FF: Blind Faith act7

["Sam" <shadowmage_draco@xxxxxxx>]

Blind Faith

By

Sam


Act Seven: Confessions


Email: shadowmage_draco@xxxxxxx 
Rating: R 
Disclaimer: The characters of BtVS slayer are the property of Joss.  
I am borrowing them for a bit for fun.
Archive: If your archiving any of my others stories then by all means 
take this one if ya want, otherwise just ask and I'll say yes.
Pairing: B/F (getting closer) W/T, X/A
Thanks: To coy for continuing to do a totally cool job of beta'ing, 
providing cool advise and for putting up with my madness.
Summery: A reformed Faith is injured and faces an uncertain future 
with her fellow slayer.
Notes: Contains spoilers for season four. Buffy comes clean about 
her and Faith's past. May contain some angst. <> Indicates thought.
Feedback: Feedback is the fuel to please send it as it is most yummy.
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Tara took a moment to get over the initial shock of Buffy's 
revelation, "She broke your heart?"

Buffy looked at the blonde Wicca but didn't say a word, she didn't 
have to her tear filled eyes told Tara. Gave Tara her answer, "I'm 
sorry I didn't know."

"No one did," Buffy softly sobbed.

<What do I do now, I wasn't expecting anything like this,> "Buffy, do 
you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know if I can, or even if I should."

"You look at you, it's preventing you from going to LA to see if what 
me and Willow said was true. It's practically tearing you up inside."

"It still hurts Tara. It shouldn't but it does," Buffy cried

"You never talked about it, you've kept it all locked up inside you," 
Tara gently spoke putting her hand comfortably on the slayers 
shoulders, "Buffy, you're never gong to be able to get past this if 
you can't open up about it. If you want, I'm here to listen."

Buffy looked up at Tara and wiped the tears from her eyes, "Okay but, 
you'd better call Willow, she's gonna want to hear this and I don't 
know if I can talk about it twice."

Tara walked over to Buffy's phone, picked it up and dialed, "Willow, 
it's Tara."

"Tara, where are you, is everything alright?"

"I'm okay. Willow, I'm at Buffy's..."

"Buffy's, what are you doing there?"

"After you fell asleep I decide to give it another shot..."

"Did she listen," Willow hopefully asked

"Yeah, she listened."

"Then she's going to LA?"

"Not exactly, but I have a idea why she doesn't want to go."

"What's that?"

"From what she just said I think she was in love with Faith."

"Oh my God! Give me ten minutes and I'll be there." 
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Willow and Tara sat on the edge of the bed and watched Buffy as she 
fidgeted in her chair. Neither one of them was sure what to say so 
they where sitting there giving her all the time she needed.

Buffy took several deep breaths. <Why after all this time am I doing 
this?> She rocked back in her chair and looked straight at Willow and 
Tara, "I don't know where to start."

"Tara said that Faith broke your heart," Willow replied in an effort 
to help Buffy open up.

Buffy felt her entire body tense up as her eyes started to tear up 
for the second time that evening, "I?I loved her?but?"

Willow and Tara got up and went over to Buffy. Willow placed her 
hand on Buffy's shoulder, "It's going to be okay, me and Tara are 
here for you."

"Thanks," Buffy said, "She hurt me Wills, hurt me bad. When Angel 
came back and said that Faith had changed and that I should go see 
her?it all came back; everything we had, everything that happened, 
and it hurt just like it was yesterday. I thought I was over it but 
I was wrong," Buffy cried, "God why did I have to be wrong? Why 
can't I get over this?"

"I don't know Buffy, but I'm willing to try and find out if you'll 
let me," Willow paused for a moment and knelt down in front of 
Buffy, "What happened?"

"She broke my heart," Buffy softly replied, "I loved her, I thought 
she loved me but she didn't."

"Are you sure she didn't," Willow asked, her mind replying what they 
had heard at the hospital.

"Yeah, I am. If she loved me like I loved her she would have never 
sided with the Mayor."

"Maybe she was just confused, people do strange things when they're 
confused."

"I was confused! I loved her but I didn't know how everyone would 
take that, thought I might lose my friends, I was afraid that Mom and 
Dawn wouldn't understand, that somehow they would love me less 
because of it. I didn't know what to do, all that I really knew is 
that I loved her, so you can't tell me that maybe she was confused, 
so was I, and you didn't see me running away to the dark side did 
you?!"

"Buffy I'm not trying to make excuses for her hurting you?I only want 
to help," Willow replied in a comforting voice.

"I know..it's just that..it's?"

"Hard," Tara replied, "You felt like a outcast, afraid to tell 
anyone, afraid that they wouldn't understand you."

Buffy looked over at Tara and simply nodded her head.

