FIC: Sundowning-Last Rays(Post Feather Roads)

[Mad-Hamlet@xxxxxxx]

Disclaimer: All this belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant 
Enemy(Grrr..rarrrgh)



Drain Brameged Inc. Proudly Presents
A Mad-Hamlet Production


Sundowning
Last Rays

My world is ending, but not with a whimper but a bang. A hell 
of a big bang too. 

Typical. 

I would have prefered the whimper. The last gasp of a life support 
machine maybe, surrounded by my family and loved ones as my aged body 
finally gave up and let me go. Maybe not even that, just me, at an old 
age of course, sitting on my porch admiring the garden or the sunset. 
Admiring something at any rate, and I'd get really tired and fall 
asleep. 

I think that would be a whimpery enough ending to my world. Not gonna 
happen though. I should have expected it too. All Slayers die, some 
just live longer than others. 

Check that. 

Slayers don't live. We exist. Living requires happiness. Yes I'm being 
bitter, I'm seconds away from dying you can't expect me to be all 
perky at this instant can you? 

Stop screaming Dawnie. This is the only way. Okay it's not, I could 
have just chucked you into this void but ..right. I'm gonna do that. 
Better me than you lil sis. What was that line? The needs of the many 
something something... I don't think I'm gonna have time to remember. 
That 's okay, the movie sucked anyway. 

Stop screaming Dawn, no really stop. If you mess up your voice how 
will you give Willow my last message?

Willow.

I promised I'd never leave you. You think I forgot my promise? I 
remember it, in the shower, with my clothes on. I promised and I keep 
my promises but..but I couldn't keep this one. At least not now. Dawn 
will tell you, she has a message for you. It's not long, I didn't have 
time to come up with anything really deep. Just seconds. Seconds to 
give you some fucking words that are supposed to fill the gaping hole 
in you I'm about to tear open.

I'm sorry.

I'm so very sorry. Wanted to spend my life with you. Your magic, my 
slaying, our adventures..our love. Our love..that would have been a 
grand adventure. One worth exploring over and over and.. you can't 
hear me now can you. Can't even see me. You don't know what's 
happening, don't know I'm falling into a hole in the sky. You don't 
know I'm seeing a different, million nightmares each with a million 
different faces. You're standing at the foot of the tower right now 
arn't you? Did you save your friend Tara? She's probably all better 
now, got her mind back, that's a good thing. You're standing at the 
base of the tower and waiting for me to come back down with Dawn. The 
Slayer, once again triumphant over the bad guys. Like all those other 
times right? 

I'm not gonna this time my Willow.

For that I'm sorry. 
Really, really sorry.

For such a short way to fall this is really taking a long time. Gives 
me all the time I need to see all these lovely different aspects of 
Hell. Aren't I lucky?

Oh God, oh God, oh God, I'm scared, I'm falling into Hell and I'm so 
scared, so scared, scared, scared and there's nothing to save me and I 
can't grab anything and even if there was I couldn't grab it 'cause 
that would mean the world would die and I'm scared but the 
world..scared..the world..all worlds..there's only the wind, nothing 
comforting, nothing ..fear..wind...it's getting closer but it's not 
actually here. Oh God.

Willow!!

It's not fair! It's not fair, I earned something didn't I? What did I 
do to deserve this! It's not fair, oh mommy I'm scared. Why can't it 
be fair? In all those movies and stories where the hero sacrifices 
themselves for something greater they.. they earn some sort of 
understanding. They always look so peaceful right before the end, like 
they know something nobody else does. It's not fair, I'm going to die 
and there's no understanding, don't I even deserve tha-

** 

Meat.

She hit the ground like a sack of meat. 

The woman I love, the only person I've ever loved...she hit 
the ground like a sack of meat. 

