Gutter Report Back Issues/Archive

TO: All Interested Parties.

FROM: Director of Public Safety and Chief Mischief-maker.

SUBJECT: Gutter Report Back Issues/Archive

It has come to my attention that some of you… mainly the newcomers to the various lists that get the End of the Month Mischief and Mayhem Recap… have been wondering about the past reports and where they can get them. Right now there is no particular home for the reports… not even a master file on my part – mainly due to the fact I have been hit with viruses a few times that resulted in a complete reformat and reload of the entire system. {But that is another matter altogether.} However, I do know where I can get copies of all of the report, and while it would take a little time, I can get to them. Which is something I have been meaning to do for my own records now that I do keep most of the important files all on a zip disk.

I have no problem with doing a ‘repost’ of past reports so our beloved and ever quiet lurkers out there {you know who you are… the ones that are always hiding in the shadows and under furniture to avoid being hit with the silly string and water balloons that tend to be unleashed without warning. Or if someone spots one of the slayers jogging and fearing for the chosen one’s life, selflessly – with only compassion and civic duty in mind – endeavours to keep said noble Slayer of the dead and all things icky properly hydrated. Or at least that is what the Water Balloon Catapult Squad keeps telling me when a very wet slayer complains about nearly getting drowned during her morning run by overeager Gutter and Woods Outback dwellers with a fondness for wet t-shirts on Chosen Ones.}

Seriously, before I do make any firm decisions about reposting past issues of what has been called the “Gutter Newsletter” – by a newcomer to my own list the HoC – I have to decide what is going to be reposted. Should I just repost the reports and/or memos themselves or toss in the replies as well? Yes – for those of you unfamiliar with Gutter and Woods Outback Lore – there are people that actually reply to the End of the Month Chaos. Hey, it surprised me too the first time it happened, but it has since grown into a tradition that is {I hope} looked forward to. Well I have yet to receive a reply that told me to shut the hell up; although, quite a few people have told me I was a rather strange and bizarre person but I just take that as a compliment. :: grins wickedly :: For those of you interested in a little Gutter and Woods Outback history read on: {And remember… I did warn you! :: lol ::}

The End of the Month Report evolved out of a conversation I was having with Alex P. one day on MSN messenger in which we were talking about certain un-named people’s minds being in the gutter. And naturally it give me ideas – I get some of my best ideas talking to Alex… even if I haven’t been able to get up with him in like two years now! :: mutters something about evil adults and computer gremlins ruining the fun of List-sibs out to spread mischief, mayhem and chaos upon the unsuspecting world :: Back in the day when the BuffywantsWillow list was just a little thing and the SlayerPups and HoC were not even thought of… a little band of trouble-makers would gather in a Web-TV friendly chat room to plot and bond with one another. Unfortunately over time… and real world events … have since stopped our weekly meetings and bonding sessions… although, I hope that we can once again return to those fulfilled days, mainly so we can get back to tormenting all the list-lurkers out there. :: BG ::

In the beginning I created the SECoLGA, which stands for the Senior Executive Committee of List Gutter Affairs, I thought it had a rather official and important sound to it. And as Quin once told me… “I’m the only person he knows that can make total nonsense sound official”… is it any wonder this guy is one of my favourite list-buds to torment? :: BEG :: After creating the Committee and the Gutter Proper, I was almost immediately joined by some diehard mischief-makers and mayhem-spreaders that seem to delight in adding to the overall chaos I had unleashed.

Our little band consists of:

One Silent Panicky Gopher who is in charge of the Attack Lawyers and apparently pouncing on the Cute Office Assistant {also known as his wife} at all hours of the day and night.

One dark Jedi and neon-lover of a totally-crazed Koala who enjoys channelling Yoda and slaying random houseplants who get too close to his hard drive with his katana… he also claims to be a totally sane Hover-tank driver and claims that Spiked Jungle Juice is TOO a part of the proper diet of a leaf eating Koala.

One Phantom-masked Chipmunk that has been known to challenge Dark-Jedi Koalas in duals of honour and the right to the hacker’s misplaced undies – the same undies that the golden slayer keeps tossing out since said items of clothing interfere with her pounce and cuddle time with the little redheaded hacker.