"I have no idea what it must have been like for you but I know sorta 
what you're talking about. I was afraid to tell anyone that I 
thought I was part demon, you guys where the best friends I had ever 
had," Tara wrapped her arms around Willows waste before 
continuing, "and Willow is the first person that really understood 
and loved me. I was afraid that if I told anyone what my family had 
said you would desert me, but you didn't."

Tara let go of Willow and placed her hand on Buffy's right 
shoulder, "You're our friend Buffy, no matter what happens, no matter 
what you tell us, nothings going to change that."

Willow moved over next to Tara and placed her hand on Buffy's other 
shoulder, "She's right you know Buffy, you've been there so many 
times for us, let us help you with this."

"Thanks guys," Buffy replied wiping tears from her eyes, "It really 
means a lot."

Neither one of the witches said a word they just continued to stand 
there comforting Buffy the best they knew how and giving her time to 
gather her thoughts.

The slayer took a deep breath and looked up at her two friends, "I 
don't know if I can do this."

"It's always going to be there, haunting you if you can't face it 
Buffy," Willow replied, "We here for you, you got to try."

"Okay," Buffy answered, taking several deep breaths, <Here goes 
everything>, "I loved her, I thought she loved me. At least that's 
what she told me. I mean I was scared, but it seemed not to matter.  
After everything that happened with Angel I was pretty sure that I 
couldn't love gain but Faith changed that. We would hold hands on 
patrol, or kiss and it was like for a little while everything was 
right in the world."

Buffy took another deep breath and there was a hint of defeat in her 
voice when she continued to speak, "Then it happened?everything 
changed."

"The Deputy Mayor," Willow questioned.

"No, things started to change before that," Buffy signed, "I should 
have know something was wrong but I was afraid to face it, afraid 
that she didn't love me like she said she did. I would tell her I 
loved her and she wouldn't say anything. The Deputy Mayor thing only 
made it worse. I tried everything I could think of to help her, I 
held her, told her it was going to be okay but she was so distant, so 
cold. I should have done more, I should have tried harder."

"Buffy you can't blame yourself."

"Yes I can. Maybe I messed something up, maybe I missed something.  
I should have tried harder, I should have tried to be there more but 
I wasn't and she left me."

Tears started to roll down Buffy's cheeks, "It hurt when Angel left 
but I got over it. Faith helped me get over that and then she left, 
when she turned against me it hurt like nothings ever hurt before. I 
wanted to reach out to her but instead I tried to kill her."

"She didn't give you much of a choice."

"And what if she did, what if I missed it. I loved her I was suppose 
to be there for her but I let her down so she turned evil and tried 
to kill us all."

Willow comfortingly hugged her best friend, "It wasn't your fault 
Buffy."

"I don't know that Wills! I just don't know that. I tried so hard 
to make it work with Faith but it didn't. When she came out of 
comma I was ready to give her a second chance, but she stole my 
body. Not only did she hit my Mom but Dawn was upstairs at the 
time."

Buffy lowered her head, "She tried to take everything from me and if 
Tara hadn't of figured it out she would have."

"She's not that person anymore Buffy, she's changed."

"She can't change, can't you see that. Everyone I have been with 
since Faith has been like a plant."

"A plant," Willow and Tara both asked at the same time.

"Yeah a plant, you can have a plant and it's nice but it's not like a 
puppy. You love a puppy, but a puppy can't hurt you."

"And a plant can't hurt you," Willow added, still trying to figure 
out the slayers logic.

"Right Parker, he used me, and it hurt a little but I didn't love 
him. Riley he loved me but I didn't love him. He was a plant, nice 
to have around, but no love. I know it was wrong to do that to him 
but I'm so afraid to open myself again, what if I get hurt like Faith 
hurt me."

Desperation filled the slayer's face as she pleaded with the two 
witches, "She can't change, not now, I can't afford it, I can't face 
her. I loved her and all she did was hurt me."

"Buffy, you don't have to give her another chance, all you have to do 
is go see her."

"I can't Willow, I would like to but I can't."

"Why?"

"I don't know?It's so hard to say?it's?it's?"

"Do you still love her, Buffy," Tara asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore."

Tara squeezed Willow's hand and whispered to her girlfriend, "You're 
going to have to tell her."

"Tara are you nuts, you just heard what she said happened."

"I know, that's why you have to tell her. If were still going to try 
and get her to go to LA we're going to have tell her everything."

"She's gonna freak out, I mean she loved Faith, If we tell her what 
we heard she might never go, and then she won't have any closures."

"And if she doesn't know and Faith happens to be talking to her 
picture when we get there. We owe it to Buffy to let her know, it 
wouldn't be fair to her if we didn't"

"I thought you said it wasn't good idea to tell her."

"That's before we knew that Buffy was in love with Faith."

