Re: The Naked Gay Buffy Musical

["buffythebushkangaroo" <buffythebushkangaroo@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

> Go and read.

LOL!

Someone out there's even more perverted than I am!

*giggles*

Anne-Lise.

--


BUFFY: 
Every single night, I hear them screwing,
I can hear them bump and grind.
When I go and peep on what they're doing,
they get kinda mad, they say "Do you mind?"

But all I want to know is will they show
me how they do what they do,
for I've tried copying their motions,
playing with my parts...

I was born naive, never knew my options,
but now I think I know myself.
I couldn't perceive it, or believe it,
Should I take a chance?

VAMPIRE: Those are nice red pants.

BUFFY: Who asked you? (stakes him) And, thanks!

DEMONS: We thought kinda highly of your last ex Riley,
even though he sucked, 
but we don't get your new emotions...

TENOR DEMON: What's this strange devotion?

DEMONS: This attraction that you feel? (Buffy kills them.)

TENOR DEMON: Are you sure these feelings are even... (stabbed) 
real... (dies)

BUFFY: Will I stay this way forever?
When will I achieve orgasm? Never?

SPIKE: I can help your grand endeavour! (Buffy just stakes him.)

BUFFY: Why won't she show me...
All the proper motions?
I'm losing my sex drive.
I just want to feel her kiss,
Upon my tender netherlips...
(Vampire approaches...)
I just wanna get... it... on...
(and is staked.)

*

GILES:
I've a confession,
about a passion,
a raging passion!
No! I mustn't let you hear about it...

WILLOW: 
Your face is ashen!
Tell us of this passion!
You can't let slip such juicy gossip, then hope to keep it secret...

XANDER:
I've a confession, I'm in love with her too...

TARA/WILLOW/BUFFY:
But aren't you getting married to an ex-demon who loves you?

XANDER:
It could be witches!
Those evil bitches! (slaps Tara) They've cast a spell on me, and now 
I'm telling you all my secrets, put my foot in it, and I'll be 
leaving now... (Anya glares at him as he gets his coat.)

ANYA: I've a confession, I don't love you!

(Silence. Crickets chirp.)

TARA: Holy cow!

ANYA:

You were just convenient, you warmed my empty bed...
I had an evil plan which would have made you dead...
In my capitalist studies,
I discovered life insurance!
(plays air guitar)
Insurance!
Insurance!
Life insurance... (fireworks and smoke.)
... And I want your comic book collection!

WILLOW: So tell us of this passion, I can't believe we missed it...
GILES: I'd better flee to England and hope I can resist it!
(Giles gets up, starts to climb the stairs to the loft and pack.) 

BUFFY: Yo, Giles! It doesn't matter...
(Giles pauses, turns back. Everyone looks at Buffy.)
What does it matter, as long as we're together?
If we all love each other, there's nothing that can sever
this bond we feel, it joins our hearts,
this raging lust, we could impart...

ALL (except Giles): What can't we do if we get naked?
UPN would love us, cos it would surely boost their ratings..

ALL: We have to try, we'll shed our clothes...

WILLOW: (gets naked) We'll brave the chill!

XANDER: Argh, my nose! (blood spurts)

(Giles smiles, comes down off the ladder.)

ALL: What can't we do if we get naked?
GILES: (descant) What can't we do...
ALL: What will we do if Dawn can't take it?
GILES: What will we do...
ALL: There's nothing we can't try...
ANYA: I'll get my toybox.

*

DAVID: (sings) They got... my butt plug... out! 
CROWD: (sings) We got his... butt... plug... out!
BUFFY: (shouts) Ew!

*

TARA:
I've lived my life in pastures,
always the cud to be chewed.
But now I'm feeling quite enraptured
Although I should be eschewed...

For I have no value,
I'm here to make you look good...

I'm your underdog,
And that's how it should be,
Living a life of misery...
I'm as ugly as a frog,
How dare I hope for more?
What am I with you for?

I am a cow enchanted,
ripped from my bovine world
When you saw my form and chanted
Transformed me into a girl...

And I saw your smile grow
More radiant than any I've known.
I'm your willing slave,
There's nothing I can do,
For I belong to you...
You even made me shave
those parts of me you kiss,
that send me into bliss...
But I'll always hope for more...

DANCERS: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ahh!

I'll always hope for more!

DANCERS: Ah! Ah! Ah! Ahh!

TARA:
Even though you deride me
whenever your fingers are inside me,
its more than I deserve...
upon this mortal earth.
To stay here at your side,
how dare I hope for more?
What am I with you for?
When its Buffy you adore...

(Tara's body slowly rises up and hovers over the bed. Flying cow!)

Its Buffy you adore...
Its Buffy you adore...
Its Buffy...