Re: End Of Season Report Cards

["Eric Bailey" <ebailey140@xxxxxxx>]

Very good, and I agree, you get an A. Here's hoping Buffy chemestry 
marks improve next year.

E

--- In buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxx, CDRERamius@a... wrote:
> TITLE: End Of Season Report Cards
> AUTHOR: Tony McD (CDRERamius@a...)
> DISCLAIMER: Joss and the rest own Buffy and the gang. This is just 
for laughs.
> SUMMARY: Report cards on the gang issued by the University of Life, 
the 
> School of Hard Knocks, and the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit 
Kicked Out of 
> You (FanFic Campus).
> SPOILERS: Season 4
> DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere is fine, just give us a yell.
> FEEDBACK: It would be nice for a change.
> AUTHOR'S NOTES: This was inspired by an episode of "Black Adder 
Goes Forth" 
> and the fact that I'm in the middle of writing annual personnel 
reports. Plus 
> my first beers in a long, long time.
> 
> 
> Name: Buffy Summers
> 
> Biology: Buffy has learnt quite a great deal in biology this year. 
After last 
> year's dissection of a giant Mayor/snake (let down by the fact that 
instead 
> of a scalpel she used dynamite), Buffy has broadened her focus in 
biology. 
> Examples abound such as learning about the biological effects of 
alcohol, 
> dissection of new creatures, demon/human hybrids, and human 
reproduction 
> (like any good scientist she repeated the experiments many times). 
Good 
> effort. 
> Grade: B
> 
> Physical Education: Yet again we see Buffy in a class of her own. 
Literally. 
> She plays way too rough with the other kids. Many have been hurt 
(or worse) 
> by Buffy's behaviour. To be fair though, she generally doesn't 
start it. I 
> recommend an anger management class for her and possibly a try out 
for 
> quarterback. 
> Grade: B+
> 
> Chemistry: After last years poor performance (the least of which 
was the 
> accident which blew up the chemistry lab, the computer room, the 
library,... 
> pretty much the whole school) Buffy has gotten worse. This is a 
result of her 
> poor choices of chemistry partners. After moving on from that 
brooding fellow 
> (I never saw him during the day, I wonder why?) Buffy took Parker 
as a 
> partner. He however tends to go through a few chemistry partners. 
Then she 
> took Mr. Finn as her partner. I fear that Buffy's chemistry marks 
will not 
> improve until she becomes partners with Willow or Mr. Harris (or 
both). 
> Grade: D-
> 
> Physics: Physics can be described as the study of bodies in motion. 
Buffy is 
> an excellent student as she sends alot of bodies in motion 
(normally flying 
> through the air, bouncing off walls and the like). Further more 
hers is the 
> best body in motion to study. She has also has shown ingenious 
methods of 
> over coming the inertia of speeding bullets. Her method of nuclear 
waste 
> disposal is also worthy of mention. 
> Grade: A+
> 
> 
> Name: Willow Rosenburg
> 
> Biology: Willow has improved in leaps and bounds in the past year. 
She has 
> broadened her studies from veterinary science to the biological 
effects of 
> alcohol and alternative human sexual interactions. Further study of 
this last 
> subject with Buffy Summers I feel would be of great benefit to her. 
Her 
> persistent reluctance to dissect frogs or rats has lowered an 
otherwise 
> acceptable grade.
> Grade: B-
> 
> Drama: This year Willow has tended to stick to weepy, depressing 
roles which 
> do not suit her at all. She needs to re-aquaint herself with the 
happy, 
> aggressive, sensual roles she has previously played. With the 
departure of 
> Miss Chase, Willow is actively competing with Buffy Summers in the 
role as 
> Drama Queen. Could do better.
> Grade: C
> 
> Chemistry: Willow has had a turbulent year in Chemistry. Her old 
chemistry 
> partners' disastrous experiment and his subsequent departure while 
painful 
> was probably for the best for her marks in the long run. The long 
lack of 
> chemistry partner was of some concern but her current choice of 
chemistry 
> partner is somewhat more reassuring. It would be better for her, 
however, to 
> team up with Buffy Summers and/or Mr Harris.
> Grade: A-
> 
> Comparative Religion: Willow has taken up this subject with great 
enthusiasm 
> this year. The down side is her resulting poor showing in some 
other subjects 
> (her computer studies teacher has not seen any work from her this 
year). Her 
> study partner is a good choice as they seem to get along very well. 
She would 
> be wise to receive some tutoring from Mr. Giles in this subject 
before 
> attempting any major work. Showing potential.
> Grade: B+
> 
> 
> Name: Alexander Harris
> 
> Economics: Alexander has had some trouble in this subject this 
year. Among 
> his short lived projects are alcoholic beverage service (cancelled 
due to 
> trouble with customers and a fire), and confectionary service 
(cancelled due 
> to inappropriately using the marketing approach of sex to sell ice 
cream to 
> children). Alexander's marks will improve once he has settled on a 
long term 
> project.
> Grade: C-
> 
> Biology: Alexander has made a real effort this year in this 
subject. While he 
> continues to avoid the study of the biological effects of alcohol 
(he mutters 
> something about a giant praying mantis whenever the topic is 
brought up), he 
> has taken up human reproduction with vigour. Indeed he has been 
described as 
> a "Viking" in the subject. His choice of biology partner is 
adequate but I 
> feel not a long term one. Bravo Zulu.
> Grade: B+
> 
> Home Economics: Alexander is far and away the worst student I have 
ever seen. 
> He lacks even the ability to microwave popcorn. There are amoeba on 
Saturn 
> who could boil a better egg than Alexander. I feel that, barring a 
miracle, 
> he will never pass this subject.
> Grade: F
> 
> Chemistry: Alexander continues to have a curious choice in 
chemistry 
> partners. While Anya is a satisfactory choice, I feel that he would 
rather 
> team up with Miss Summers or Miss Rosenburg. Were he able to make 
this happen 
> it would result in a better chemistry result. I look forward to 
seeing more 
> of Alexander next year as he has been somewhat quiet this year.
> Grade: B-
> 
> Issued by The University of Life, The School Of Hard Knocks, and 
The 
> Kindergarten Of Getting The Shit Kicked Out Of You (FanFic Campus) 
without 
> erasure or alteration.