FIC: The Spaces Inbetween (3/?) Plain Text vers.

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Fine fine! here have it! now take that attached piece of crap and crumple it 
and stomp on it and throw it in the gutter..... *throws arms up and walks 
out of the room*

J/K... happy reading,
RW

Title: The Spaces Inbetween
Author: Red Willow
Email: reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant 
Enemy, and all them
other peeps. I'm just using them to make my own fun. The story belongs 
solely to me though. If you want it post or distribute somewhere, please do 
so only with permission from and credit to me. So just ask <G>
Also, if you don't like two chicks together (or 3 or 4...) then why are you 
reading this?
Pairing: W/B with a tad of T and a smidge of S
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Part 3 of ?. Takes place during S6, veering off into AU land... 
Tara's left Willow, Willow's fighting magick addiction, Buffy's been boffing 
Spike. Dawn's around... The spaces inbetween
refer to the time between when a relationship ends and a new one begins.... 
between the fight and
the makeup... reflection time, dream time... alone time... etc.
Feedback? I thrive on feedback. Hope you enjoy!
++++++++++++++++++++

?That? that you?d rather? you?d rather be with Spike? than me.?

What? I was so confused. I just looked at her, tried looking in her eyes to 
gain some sort of understanding. She was standing in front of me, fuming, 
clenching her fists and I felt like such the dummy. I had no idea what she 
was talking about. I watched as the horror flooded her face. She wanted to 
back-peddle, take her words and eat them, but it was too late. The words 
took form, breathed air, and then practically knocked me on my ass as if a 
sledgehammer was hitting me.

Full out realization. I think my eyes might have gotten wider, and I tried 
to speak, but I never heard sound come out. I couldn?t look at her, simply 
letting my eyes drift across her face to the wall behind her. There was this 
eerie silence, which, I of course, broke with the best of the English 
language.
?Uh, wha.. uh? Will? um??
?I? I? Uh? I can?t? I can?t do this?? She replied before bolting out of the 
room. I heard her pound up the stairs and slam her bedroom door.

I couldn?t say anything. I was totally stunned. I must have been glued to 
the floor too because I just stood there, staring in front of me where 
Willow?s face used to be. I wasn?t focusing on anything in particular, I 
couldn?t because I was frozen with fear and realization that I had made one 
of the biggest mistakes of my life? er? lives, whatever. No wait. Make 
that, two mistakes. I slept with Spike. Was technically, still sleeping 
with Spike. And Willow?

?Willow wait!? I screamed, bolting after her. I was about to round the 
corner, ready to take the stairs two at a time when the doorbell rang. 
Screech. Blinding halt, and yet another room for a mistake. Do I ignore the 
door and run after Willow, forcing her bedroom door down if need be so that 
we could talk, I could beg for forgiveness, and then declare my undying love 
and devotion to her? Or, do I answer the door like a moron?

?Crap!? I said out loud, looking towards the door. I figured, with my luck, 
it would be important. I glanced back up the stairs once more before cursing 
under my breath and opening our heavy front door. Of course, answering the 
door like a moron is so much better. A moron with mystical superhuman 
powers whose been in love with her best friend for years, a best friend who 
happens to be gay, who happens to feel the same way it seems, and whose 
ex-girlfriend was standing on my porch. Ah, my life? never a dull moment.

?Uh? hey? there? Tara? I stammered out, trying to hide the shock. Any other 
time I wouldn?t have been shocked at all. Tara drops by every now and then, 
especially to see Dawn. But at that particular time she was definitely a 
shock to see.
?Hey Buffy? uh?uh?
?Oh! Come on in.? I invited, making a welcoming gesture with my arm, which 
was way more welcoming than I ever intended. I decided that sometime in the 
near future, I really needed to work on my reflexes. Not moving or speaking 
when I should and doing things like welcoming Tara on board for the show 
were not my best moves of late.

?Oh, w-well, uh? I-I just w-wanted to give you this.?
She held out a Cd that I didn?t even recognize. I raised my eyebrow, 
shifting my gaze from the Cd to her.
?uh, um? i-it was with my cds?? She had this quirky little half grin on her 
face. ?Uh? w-well I borrowed it when you w-w-were??
Oh. I nodded, understanding that she meant when I was dead. When I was 
dead? and other tales of the Slayer. That could be a good book someday.

