FIC: A New Day 1/?

[jeepy91@xxxxxxx]

Hey gang. This is the first part of a new fic that seemed to come together 
cause I actually felt like writing the other night. I have it just about 
done, but I figured I'd post the first part anyway.

And since there have been problems with my formatting before, I'm including 
the link to it at FF.Net (http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=682956)

~~~~~~

Author: Casandra
Email: rozwellrulz@xxxxxxx
Disclaimer: Joss and ME own em, I don’t, doesn’t that suck?LOL
Rating: PG-13. I still can’t seem to write anything naughty. But there is 
mild language
Warning: If the idea of two consenting adult woman involved in a romantic 
relationship bothers you, well you better run.
Distribution: Well Realm Of the 
Shadow(http://www.mts.net/~shadow27/index.htm) is nice enough to host my 
other fics, so they’re more than welcome to it. Anybody is free to as well, 
just please drop me a line.
Feedback: Graciously appreciated
Pairing: Buffy/Willow, who else?
Spoilers: Big ones for ‘Normal Again’. Anything else is pretty much fair 
game with me, so be warned.
Summary: Buffy’s thoughts after the events of ‘Normal Again’ Buffy’s POV 
Author’s Note: Ok, well I guess I’m taking up Dan’schallenge here, at least 
a little bit. I have no idea how this one is gonna turn out cause honestly 
I’m pretty much winging it. I felt like writing and this is what happened LOL 
Be warned. I’ve also used Celine Dion’s new song, ‘A New Day Has Come’ to 
sort set the mood in the fic. It’s not really a songfic though. Or maybe is, 
I’m not really sure. Pardon my rambling, it’s after midnight and I’ve had 
one too many Cherry Cokes. So if it sucks blame the Coke company LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve never been much for pop music, but apparently the only radio station 
that will 
come through on my little portable radio is just that, pop. But I’drather 
have that than nothing at all. For some reason the idea of being out here 
alone in the quiet is disconcerting. I’m afraid if I sit too long alone with 
nothing but my own thoughts to listen to I might just drive myself back into 
that sanitarium my mind conjured up. So I sit here on the back porch in one 
of the sturdy wooden chairs, contemplating just how much has happened in the 
last few days, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, looking 
forward to what might lie ahead. 

If I had known that it would take almost losing all my friends to snap me out 
of my self imposed depression, well I think I’d gladly be depressedfor the 
rest of my life. As long as that may be this time. I honestly can’tbelieve I 
let it come to almost that. Sure I have an excuse, the demon poison was the 
real reason behind my attempted murder of all the people I love. But I could 
have very easily stopped it from going as far as it did. If I would have just 
drank the antidote when Willow gave it to me, none of it would have happened. 
But once again I let Spike get to me. I was lying when I said he isn’t a part 
of my life, he is, the very worst part. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made. 

And when he threatened to expose the worst thing I’ve done to the people that 
matter most to me, I reached my breaking point. I didn’t want to live in a 
world where I lost everything I loved because I made some really bad 
decisions. So I gave into the delusion, and because I was once again weak 
when it came to Spike, I nearly lost them anyway.

I can remember sitting there, watching as one by one they all fell. It was 
almost like I was watching a movie play out in front of me. I was sitting in 
the corner of the sanitarium, I still remember how cold the wall felt against 
my cheek. But I can also remember that there was a nail pressing into my back 
as I sat under the stairs watching my best friends become demon lunchables.I 
honestly have no way to explain it. I saw and felt both, my mind in one 
place, my body in another. I saw Xander trying to protect Dawn, but getting 
tossed aside like he was nothing more than a sack of potatoes. And Dawn, poor 
Dawnie, she was screaming the whole time, and I just sat there doing nothing, 
watching. And then Willow came at the demon, baseball bat in hand, trying 
desperately to at least weaken it. I don’t know if she thought she could hold 
it off long enough for me to come to the rescue like I’ve done so many times 
before. Or if she was just trying to protect everyone else by distracting the 
thing. All I know is that the second I saw her go down I knew that I had to 
do something. My mind and body worked together when I saw her hit the dirty 
basement floor, pure and utter terror gripped my entire being. And as I 
listened to my mother tell me to fight, that I could beat this, that their 
were people who loved me that would help me through it, I knew that I had 
found myself again. I knew that even if the gang found out about Spike and 
myself that they wouldn’t abandon me. I can’t remember the last time I 
wailed on a demon the way I did with wax boy. I finally felt the fire come 
back. And if Willow hadn’t been tossed to the ground I seriously wonder if I 
ever would have found it again. 

It’s amazing to me that I was the most in touch with my emotions, with who I 
really am, when I was turning into a nut job. But I can’t help but be a tad 
bit thankful to the demon. It made me realize who I am, and who I love, 
finally. I smile a little bit at that thought when I hear a new song come 
across the radio. 

A new day has come
A new day has come

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don’t shed a tear

Yikes, this song hit’s a bit close to home. This girl could be telling my 
life story for the last 7 months. 
Through the darkness and good times
I knew I’d make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Well I guess that fits too. It took me seeing her hurt to get myself 
