End of the Month State of the Gutter Report - July 2001

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads; The United Vegetable Empire; and all other
interested parties.
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter Report for July 2001

For those of you who are new to the list... especially the guys on the Hand
of Chaos list... once a month there is a state of the gutter report that is
posted. Mainly to remind some of the more "adventuresome" residents in the
gutter and woods outback just what they did and why the police are looking
for them. Its all meant in fun and anyone can move into the Gutter and
Woods Outback we don't mind... we like the playmates although you never know
when you'll see yourself in a Gutter report. :: big grin ::

Yes I know that this is about two days late... however I have been
unavoidably detained with other matters... that remind me. Which one of you
told the evil adults where to find me? :: gives the Koala and Gopher a hard
look :: Anyway, now that I escaped them... for the time being... lets get
down to business shall we?

Item 1:
Regarding the release of Hover Tanks to the following Gutter and Woods
Outback Citizens: Gopher, William; Were-Badger; Alex; Koala, Samuel;
Phantom-chipmunk, Alyson; Troll, Douglas; Ferret, Kerry. Now while I know
the mere thought of certain names on that list having their very own hover
tanks does cause a lot of alarm among the more peace loving residences of
the Gutter and Woods Outback. I would like to point out that they paid for
the tanks themselves and by owning their very own tanks they will no longer
have the need to take the Gutter Self-Defence Forces' tanks on joy riders
and weekend beer and ice runs to Kiev. Furthermore, the tanks have been
fitted with the safety-switches to keep them out of the wrong hands, as all
other heavy equipment, and the tanks have to be annually inspected and pass
the Gutter Safety Inspection. Also regarding the possibility of the Koala
misusing his hover tank... I seriously doubt he is going to be able to sneak
up on anyone in that thing. It is neon green and pink with a big red smiley
face on it... it is going to stand out in total darkness, trust me.

Item 2:
Regarding the missing vampire tomatoes, they have been found... although I'm
not sure if Tater wants them back. When they were last seen they were
surrounding and worshipping a can of tomato soup and speaking about the
coming of the great cauliflower the messiah who will lead them to the
promised garden. Now Tater we've had this talk before about the Veggies
being your department and the vampire tomato/vampire fruit bat war being
allowed to continue as long as they observe the no drive-by juicings in the
Gutter rule. However, I am going to have to put my foot down on this one...
they are beginning to scare the Silent Panicky Gopher who Steals Jungle
Juice for Koala's son.

Item 3:
The dark slayer has a vintage Harley 1945 low rider... and she is riding it
up and down the Gutter with the little redhead on back. Yes I am aware of
the situation... however, do YOU want to be the one to tell the
semi-reformed homicidal chosen one she can't ride her bike at 3 in the
morning with a barely dressed hacker on back?? Volunteers will report for
immediate testing at the psycho-ward at Sunnydale General.

Item 4:
Regarding the Buffy Cult of Non-believers {that she is dead}. Their
spokesman had this to say: "She's not dead!! She's not!! She's not!! La la
la la!!!!" as he held his hands over his ears for five minutes and
threatened to hold his breath. You will all be pleased to know that Rodrigo
only had to get two stitches on his forehead after his passed out from
holding his breath and hit his head on the side of my desk. Upon regaining
consciousness he continued in his lecture on why Buffy was not dead and was
in fact getting naked with the redhead.

Item 5:
Faith stood on the balcony over looking the sleepy little city, her senses
extended, checking the dark night for any possible threats before turning
in. Satisfied that at least the vampires were calling it a night as well,
she slipped inside her room, her dark eyes picking out the large bed tucked
into a corner of a shadowy corner and the little redhead sound asleep on it.
Taking the time to study her little Red, the Slayer felt a familiar surge of
pride and possessiveness go through her whenever she saw her young lover.

It had taken awhile, but finally she had gotten Red to herself, and best of
all no Scooby Gang to interfere with their new lives together. 'No more,
G-man unloading research on her, no more Xand-man 'touching' her,' she
thought murderously, her eyes hardening a bit as she thought about anyone
touching what was hers. 'But no more, baby... you're with me now... and the
only research you'll be doing is for fun,' she vowed, casting a quick look
at the laptop sitting on the desk by the door, knowing that Red would
probably go nuts if she couldn't play on her computer at least a few hours a
day.

Shaking her dark head, Faith started for the bed and her lover, it was good
to be able to cuddle up with her without fear of getting caught. To be able
to wake up curled around Red and not have to worry about what others would
say. Hell it would be nice to wake up sometime around noon and still be
next to her Red. But all that had changed, Red was here, with her... and
that wasn't going to change anytime soon, if she had anything to say about
it.