I hate them right now. I hate them so much. The Powers That 
Be, she gave them everything. They refused to do anything to help 
themselves taking, instead, everything from one girl who just wanted 
to love me. Just took and took and took..couldn't they..I dunno.. 
lowered her to the groud. A small gesture of respect? A thank you? 
Anything? Not just have her collide with the ground, letting her flop 
around, limp.

Oh God, Oh God..she's dead. Buffy's dead, Buffy..Buffy!! 
BUFFY!!

Mmm..her hair is all mussed up. That's bad. She hit a wooden 
crate on the way down and now she's got splinters all tangled in her 
long lovely blond hair. That's no good. I'll have to fix it. That's 
something I can fix right now. 

I move over to where she's lying and kneel beside her. Reach 
out..pick out the pieces and smooth the hair. Pick n' smooth, pick 
n'smooth. Soon she'll look much nicer. No one is saying anything. 
That's fine though, I'd rather not get distracted by conversation. 
Pick n'smooth, pick n'smooth. 

I know she's moving before she touches me, don't ask me to 
explain how, it's a witch thing. 

"Willow." 

"Yes Tara?" It's Tara who was moving you see. It's Tara who 
has her hand on my shoulder and it's Tara who is in really, really big 
trouble right now. No..not really. She's my friend. A fellow Witch. 
Wiccan really, we try not to disembowel each other even when we've 
just lost, scant seconds before, the one thing we really, really 
loved. It's called 'Respect'. We always have to respect each other. 

"She's gone Willow." Tara says.

"I know." Pick n'smooth, pick n'smooth. Almost done. Just a 
few more pieces. 
Maybe a french braid?

"I..I don't think B-Buffy is worried about her hair where she 
is." She says it so quietly. Like she's afraid I'm going to turn on 
her or something. Scream maybe..shout..lose my temper.. Do something 
really badly bad magical wise. Mmm..tempting.. but no. 

"I know." I say again.

"She..she..really can't care Willow." Tara tries again. For 
someone who has a such a hard time speaking up she's really being 
brave right now. Good for her. 

"Yes." I say and turn to face her. Jee, I wonder what she 
see's 'cause she's stumbling backwards. Looks really scared. Am I 
scary right now? Do I look dangerous? That's odd, I don't feel scary 
or dangerous, I don't feel anything. 

"Yes." I say again. The voice of understanding, calm..calm old 
Willow. "But I care you see. I care how she looks, we all should. 
Because," I gesture toward Buffy with my hand. "She did this for us."

Hmmm..Tara doesn't seem to be listening, she's just backing up 
real fast with one hand over her mouth..gosh..is she trying not to 
scream?

Well..I still have to finish fixing Buffy's hair.

**

No one came and helped me down from the tower. Sheesh, you 
think they could have ..y'know sent Giles up or even Spike but 
noo..Dawn has to get down by herself just because her older sister 
di..di...

Oh God I'm sorry, sorry sorry..so sorry Buffy, I'm 
sorry..did't mean to be selfish it's okay..I don't mind getting 
down..really..I'm sorry..oh..please..please I'm sorry Buffy.. 

Don't be stupid, she can't hear me. And...even if she 
could..I..I.. I have to get down of this tower. I have to get down 
right now. Gotta get off..just..gotta...Have to tell Willow. Focus on 
the ..the..message..collapse later. 

No, no, no..damnit..whoops. I swore. Buffy said she didn't 
like hearing me do that. What a pain she wa..IS! 
What.A.Pain.She....was....big sister..

I can do this, I have to do this. Got to give Willow her 
message. Jesus Christ(Sorry Buffy.) If my big sister can save the word 
multiple times I can deliver a stupid ..it's not stupid.. try again. 
If Buffy can .. can..do her thing then I can do what she asked me to. 

Yeah. 

no no no no no no no no no..

Three steps left..move feet..c'mon move. Can't just stay in 
this metal tower forever..three steps to go. Just three. Then I'll be 
down and everyone will..uh..be..there and they..will..but so will..I 
..I don't wanna see! Don't wanna look, don't make me look! I can't 
look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I can't I just can't!

