FF: Someone for Tara (1/1)

[Zephyr <winter_herald@xxxxxxxxx>]

Hullo all. I'm new to this fanfic-writing gig. I've been working on
a few ideas, but they're fleshing themselves out pretty slowly. So I
thought to myself, better something now than nothing later. And thus
the following... fluff... was born.

Title: Someone for Tara
Author: Zephyr (winter_herald@xxxxxxxxx)
Summary: Buffy and Willow are together, but they want Tara to be happy.
So Anya leads them through a list of possible "friends" for our favorite
blonde witch. (Written 7 January 2002)
Rating: R (for language)
Spoilers: Potentially anything through season 6.
Feedback: Love it.
Archiving: If you want it. Just let me know so I can go see.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Buffy, the show and its characters. But
the note cards are mine.

* * *

The scene opens on the living room of the Summers' residence. Buffy
and Willow are snuggled together on the couch, necking passionately,
while Tara is sitting in a chair and looking slightly uncomfortable.
Anya is standing in front of all of them with a stack of note cards.
She stairs at Buffy and Willow for a few moments, until it becomes
apparent that they aren't going to stop.

Anya: Please refrain from sexual activity until we're done here. If
I can't be having orgasms with Xander you shouldn't be necking
on the couch.

Buffy and Willow look up with glazed eyes. Tara shifts in her seat.
Buffy is the first to snap out of it.

Buffy: What do you want to talk about, anyway?

Anya: Well, now that you and Willow have become orgasm friends, Tara
has been left with nothing to do at night. And it turns out
that quite a few of the fans think she's too cute for that.
(She looks Tara over.) I'd have sex with her, but I'm with
Xander. (Tara blushes furiously and looks away.) So I've
been sent here with a list of other options.

Buffy: But why do we all have to talk about it?

Willow: Buffy. She's our friend. And just because I'm not with her
in a girl-friend way anymore doesn't mean I don't want her to
have o-- romantic companionship.

Anya snorts softly, but Buffy keeps looking at Willow.

Buffy: Wills, that's so sweet. And you're a really good friend.

They give each other a quick peck on the lips, but it soon turns into
another passionate kiss. Anya ahems loudly.

Anya: No Xander, no Buffy-Willow action. Got it? Or I could just bring
him over right now and we could have sex on the floor while we
do this.

Willow: (Paling) Not necessary. We'll be good.

Tara, who has been quiet up to this point, speaks up nervously.

Tara: Um, it's not that I don't appreciate this, because I do, but Buffy
is sort of right, you don't have to do this.

Anya: Nonsense. I got called away from Xander to do this and we're not
stopping until you have a new orgasm buddy. Otherwise I might
have to go through this whole thing again. Okay?

Tara: (Sinking back into her seat) Okay.

Anya: (Looking down at her cards) Now, the first card says "Tara and Amy."

Willow: Hey! I mean, isn't she kind of unstable now? She got into the
dark power addiction worse than I ever did!

Anya: (Glares at Willow) Yeah, well maybe you messed up the de-ratting
spell or something. Besides, we're talking about fanfic here.
Authors can change reality to their whims. (Ignoring worried looks
from the others) Now, one of the biggest reason for putting Tara
and Amy together is that they're both witches. Hey, it worked for
you two.

Tara: (Off Willow's forlorn expression) Willow, we can still do spells if
you want. Just not the, uh (glancing at Buffy) intense kind.

Willow: (Smiling) Thanks. But it might be good for you to have another
witch to do the, uh (also glancing at Buffy) intense kind.

Buffy: (Off their glances) Hey, am I the gal for "intense" or something?
(Watches Willow blush, then whispers in her ear.) Just wait 'till
later, wicca-mine, and I'll show you intense...

Anya: Stop it. Do you see Xander around here to whisper sexy innuendoes
in my ear? (She waits for them to stop and face her again.) Better.
Now, it's been pointed out that Tara and Amy have never actually met
face-to-face, just face-to-whiskers. But the way I hear it, Willow
and Tara were this close (holds up pinched fingers) to being orgasm
buddies the first time they met, so that's not much of a problem.

Willow: Anya!

