RE: FIC: Still Struggling (7/7) PG13ish

[Red Willow <st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx>]

Glad you liked it. Yeah, i can't stand Riley.. he never did get used to Buff being the slayer...
all those eps with him "helping" her patrol just really irked me....so happy to see him go. 
Don't worry about Tara, (She will always have a special place in my heart. ) i'm working on
another fic now that includes Tara in all sorts of fun. Unfortunately work has me bogged down,
not to mention i'm putting extra effort into my (the great American) novel... ha ha that's
probably a laugh... but we don't know til we try right? 
RW


--- TheBear! <thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Ok, so I finally got around to reading this (now that it's complete)
> I have to say, I'm glad I waited. Otherwise I would have gone
> absolutely insane waiting for each part to come out!
> Super Sweet Story! Loved it!
> The not-so-little nasty in me really loved the part when Buffy was going
> to humiliate and destroy Riley. (The boy gives all men a bad name.
> Hello, threatened by a strong woman much?)
> Any way; too bad Tara got the smackdown instead. 
> See- You made me get emotionally invested in your representation of the
> characters! Always a sign of a good fanfic!
> 
> TheBear!
> thebear@xxxxxxxxxxxxx 
> http://thebear.somewhere.net 
> 
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Red Willow [mailto:st8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx] 
> Sent: Sunday, June 09, 2002 2:42 AM
> To: buffywantswillow@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Subject: ::BuffyWantsWillow:: FIC: Still Struggling (7/7) PG13ish
> 
> Title: Still Struggling
> Author: Red Willow
> Email: St8sboroblues@xxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
> Disclaimer: All characters and references to belong to Joss Whedon,
> Mutant Enemy, and all them
> other folks <G> I'm just using them to make my own little fun. However
> the story belongs to me
> only. You may post or distribute only with permission from and credit
> to me. 
> So just ask <G> And if you don't like the idea of Willow and Buffy
> together then... why are you
> reading this?
> Rating: PG-R (as it might progress from one to the other)
> Pairing: Willow/Buffy
> Summary: Buffy struggles over her feelings for Willow and stumbles upon
> something interesting...
> conclusion.
> This is part 7 in a 7 part series Thoughts will be expressed in < and
> > brackets... This covers
> some info from Seasons 2-4 
> Feedback? I thrive on feedback!
> 
> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
> The tension in the room is unbearable, like rubber bands stretched to
> their limits, about to
> break. If only I could stand up and step out of my body. Scream from
> the top of my lungs,
> shattering the scene playing out before me, making it all go away. To
> leave me and Willow
> together, alone again, without the angry judgment staring at us from
> pained and confused eyes. 
> Even I'm not that powerful. I'm trapped, our infidelity still
> evident on this body, wrapped in a
> sheet of embarrassment and guilt. Actions and consequences. I vaguely
> remember learning about
> those once. Never so terrible was an enemy to face, than one made from
> your own choices. Choices
> I make. Selfish and dumb decisions leading to irreparable damages. <it
> was your only choice.> The
> consequences of which <brought you together> have made this mess.
> <someone always gets hurt> And
> how do we clean it up? <same way you do everything> Together. 
> There is no time for embarrassment and guilt. There is no time
> for sorrys and explanations. 
> There is only truth. The truth of a love I've felt for far too long to
> deny it now. Will didn't
> deny it. She came right out and told Tara the truth. Came right out.
> <so, that's what this is all
> about> No it isn't. Well, maybe. I see the revulsion in Riley's eyes
> as he looks from me to
> Willow. <And that poster he helped hang up?> It's okay as long as it's
> not his girlfriend? I
> don't know! There are a lot of things I don't know. <time is running
> short. seconds tick tock
> while you ponder.> I have to stop caring, and act. I'm action girl. I
> can do this. I have to.
> 
> ". your ass you do!"
> I stand up quickly, determined to go through with this as
> painlessly as possible, well for me
> anyway.
> "Riley." I start, but am interrupted by Tara.
> "I-I better go." Tara squeaks out, trying to slip by Riley. He
> sidesteps and blocks her way,
> leaving her to look down, unsure of what to do.
> "No one is leaving until I get some answers, and that means you
> too." He states angrily, pointing
> a finger at the shy girl.
> "H-hey. don't talk to her like that." says Willow, taking a step
> in their direction.
> "I'll talk however I."
> "Hey!" I shout, and, mindful of my strength, push Riley back a
> few steps before he has a chance
> to advance any further towards Willow.
> "I know you're angry Riley. just. calm. down." I'm trying to be
> as firm in my instruction as
