Missing Demented Vampire Flying Fox and Shade Wearing Koala

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Citizens of the Gutter and Woods Outback
FROM: The Director of Public Safety and soon to be gopher murderer.
SUBJECT: Missing Demented Vampire Flying Fox and Shade Wearing Koala

William, my silent gopher who steals jungle juice for shade wearing koala
friend, I am only going to say this once: "Put down my bullhorn and return
the keys to the hover tank!" I have not, nor will I ever be, a prisoner of
the B/R 'shippers or the W/O 4-lifers... I mean really?! I can fly, they
can not, further more I'm not very good speaking terms with several vampires
that would love nothing more then to wipe out the lot of them with but a
word from me and free access to the hot tubs in the South Gutter.

Need I remind you that Sam and I were both tending to other business this
week? And said as much at the last Board of Directors meeting... you know
the one where we discussed new collars for the attack lawyers and had New
York Cheese Cake, that was the same meeting we discussed the annual Gutter
Defence and Maintenance Inspection. I believe you voiced your concerns
about testing the water catapult in the same area as your attack lawyers...
something about wet lawyers and a rather strong odour.

As it is, Samuel, our ever fun loving koala is laid up at the moment, he
injured his back climbing to the top of the Sears Tower to kill a pigeon
that had pelted his new ninja suit. While he did get to the top and killed
the bird, he injured himself on the bungle jump down, he apparently figured:
"since I'm up here, why the hell not?" When I last spoke to him he has a
big goofy grin on his face apparently from the prescription pain medicine
and was eagerly talking about bungle jumping from the top of Mount St.
Helens. I haven't broken it to him yet that St. Helens is pretty much a
glorified creator now and he should perhaps search for better mountains
elsewhere, but have decided not to mention it to him until he is off the
pain meds. A koala in a full body cast is not a happy koala.

Now with that said... is there anything anyone else wants to know about? We
now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfics.

Shadow --
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox {Fruit Bat} of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and
Little Comma. Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of
Quindolyn. Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society.
{GWBN -- Hey, its a way of life.} Dark Mistress of Weirdness. Yang to
Alex's Yin. Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the
Silver Claw of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. :{