I just fall down, collapse on the last steps before I get off 
this tower and they're all waiting for me, right around the corner but 
so is..and she's and ..and I can't..and..

I cry. It's not like I know she's dead, 
that..she..maybe..maybe she survived, yeah..maybe she's okay, a little 
hurt but she'll be fine and..no. Didn't work for Mom and it won't work 
for Buffy. Lying to myself is ..oh God...why?

I don't hear his footsteps on the metal and I don't notice his 
shadow falling over me but I know he's there and I look up. 

"Hey bit." He says.

"My..my feet Spike..they won't work." I stumble over the 
words, tears are getting in the way. 

"No prob luv." He leans over and offers me his hand. "I'll 
take you the rest of the way."

***


My...my Slayer. 

I failed. 

She lies before me broken, sorry..lies before us. Actaully, 
that's not fair either. She lies before Willow. We were ...all so 
important to her but Willow was special and...

Dear lord no, I'm already thinking is past tense. Damn my 
watcher mentality. Must I always be so pragmatic? Not even have the 
comfort of an illusion for a few moments. 

Willow crouches beside the Slayer's body. She finished 
..correcting..Buffy's appearence some time ago and now is just sitting 
beside her, holding Buffy's hand in her own with her other clasped 
over her heart. Tara has moved over to my side. 

"Did...did you see her?" She hisses at me.

"I'm..I'm sorry..what did you say?" I cannot tear my eyes off 
the image before me. 

"Did you see her?" Tara whispers again. "Her face?"

"No." I whisper back. "No I didn't. Is something the matter?"

Of course it is you stupid british pillcock! Everything is the 
matter! Your Slayer is dead, more than that your daughter is dead! Her 
sister is alone in this world, and yes while it is rather nice to 
still have a world around us the price has been so very high and I'm 
really quite unsure it was worth it. 

Lord, Dawn. What will happen to her now? 

"Willow." Tara whispers to me. "She's..she's..she's being 
eaten." 

I ..

"What?" I say back.

"I c-can't say it any other way." Tara whispers. "I looked 
into her eyes..and..she's not there, or she's less there than she 
was!"

I spend a moment digesting that.

"Eaten?" I query.

Tara shrugs, it's a slight, small gesture. "Hiding?" She 
offers.

I look again at the tableu before us all. The words come 
unbidden and unthought but they are there and I say them freely.

"A hero taken, a lover alone, a family shattered and a sister 
lost, merely for the sake of the world." I pause and take a deep 
breath. "Oh yes, what on Earth could she be possibly hiding from?"

**

If I'm not careful I'm going to break Anya's ribs.

But I have to hold her tighter. Have to make sure it's really 
her in my arms, that her own are around me and I'm carrying her and 
that sweet air on my neck is her breath. That it's not illusion and 
she's really alive and she really did say 'yes' a few hours ago and 
the woman in my arms, who is still alive, is going to be my wife.

And all it cost was Buffy.

She's there on the ground, Willow beside her and where I have 
Anya (thank you God, thank you, thank you, thank you.) Willow does 
not.(Damn you God. Damn you, damn you, damn you!)

No.

Damn me. 

Because I know Willow is ... beyond..she's..pain.. there's .. 
Willow is in ..pain right now. Not 'stubbed toe' pain or even 'Stubbed 
soul' pain. She is IN pain. She's drinking it, soaking in it and all I 
can think about is 'Thank God that's not me.' And then I look at 
Buffy's..at..I..look AT Buffy and.. all I have is simply..'Thank God 
that's not Anya.'

No, not damn you God, or damn me.

Damn us all.

I'm sorry Willow, I'm so sorry.

I pull Anya even tighter.



**

Holding Dawn's hand we step around the corner. She can see 
now. We all can see. 

Dawn sinks to the ground again, that cerimonial robe that 
Hellbitch gave her pooling around her bare feet. Mm..need to get her 
something warmer, she'll catch cold. 

