From: "LaBarbera, William" <asagiri@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
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Subject: ::BuffyLovesWillow:: OT: Humour - The Tandem Story
Date: Wed, 18 Sep 2002 09:06:27 -0400
More insanity from my co-workers at KBW :-)
MAJOR SPEW ALERT WARNING!!!!
Warning!!! Do not drink while reading this, failure to comply will result
in
the need for a new, not-wet, keyboard. <G>
This was just too damn hysterical 'not' to share with you all.
--Bill Gopher
Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs
Founding Member of GBWNS (Get Buffy and Willow Naked Society) and 2S1HLoCS
(2 Slayers, 1 Hacker and lots of Chocolate Sauce)
Papa Gopher to Matthew and Alex Gopher
Part-time Mischief Maker and Practical Joker in the Woods Outback
-----Original Message-----
From: Chinami & Sam [mailto:gard1sato.nj@xxxxxxxxxxx]
Sent: Tuesday, September 17, 2002 10:37 PM
To: Gardner, Sam; Jackson, Troy; Louie, Michelle; Mennuto, Stan; Fehler,
Richard; Feldman, Joan; LaBarbera, William; Cabarcas, Jennifer; Korkos,
William; Thompson, Ephraim; Losada, Daniel
Subject: Fw: The Tandem Story
I think I've seen this before, but it's just so much fun to read. . .
> Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from
> Venus"?
>
> Here's a prime example offered by an English professor
> from the University of Phoenix:
> >From a class exercise.
>
> "Today we will experiment with a new form called the
> tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will
> pair off with the person sitting to
> his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one
> of you will write the first paragraph of a short
> story. You will e-mail your partner that
> paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner
> will read the first paragraph and then add another
> paragraph to the story and send it back
> also sending another copy to me. The first person will
> then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
> Remember to re-read what has been
> written each time in order to keep the story coherent.
> There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the
> e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written
> in the e-mail.
>
> The story is over when both agree a conclusion has
> been reached."
>
> The following was actually turned in by two of my
> English students:
>
> Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name
> deleted).
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> THE STORY:
> (first paragraph by Rebecca)
> At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she
> wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite
> for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her
>too much of Carl, who once said, in
> happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt
> she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
> off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if
> she thought about him too much her asthma started
> acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
>
> -----------------------------------------------------------
> (second paragraph by Gary)
> Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the
> attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more
> important things to think about
> than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
> named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night
> over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
> Geostation 17,?%?*?? he said into his transgalactic communicator.
>"Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
>could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted
a
> hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
>him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
>
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but
> not before he felt one last pang of regret for
> psychically brutalizing the one woman who
> had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
> stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful
> farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War
> and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news
> simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
> dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and
> carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her
>from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her.
> "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
> wistfully.
>
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds
> to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the
> Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
> lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy
> peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace
> Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth
> a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who
> were determined to destroy the human race. Within two
> hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian
> ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
> firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
> to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical
> plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
> atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret
> Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
> the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive
> explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85
> million other Americans. The President slammed his
> fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this!
> I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of
> the sky!"
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
> writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic
> whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent
> of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I
> have some other sort of FUCKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such
> an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele
> novels."
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> Asshole.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Bitch.
> --------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> DICK!
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Slut.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> Get fucked.
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Eat shit.
> ---------------------------------------------------------
> (Rebecca)
> FUCK YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
> ----------------------------------------------------------
> (Gary)
> Go drink some tea - whore.
> **********************************************
>
> (TEACHER)
> A+ - I really liked this one. Only group to get an A.