you're not bad, you're not bad, you're the unbaddest person I've ever known. And your ass is very sexy." Whoa, Buffy thought, let's not go THERE. "Well, thanks for the compliment, but the rest isn't true. If I weren't bad why would all these things happen around me?" "I don't know: hellmouth, maybe? Or just bad luck? But I can prove that you're not bad." Willow lifted her head, in spite of herself. "Can we go to the bed?" Buffy asked. "I want to hold your hands here, but I can't with the holding you up." "Oh-kay," Willow said, and they did an odd four-legged shuffle, still hugging, to the bed, and sat down. Buffy took Willow's hands in both of hers and looked her in the eyes, tears drying on their respective cheeks, pleased to see Willow looking back. "Okay," Buffy said, "here's how we prove Willow isn't bad, and we're not even going to complain that this is a really silly topic and we're wasting time we could spend on 'I should have known about Angel', because this isn't about me." "No, Buffy," Willow said, nobly. "We'll do you later. Just do me first." Did she just say "do me?", Buffy thought. Mind out of gutter, Summers, mind out of gutter. "Look, I could tell you that it's silly for you to blame yourself for not coming out of your coma soonera coma you were in because I let Angel trick me, by the wayor that if you'd been working with Ms. Calendar, you'd probably be dead, too, because Angel killed her practically the moment she found out how to restore the curse, so he must have had some Mystic-Detecto-Spell working or something, but I'm going to skip the details, because basically it's very simple," Buffy said. "I know you're not bad because so many people love you, and if you were bad, they wouldn't." "Really?" Willow asked, a surprisingly hopeful gleam in her eye. "Yes, really. People don't love unloveable people, because if you're unloveable, you couldn't be loved, which is really obvious but I'm starting slow. And speaking of the obvious, I love you. l love you so much, and I would never leave you." "But you did," Willow said, quietly, not wanting to hurt Buffy, but having to say it. "And then you almost did it again," she added. Buffy took a deep breath, knowing that this was a painful area for her, but wanting to stay strong for her best friend. "I know I did, Will, and I was so wrong. I have no excuse for the second time; I'd been away and I missed you all so much and then I came back and it seemed like everybody was happier when I was gone. And I told myself it would be better if I left again, but that was just me being hurt and selfish and a coward. But the first time, I swear, I only did that because I felt I'd hurt you. When I came back that last day and saw you in that wheelchair and knew it was my faultyes it wasI wanted to die, but I moved to L.A. instead. And I'll never do it again, because I know now it was a mistake, it's just that I love you so much, andWill, I'm gonna talk about me here, but it's still really about you, okay?part of the reason I feel so guilty about all those dead people, is because I don't feel so guilty about them. I mean, they're all dead, and like 90% of the time when I feel bad about what Angel did it's because of what he did to you, trying to kill you at school and killing your fish and the coma and the wheelchair. So I left because I thought I was hurting you and I loved you too much to do that, and I hurt you again. And I nearly did it again, and I hurt you AGAIN. So I finally get it, I'm never leaving now, never ever, if you want me to go, tough luck." "Oh, Buffy, I love you, too, don't go," Willow cried, falling back into the hug. "I won't, I promise." I better break the hug, Buffy thought, before she gets the wrong idea from all those "I love you"s. With an effort, she pulled back. "So that's one," Buffy said. "And Xander loves you, that's another easy one. He's loved you since you were three and if you think this is going to ruin it, well, to use your own words, get over yourself." "But I hurt him so badly, and he doesn't want to talk to me now." "Now, Will, key word now. And he's mostly worried that you're upset. You'll talk, you'll hug, you'll be what you always were and always will be. "And," Buffy continued, "may I just say: Xander Harris, always knew, at least subconsciously, that you had a crush on him, doesn't start kissing you until you're both in relationshipsew. I mean, I love Xander, but, still, ew." "I kissed him, too, Buffy," Willow said quietly. "Yes, you did, and that was a mistake, but we're talking Xander, and his was bigger. Next, Giles loves you. Watchers don't have kids, and we're like the daughters he never had, and you're the daughter that actually listens. And, speaking as the bratty rebellious daughter, thanks. "And