She's crying of course. That's the odd thing. She's the only 
one. Willow is right beside the Slayers body, she's not crying, just 
holdin' her hand. The newest member of the Joy Luck club, Tara, she's 
not cryin neither. Just huddlin' next to the Watcher, himself standing 
silently. I'd say he's being 'utterly british' but he's wearing a 
haunted expression that humans just can't fake. 

Xander and Anya. Ah, now them I can read. Xander refuses to 
look, he's starin' at the ground while holding his woman. She's just 
got these eyes right now, big as billards balls they are. Not Xander 
though, refuses to look. Call it an 'educated guess' but I'm willing 
to bet a fiver that he's feelin' a tad guilty. I could blame him for 
that but I think he's blaming himself enough. 

Dawnie's crossed her arms over her chest, she's sobbing really 
loudly now, it's the only thing you can hear. Not even a wind right 
now. Rockin back an' forth on her knees, not taking her eyes of her 
big sister. Promised I'd protect her but there's nothing I can do 
about this. 

I could act supportive I suppose, lay my hand on her shoulder, 
let her borrow my 'strength', cluck sympathetically a few times 
maybe...

Nah.

For the most part because I don't do that well and 
additionally what good would it honestly do? Not a lick. It wouldn't 
help one iota, I doubt she'd even notice. Then, of course, there's my 
general streak of bastard behaivore.

I look at the Slayer. 
Check that, her name's Buffy. I owe her that much. 

Okay then, starting over.

I look at Buffy.

She's lyin' there, real peaceful. Looks like she's sleepin, 
and what the hell made me think of that? I've seen more than enough 
dead people to tell the diffrence 'tween a sleepin one, and a dead 
one. Most noticible is the vibe that's missing from a corpse. Vamps 
can spot it in an instant. A glow that the living have, we don't and 
they don't either when they're not living either. 

You still have it though don't you luv? I ask myself.

I can feel it still. The air is humming about you now, just 
like it always did when you ..were not dead. Pardon my brusequness but 
you are now and I feel little need to bely the obvious. Still got the 
vibe though. Good for you lass. Maybe that's why I can almost fool 
myself into thinkin' yer merely resting? 

I glance at the lil' bit. She's still crying. 

Yeah Slay..sorry..yeah Buffy. I remember my promise. I'll 
watch over yer sister, yeah yeah..blah blah blah..end of time. End of 
my time at least, or hers. But that'll only come from old age, I swear 
it. 

I keep my promises Buffy. You know that, in fact for you I'm 
going to do one thing I never did for no one before. 

I'm going to break a promise. Just for you though and if you 
let it get out I'll...do what exactly? Kill you again? Nevermind, 
anyway...

Remember how I promised you I'd dance on your grave one day? 
Well, what with things bein' how they are I'm sure you won't mind it 
too much if I pass on that one. So, can you hear me Slayer? I'm gonna 
keep my promis to you and break a promise for you, and me, without 
even having a bloody soul and..and.. God how pathetic have I become 
anyway? 

I hate you Slayer you know that? Look what you'd done to me! 
I'm soliloquising! 

This, you realise, is all your fault don't you? 

Look at me, protecting people and feeling a little crappy 
because someone who, being dead, is making me feel somewhat miffed. I 
should, at this very moment, be throwing a party. 

Ah. 

No. You're going luv. I can feel it, I mean..you're gone 
already but the vibe, even yours..

Happy trails pet. 



Now it's all quiet. 

No..sirens.

Bollocks, we gotta go!

**

"Times up campers! Smokey is coming." 

That's Spike. 

I've been hearing everything very clearly. Tara's whispers, 
Dawn's tears. I've been listening very, very hard. Listening for her 
heart, anything. Anything at all would do. Some...farewell, a last 
sigh..or sign. I'm not picky. Listening very hard but I hear nothing. 

