Re: State of the Gutter Emergency Announcement

["oom00nstar" <Hhdouglas@xxxxxxx>]

--- In buffywantswillow@y..., "Shadow" <Shadowlander1@g...> wrote:
> TO: All Department Heads: The United Vegetable Empire: All Other 
Interested
> Parties; and Rod and Kimber {although those two are ignoring us and 
acting
> all adult-like at the moment. : - P}
> FROM: The Director of Public Safety
> SUBJECT: State of the Gutter Emergency Announcement
> RE: Invading Riley Bots along the border of the Woods Outback
> 
> :: Furry little monster wearing a fighter pilot's hat and a beat up 
bomber
> jacket steps up to podium. :: All right listen up I'll keep this 
brief.
> And Alex put down the flame-thrower you know you're not allowed to 
fire that
> thing in here... we just got the briefing room fixed from the 
Gopher's last
> "misfire" over the mutt-boy incident. Now where was I? Oh 
yeah... as you
> all know an army of Riley-bots have been spotted amassing on the 
border of
> the Woods Outback armed with their general hayseed moronic looks 
firmly
> plastered across their faces - or their brains have exploded while 
trying to
> comprehend the set-up instructions on a VCR... but who can tell or 
even
> cares for that matter? The fact is that we got an army of them on 
our
> borders and we have several hundred panicky Woods Outback dwellers 
vowing
> revenge or the return of mob mentality in the name of the Koala - 
whichever
> comes first.
> 
> The Woods Outback Self-Defence Force and Self-Proclaimed Riley and 
Mutt-boy
> Bashing Squad has taken control of the situation - for the most 
part -
> naming the feverish grey-fox their spokes-animal and calling for 
naked
> wiccas and slayers to be tossed at the exiled Koala to keep him 
warm during
> his enforced adult-sponsored holiday in the wilds of who knows 
where.
> 
> Ladies, Gentlemen, Gutter Dwellers, and Woods Outback Residents - I 
cannot
> allow ALL of you to go on a rampage, cleaning out the weapons' 
lockers and
> firing wet noodles launchers at anything that moves. As much as 
all of you
> enjoy that - none of you are willing to join the cleanup details 
and almost
> always nail Quin's car repeatedly in the parking lot. Before you 
start
> demanding my resignation and/or tarring and feathering - we will be
> retaliating against these Riley-bots. This is a Riley-free zone 
after all
> and they are just way to moronic to be allowed to waste good space 
with
> their presence any longer then necessary. The office of Gutter 
Public
> Safety has put all available forces on high alert... we are at 
Threat
> Condition Def-Jam 1 - the Gopher has been named Chief DJ and 
communications
> chief for the duration of the emergency. Requests for party music 
and
> Riley-bot bashing tones should be directed to him.
> 
> The requests for the Gutter Militia and Lynch Mob to use the 
Koala's hover
> tank to help defend the Slayer Monument to Blowing Up High Schools 
has been
> denied. The hover tank has been commandeered by the frisky dark 
slayer and
> was last seen on its way to the border to help repel the Riley-
bots... or at
> least Gutter Security believes that is Faith's intentions and she 
is not in
> fact on her way to the mall to talk Santa into "giving" her the 
Hacker in
> her socking this year.
> 
Hey what about the hovercraft its still in the possession of a 
gutter dweller and it will make mincemeat or tinchunks out of
those Riley bots with its machine guns,diamond and ruby laser,
and last but not least its rocket launchers 

douglas the sasquatch

> At this time reports of the Phantom Chipmunk assembling a guerrilla 
movement
> to infuriate and sabotage the Riley-bot army by introducing Chinese 
finger
> puzzles to them is... well, we're not sure what to make of that 
rumour at
> the moment. However the reports of the Noble Were-Badger and part-
time
> Trouble-making Scooter Tramp, leading a band of ex-commando special 
forces
> to liberate the Spiked Jungle Juice still that has been caught 
behind enemy
> lines are true. Our thoughts and prayers are with the commandoes 
on the
> safe recovery of the still - the Christmas/New Year's Eve Block 
Party is
> upon us after all. At this time there is no plans for a massive 
air strike
> on the Riley-bot army led by the Dread Parrot, although his Flying 
Puddle
> Jumpers are on standby and are assisting in search and rescue of 
any stray
> Woods Outback residences caught in the containment area along the 
border.
> 
> The feverish grey fox and a certain demented gator - who not only 
was seeing
> things concerning an unnamed fruit bat but hearing things as well - 
have set
> up a field command centre on the other side of the big hill, used 
for
> playing King of the Mountain and sledding tournaments, and are 
organizing
> the assembling units and freedom fighters. Gutter Security Chief 
Quin has
> been appointed Joint Gutter-Woods Outback Commander and will 
oversee the
> campaign to wipe out the Riley-bot army or in the very least 
unleash massive
> amounts of destruction then lead a parade down Main Street of 
Sunnydale
> Proper during the Christmas/New Year's Eve Block Party.
> 
> Affords to reach our ever absent Listmum and dad are continuing... 
at the
> moment there is no proof that the Riley-bots are holding Rod and 
forcing him
> to watch Brady Bunch reruns. According to Gutter Intelligence and 
Wild
> Rumour Makers {don't laugh - it does sound better then Military 
Intelligence
> and you all know it} the two are reasonably safe although their 
respective
> families are torturing them to no end, but there is very little we 
can do
> about that at the moment. The current whereabouts of the Gremlin, 
the
> leader of the water balloon catapult squad, have been confirmed... 
she is
> being held in a movie theatre surrounded by a bunch of screaming 
rug rats
> and being forced to watch 'Flower: Hamster of Peace" the uncut 
version. A
> rescue force is being assembled and the Gremlin will be liberated 
from the
> "mushy overly-sweetness of Flower: Hamster of Peace" and she will be
> avenged. It is believed that the evil nuns she works with are 
behind her
> current captivity. Although it is believed she is defying her 
captures by
> singing: "This is the Song that Never Ends... It goes on and on my 
friend."
> 
> And this concludes the briefing of the Gutter Board of Directors; 
an army of
> Riley-bot no matter how hayseed moronic they look will not 
intimidate us...
> we will be victorious and we will party into the New Year. Okay 
Alex you
> can light the flame-thrower now and join the frisky dark slayer on 
the
> commandeered hover tank to raise mischief and mayhem in the name of 
the
> exiled Koala. :: Furry little monster steps down from podium and 
disappears
> once more through the door leading to the Gutter Command Centre ::
> 
> 
> Shadow -
> Dir. of Pub. Safety of the SECoLGA and Chief Dungeon Keeper. 
Vampire Teddy
> Bear and Flying Fox of the Woods Outback. The Big Bad and Little 
Comma.
> Mistress of Mischief, corruptor of the innocent, tormentor of 
Quindolyn.
> Founding Member of the Get Willow and Buffy Naked Society. {GWBNS -
Hey,
> its a way of life!} Dark MIstress of Weirdness. Yang to Alex's 
Yin.
> Charter Member of the Hand of Chaos, member of the Order of the 
Silver Claw
> of the Highland Werewolves of Gaia. Member of the Questionably 
Sane Biker
> Were-Folk Assn. {QSBWFA}
> 
> AIM screen name: ShadowDrake
> Yahoo screen name: drakesshadow
> MSN messenger: Tankesly@h... {Shadow}
> ICQ Number: 120681217