Re: War with the UVE

[Tater <tater@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

The UVE has not declared war, we just aren't speaking to you all right now.
We are still somewhat concerned by the fact that all of the Vampire Tomatoes
have dissapeared, not just those allied with the Carrots. We have no idea
where any of the Tomatoes are at present, excepting of course those who have
been consumed. We know where those are, and we don't really want them back
at this point. As we do not know where the remaining Tomatoes are, we have
even less idea what they are up to. At this time we cannot deploy recon
parties to locate them, as we are somewhat overwhelemed by a particularly
nasty evil commonly known as "work." When this evil has abated, we will
consider resuming relations with the Gutter and the Woods Out Back. After
we find the rest of the Vampire Tomatoes.


tater (Vegetables of the world unite!)
Head: United Vegetable Empire.



At 07:14 PM 7/6/01 -0000, you wrote:
>TO: Dark Jedi Council, Tater & the UVE, Shadow & Quin.
>
>Subject: Broken relations with UVE over minor incident. 
>
>Item #1: Tater, the loss of some of the Vampire Tomatoes should not 
>cause an all-out war with the Dark Jedi. Those Tomatoes had gone 
>beserk and allied with the Suicidal Killer Carrots. Any attempts to 
>calm them down were fruitless (no pun intended <grin>). Our only 
>recourse was to turn them into salad garishes and juice. 
>
>Item #2: After relations have broken down, the Suicidal Killer Carrots 
>and the Vampire Tomatoes have made constant (and fruitless, hehehe!) 
>attacks against the Dark Jedi. We know have more then enough tomato 
>and carrot juice and taco garnishes. Please reign your members in. 
>Otherwise the Council will have no option but to unleash the Deadly 
>Semi-Intelligent Juice Machines on the UVE to make juice out of them 
>all. 
>
>Item #3: We call on our Director of Public Safety and Chief of 
>Security to put an end to this fruitless (God i love that expression 
><grin>) conflict before innocent members of the UVE are summarily 
>juiced for consumption by the Amazons who have found a strong liking 
>for JJ and Tomato or Carrot Juice. 
>
>
>Bill 
>Vice-President of Monetary Embezzlement and Lawyerial Affairs
>Returned to the Dark Side Dark Jedi Knight
>Resident Gopher of the Sunnydale Forest Woods Outback
>Proud Card-Carrying Member of the Kill Captain Cardboard Club and 
>GWBNS (Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society). Hey, it's a Way of Life!
>Member #3 of the Hand of Chaos.