Oh, I hear them fine, I hear nothing that I want to hear 
though. Nothing from Buffy. My Buffy.

Police? That's fine I guess. I would think a big whole in the 
air, complete with lightning and all other whatnots screaming across 
the skies would get some attention. 

Spike's words seem to snap everyone out of where they were. 
Spike himself is now crouching next to Dawn, some whispered words I 
guess, trying to get her to stand up. She doesn't seem to be 
listening, I'm not. 

He scoops her up into her arms when she doesn't react. 

I can hear them now too, the police. Sirens wailing, good ol' 
law and order sweeping in to right the wrongs, preserve justice. All 
sorts of good things. Right.

Giles has stepped up beside me. 

"Willow." He says. "We have to go."

"Yes." I reply. 

"Come." He says. "Stand up. I'll..."

"I've got her." I say.

"Willow." He begins. "I'm not sure that's a..."

"I am." I reply.

I'm not strong, never have been. I am in my own way, I mean I 
did give a hellgod a good zappin not so long ago but physical strength 
has never been ... I ..that is. I'm not strong. 

I stand up, lean over and pick Buffy up in my arms anyway. 

"Please Willow." Giles says. "Let me..."

"No." I say quietly. "I've got her. I..I have to."

Xander, who is still holding Anya speaks up.

"She's not heavy, she's my lover. Or something like that right 
Wills?" He's trying to smile. Trying to be Xander. 

"Yeah Xander." I say back to him. "Something like that."

"We really have to go people!" Spike shouts. Well, at least he 
wasn't sarcastic.

**

"Put me down!" I say. 

"Pet, you're just not moving fast enough." Spike mumbles. 

"I can, I can, please..just put me down." I'm still crying but 
I have to do this, something..anything is better than just being 
carried. I'm not weak, I'm not helpless I don't want to ever be 
helpless ever again. 

"Whatever." He grumbles. "Hang on a mo' let's just get into 
this alley."

We hide around the corner, out of sight of the police who are 
getting closer to the..to ..that..place. Spike finally puts me down 
but as we're not running anymore...

All of us, we're huddled in this dark little shithole, we're 
the heros and we're hiding. Giles, Spike, Xander carrying Anya, Tara 
behind the two of them, Spike standing behind me. Willow with 
my..my... All hail the conquering heroes.

I peek around the corner. I can see the..tower. Where 
it..everything happened. I can still feel the chains cutting into my 
wrist, the knife..Buffy words in my ear..it's all there. All part of 
that tower, that building, that..place. 

Ben is still in there. I guess, I didn't exactly look for him. 
I hope he's hurting... he was a coward, a traitor. Glory...Ben..what's 
the diffrence? Both were takers, not caring for anything but 
themselves. Not Buffy though, she didn't, she couldn't have, even if 
she wasn't the Slayer. 

I just stare at that tower in the sky.

I hate it, I hate, I hate it, I hate it..I wish it would die, 
I wish I could kill that place, kill it dead and keep on killing it 
over and over. Nothing left..hate it..oh I hate it so much. 

"I wish I that place would die." I whisper.

I don't notice Willow standing beside me, watching me, 
watching the tower. She shrugs her shoulders, still carrying Buffy. 

"Okay." She says.

What?

**

"Spike? Could you take her please?" I ask. "For just a 
minute."

"Red?" Spike looks confused for a second then gives his head a 
brief shake. "Sure. Sure thing I..

I don't wait for him to finish just gently hand the body of my 
love to the arms of her enemy, a vampire. I don't think she'd actually 
mind though. 

"Willow what do you think you're..." Giles begins speaking.

I turn to him. "Shhhh.." I say. A finger across my lips. "It's 
okay."

I look at Dawn, her eyes are real big. I'm not sure she 
expected anyone to actually hear her but... I'm glad I did. 