Willow looked over at Buffy who was intently watching the two 
witches, "You might want to sit down, there's something you need to 
know."

Buffy saw Willow had put on her resolve face, <This isn't good>, she 
walked over to her chair and sat down and waited for her friend to 
speak, <How come I don't think I'm gonna like this.>

Willow sat down on the edge of the bed next to Tara, <Goddess please 
don't let her freak out to much>, "Buffy when we went and saw Faith 
she was talking to a picture, I wanted to say something but Angel had 
us stay quite, I know we shouldn't have eased dropped but I'm glad we 
did."

<Faith was talking to a picture, Oh my God, she's changed alright, 
she's completely lost it>.

"Buffy about the picture?"

<God Willow please don't say what I think your going to say, please 
don't say it.>

"Willow to a deep breath and squeezed Tara's hand, "It was kinda a 
picture of you."

<God Will's I didn't want you to say that, why'd you have to say 
that>, "M-m-m-my picture?"

Willow and Tara both could see the strange mixture of shock and 
confusion that was filling the slayer's face. "Buffy, I know this is 
hard, but there's more."

<More there can't be more, I can't handle more, God why the hell does 
there have to be more>.

"Buffy?"

<God why is this happening, I didn't want this to happen, why I did I 
tell them all that, why am I listening>, "Yeah?"

"Are you OK," a very concerned Willow asked.

"Not really, I don't want this to happen, it can't be happening but 
it is. So I guess you should tell me what she said," <Why the hell 
did I just say that, I'm sure I don't want to know what she said>.

"Buffy, I..we..heard Faith talking to your picture. She said that 
she was sorry, that she wished that she could take it back, that she 
knew you couldn't forgive her," Willow comfortably took Buffy's 
hand, "She's really sorry Buffy, she wasn't lying when she said it, 
she didn't even know we where there"

<Shit, why'd she have to say that>.

"Buffy, are you going to be okay?"

<Damn this isn't fair, this isn't suppose to be happening.>

"Buffy?"

"Still here Wills, it's just that I wasn't ready for this. She's not 
suppose to change you know, it's not supposed to happen. Faith's 
suppose to stay bad, it's not suppose to happen," Buffy sobbed.

"But it did happen Buffy, she's changed."

Buffy looked up at Willow and Tara she glazed into both their eyes 
stopping dead on Willow's, "There's more isn't there?"

"Yeah?Buffy when she didn't know we where there I heard her say that 
she loved you."

<Fuck?Fuck. I didn't need to hear that, what the hell is happening 
hear,> Buffy got up from her chair and walked over to the window 
without saying a word, <God, why the hell is this happening>.

Tara stared at Willow, her eyes easily revealing the shock she was 
going through about what just had happened, "why'd you have to tell 
her that?"

"She had to know."

"She had to know that Faith was sorry, that she wished she could take 
it back, that she regretted hurting her. She didn't need to know 
that Faith still had feelings for her."

"Tara, Buffy has a right to know everything."

"But not all at once, maybe the love part could had been eased I in 
later."

"Like when? When we are in LA before she sees Faith, it would only 
make her leave," Willow exclaimed

Tara gave Willow a hug, "I know, but look at her, she looks?"

"Broken," Willow interrupted.

"Yeah, she does."

Willow and Tara joined Buffy over by the window. The slayer was 
staring out across the campus, not saying a word, <No?this isn't 
happening, it can't be happening.>

Buffy turned around and faced her two friends, "I can't deal with 
this."

"You can Buffy I know you can, plus we'll be there for you."

"I can't do it Wills, I can't afford to let her back into my life."

"You don't have to do that Buffy, all you have to do is go see her."

"If I see her, I'll be letting her back in. I just can't do it."

Willow reached out and placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder, "You have 
to do it."

"Why do I have to do it, can you tell me that," Buffy snapped.

"Because it's the only way you can move on. If you don't do this 
Buffy you're never going to be able to put any of this behind you," 
Tara answered.

"She's right Buffy, don't do it for Faith, or us, do it for 
yourself," Willow added.

Buffy slouched back against the windowsill, "I don't know if I can."

"We'll help you Buffy. Your not going to have to do this alone."

"Thanks Wills, but it's just that, well I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"That she'll get back in, that we'll get close. I never loved anyone 
as much as Faith and I don't want to get hurt again, I don't think I 
could take it."

"Buffy me and Tara are your friends, right?"

"Yeah."

"Do you trust us?"

"Of course I do. Why are even asking?"

"Because I need you to trust us. Come to LA with Tara and me, I 
promise we won't let you get hurt."

Buffy took Willow's hand, then Tara's, "Promise?"

"Cross my heart," Willow answered.

"Me too," Tara Added.

Buffy thought about it for a moment, "OK, I'll go with you, but don't 
expect me to forgiver her or anything."

TBC?..