One Dread Parrot who has been known to quote Princess Bride a lot and once refused to make certain commando twits walk the plank of his pirate ship for fear of making the sharks sick.

One Shy resident Archangel and sometimes fox of the Woods Outback as well as being the writer of one of the best Buffy/Willow series of fics out there – trust me on this, there is a reason she is in the “Damn…. I wish I’d written that!” museum. She’d be totally hated for her talent if she wasn’t such a nice and kind person – if not overworked all the time! :: don’t hit me Shy… and put down that butterfly net… and no I’m not going to visit you at your workplace in the funny-ward! ::

We also have Tater and all her Veggies of the United Vegetable Empire to always add to the mayhem and keep us in fresh green things to eat that are suppose to be good for us… or so the Gutter and Woods Outback Dietician claims.

Of course this is the same person that insists that jungle juice should not be fermented in large steel tanks that are jealously guarded by our crack team of Spiked Jungle Juice Smugglers lead by our resident Scooter Tramp Were-badger, Alex {Unofficial Village Idiot, Pres. and co-Founder QSBWFA, undercover gutter-dwelling scooter-trash,

part time trouble making were-badger, Semi-retired Scooter Tramp, The Middle Finger of The Hand of Chaos,

and the Yin to Shadow's Yang.}… so you never can tell with the Gutter and Woods Outback Dietician most of us think she’s nuts in the first place.

There is also our resident Lust-Bunny and chief expert in all things kinky and leathery… who is not to be confused with her mother who sometimes signs onto the ‘Net without stopping the AOL messenger sign-on. Its rather embarrassing to explain to one of your best buds’ mums why you greet her daughter with the words: “Carol… my favourite little Lust Bunny” and lots of purring.

We also have one rather absent-minded Coyote called Rod… who is always neglecting his list-kids and trying to hide his credit cards from us… although, we do manage to find his hiding places and run them up for him. Rod is well known for always chasing after a certain redheaded Roadrunner… it is just so cute seeing him speeding after her on his little dented red-scooter determined to catch her.

And of course we have Quin {A.K.A. Quindo-ma and/or Quindolyn} our much overworked Security Chief and Master Wet Noodle Torturer of the Universe… a title he gained after being mentioned one too many times on list in a game of email tag that a certain Gopher and Mischief-making Bat were conducting. After I.M.ing me and demanding to know what a wet noodle was and why he was being dragged into our ramblings filled with Star Trek and other references… he proclaimed himself a ‘Master Wet Noodle-handler’ and took over Security for us.

There are also the Mad Poets lead by Analise who created the rather lusty adventures of Buffy and Evil Willow for us… an online ‘toon that has to be seen to properly be appreciated. At least I think she was leading them… it’s been awhile since I last talked to her… :: grumbles darkly about damn time zones and the evil real world ::

Where is also an official Slayer Stake-sharpener so the Golden Slayer could have more time with her favourite cuddle-hacker. And yes the Stake-sharpener position is permanently filled… Yes, she is qualified for the position {and if you absolutely must know… she asked first about the job so she got the job} and no, I’m not telling you the persons name. Lori would kill me if her inbox suddenly got filled with messages wanting her to appoint an assistant or helper.

We also have one PandaMel who once gnawed the hell out of the ankle of one Ethan Raines resulting in her getting her stomach pumped and earning the “Iron Panda” Cross for bravery in the face of utter human stupidity… she is also a welcome friend when a certain little purring menaces takes naps near the laundry and gets tossed into the dryer by overzealous forest-dwellers. :: gives the Koala and Gopher a hard look ::

And lets not forget our resident Troll under the Bridge who once got in the crossfire of the Vampire Fruit-bat and Vampire Tomato gang war resulting in him getting pelted with ketchup. Er… Doug you forgive me yet for that? :: asked with a bright hopeful grin ::

As well as one sleepy – this time of year – Gus Grizzly who is a well known honey-napper and was once arrested for beating the stuffing out of Yogi Bear over a rather infamous picnic-basket robbery that resulted in Gus being arrested and put in a ‘kiddie zoo’ for three weeks before he could tunnel his way to freedom. And my bud HF.. the guy I can never call by his full name of Honoured Fool… although, the “Little Foolie” mantra does get stuck in your head once you heard it… something I will beat him for one of these years. The “Little Foolie” mantra is almost as bad as that “Song That Never Ends” song… evil, just evil I tell you! Among his many skills is his raising and breeding of his much beloved Attack Ficus that he and his roommates have in place of an actual attack dog.