> possible without letting my own fear show. I'm not sure I like how this
> situation is rapidly
> turning out. Riley and I glare at each other, a mere few feet apart.
> Behind me I hear Willow
> attempting to talk to Tara again. 
> "T-tara. I'm really sorry. I-I wish I could have."
> "Calm Down?!" Riley shoots at me.
> ". told you. I-I never wanted to.never intended to. hurt you."
> "How the hell do you."
> "I-I didn't. know. ever expect."
> ". expect me to calm down?!"	
> ".this to happen."
> "I'm sure it just happened." Offers Riley sardonically.
> I continue to glare at him, saying, "Riley. it's over. I. I'm."
> "W-what? Over?" he practically growls. I'm suddenly caught off
> guard as he grabs both of my
> shoulders with his big bulky hands, squeezing them hard. I just look at
> him, aware that I could
> send him through the door with one good kick to the chest.
> "Buffy." I hear Willow yelp.
> "Don't." is all I say in response, and she stays, knowing I can
> take care of myself. "Yes, over. 
> I don't want to see you any more. I. I was just. using you. I don't
> love you. I. I'm in. in. in
> love with. Willow." <oh my god you actually said it. out loud. to
> someone else!>
> "W-were you. using me?" I hear Tara softly ask Willow.
> "Oh! No! No, no, no.a-absolutely not. I really, really like you.
> I."
> But Riley's response to my rejection of him drowns the rest of
> what she's telling Tara out. "You
> bitch!" he yells down at me, bending his body further towards mine until
> our faces are only a few
> inches apart. I let him get no further however, as I break free of his
> hold and slam both of my
> hands against his chest, sending him reeling backwards until he slams
> against the door.
> "Get out." I tell him firmly. I'm done with this. I'm tired
> and I feel wrecked. I just want
> all of this over with. I know he's angry and confused, and that I
> betrayed him. If anyone
> deserves to get her ass kicked it's me. Right now though, I feel like
> I'm on full emotional
> overload and if he doesn't leave with my cruel explanation in hand, then
> I honestly don't know
> what will come next.
> "Fine." he says through clenched teeth, working his jaw muscles.
> He takes the sight of me,
> Willow, and Tara in one last time before turning abruptly, opening the
> door, and walking through
> it without closing it.
> ". wish I knew what else to say. some. way. to. help." 
> I turn to Willow and Tara as I realize Willow is still trying to talk to
> Tara. I simply stand
> here, very quiet, witnessing an affection, and maybe even a love cross
> between the two witches.
> "Y-you have to be.w-w-with the one you. love." says Tara softly,
> tears beginning their descent
> down her cheeks. She extends her hand to Willow's upper arm, resting it
> there, absently toying
> with the fabric of the blanket. 
> Willow turns slightly, eyeing me, a smile curling her lips. "I
> am." she finally says turning back
> to Tara. She places her hand on Tara's elbow. "I-I'm sorry." she
> finishes in a low, weary voice.
> "W-willow, I need some time to. b-but.I'd still like to
> be.friends."
> "A-Oh. yeah. th-that's not even. of course!" Willow responds to
> this good news happily. 
> I sit down on my bed, pulling the sheet tighter around me, and
> watch the two friends part. Tara
> wipes tears away from her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt, before
> heading for the door. She
> glances at me, a hurt, mournful look etched into her features. She
> heads through the doorway and
> down the hall.
> I make my way to the door where, closing it, i press myself up against
> the cool dark wood,
> taking a moment to gather my thoughts before turning around. 
> "Willow..." I say softly, her name like a whisper caught on my lips.
> She turns toward me
> slowly, dragging the blanket behind her, her tears running freely.
> She's looking at me for
> assurance that everything will be all right. That time will heal all
> wounds and that we made the
> right choice. She's looking to me for guidance, for a nod, a hug,
> anything to ease the pain,
> anything to convince her that we'll walk away from this. And of course
> we will. I smile. Not a
> mouthy, happy smile. Instead, a soft, warm smile to help calm her
> fears. I extend one arm out to
> her and we come together, wrapping our arms around each other, never
> minding that our "clothing"
> could fall away at any time. There is no one else here. Nothing else
> matters at this moment but
> us. Time and place have no meaning. We've experienced this before and I
> am certain we will again
> every time we find ourselves lost in each other's eyes with the
> knowledge that nothing has been
> hidden, that our love for each other is mirrored and reflected in those
> eyes and reverberate
> through the touch of our fingertips, our lips, our steady heartbeats in
> deep sleep while laying
> 
=== message truncated ===


__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! - Official partner of 2002 FIFA World Cup
http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com