FIC: First Choice

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Ok, blame Dan for this, he got the idea rolling around again.

Anyway, it's the first thing I've written in a while, so I think I might bea 
bit rusty, so be gentle :)

And I know that for some reason a lot of my fics the formatting gets screwed 
up, so if you have trouble seeing it, then here is a link to it at Fan 
Fiction.Net

http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=628365



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Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: I unfortunately don’t own any of the characters in thisfic, they 
all belong to that evil mastermind Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Rating: Nothing past PG I don’t think. I can’t seem to write anything 
naughty just yet.
Warning: If a romantic relationship involving two adult woman bothers you, 
then I suggest you avert your eyes.
Distribution: Sure, you want it, have at it. Just please make sure to give 
me credit for it, and maybe drop me a line as to where it’s going.
Feedback: I could live on the stuff.
Spoilers: Big ones for ‘Intervention’. So if you haven’t seen that episode 
you might not get this. Basically anything is open game with me though.
Pairing: Buffy/Willow. Can’t seem to get myself out of this shippage. Not 
that I’m complaining
Summary: A spin on ‘Intervention’. What if Buffy and Willow were already 
together when Xander caught Spike and the Buffy Bot. How would Willow react? 
Willow’s POV
Author’s Note: Well I’ve had this idea tossing around in my head for a 
while, but my class load has been sagging me down. I haven’t had much time 
to just sit down and try to write. I could have probably drawn it out a 
lot longer, but I just didn’t have the time. And frankly my brain is kinda 
mushy from the midterms I just took. So if it sucks, I blame them LOL
Dedication: To Dan, for actually lighting a fire under my butt and putting 
the idea back in my head. I’ve said it before, and I’ll sayit again, you 
are almost single handedly keeping in the wonderful world of Buffy/Willow 
shippage. Thanks man J

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I never thought I would have to go through this again, never again. After I 
caught Oz in his cage with Veruca I never thought I would have to suffer 
through this feeling again. I guess I was wrong.

But I never, never in my worst nightmares, would have thought that Buffy 
would inflict this feeling upon me. Out of anyone in the world, I never 
thought it would be her. But yet as I stand here in her living room with 
Xander and Anya, listening to her whine about saving Spike, not shutting down 
Glory, I know it has to be true. For the life of me I can’t figureout what 
went wrong, why she suddenly has forsaken everything we’ve shared in the 
last six months for a cold dead body with a annoying British accent and bad 
hair. Bitter much? Definitely. But I’m hurt, so terribly hurt, and more 
than a little confused, so I honestly don’t care how bitter I am about the 
walking dead at the moment. Maybe that’s it, maybe it’s always been vamps, 
and I was just second choice, or worse yet, a distraction. I don’tkid 
myself and think that the whole time Buffy was with Angel she wanted me, I’m 
not that naïve. They shared something so intense, and ultimately in the end, 
deeply painful. But I would have liked to think that if Angel would have 
come back, I could have given him a good run for his money. I guess not.  
Because apparently if she can’t have the dark broody vampire, she’ll 
settle for the Billy Idol wannabe. I guess that makes me third choice then.

If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with, she must 
have that down pat by now. I watched her with Parker, then with Riley, 
pretending to love him, but I could still see the yearning in her eyes, she 
was pining away for Angel the whole time she was with both of them. And I 
guess she did the same thing with me.

I honestly can’t remember when I started loving Buffy the way I do now.  
Sometimes it feels like I always have, from that first moment we met. I can 
still remember looking back after Cordy shooed me away from the water 
fountain. For a single instant our gazes locked onto one another. And if I 
really think about it, I should probably have known that she would forever be 
in my heart from that moment on. I felt a instant connection with her, like 
a jolt of electricity when you get a shock from static. I think that’s why I 
agreed to fight the good fight with her, it was almost as natural to me as 
breathing, to want to help her anyway I could. And I guess over the years 
everything just shifted, I started noticing how gorgeous her hazel eyes are, 
or how soft her hands were when she would hold my own. That always amazed 
me, how soft her hands are. She goes out and fights the ugliest things the 
Hellmouth can throw at her, night after night, and her hands are the softest 
things I’ve ever felt.

I never thought much about telling Buffy, just kept it as my little secret 
that was never to be told to anyone. And then Tara came along. And I’ll 
admit, I’m guilty of the same thing Buffy is, I couldn’t bewith Buffy, so I 
loved Tara in her place. And Tara knew, she figured it out, and I’m starting 
to get an idea of how that made her feel, being my second choice. And I hate 
myself for doing that to her, because it’s not a feeling I would wish upon my 
enemies, let alone somebody I call a friend. She was smart enough to walk 
away when she realized that she would never be my first choice, she had 
enough courage to walk away from me, the person she loved, because she didn’t 
want me settling for her, she didn’t want to be settled for. I just wonder 
if I have enough strength to do the same.