I feel so... strange. My Buffy is dead. She's in the arms of 
Spike. Her hair is hanging limp, arms never gonna hold me again. 
Behind her lids, even though she looks like she's sleeping, I know 
those eyes will never shine with laughter or look at me in a sultry 
manner again. She's not going to smile, pout, or be sad again. She's 
not going to be anything again. I'll never get to hold her, she'll 
never get to hold me. 
Like..like Anya said about Joyce a few months ago..she'll never get to 
drink fruit punch either. Though..I don't think Buffy actaully liked 
fruit punch that much. I'll...I'll never get to help her with her 
homework.. or..pizza... patrols even. I..

She's gone. She's right here but she's gone. I'm looking at 
her but she's far, far away. Maybe not even at all. We don't know but 
she's not here. 

Where's my pain? 

I don't feel anything at all. Just... a wind in my hair and 
everyone's eyes on me. 

But no pain.. 

Oh.

Wait.

There it is.

**

I know where she is. My friend Willow. She..she... she's being 
eaten. She's not hiding, she's inside somewhere. Her..she's...she's 
always been so strong in the magic. Doing things so fast. Alright, it 
didn't always work all the time, or even most of the time but when it 
did. We practiced spells, her and me. I owe her so much. Not just for 
the magic, or...anything wiccan-ish. She's my friend, and through her 
I've met these other friends and I've never had friends before and 
it's all thanks to her. All I did was tell her ..as she told me..I 
helped her with her Truth and she gave me all this. And they're still 
my friends, even after all that nonsense with my family. Now, when it 
counts the most I can't do anything...can't do anything at all.

She was..she is..so strong. Now though it's eating her. I 
can't help her. None of us can. 

She...hunches over. I feel it first. This..wave of grief. Then 
I hear her. A choked out hiccup, or ..something. She can't clear her 
throat, like all this pain is trying to take actual form and rush out 
her throat but it's gotten stuck and now she's choking on it.

None of us move. She..bends over a little more, her back is 
too us... I hear something like she's gagging. Then the noise cuts 
off. She's clapped a hand over her mouth so the only sound is a 
muffled ...noise.. over and over. Each one drains her, she's falling 
lower and lower to her knees. 

Finally she's resting on one hand and her knees, the other 
still muffling her sobs. 

We watch.

Goddess forgive all we do is watch.

She pulls her hand away slowly. Sniffs a few times, wipes her 
cheeks with the back of her hands. Then, holding up her index and 
middle finger she collects her tears, and then kisses the tips of her 

fingers, drinking the tears collected there. Slowly, she reaches out 
with her fingers, fingers that were covered in tears and then blessed 
with a kiss..and she touches the ground. 

She's stopped crying. 

Without a tremor or a bit of hesitation she stands back up. 

"Spike." She says. "Can I have her back?"

Wordlessly he complies.

She turns to face all of us. "We should go." She says.

Readjusting her...lover she turns and beging to walk away. I 
don't say anything, what can I say? I just move to follow her. No one 
says anything either. 

We make it about three steps before we hear the first screech 
of metal.

I spin around. We all do, Xander turns a little more slowly of 
course, he's still carrying Anya.

The tower is falling. 

No, falling isn't the right word, it's like it's being crushed 
from above by a giant hand. Or two fingers gently, but unceasingly 
pressed into the earth. It buckles, twists and, with a shriek 
like...like no building ever shrieked..collapses. The then the walls 
begin to cave...I can see a few roofs begining to shudder as well. 
Glass windows explode outwards but the shards don't fly far as they 
are suddenly forced into the ground as well. It's not collapsing, it's 
not exploding. The whole place is being ground into the earth. There 
is no shrapel flying around...just dust..dust being ground into dust. 

The police cars screech to a stop in front of..what was 
seconds ago..a construction site. Now it's...flast. It's good chance 
that the cops would find more remains at ground zero of a nuclear 
explosion. 

Willow...she didn't even look back. 

Just walked on, down the street.

Carrying Buffy. 

Away.