Re: FIC: Afterlife Happens (B/W) (2/?)

["Patrick Sanders" <rsand21266@xxxxxxxxx>]

>  
>
> But that wasn't totally it. I answer the voice and now I'm getting 
really concerned for my sanity.
>  
>
> I felt her death! I felt the pain, and yes fear, she had at the 
moment her soul separated from her body. her body that fell a hundred 
feet - just like so much meat. Her body that the Powers that Be 
couldn't have lowered to the ground with some kind of dignity. Not 
let it drop, broken, and soiled, and..  
>  
>
> Lifeless!
>
>  
>
> The Powers That Be, or God, let his warrior die like that and I -- 
I had the power to change it, so I did!
>  
>
> I did without asking because I no longer believed in the Goddess or 
God, I just believed in me..
>  
>
> And now, it's too late. 


>  

> The power wants more, though. The power isn't finished, and I 
start feeling lightheaded and happy. A strange feeling of euphoria 
runs tingling through my body from my hands, the power just feels so 
good.. I sit down on the floor laughing, I'm strong, I am the 
strongest person in this world!
>  
>
> 'I was in heaven, and now I'm not, I was torn..'
>
>  
>
> Well, that's a downer. And I start to fight the power. It takes a 
while, but it retreats. For the time, I feel it, though. It's like 
a living entity, it's old and patient and now that it's awake, I will 
always have to be on guard against its seductive call.


This whole story and those sections in particular, walk the line of 
grace from edge to edge.

If I may be so bold, I would recommend you rewrite the first chapter 
from Willow POV, in the height of her magical arrogance and the quick 
death of it with Buffy's admission.  

The voice is strong and clear, I think Mad would be proud.  

I miss him too.

I'll go away now,

Patrick

"Will&are you asleep?" I heard the soft sound of her voice 
behind me. She was finished already.

I take a breath to compose myself. "I can't sleep." I say in shaky 
voice.

"Why?" She asked concerned.

"Because& I miss the sound of your heartbeat too much." I let 
out with a small whimper.