It wasn’t something I expected, being in a relationship with Buffy.It was 
always something I dreamed about, but never anything more. She was far out of 
my reach, so I didn’t even entertain the possibility that she felt the same 
way that I did. But one night last October everything I thought that I knew 
about our friendship completely changed. She came to me and told me that 
Riley was leaving. I immediately put my sympathy, comfort face on and told 
her to let it all out, that I was there for her. And then she did something 
that I never thought would ever happen, she kissed me. Gently at first, and 
then when I instinctively responded she deepened it, sliding her tongue 
across my bottom lip. When she pulled away I remember whimpering in protest, 
but she took my chin gently in her hand and lifted my eyes up to meet her 
gaze, and said the words that I had dreamt of hearing from her for years.  
She told me that she was in love with me. The way she said it left no room 
for misinterpretation. And since that moment we haven’t spent a night apart, 
curled together in each other’s arms, clinging to the connection I’ve always 
felt with her.

I’ve been surprised that the gang hasn’t picked up on anything. Or maybe 
they have and just are waiting for us to tell them ourselves. But we haven’t 
told them, and it wasn’t my choice. Buffy has been very hesitant to tell 
anyone, and more than once I’ve entertained the idea that maybe shewasn’t 
as committed as I am. But every time I brought it up with her she always 
calmed my fears, telling me she just wanted me to herself for a while, that 
she didn’t want to have to worry about everyone’s reactionsand possibly put 
a strain on our relationship. And I believed her, unquestionably I believed 
her. And now I know I probably shouldn’t have. The thing that I think hurts 
most of all is the fact that she came to me, not the other way around. She 
admitted to me how she felt, she asked me to be with her. And it confuses me 
to no end why she would do that when she obviously didn’t really want me.

Since the gang doesn’t know about us I can’t stand here andplay the jilted 
lover, I have to act like it’s not tearing me apart inside knowing that 
everything she gave to me she gave to Spike as well. And she barely 
acknowledges my presence, which is even worse. She’s so caught up in 
rescuing Spike that she barely gives me a second glance, and to top things 
off, she doesn’t even have the decency to look even a little bit guilty.  
She’s rambling on and on about her platinum dead boy, and couldn’t care 
less that each time she says his name another piece of my soul chips away.  

I’m vaguely aware of what I’m saying and doing, but my thoughts are so 
clouded with hurt, anger, confusion and jealousy that I barely see her go 
upstairs to change. And before I know it, she comes walking over to me, a 
small gentle smile on her face, and in a completely different outfit.

“That was quick,” I try to keep the bitterness out of my tone but I don’t 
think I succeed because Buffy is giving me one of her patented ‘what’s up 
with you’ looks. And it just pisses me off more, cause apparently she 
doesn’t think anything is wrong with what she did to me.

“Didn't seem like it to me. Death is my gift” Ok, huh? I think I’ve 
finally either passed out, or have lost my mind, because I’m completely lost 
now. I must have zoned out because when I look up at her again she’s staring 
at me, a mixture of shock and horror flashing through her hazel eyes. Xander 
must have told her that he saw them together. The funny thing is, she’s 
looking at me, and her expression isn’t one of guilt, but of fear. And I’m 
suddenly starting to question myself again.  

“Will, you can’t possibly believe that I’m sleepingwith Spike,” She looks 
at me like a lost puppy dog, and I almost cave, but I can’t, not after what 
I’ve seen and heard in the last 24 hours. I won’t.

“Buffy, Xander saw you together last night. What else am I supposed to 
think?” I’m crying now, I can feel the wetness of my tearssoaking my 
cheeks as they run silently down. I’m vaguely aware of Anya and Xander’s 
curious eyes on us, but I could really care less.

“I don’t care what he saw, it’s wrong, I’m not sleeping with Spike. I 
would never do that to you.” She gently cups my cheek so I’m looking right 
in her eyes, and I notice that she seems to be fighting against her own 
tears. I’m more confused than ever now, because she seems so sincere, 
nothing like the Buffy that was standing before me not more than five minutes 
ago. It’s like she’s two completely different people. I honestly don’t 
know what to think anymore.

