Re: Fic: A Day To Long (1/?)

[danspector@xxxxxxxxx]

Hmm, intriguing. I like the Mississippi setting, and the first usage of
the title. I like Buffy being surprised by lesbian vampires making out
in the cemetery. I like Buffy's anxiety/excitement over the coming
school year.

But I'm confused. If vampAmber so hates Lisa for "taking" her
boyfriend, why is she hooking up with vampLisa. Even though the vamp
isn't the person, it still seems like an odd choice for Amber to make,
especially considering her apparently devout heterosexuality. And why
would Lisa, even vampirized, hook up with someone she considers to be
dumb as dirt? (Well, maybe she's really, really, sire-whipped.)

Were "Wayne" and "Marion" the same guy? Did you change a character name
and not catch all the times you used it?

If Lisa laments staying in MIssissippi a day too long, and has come to
Sunnydale to cure her fangy problem (an odd concept for a newborn vamp),
why is she so devoted to Amber that she kisses and mourns her? Frankly,
I'm confused (as I said above).

Finally, when you're checking for typos, you should really make sure
that there isn't one in the title of the fic. The word is "Too", not
"To", that you meant to use.

All that aside, I really enjoyed this and am looking forward to where
you take this.

Dan