Oz loves you. He went away, but he'll come back. And even if you don't get back together, he'll still care. I mean, look at Angel. It's over, but that doesn't mean I didn't love him. And I still care. And he did a lot worse things than you did, obviously." Buffy could see Willow brighten, so she plowed ahead. "And your parents love you. They're nuts, but they still love you. And my mom loves you. She always wanted another daughter, and now she really wants a daughter who isn't the Slayer, which is my problem, but she still loves you." "I've been stupid, haven't I?" Willow said, with a brave smile. "That's all right, Will, I love you," Buffy said, simply, pecking Willow on the lips. "You see how that works?" (The lips? I kissed her on the lips? Buffy hurried forward to get back on the subject) "Um, lots of people care about youeven Cordelia." "Oh, come on, you're just padding now. Remember the hospital? Not letting me in? Making me cry?" "Okay, she's a huge jerk and I'm still really mad at her. But," Buffy said, half logical confidence and half nervous need to keep the conversation on safe ground, "if she wanted to hurt you, she'd have called you in and given you both barrels. What, she's been replaced by Cordelia the Shy and Meek? I think she's hurt. She likes you, she doesn't want to lose you, and that's why she couldn't see you." "But that means I hurt my friend, not just Oz. That's b uh, not good." "Yes, but Cordy'll forgive you, like you forgave me. Maybe not as soon, because she's not as nice, but friends forgive friends. And remember when I was, uh, away? Didn't she go on all the slaying with you? Would she do that if she didn't like you guys?" "That did seem a little strange. But I figured it was just because of Xander. Oh, and she was always complaining about ruining her nails and that we should get better outfits." "So Cordy was battling vampires because she couldn't resist the sexual charms of Xander Harris? Even Xander isn't gonna buy that. And the complaining just sounds like Cordy being happy. I just think she likes helping, and being with the group, and you're in the group, so she likes you." "But I'm nothing like her other friends, like Harmony " "Reason enough. I think she likes having a friend who isn't like that." "So, I'm like the Anti-Harmony, huh?" "Yup, that's you, a force for Good and World Peace and Quality Hair Care." Buffy realized as she said this that she was running her right hand through Willow's beautiful red hair and stopped. Well, not immediately or anything, because Willow didn't seem to mind. They sat for a second, Willow closing her eyes and sighing gently as Buffy still softly stroked her hair and breathed in her scent. It was December, but Willow still smelled like springtime, like new flowers and fresh sunshine and daylight slowly stretching into the night. Buffy brought her hand through the hair to redhead's left cheek and quietly brushed it with two fingertips. "So, are you feeling better now?" Buffy asked, almost whispering. "Well, yeah, outside of being a big silly and yelling at you." "I don't mind," Buffy said, fighting back a tear, feeling so connected to Willow that she pained to think that the hacker was worried about hurting her. She felt badly enough that the girl she loved so much had been carrying around all this guilt and pain, and Buffy had been so self-involved that she never noticed. Well, never again, Buffy thought, I'll be here for you, Will, I promise. "Well, I do. Andoh!" Willow said, suddenly straightening up. "I'm going to have to resign as President of the We Hate Cordelia Club." A small pout crossed her face. "And after I did all that work drawing up the charter." Then her eyes got wide and a mischievous grin twisted her pretty mouth. "Xander's going to have to walk around me in a circle three times, and pelt me with popcorn, and go 'boooooooooo!!" she said, with a tiny giggle, remembering the girlish joy of coming up with the List of Punishments. Buffy sat there, transfixed by the beautiful spirit in front of her, and marvelling at this Willow-child whom she had never known. "So, why didn't you do it to him?" she asked, finding her voice. "When he was dating her?" "Well, I put him on Probation." Willow replied. "Which turned into Extra Probation. Which became Ultra Probation, which became Super Heavy Duty Double Extra Probation." Willow ducked her head, slightly embarassed. "I'm kind of a softy," she said. "Oh, Will!" Buffy laughed, flinging herself backwards on the bed, her blonde hair fanning her head like a halo. She wanted nothing more than to just stay in this room for the rest of her life. God, she thought, I can smell her on the sheets. (to be continued in "Really Really" ) [Author's Note: Really!] |