Crawling into the bed, Faith pulled the little redhead to her, smiling
faintly in the darkened room as her lover cuddled up next to her. Settling
in, the dark Slayer pulled her closer, kissing the top of her dark red hair
before closing her eyes to join her Red in whatever dream she was currently
in, she only hoped it involved a lot of nakedness and sex. However, just
before closing her eyes a loud thud signalled the return of her housemates,
'Seems Fang and B have returned,' she thought with a smirk, wondering what
poor demon or human the two vampires had been out torturing.

"Looky here... a Slayer and her Red," the small blonde vampire said leaning
against her mate in the open door.

"Go away B," Faith growled, throwing one of her pillows at the two in
annoyance.

"But we came home to be with you and Red," Angelus purred, ushering in his
mate and firmly closing the door behind them. "Can't stop thinking about
having Red at our side where she belongs, want to wake up with her in our
bed."

"It's my 'bed' Fang and she belongs at my side," Faith growled wondering
what she did to deserve having two horny vampires as housemates.

"But sharing is so nice," the small blonde protested removing her cloths as
she walked toward the bed a devilish light shining in her eyes. "And Wills
wants to play too... don't you Wills?"

Glancing down at her lover, Faith sighed in defeat, seeing bright green eyes
shining up at her before Willow leaned in for a quick kiss. "You sure
baby?" she asked, with an arched eyebrow, it was Red's first night home
after all.

"I'm sure," Willow whispered kissing her lover once more, felling the bed
sag as Angelus and his mate crawled in with them, as a large hand brushed
aside her hair and a cold set of lips kissed her neck.

Arching into the male vampire's kiss, Willow watched as Faith shared a quick
kiss with the blonde vampire, earlier protests forgotten as old instincts
took over. It was good to be with them once more, being able to be with
them without none of the others interfering. Xander alone was the most
annoying, voicing his hatred of the master vampire and his beautiful mate,
actively trying to stake both of them on numerous occasions.

While the two did to be violent and rather blood thirsty at times, they were
always nice to her, and the only people they killed were usually rapists and
murders that need to be killed in the first place. After all they were the
ones that introduced her to pleasure and pain, taking her virginity and
teaching her things she never dreamed of. There was nothing better them
having the both of them pound into her, well almost nothing. She had Faith
now, her lover and mate... and best of all Angelus and Beth approved of the
Slayer. Seeing her as someone that would always protect her, to the
vampires that was very important, sometimes their possessiveness was a bit
weird. At times they looked at her as if she was their property, the both
of them wanting to know where she was and what she was doing all the
times... not that Faith was any different at times.

"You're thinking too much again," Beth said, turning to the little hacker,
her eyes shining with lust. She never got tired of looking at the young
mortal, watching her in everything she did; it helped the vampire make
plans. Decide on the proper course for her future childe's education and up
bringing, Willow was hers and Angelus', the two vampires claiming the child
years ago, just waiting for the right time to make her theirs for all
eternity. Over the years they quietly watched the child blossom into a
beautiful young woman and they were there to introduce her to her sexuality,
teaching and moulding her passions and lust with gentle but firm hands.

Beth didn't even mind the Slayer's presence in her home, seeing the chosen
one as a soul just waiting to be corrupted and her Angelus was just the
vampire to do it. Turn and mould the Slayer into a merciless killing
machine, a worthy vampire to stand at their childe's side for all eternity.
But all those plans would have to wait there was still things to do, enemies
to destroy before they embraced the two. For now the blonde and her dark
mate contented themselves with continuing Faith and Willow's educations,
bring them along slowly as they bended their souls to their will.

Chuckling against Willow's neck, Angelus looked at his beautiful mate and
the Slayer with lust, his cock hard and pressing against the redhead's back,
he had waited patiently to get the three of them in bed together and now
that they were here he wasn't about to let them leave it anytime soon.
"Lets see if we can quiet down Red's thoughts," he said shifting on the bed
to lay with his back against the headboard.

Item 6:
"Spikeage? There was spikeage?" Willow questioned, "Why was there
spikeage? And who let him get into Giles' little 'naughty' box he keeps in
the back of his closet anyway? And... I really shouldn't have said that
last part." She trailed off turning a bit red.

That is all... we know return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics.

Shadow --
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and
Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of
Quindolyn. Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society.
{GWBN -- Hey, its a way of life.} Dark Mistress of Weirdness. Yang to
Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the
Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. :[

AIM Screen Name: ShadowDrake
Yahoo Name: drakesshadow
MSN Messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
ICQ# 120681212