FIC: STILL STRUGGLING (6/?) PG-ish

[Red Willow <nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx>]

me again. here's another part of the story... no sex in this one... i am trying to be good <g>
hope you enjoy,
RW


Title: Still Struggling
Author: Red Willow
Email: St8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and references to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and all them
other folks <G> I'm just using them to make my own little fun. However the story belongs to me
only. You may post or distribute only with permission from and credit to me.
So just ask <G> And if you don't like the idea of Willow and Buffy together then... why are you
reading this?
Rating: PG-R (as it might progress from one to the other)
Pairing: Willow/Buffy
Summary: Buffy struggles over her feelings for Willow and stumbles upon something interesting...
this continues the story...
This is part 6 in a ? part series (though 7 will probably be the last for good). Thoughts will be
expressed in < and > brackets... This covers some info from Seasons 2-4
Hope you enjoy. Feedback? I thrive on feedback.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh& my& God& I blurt, turning over and falling onto the bed. Panting, the two of us slick with
sweat, we simply lay staring at the ceiling. Talk about& pent up frustration.
Pent up& very pent& yes& Willow pants out, wiping the beads of sweat off her forehead. We lay
like this for a very long time, our bodies coming back down from that sexual high that moments ago
had us riding waves of pleasure. I roll over on my side, facing her, and put my hand on her
chest, above her heart. Its steadily slowing as is mine. Im aware of the shadows crossing the
room now, the light shifting, changing directions. Time stretching out around us as if we werent
apart of it. But I know better. Soon we will have to leave this sanctuary. Soon we will have to
get up out of this bed that weve made ours. Get up, probably shower, <yeah, you could definitely
use one sticky-icky> maybe even face people. I make a noise similar to a grunt and throw my arm
up, my forearm resting on my forehead.
You ok? She asks tilting her head towards me.
Nmm&.no..
What&?
 I dont want to get up. Dont wanna leave here& ever. I tell her, putting on my pouty face.
I-I know& Grumble grumble.
But I guess we have to get up& and& do things& I sit up, attempting to wrap the sheet around my
body.
Aww, poor slayer&
&like& like see other people& and I guess at some point, I need to& patrol.
Yep, that would be of the good.
But I dont have to like it! I continue pouting as I finish wrapping the sheet around me and
crawl over her almost completely expose body to get out of bed. Sure I could have gotten out on
my side, but what would have been the fun in that? And so, here I stand in the middle of our dim
dorm room wrapped in nothing but Willows cool cotton sheet. I grin down at her and shes got this
huge smile on. See something you like? I ask semi-seductively. I couldnt go another round.
Well, not right this minute anyway. Give me a few minutes and I might&
Mmm hmm, she starts, sitting up and pulling the blanket off the floor to cover her legs and
tummy. Y-you look good in just my sheet.
Yeah well, you know me& always stylishly dressed& no matter what the occasion! And with that I
pull up some of the excess, exposing a bare leg, and twirl slightly, only half aware of how giddy
I feel. She laughs, covering her mouth slightly as I almost bust my butt.