Tara: B-but that's because, W-willow is special. (Off Buffy's look) Well,
she is.

Anya: Oh, Amy is pretty "special" too. She turned herself into a rat, for
crying out loud.

Buffy: (Still staring at Tara) She turned me into a rat too.

Anya: Okay, let's try the next one then. The sooner we get this over with
the quicker I can have sex with Xander.

Buffy: I'm sure you can do it pretty quickly anyway.

Willow: Buffy! Are you channeling Faith again?

Buffy: (mollified) 'Course not. And you'd know if I was. 'Cause you
know me.

Willow: (dreamily) Yeah. I would. I do.

Anya: Um, am I the only one who remembers that it was Tara who realized
Faith was in Buffy's body?

Willow and Tara look at each other shyly, remembering that day. Buffy
looks at Tara too, more consideringly.

Buffy: All right, who's next?

Anya: (Shuffling cards) The next one says Cordelia.

Buffy: Well, if you don't mind a bunch of comments on your wardrobe.

Willow: Buffy! There's nothing wrong with Tara's wardrobe.

Buffy: I didn't say there was, I just said that Cordelia--

Willow: And Cordy isn't like that anymore. She's changed. She's
exploring her softer side.

Tara: That's nice, Willow, but, uh, another person I haven't met here.
(She gives Willow a sheepish look, which is returned.)

Anya: Oh well. It's a thought, anyway. Next one is... Dawn.

Buffy: Hey!

Tara: D-dawnie?

Buffy: Hey! What I mean... she's fifteen! So this Tara thing's
illegal!

Anya: Well, maybe in a few years then. But I don't see what the big deal
is. She's obviously gone through puberty, which means she's a
fully function-

Anya finally notices Buffy staring at her, daring her to finish that
sentance. She finally decides that discretion--or at least not pissing
off the slayer--is the better part of staying alive. Tara appears shaken
and sinks into her chair further. Buffy turns a steely gaze on her, as
if trying to decide if she's actually adverse to the idea or just trying
not to be caught thinking about it.

Tara: M-maybe w-we'd better just keep going?

Buffy: Good idea. I don't want to hear any more about Dawn in this
conversation.

Anya: Faith.

Cue the sound of crickets chirping used in "Once More, With Feeling."

Anya: What? It's not like I said "bunnies."

Willow: (Bitterly) I could think of one resemblance. And its not the
cute little ears.

Buffy: Faith had nice ears. (Off Willow's look) What?

Tara: She, uh, she was kinda mean when we, uh, met. And I think I said
so at the time.

Buffy: Well, maybe she's, uh, changed too? I mean, if Cordy can do
it...

Willow: (Looks at her strangely) Buffy? Are you still crushing on
Faith?

Buffy: (Goes wide eyed) Still? What do you mean still?

Willow just eyes her suspiciously. Anya looks at her next card.

Anya: And now we have... Tara and Spike.

Buffy and Willow share a disgusted look. Tara just pales.

Anya: What? I've heard he's a real demon in the sack.

Buffy: Heard? Heard where? Who? Because they were probably wrong,
whatever they said.

Willow: Buffy? Is there something you haven't told me?

Willow stares hard at Buffy until she blushes under the scrutiny.
They come closer, and the look becomes a passionate kiss.

Anya: Oh, please. (They separate)

Willow: (Recovering) But Tara, aren't you... umm...

Tara: Kinda gay?

Willow: Yeah.

Anya: Right. And Buffy's straight. C'mon, you gain some, you lose some.
But you can't have Xander. (Glaring at Tara.) Anyway, the reasoning
here seems to be that he has a secret soft spot for shy blonde
witches. He did sort of stand up for her when her family came along-

Tara: (Unusually excited) He punched me in the nose!

Anya: (Not missing a beat) Yes, but it got them to go away, didn't
it? Besides, at various points he's crushed on Willow and
Buffy, and this way he gets a blonde and a witch, see?

Buffy: (Low and dangerous) Ann-yaa...

Anya: Plus it would get him off of Buffy's back!

Buffy actually seems slightly mollified, but Tara is still not
liking the idea.

