Re: War on two fronts!

["Jamie" <sombrerogiles@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

To: An Evil Bastard, Dark Jedi Council, Moose Post Sorting Office, other
interested parties.
CC: Director of Public Safety, Temple of Mayhem, Mad n' his boys.
From: The TDBA.
Subject: Concerns expressed over battle plans.

What is this 'France' you speak of? Sounds intriguing...

Are you sure that deploying the Rabid Chihauhau Pack is entirely necessary.
I mean, it was bad enough when we unleashed the Ravenous Colony of
Carniverous Termites on those poor Riley 4EVA Teenyboppers, little did we
know that the termites would soon turn on us, and would have to be put down
by the Mighty Slothful Anteater. I'm concerned that this time, there won't
be a biological control (unless you count the UVE).

Perhaps another method may be more fitting. I suggest arming the Militia
with Wet Noodle Launchers, Large Trout Cannons, and Wooden Spoon Ballistas,
and charging the bastards! ONWARD BOYS!

NB: Agents 6 and 10 were most displeased with the current turn of events
regarding the Budweiser frogs. As I type, they're in 'the quiet room'
bouncing off walls screaming "KILL THEM! KILL ALL OF 'EM! SNARFLE!"

It is the Agency's recommendation that these two unfortunate fellows be
deployed as Rabid Chihauhau Pack trainers for the duration of their
insanity. Perhaps the Office of Public Safety could find something useful
for them, if not?

Cheers,

Jamie
Director of the TDBA
Drill Sergeant, JJ Guzzlement Regiment, Gutter Militia.


----- Original Message -----
From: "B. Harvey" <honouredfool@xxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: 06 July 2001 21:51
Subject: War on two fronts!


> To: the Dark Jedi Council.
> From: An Evil Bastard.
> CC: Vice President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs,
Directore
> of Public Safety, all other concerned parties.
>
> Friends,
> It appears that we find ourselves under attack from all sides, what
> with the Empire, W/O 'shippers, the decidedly untrustworthy VWZoL, and
> something called the "We're Glory's Bitch" faction, which has recently
been
> spotted by EBA (Evil Bastard Agent) 9069 recently marching towards our
> Gutter from some place called "France" (don't ask, I've never heard of it
> either.) I suggest that you put aside those pesky "good" thoughts like
> compassion, mercy, human decency and retaliate with the most powerful
> weapons in the Gutter aresenal...yes, I speak of the dreaded Rabid
Chihauhau
> Pack. I know, I know, we all promised that we'd never use them but as a
> wise man once said..."Damn, I'm choking on a peanut." I don't think I
need
> to make myself any clearer.
> Because of the severity of the situation and the always present
desire
> to see a bunch of people get eaten by small animals the Evil Bastard
Agency
> is more than willing to control (as it were) the Rabid Chihuahuas should
we
> decide they need to be released.
>
> I remain your faithful servant,
>
> HonouredFool, Dark Jedi Master. Evil Bastard.
>
> Head like a hole
> Black as your soul
> I'd rather die
> Then give you control.
>
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