“Then how do you explain what Xander saw Buffy? You can’t just tell me that 
it wasn’t you after Xander and Anya both saw you with him. I want to believe 
you, I want to with all my heart, but I can’t deny the facts.” I’m getting a 
little angry now. I never liked situations like this, where I’m not sure 
what exactly is going on. My heart is screaming at me to believe her, that 
she would never do anything like this to me. But my logic and reasoning 
knows that Xander and Anya wouldn’t lie. Plus add in the fact thatBuffy was 
standing here in front of me going on and on about saving Spike, it lends to 
a pretty convincing argument against her.

“Will, how can you think I would ever cheat on you? I love you baby, so 
much, you know that. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. Much less 
sleep with Spike.” She’s lost her battle with her tears, because they’re 
freely falling from her gorgeous eyes unchecked. I try and break her hold on 
my chin so I can back away and gather my thoughts. But she’s not letting go, 
and with everything I am I want to believe her. In fact I’m starting to 
believe her, and I’m scared out of my mind that I shouldn’t. I glance over 
at Anya and Xander, who are both gaping at us in shock. Oh yeah, Buffy just 
pretty much outted us, didn’t she. Wait a second, Buffy just outted us, 
after months of dancing around the subject she just called me baby in front 
of them. Gah, I’m so confused! But still my head is overruling myheart at 
the moment.

“I did think that you loved me, I was sure of it. But I can’t just forget 
about what Xander and Anya saw. Besides the fact that not more than five 
minutes ago you stood here going on and on about Spike, how we have to rescue 
him from Glory. What am I supposed to think?” My resolve is slipping every 
time I look into her eyes. Because I don’t see the blank emptinessthat I 
saw ten minutes ago, all I see is her love radiating from them like the warm 
summer sun.

“I don’t know how to explain it, but I know that I’m not sleeping with him.  
And what do you mean ten minutes ago, I just got back. I spent all night in 
the desert.” I just love when she looks confused, she gets this little pout 
line between her eyebrows, it’s the most endearing thing. But waita second, 
she was in the desert last night? I knew that, she told me she was going on 
some vision quest with Giles. But last night was when Xander and Anya saw 
her in the cemetery with Spike. Ok, if I was confused before, I’m off the 
charts now.

“Wait a second, you couldn’t have been in the desert last night, that’s when 
they saw you with Spike.”

“They didn’t see me with Spike! I wasn’t even herelast night, there’s no 
way it was me. I told you Will, I wouldn’t do that!” We’re both looking at 
each other, bewildered out of our minds. But my head and heart are starting 
to work together again. Something about this whole thing just doesn’t feel 
right.

“Buffy, I saw you. Anya too. We saw you and Spike ...with the straddling.”  
Thanks Xander for those wonderful images again.

“ Spike's mine. Who's straddling Spike?”

Oh My God! I mean, uh, huh? What in the hell is going on here?  

“Two of them!?” Ok, she looks like my Buffy, she talks like my Buffy, but 
yet apparently my Buffy is standing right next to me, and she’s something 
completely not mine.

“Hey, I know this! They're both Buffy!” Xander, ever so helpful. But wait, 
maybe he’s right. But I thought for sure that Buffy destroyed the Toth demon.

“ No, she's a robot. She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy 
made.” Whoo boy, I should have known. I never should have doubted Buffy, but 
score one for my raging insecurities. Buffy turns away from Xander and looks 
right at me, hurt coloring her hazel eyes. “ You guys couldn't tellme apart 
from a robot?”

“ Spike must have had her built so he could program her t-”Xander, once 
again with the bad visuals. I need to figure out a spell to shut him up 
sometime.

“Will you excuse us for one second, I need to talk to Willow without an 
audience,” Oh, I know that look, she’s about to let me haveit. And she 
really has every right to. I can’t even tell her apart from a robot.  
Without hesitation I believed my girlfriend, the woman I’ve loved for 
years, would cheat on me. With Spike no less. She’s never given me any 
reason to think that I can’t trust her, that she doesn’t love me completely, 
and only me. And yet as soon as her loyalty comes into question I 
immediately think the worst. And now I’m really worried that this will in 
fact be the end of our relationship.

“Buffy I….”

“You what Willow? How could you not know that wasn’t me?” She looks like 
she’s about to cry again, and I hate that I’ve made her feel that way. But 
she’s right, how could I not know?  

“Buffy, I was so hurt when Xander told us that he saw you and Spike, er, her 
and Spike. And then I saw her here and she didn’t even seem sorry.I was so 
angry and so hurt and not a little bit confused that I didn’t stop and think 
rationally.”

