[buffywantswillow] End Of Season Report Cards

[CDRERamius@xxxxxxx]

TITLE: End Of Season Report Cards
AUTHOR: Tony McD (CDRERamius@xxxxxxx)
DISCLAIMER: Joss and the rest own Buffy and the gang. This is just for laughs.
SUMMARY: Report cards on the gang issued by the University of Life, the 
School of Hard Knocks, and the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of 
You (FanFic Campus).
SPOILERS: Season 4
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere is fine, just give us a yell.
FEEDBACK: It would be nice for a change.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was inspired by an episode of "Black Adder Goes Forth" 
and the fact that I'm in the middle of writing annual personnel reports. Plus 
my first beers in a long, long time.


Name: Buffy Summers

Biology: Buffy has learnt quite a great deal in biology this year. After last 
year's dissection of a giant Mayor/snake (let down by the fact that instead 
of a scalpel she used dynamite), Buffy has broadened her focus in biology. 
Examples abound such as learning about the biological effects of alcohol, 
dissection of new creatures, demon/human hybrids, and human reproduction 
(like any good scientist she repeated the experiments many times). Good 
effort. 
Grade: B

Physical Education: Yet again we see Buffy in a class of her own. Literally. 
She plays way too rough with the other kids. Many have been hurt (or worse) 
by Buffy's behaviour. To be fair though, she generally doesn't start it. I 
recommend an anger management class for her and possibly a try out for 
quarterback. 
Grade: B+

Chemistry: After last years poor performance (the least of which was the 
accident which blew up the chemistry lab, the computer room, the library,... 
pretty much the whole school) Buffy has gotten worse. This is a result of her 
poor choices of chemistry partners. After moving on from that brooding fellow 
(I never saw him during the day, I wonder why?) Buffy took Parker as a 
partner. He however tends to go through a few chemistry partners. Then she 
took Mr. Finn as her partner. I fear that Buffy's chemistry marks will not 
improve until she becomes partners with Willow or Mr. Harris (or both). 
Grade: D-

Physics: Physics can be described as the study of bodies in motion. Buffy is 
an excellent student as she sends alot of bodies in motion (normally flying 
through the air, bouncing off walls and the like). Further more hers is the 
best body in motion to study. She has also has shown ingenious methods of 
over coming the inertia of speeding bullets. Her method of nuclear waste 
disposal is also worthy of mention. 
Grade: A+


Name: Willow Rosenburg

Biology: Willow has improved in leaps and bounds in the past year. She has 
broadened her studies from veterinary science to the biological effects of 
alcohol and alternative human sexual interactions. Further study of this last 
subject with Buffy Summers I feel would be of great benefit to her. Her 
persistent reluctance to dissect frogs or rats has lowered an otherwise 
acceptable grade.
Grade: B-

Drama: This year Willow has tended to stick to weepy, depressing roles which 
do not suit her at all. She needs to re-aquaint herself with the happy, 
aggressive, sensual roles she has previously played. With the departure of 
Miss Chase, Willow is actively competing with Buffy Summers in the role as 
Drama Queen. Could do better.
Grade: C

Chemistry: Willow has had a turbulent year in Chemistry. Her old chemistry 
partners' disastrous experiment and his subsequent departure while painful 
was probably for the best for her marks in the long run. The long lack of 
chemistry partner was of some concern but her current choice of chemistry 
partner is somewhat more reassuring. It would be better for her, however, to 
team up with Buffy Summers and/or Mr Harris.
Grade: A-

Comparative Religion: Willow has taken up this subject with great enthusiasm 
this year. The down side is her resulting poor showing in some other subjects 
(her computer studies teacher has not seen any work from her this year). Her 
study partner is a good choice as they seem to get along very well. She would 
be wise to receive some tutoring from Mr. Giles in this subject before 
attempting any major work. Showing potential.
Grade: B+


Name: Alexander Harris

Economics: Alexander has had some trouble in this subject this year. Among 
his short lived projects are alcoholic beverage service (cancelled due to 
trouble with customers and a fire), and confectionary service (cancelled due 
to inappropriately using the marketing approach of sex to sell ice cream to 
children). Alexander's marks will improve once he has settled on a long term 
project.
Grade: C-

Biology: Alexander has made a real effort this year in this subject. While he 
continues to avoid the study of the biological effects of alcohol (he mutters 
something about a giant praying mantis whenever the topic is brought up), he 
has taken up human reproduction with vigour. Indeed he has been described as 
a "Viking" in the subject. His choice of biology partner is adequate but I 
feel not a long term one. Bravo Zulu.
Grade: B+

Home Economics: Alexander is far and away the worst student I have ever seen. 
He lacks even the ability to microwave popcorn. There are amoeba on Saturn 
who could boil a better egg than Alexander. I feel that, barring a miracle, 
he will never pass this subject.
Grade: F

Chemistry: Alexander continues to have a curious choice in chemistry 
partners. While Anya is a satisfactory choice, I feel that he would rather 
team up with Miss Summers or Miss Rosenburg. Were he able to make this happen 
it would result in a better chemistry result. I look forward to seeing more 
of Alexander next year as he has been somewhat quiet this year.
Grade: B-

Issued by The University of Life, The School Of Hard Knocks, and The 
Kindergarten Of Getting The Shit Kicked Out Of You (FanFic Campus) without 
erasure or alteration.