FIC: A New Day 3/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang, here's the next part for you.  I'm a little hesistant to post this part because I'm not really happy with it.  I feel it's a bit disjointed and repetitiveat parts.  But I guess I'll let you guys be the judge of that.

And thanks so much for all the great feedback :)

Anyway, here's the link to FF.Net again too for those of you that can'tsee the format.
http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=682956&chapter=3
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After our extended hug that neither of us seemed to want to break came to it’s unfortunate conclusion Willow lowered herself back into thechair next to me, gently sipping her herbal tea. I have to admit, for someone who doesn’t go for any type of tea, herbal or otherwise, I was thoroughly enjoying her concoction. Maybe it was just that I knew Willow made it for me and that added a little something extra to it that made it taste sweeter somehow. Or maybe I’m just turning into an incredible sap! After taking a healthy gulp of the steamy liquid I glanced over at Willow again, saddened to see the morose _expression_ crossing her features. “What’s the matter Will?�

She jumped as if I had startled her, which worried me even more. “Oh, nothing’s wrong Buffy, don’t worry, I’m completely fine.� She smiled one of those fake smiles that she always uses when she doesn’t want me to worry. And inevitably there is always something I should be worried about. I’m guessing this time is no different.

“Well if this is fine, I’d hate to see you on a bad day. Come on, you know you can tell me. It might help you to get it off your chest.�

 Willow sucked in a lung full of air, then let it out slowly, sighing resignedly. “It’s Tara. Or more precisely, me and Tara.�

I’m beginning to think I shouldn’t have asked. The lastthing I really want to hear about is their relationship, especially given the thoughts I’ve been having the last few days about my best friend. But I would do anything to make her feel better, even if it does make mefeel uncomfortable. “What about you and Tara? Is it still about that girl you saw her with the other day?� Ah yes, lets bring up thatconversation Buffy, way to get yourself in trouble. When I told her that once you fall for her you stay fallen, I honestly said it to make her feel better. I believed it whole heartedly, I know Tara still loves her. But now that I’ve had the time to think about it, and now that I’veLET myself think about it, I was saying it from experience as well. Once you fall for her, you never get back up. I never have, and I never want to. Of course it takes a case of the crazies to put everything into a crystal clarity.

“Sort of. I mean seeing Tara with that other girl hurt, you sawhow mopey I was after it. But I wasn’t raging with jealousy or anything, and I find that so strange. I was hurt, but I wasn’t jealous, does that make any sense?� Willow looked at me, her eyebrows knitting into a confused _expression_. Of course I found it incredibly adorable. I never realized how cute she constantly is. How could I have gone 6 years without seeing that? Or maybe I did and I suppressed it, I actually wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case.

“Sure it makes sense Willow. I mean it hurt you to think that maybe Tara was moving on, that’s totally natural.�

“But why wasn’t I jealous of the other girl then? That’s what doesn’t make sense.�

She’s actually kind of right, I can’t figure out why she would be hurt and not jealous. Unless maybe she doesn’t want Taraback as much as I thought? “Well maybe, maybe you’re hurt because you realize that you and Tara aren’t, well, aren’t gonna get back together?�

Willow looks at me sadly for a moment, but then a small smile forms at the corners of her mouth. “How do you do that?�

“Do what?� Yeah, I’m a tad bit confused now.

Willow shakes her head a bit at my bewildered _expression_ and then turnsback around, smile still firmly in place. “How do you know what I’m thinking before I even know what it is I’m thinking about?� She sighs a bit and the smile disappears as she leans back intothe chair again. “You’re right though, Tara and I are over. I’ve accepted that, and I think it’s probably the best thing for both of us. I know a part of me will always love her, but somewherein the middle of everything that has been happening lately, I realized I had fallen out of love with her. In fact, I’m not even completely sure I was IN love to begin with.�

That surprises me, because for almost a year Willow and Tara were the epitome of the couple in love. Always holding hands, smiling away at each other, it used to make me really jealous sometimes. Of course I always chalked it up to jealousy over what they had together, not over what Tara had instead of me. I know better now. “Will, what do you mean you aren’t sure you were in love with her. I saw you guys, I was there, it sure looked like love to me.� Yeah Buff, way to give yourself a chancewith her, by convincing her that she really is in love with the other woman. Nice.  

“Sure, we held hands and everything. But Buffy, you and I used to hold hands all the time in high school, and we, well, you know.â€?She blushes as I try and hold back the hurt _expression_ from crossing my face. I held Willow’s hand in high school because it felt like the most natural thing in the world to me. I held her hand because with her I felt safe. When she would offer up her arm for me to link through I always felt like I was home. She mustn’t have felt the same way, because she’s passing off our intimacies as nothing more than…â€