“Will, how could you think I would cheat on you? Have I ever givenyou any 
reason to think that I would?”

“No, but…”

“I thought you knew that I love you. Will, I love you so much sometimes that 
it scares me. I’ve never loved anyone more than I love you, we have this 
connection that I’ve never experienced before, and I thought for sure you 
felt it too.” Oh god, how am I going to make this right. I was a fool, I 
know that, but that doesn’t mean I can take it back, and I’m scared to death 
of losing her.

“Buffy, I love you too. And I feel the connection , I’ve felt it since 
that first day we met. But it’s not like you’ve never beenwith a vampire.  
I spent years watching you moon over Angel. And even after he was gone and 
you were with Riley, I could still tell that you wanted him. Your eyes are 
so expressive, I can tell everything you’re feeling just by lookingin your 
eyes. I could see the yearning, I knew that you wanted Angel when you were 
with Riley. And I guess you can chalk one up to my raging insecurity, 
because when I heard about what Xander saw, I………” I stopped, not knowing 
how to tell her that I feel so scared that she’s just with me because she 
can’t be with Angel. And she looks pretty upset, so I better stop,even if I 
am behind.

“You think that I’m with you because I can’t be with Angel.” It wasn’t a 
question, I had forgotten that she knows me better than I know myself 
sometimes. “You think that I’m settling for you, that you’re my second 
choice.”

“Yes” I can’t help it, I know I shouldn’t think like that, but I just 
can’t stop. I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world, andI love 
her so much that I can’t possibly imagine spending the rest of my life, as 
long as that might be, without her. But at heart I’m still that shy, naïve 
girl that she met 5 years ago, the one who’s self esteem is always dragging 
on the ground.

“You know what Will, you’re right.” Oh god! No, I don’t want to be right, 
please say I’m completely and utterly wrong! “The whole time I was with 
Riley I was pining away, you were right.” I think I’m about a second away 
from just bursting into a flood of tears and never stopping. She takes my 
chin in her hand again and raises my eyes to meet hers. “I wanted you, 
Willow.”

“What?” Excuse me, I’m pretty much incoherent right now.

“The whole time I was with Riley, I was wishing I was with you. Hell, if I 
really want to admit it, even when I was with Angel I would think about you.  
You have never, ever been my second choice Will. On some level I’vealways 
known it was you. Not Angel, not Riley, you. I want you, always, for as 
long as you’ll have me.”

“Buffy, I’m so sorry, I just, when I think about losing you, it just tears 
me up, and logical Willow kinda gets lost somewhere. I knew deep down that 
you would never hurt me, but I just have this knack of always thinking I’m 
not good enough. You know that. And when you didn’t………..” I trailed off, 
not wanting to bring up a sore subject again.

“When I didn’t what?”

“When you didn’t want to tell people about us, I thought, well I thought 
maybe you were embarrassed, or maybe you weren’t as committed as I am. I got 
scared” Yep, that’s pretty much it. I was scared out of my mind of losing 
the best thing that has ever happened to me.

“Will, I told you why I did that. I want you all to myself, I didn’t want 
to have to share what we have with everybody else. And honestly, I was 
scared too. I was afraid that if everyone had a bad reaction you would think 
that we weren’t worth all the trouble, that I wasn’t worth all the trouble.  
I was afraid you would leave I guess.” I reached up and wiped away the tears 
that were falling again from her glistening eyes. I realize now that we’ve 
both been so afraid of losing each other, that we almost ended up sinking 
ourselves.  

“I guess we almost shot ourselves in the foot huh?” I try and lighten up 
the mood, cause I’m honestly not sure that we’re ok yet.

“Yeah, I guess we did. But Will, I mean it. I’ve never loved anyone like I 
love you, and I really doubt I ever will. Promise me, if you have any doubts 
whatsoever you’ll talk to me about it. I couldn’t stand the thought of 
losing you”

“I promise, I promise.” And before I knew what was happening she had taken 
me into her arms and was kissing me. It was the most loving kiss I can ever 
remember experiencing, she was so gentle and sweet. 

“So are you two girls all made up now so we can go kick Spike’s ass?” Grr, 
I’m really gonna have to look into that spell to shut him up, he just 
interrupted my make-up smoochies!

“Oh God, we have to make sure he doesn’t tell Glory about Dawn, come on 
guys!” Buffy grabbed my hand and ushered the gang out the door before giving 
me another quick kiss.

“So now that you guys are orgasm pals does this mean Willow is going to 
reprogram the Bot for herself?”

“Anya!!”

End


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