Quin,
I agree with you the story was fast, for the most part because I wrote it VERY late at night.
>The last bit seems a little strange, why would she not feel safe in Buffy's arms?
She was just upset/surprised, but she feel asleep in her arms. Which I thought cinveyed that she did feel safe with Buffy.
Your right I did write it like Joyce was comforting a friend. I have never really felt like joyce has been there for Buffy, but I couldn't not have her check on her daughter who just got home form the hospital.
>In general, you're on the right way. All you need is to look a little >more over your story, so that you can avoid some of the grammar and >spelling errors I've seen. And try to slow things down, bring in >extra scenes, directly after one another (in a time sense), or make >those you have longer, to follow through the thoughts and feelings of >the characters, but don't overdo. The first part was just as you'd >see it, the rest seemed, as I've mentioned before, a little jumbled, >an ongoing flow was what I missed. Kinda like a river that goes into >the underground every now and then. You just see the surface, and it >almost seems as if the river would just stop at one place, and start >at another, that's how parts of your story felt to me, so adding
>where it's too short is definately a suggestion of mine to make your stories better.
I've always sucked at grammar, it is an ongoing battle with me! Thank you SO much for all the helpful criticism. And next time I promise to put in a warning about the angst.
>Aaanndd.... I've already been talking too long :)
No, never!
Again, thank you.
-Angel