KNOCK*KNOCK*KNOCK

At the sound of the knocking on our door we both stop in mid-laugh, a deer caught in headlights
look on our faces as we turn toward our heads, looking at the door.
Another short knock and Riley <HaHa& perfect timing. why not tell him now!>
O-oh Geeze, yeah& Buffy& he said he was going to& come over here&
A huge grin spreads across my face before I even realize what Im thinking about. <just open that
door and see you and Will like this and let him figure it out.> No way!
Thats, thats& so& <so very naughty!>
Buffy&?
I turn and cross the distance between where sanity lays and the wooden door leading to the insane
things I always find myself doing.
Buffy! W-what are you doing?! I hear Willow shout behind me. Im vaguely aware of her
scrambling for better coverage of her naked skin.
I open the door in all my naked-except-for-Wills-sheet glory, about to tell Riley a head full
when I stop dead on, my mouth hung open for words that died somewhere before fed sound. Staring
back at me in a wave of shock was&
Tara. I finally breath.
Uh& uhh& I w-was looking for W-w-willow& she finally gets out. Its too late however, as her
eyes move past mine to Willows bed, to Willow, naked except for the blanket she had hastily tried
to cover herself with. Her eyes go even wider, if its even possible, and she steps back, mouth
hung wide as Im sure mine still is. I-I& uh&.  but nothing more comes out. She shakes her head
in disbelief.
Tara! Willow shouts, trying desperately to break free of the bed and its linen without
disrobing or falling. I take a couple steps away from the door, looking down at how I must look,
before glancing at Willows pained attempt to make everything all right.
Tara& I& we& I cant say anymore however, <and what good would it do& havent you done enough
already?> But I& <look how hurt she is!> I didnt mean to& I was just going to& Riley& But whats
the use in trying to argue my way out of it. I opened that door, only thinking of how funny it
would be to see Rileys face. I never thought though, that it could be someone else. That, it
could be Tara.
Tara& wait& I hear Willow say to Tara through the doorway as the brunette turns in a daze.
Tara& Willows voice again. Please stop. She reaches out touching an arm, attempting to stop
the distraught woman. But Tara pulls free and whirls around on Willow.
W-why? s-so you can tell& how its not w-w-what it looks like?! Tara practically yells at
Willow, raking her eyes up and down my beautiful red-heads disheveled and obviously has been
having sex recently body.
N-no&  Willow begins but cant seem to find words. I snap out of my momentary haze and walk to
the doorway where the two are facing each other. One pleading for forgiveness, understanding. The
other shooting daggers. I glance around the hallway, and realize that there are two guys and a
girl a couple doors down that are staring at us.
Please& I start, coming up right behind Will, facing Tara now. Dont hate her. You can hate
me, take your anger out on me all you want. B-but dont hate Will&
She just stares at me briefly, disbelieving, then glances back at Willow.
I c-cant believe this&.
Willow glances back at me, a plea etched into her features. But Im not sure how to help.
T-Tara& I& Im in love with her. Willow finally says looking back at Tara, whose gaze shoots to
me, then down to the floor. I-I just& we finally& yesterday&
So& Tara starts, you just-
WHAT?! Rileys angry outburst cuts Taras words short as we all turn to face a very angry and
confused soldier.
<Shit> I guess this is where it gets even better. And me with only this sheet on. <Nice Summers,
real nice> Ever been caught cheating? In only a sheet? By both your lovers girlfriend and your
boyfriend?
I suddenly find myself very nauseous. My palms are sweaty, my head hurts, and I have these
annoying black spots in front of my face. I have this feeling that my knees are not going to hold
me anymore and somewhere far away I hear a very angry male voice yelling.
What in the hell is this? You got to be kidding me!
Riley& Willows voice, Im sure of it.
Wh-who?
Willow glances at Tara, Buffys boyfriend.
Oh.
Is someone going to explain all& this& to me I hear him say and am vaguely aware of a sweeping
motion with his arm.
I have hold on to the wall for support as I realize my body doesnt want to stand up on its own
anymore. Everything starts to fade.
Buffy! What is going on?! he roars at me, grabbing my arm.
Hey! Willows at my side now, holding my body up. Get your hands off her!
W-will& I think shes&
Oh Goddess! Buffy! I hear Willow scream as everything goes dim and I feel myself slide away
from them.

How is it that everything which seems so complicated, so difficult to understand and deal with,
can come crashing apart leaving only clarity and complete understanding& only to be wound back up
again into a jumble of badness?
I have to think about whats important to me. What my priorities are. Slaying, thats
definitely up there& Chosen One and all. School. Well, I mean, its a good thing, to pass, I
mean. Graduate. But in the whole scheme of things, what does a degree mean for the Slayer? Will
it help me kill vampires and demons and all those eeky ooglies that come out to cause the end of
the world? Nope. Priorities. Family and Friends. Saving the world so that they can keep on
living. Mom and the scoobies. The scoobies& Willow.
She is my one light at the end of the tunnel. When Im lost she finds me. When I need comfort
she hold me. She loves without question. Loves me. Yes, she loves me and I love her, and there
are no doubts now. Only us. Willow. Willow and Buffy. Willow and Buffy together. Willow and&

Buffy?
I-I think shes c-coming around.
I just dont understand what the hell happened between yesterday and today!
Would you shut up! Buffy? Buffy, its Will& do you hear me?
W-will? Im finally able to get out, realizing that Im not standing up anymore.
Hey& are you& ok? She asks. Im slowly becoming aware of my surroundings. Willow holding my
head, Tara standing behind her, concerned, though she must still be furious, and off to my left, a
still ranting and raving Riley. I dont pay attention to him though. I hear words, cruel,
accusatory, angry words& but they mean nothing to me.
Willow& is all I can get out, because Im lost in those eyes.
M-maybe you should put her in y-your room. volunteers Tara.
I shake my head, raising myself up, holding onto Willow for support. I& Im ok. I just, I&
Fainted& I-I think you& fainted. Willow finishes, leading me to my still made bed.
Everyones quiet now, even Riley. I can sense however, the tension, the unanswered questions,
and blazing glares. My head clears and slowly I look up at 3 faces, each casting conflicting
emotions.
I guess we have some explaining to do& huh? I finally ask.
'"You bet your ass you do!" Growls Riley, glaring at me before looking Willow up and down with
utter disgust.
<yes. yes you do.>





I will get what i believe will be the conclusion to you probably in the next day or too.. i'm
really tired right now and have to get some sleep before i head to work again... aargh!

=====
"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard

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