Anya: And furthermore, Tara and Spike have some of the best pipes around
here. (Off Tara's furious blush) I meant singing voices. Jeez,
and you think I think about sex all the time. Of course, by that
logic Tara could be having sex with Giles too, but I think he's
still hung up on Buffy.

Buffy: Eep!

Willow: Eep!

Buffy: (Pale) No Giles.

Willow: (Emphatically) No Giles!

Tara: Umm, much as I l-like Mister Giles, I don't... he's...

Anya: (Shrugging) Have it your way. More for me then.

Buffy: Eep!

Willow: Eep!

Tara: Maybe we should, uh, get this over with?

Willow: Good idea.

Anya: Okay. The next one is Tara and Vamp Willow.

Willow: Bad idea!

Tara: But didn't you send her back to her world?

Anya: (Frowning) Yes, they did. And I heard through the grapevine a while
back that the alter-scoobies killed her.

Willow: Oh. That's... wait, is that a good thing?

Anya: Not for a sexual relationship between her and Tara. But writers tend
to be very imaginative. I'm sure they can think of something.

Buffy: But why would Tara want Vamp Will? I thought she was over Willow.
(casting a glance over at Tara, who blushes)

Anya: But this way you could each have one. It would be like when Xander
was split in half, except that they wouldn't have to recombine. And
you couldn't have had either Xander anyway.

Willow: Bu-but Vamp me was all skanky and evil and...

Buffy leans over to whisper in Willow's ear, while wrapping her arms
tighter around her.

Buffy: Kinda gay?

Willow whimpers softly.

Tara: W-well, there's always one of those Orbs of Thesulah like the one
you used to restore Mister Angel's soul.

Willow: Tara, are you actually considering this?

Anya: Ooh, somebody's wishing she was still orgasm buddies with Willow.

All except Anya: Anya!

Anya: Hey, I was being tactful. I didn't say it was Tara. Besides, this
next one should cheer you right up. (Suddenly looks doubtful, then
smiles.) It says we should all strip naked and have a foursome.

There is shocked silence. Then, Buffy bursts into action and grabs the
card from Anya's hands.

Buffy: That's not what it says! It very clearly says "threesome." As in
Willow, Tara and me.

Willow and Tara gasp softly.

Anya: Oh, come on, like it's any big surprise. Buffy and Willow are
together, Tara still has the hots for Willow, and I think I've
seen Buffy checking Tara out a few times, especially now that
they're over the whole dominance, who-gets-Willow routine.

Buffy holds Willow closer. She snuggles in, and Tara shifts in her
seat again. Anya ignores them all.

Anya: There have actually been some very decent stories out there involving
Buffy, Willow and Tara together. Kirayoshi's "Life" series and
"Red Moon Rising" by Hunter Ash, to name two. Neither of which,
I might add, seems to have been updated for a while. Though it's
not as bad as a Garinza demon I once knew. He put off writing
the second chapter of "Icky Tendrils Sucking Up the Blood of the
Innocent" for nearly fifty years. Field research, he said.
Some of his fans got real pissed, threatened to have him killed
if he didn't finish the bloody thing. But he slipped poison in
their drinks. It inspired him so much that he wrote the next
five chapters on the spot, using their bile and a feather he plucked
from one of their heads! Talk about poetic irony.

Anya suddenly notices that the other three women are glaring at her
with revulsion.

Anya: (Pouting) Fine. I'll just go have orgasms with Xander. (She gets up
to leave.) Maybe I should summon Toth and have him make two Xanders
again.

After Anya leaves, Buffy casts a predatory gaze at Tara. Tara looks at
Willow, who is pouting at Buffy. In a flash, Buffy reaches out, grabs
Tara, and pulls her on top of her and Willow. They fall off of the couch
onto the floor in a tangled heap of limbs.

Willow: Buffy? Honey? What are you doing?

Fade out. Credits roll.

Willow (V.O.): Whose hand is that?

* * *



Zephyr

For though I bring warm remembrance of spring twilight,
There follows close behind me a messenger, cold-lipped crier,
Bringer of tales carried by frozen wings to friendly fires.
See how the sky is darkest before the dawn breaks night,
And mildest before the snapping of winter's frosty bite.


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