together. The more I think about it, it’s always been her. Maybe I wouldn’t 
have had to wait if I would have been strong enough to admit it before.

Hush now! I see a light in the sky
Oh! It’s almost blinding me
I can’t believeI’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it feel my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has come

It definitely is a new day. And for the first time in months I’m looking 
forward to the possibilities that it holds.

Where it was dark now there’s light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

OK, so wrong gender, but still, this lady really is singing my tune here.

Hush now! I see a light in the sky
Oh! It’s almost blinding me
I can’t believeI’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it feel my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has……

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it feel my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun

A new day has come

Hush now! I see the light in your eyes
All in the eyes of a boy
I can’t believeI’ve been touched by an angel with love

I can’t believe I’ve been touched by an angel with love
Hush now!
 
A new day
Hush now!

A new day 

"And that was Celine Dion, with the first single off her new album, ‘A New 
Day Has Come’.” The DJ’s voice blasted over the speakers when the song wound 
down. Celine Dion huh? Never was the biggest fan, but the girl really seems 
to have my life down pat in that song.

“That’s a really good song, don’t you think? It kind of hits close to 
home.” Willow, who’s been standing there for god knows how long, says as she 
eases down into the chair beside me. She hands me a mug full of some kind of 
dark liquid and I wonder if she’s just double checking that I took the 
antidote. She must see my apprehension because she smiles gently at me and 
explains. “Don’t worry Buff, it’s not anymore of that yucky antidote 
cocktail, just some herbal tea. I trust you, I know you took the serum whenI 
gave it to you this time.” That’s my Will, trusting me evenwhen she knows 
she probably shouldn’t. I honestly don’t know what I did todeserve that 
kind of faith that she has in me. But I thank my lucky stars now that she 
does. “You never did tell me why you didn’t drink it the first time I gave 
it to you.”

Uh-oh, how do I answer that one? ‘Yeah Will, sorry about that, I was just 
worried that Spike was going to blab all about our numerous rolls around his 
crypt, so I decided the crazy life was better’ As ridiculous as it sounds 
though, I really want to tell her the truth. I can’t start moving on with my 
life until I’ve dealt with the mistakes of my past. “Actually about that 
Will, there’s something I need to tell you, something I should havetold you 
a while ago.”

“Sure Buffy, you know you can tell me anything.” She moves a little closer 
to me and looks right into my eyes, holding my gaze and giving me her full 
attention.

“ Well, you see, I was sorta seeing someone. Well not really seeingsomeone, 
we never dated or anything, we just kinda, well we………” I trailed off not 
really knowing how to put into words what it was that Spike and I had. We 
didn’t make love, nothing close to that. It was carnal, and animalistic, 
there was nothing at all loving about it. It wasn’t even sex. We screwed, 
plain and simple. We didn’t make love, we didn’t have sex, we screwed like 
two small minded animals. God, it disgusts me to even think about it. But I 
can’t just come right out and say that I was screwing someone, I’ll scare 
Willow off even before she finds out who it was. “I was having sex with 
someone.” Well that’s as descriptive as I’m gonna get, she’ll understand 
that in no uncertain terms.

“You uh, were, uh, sleeping with someone you weren’t, well,dating? Not that 
it’s a terrible thing or anything like that, it just well, you knowit 
surprises me, and you’re just not normally into stuff like that, cause well 
you’ve had relationships before not just, uh, sex and..” Ah, the return of 
Willow babble. How I’ve missed that. I used to love just letting her go, not 
stopping her, just to see if she’d wear herself out. I’ve always found it 
utterly adorable.

“Easy Will, disengage babble. Yes I was having sex with someone, someone that 
I never dated, someone I would never even consider dating. And I’m so ashamed 
of it.” Willow placed her hand over top my own and gently squeezed,trying to 
comfort me as only she can.

“I don’t understand though Buffy, why would you do that with a person you 
wouldn’t even date?”

“I don’t really even understand it myself sometimes. It wasjust sex. No 
love, no feelings, nothing. And I couldn’t stop myself. I was like a moth 
drawn to the flame. I’ve been so detached since I’ve been back, and for some 
reason, when I was with him, I could forget all about that and just be, just 
exist.” Even now that the freak show with Spike is over, I still can’t 
really explain why I ever did it in the first place.

“But it’s over then? I mean, you’re not still sleeping with him are you?” 
If I didn’t know better I would think that Willow seems a bit anxious about 
my answer, nervous even.

“No, I broke it off with him right after Riley left. And before youeven ask, 
it had absolutely nothing to do with being jealous of Sam. But when I saw 
them together, when I saw how happy they were, it made me realize just how 
much I want to be happy too. And I could never be happy with this person, I 
don’t love them, I know I never will.” Honestly, I’m not sure what would 
have happened if Riley hadn’t come back. I might still be sleeping with 
Spike, I might not be. But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want 
to settle for being completely miserable with Spike.

“Who?”

I know there’s no turning back now, I’ve already loosened the cork, time to 
see where it flies.

“Spike.” 
~~~~~~~~~
TBC


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Visit My Roswell Fic Site
http://www.angelfire.com/tv2/rozwellrulz