State of the Gutter Emergency Announcement

["Shadow" <Shadowlander1@xxxxxxx>]

TO: All Department Heads: The United Vegetable Empire: All Other Interested
Parties; and Rod and Kimber {although those two are ignoring us and acting
all adult-like at the moment. : - P}
FROM: The Director of Public Safety
SUBJECT: State of the Gutter Emergency Announcement
RE: Invading Riley Bots along the border of the Woods Outback

:: Furry little monster wearing a fighter pilot's hat and a beat up bomber
jacket steps up to podium. :: All right listen up I'll keep this brief.
And Alex put down the flame-thrower you know you're not allowed to fire that
thing in here... we just got the briefing room fixed from the Gopher's last
"misfire" over the mutt-boy incident. Now where was I? Oh yeah... as you
all know an army of Riley-bots have been spotted amassing on the border of
the Woods Outback armed with their general hayseed moronic looks firmly
plastered across their faces - or their brains have exploded while trying to
comprehend the set-up instructions on a VCR... but who can tell or even
cares for that matter? The fact is that we got an army of them on our
borders and we have several hundred panicky Woods Outback dwellers vowing
revenge or the return of mob mentality in the name of the Koala - whichever
comes first.

The Woods Outback Self-Defence Force and Self-Proclaimed Riley and Mutt-boy
Bashing Squad has taken control of the situation - for the most part -
naming the feverish grey-fox their spokes-animal and calling for naked
wiccas and slayers to be tossed at the exiled Koala to keep him warm during
his enforced adult-sponsored holiday in the wilds of who knows where.

Ladies, Gentlemen, Gutter Dwellers, and Woods Outback Residents - I cannot
allow ALL of you to go on a rampage, cleaning out the weapons' lockers and
firing wet noodles launchers at anything that moves. As much as all of you
enjoy that - none of you are willing to join the cleanup details and almost
always nail Quin's car repeatedly in the parking lot. Before you start
demanding my resignation and/or tarring and feathering - we will be
retaliating against these Riley-bots. This is a Riley-free zone after all
and they are just way to moronic to be allowed to waste good space with
their presence any longer then necessary. The office of Gutter Public
Safety has put all available forces on high alert... we are at Threat
Condition Def-Jam 1 - the Gopher has been named Chief DJ and communications
chief for the duration of the emergency. Requests for party music and
Riley-bot bashing tones should be directed to him.

The requests for the Gutter Militia and Lynch Mob to use the Koala's hover
tank to help defend the Slayer Monument to Blowing Up High Schools has been
denied. The hover tank has been commandeered by the frisky dark slayer and
was last seen on its way to the border to help repel the Riley-bots... or at
least Gutter Security believes that is Faith's intentions and she is not in
fact on her way to the mall to talk Santa into "giving" her the Hacker in
her socking this year.

At this time reports of the Phantom Chipmunk assembling a guerrilla movement
to infuriate and sabotage the Riley-bot army by introducing Chinese finger
puzzles to them is... well, we're not sure what to make of that rumour at
the moment. However the reports of the Noble Were-Badger and part-time
Trouble-making Scooter Tramp, leading a band of ex-commando special forces
to liberate the Spiked Jungle Juice still that has been caught behind enemy
lines are true. Our thoughts and prayers are with the commandoes on the
safe recovery of the still - the Christmas/New Year's Eve Block Party is
upon us after all. At this time there is no plans for a massive air strike
on the Riley-bot army led by the Dread Parrot, although his Flying Puddle
Jumpers are on standby and are assisting in search and rescue of any stray
Woods Outback residences caught in the containment area along the border.

The feverish grey fox and a certain demented gator - who not only was seeing
things concerning an unnamed fruit bat but hearing things as well - have set
up a field command centre on the other side of the big hill, used for
playing King of the Mountain and sledding tournaments, and are organizing
the assembling units and freedom fighters. Gutter Security Chief Quin has
been appointed Joint Gutter-Woods Outback Commander and will oversee the
campaign to wipe out the Riley-bot army or in the very least unleash massive
amounts of destruction then lead a parade down Main Street of Sunnydale
Proper during the Christmas/New Year's Eve Block Party.

Affords to reach our ever absent Listmum and dad are continuing... at the
moment there is no proof that the Riley-bots are holding Rod and forcing him
to watch Brady Bunch reruns. According to Gutter Intelligence and Wild
Rumour Makers {don't laugh - it does sound better then Military Intelligence
and you all know it} the two are reasonably safe although their respective
families are torturing them to no end, but there is very little we can do
about that at the moment. The current whereabouts of the Gremlin, the
leader of the water balloon catapult squad, have been confirmed... she is
being held in a movie theatre surrounded by a bunch of screaming rug rats
and being forced to watch 'Flower: Hamster of Peace" the uncut version. A
rescue force is being assembled and the Gremlin will be liberated from the
"mushy overly-sweetness of Flower: Hamster of Peace" and she will be
avenged. It is believed that the evil nuns she works with are behind her
current captivity. Although it is believed she is defying her captures by
singing: "This is the Song that Never Ends... It goes on and on my friend."

And this concludes the briefing of the Gutter Board of Directors; an army of
Riley-bot no matter how hayseed moronic they look will not intimidate us...
we will be victorious and we will party into the New Year. Okay Alex you
can light the flame-thrower now and join the frisky dark slayer on the
commandeered hover tank to raise mischief and mayhem in the name of the
exiled Koala. :: Furry little monster steps down from podium and disappears
once more through the door leading to the Gutter Command Centre ::


Shadow -
Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. Vampire Teddy
Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little Comma.
Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of Quindolyn.
Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society. {GWBNS - Hey,
its a way of life!} Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's Yin.
Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the Silver Claw
of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably Sane Biker
Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}

AIM screen name: ShadowDrake
Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
MSN messenger: Tankesly@xxxxxxxxxxx {Shadow}
ICQ Number: 120681217