And lastly, Squall Leonhart who I have managed to confuse on two different lists and who is able to spot my work even when I use another screen name. Something I’m not sure he has forgiven me for yet. :: laughs at self :: Just wait Squall whenever I get around to playing Final Fantasy VIII I’m emailing you to help me through it… just you wait! :: little beast vows with a big mischievous grin ::

We also have a resident necromancer Dragon {A.K.A Diana Silverlock Master Planeswalker Necromancer, and Bane of the Tyrants of Law Lady of the Demi-Plane called Necropolis, Guardian of the Balance of Life and Death} who helps keep the torches lit for the Gutter Self-Defence Force and Lynch Mob when they are practicing their sudden mass up-raising or are just looking for their favourite bards to come out of hiding and write something already!!

As well as our intrepid Beautiful Winged Gremlin who runs the water balloon catapult squad and no… she doesn’t know why her second on the squad wears a Viking’s helmet either… she is just as afraid to ask him as we are for the most part. And no Francie… I’m not letting you see my wrist … I know you got new ‘bat-sized’ handcuffs… and I don’t care how soft and furry they are on the inside. I refuse to give up eating and sleeping to work on fics… I’m strange enough as is… you don’t want to be around me when I have insomnia!!! I write things such as “I Want My Axe Back” when I’m like that… just ask Kimber for the love of the gods!

Then there is Gator… my self-appointed idea-bouncer-offer – well one of a handful or so that usually get pounced on when I’m in the mood to plot and am lurking on line searching for someone to torment. Aside from being the official Assistant Chief of Public Safety and well known attack/cuddle Gator of the Golden Slayer’s little sister… he is also a firm believer in bribing the hacker to keep the chosen one busy while he practices his ‘death rolls’ on Dawn.

Finally – there is my boy Patrick who is not above poking at fungus demons or errant List-dads with poles and pitching Buffy/Faith pairings when he can… and most importantly he always shares in the yearly announcements of his and mine birthdays to a certain list… owned by a certain Redheaded Roadrunner. :: glares at the laughing Kimber ::

And Aeris Jade who went into hiding on us… we think the evil adults may of gotten her or something… search parties are still out trying to find her. We just know the evil adults are trying to turn her into an accountant!

And lets not forget my Little Brother Trizdel the silver-tongued wolf who can be quoting poetry one moment and dunking stray hyper forest-dwellers in buckets of soap and water the next… when not chasing after Kimber with a wedding ring and Druid priest not far behind.

Of course we shouldn’t confuse Trizdel with our other resident wolf and Slayer leather collector, Melissa who runs the local Woods Outback Harley Shop when she is not pouncing on stray leather clothing that once belonged to the dark slayer… at last report Melissa was also collecting Amazon leathers… when she is not letting them pet her or scratch her behind the ears that is.

If I forgot someone just give a shut out willya? We’re a loose bunch around here… for the most part… just don’t set anything important looking on fire… and yes that does include the fax machine and the keys to the liquor cabinet we’re not suppose to know about in Kimber’s office. You know this would be a lot easier if we just had a mass list shout out for what jobs or functions you are taking or running in the Gutter and Woods Outback.

With that said… you sure you guys want a recap of all the Gutter and Woods Outback Reports? Yes they will be posted on at least two or three websites for mass consumption… but the real question would be do you want to see he replies s ell without having to search the archives as well?

That is all… we know return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics.

ShadowDrake -

Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn. Founding Member of GWBNS - Hey, its a way of life! Dark Mistress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

"I do not brood... I reflect." - Unnamed Vampire Teddy Bear 03/2002

AIM screen name: WolfFalke

Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow

MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}

ICQ Number: 82517628

Web Page: http://shadowlander.topcities.com/