MEMO: United Vegetable Empire

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

MEMO
TO: The United Vegetable Empire
FROM: Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: Roaming band of broccoli with cheese graters

Tater -

In regards to the request to be kept appraised of the roaming band of
broccoli sighted in and around the Gutter, Woods Outback, and Sunnydale
Proper. At last report the roaming band was sighted near the lake on the
trail of the leather-clad Giles. According to witnesses the broccoli were
reported to be wearing Elmer Fudd hunting caps and saying: "Shhh... be
very, very quite... we're hunting Rippers! Hahaha."

Security also reports that one of the broccolis has gotten a hold of an old
flintlock rifle and is doing a remarkable impersonation of Daffy Duck with
it. Rest assured I won't be asking about that one either... there are just
some things that just do not need to be known... especially where certain
veggies are concerned. However I must make the inquiry about that flintlock
rifle... does that thing actually work? We are talking about questionably
sane - at the best of times - broccoli here, the same group of broccoli that
somehow managed to set ice cream on fire with a snow blower I might add. In
the interest of Gutter and Woods Outback security - not to mention the
mental well being of Quin who may actually have to detain those broccolis if
that flintlock is in working order - I have to make sure they can't
inadvertently shoot someone, or something for that matter, with it.

I don't need to remind you about that little incident last year involving
the Shriners and the BB-gun in which a mini-riot broke out in the town
square of Sunnydale Proper resulting in the arrest of 22 'overzealous'
cantaloupes protesting the use of zucchini. I know you agree with me that
avoiding Vegetable instigated riots is something we both want - if anything
to avoid being hounded by the reporters from the Sunnydale Muckraker who
keep asking that conspiracy question. You know the one about Agent Mulder
really being a refugee from the Demonic Cabbage Patch who joined the FBI's
coleslaw-protection program after testifying against Guido 'the Cauliflower'
Calzone in superior Veggie court in the landmark case: the Veggies VS Green
Eggs and Ham.

I hate that bloody question and having to answer it for a bunch of reporters
who have the collective mental capabilities of a pile of wet leaves,
although now that I think about it the pile of wet leaves may be smarter.
These are the same group of reporters that voted the Iowa hayseed moron
Sunnydale Proper's most eligible bachelor... three years running. I don't
trust them to print their own names right even with a spell and grammar
check. So Vegetable Riots are to be avoided at all costs, as we all know.

That is about all the information we have been able to gather on the roaming
band of broccoli - just get back to me when you can about that flintlock
rifle. Granted with their aim the only things that are in any real danger
are large inanimate objects no more then six inches in front of them -
however giving the chaos theory regarding roaming bands of broccoli with
flintlock rifles, they may actually discharge the rifle and cause Mount Etna
to erupt or something.



Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn.
Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark MIstress of
Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin.
Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw
of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker
Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

AIM screen name: ShadowDrake
Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
ICQ Number: 120681217