I reached for the Cd and said, ?Oh, you didn?t have to. I mean, I didn?t 
realize?? I left this last word dangling in mid-air as I noticed her fingers 
slide over mine. It was a gentle touch that could convey so much. At first I 
thought it was just an accident, but the look on her face told me 
differently. Maybe it was just a friendly reassurance, especially since she 
knew about Spike. Or, or maybe it was? My eyes shot back up to Tara?s. Was 
she flirting with me?

?Thanks.? I said finally taking the Cd from her.
?W-welcome.? She said softly.
We stood there for a few silent moments before I attempted to up my status 
even further as a moron.
?Well, did you wanna??? I made another gesture for her to come inside. 
Mentally I was smacking myself silly, preferably with a rubber fish, cursing 
the whole time. All I wanted to do was get to Willow and straighten 
everything out with her.

?Oh! Oh no? I was just on my way? to a friends house?? She looked behind her 
and I followed her gaze to a red Honda Civic with what looked like two girls 
in the front seat.
?Oh, well? ok.? I said, stepping back from the entranceway, ready to close 
the door.
?Hey Buffy??
I glanced at her, mentally staking myself for even opening the door in the 
first place.
?Yeah??
?Um? are you? ok??
?Huh? Uh! I mean, uh, yeah? yeah sure. Why?
?Oh w-well, I just meant? with the whole Spike thing.?
?Oh? that. Um, yeah, well ya know? dealing.?
She gave me a reassuring smile before leaning closer and said, ?Call me? 
i-if you want to? uh, need to? talk??
I nodded, genuinely smiling at her, ?Thanks Tara.?

I stood with my back against the door, my gaze stretching up the length of 
the stairwell. I wasn?t as gung ho about leaping up those stairs to Willow 
as I was before. I was terrified. Not only that, but I was a little stunned 
at Tara?s actions. Or maybe lack there of. I didn?t want to let myself 
believe that she had come on to me, even in the subtlest way. I couldn?t 
help believe however, given the look in her eye, and of course, my own 
experience in the flirt department, that that was exactly what she had done.

I felt beads of sweat form on my brow, my upper lip, and the back of my 
neck. All of a sudden my hands were clammy. I fanned myself with the Cd 
case Tara had just given me. My stomach was turning itself into all sorts 
of neat knots and the saliva in my mouth had mysteriously evaporated. I 
tried to put off any thoughts of Tara out of my head, especially the ones 
involving me and Willow. I had had too many nights of hearing them go at it, 
while alone, I wished I could be apart of the fun. All thoughts must focus 
on Willow.

There was nothing I didn?t want more than to be with Willow. I would do any 
amount of begging she demanded in order for her to forgive me. Forgive me 
for everything. Not just sleeping with Spike, although, I have to admit, 
that is definitely the biggie. But also for everything she accused me of 
earlier, because she was right, I hardly acknowledged her, any of them for 
that matter. I could never hate my friends. Never ever hate Willow, no 
matter what. But some days, some days I couldn?t stand to be around them, 
couldn?t stand to be here, not while knowing what I was missing. Other days 
though, most days, even if I didn?t know how to tell them, I was getting 
much better at being back. After all, I was with Dawn, and I knew she 
needed me. And Willow. Always Willow. I?ve died twice, and both times, my 
two best friends have brought me back. When I was dead? and other tales of 
the Slayer indeed.

I finally started to make my way up the stairs. Slowly though, each step 
like a tiny mountain. The closer I got to the landing, the more my stomach 
flopped, the more my hands sweated, and the more my mind screamed 
ohgodohgodohgod. I could hear music throbbing from within Willow?s room. 
She had it turned up so loud I could feel the vibrations through the floor 
as I stepped into the upstairs hallway. I couldn?t make out the song until 
I got to her door. I just stood there, listening for a moment.

It?s been awhile
since I could say that I wasn?t addicted and
it?s been awhile
since I could say I love myself as well
it?s been awhile
since I?ve gone and fucked things up
just like I always do
and it?s been awhile
but all that shit seems to disappear
when I?m with you

but everything I can?t remember
as fucked up as it all may seem
the consequences that I?ve rendered
I?ve gone and fucked things up again?

why must I feel this way
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

I knocked on her door a few times, waiting patiently for her to respond. I 
knew this wasn?t going to be easy. Hoped yes, but I still knew that what 
had happened downstairs was a major ripple in our already strained 
friendship. I silently cursed myself for being such a putz to the one person 
in the whole world I definitely did not need to mess things up with.

I tried knocking again.

?Willow?? I tried, leaning into the door, feeling the vibration of the 
treble and bass against my hands. ?Will?!? I said louder. I don?t know if 
she couldn?t hear me over the music or if she was just ignoring me. I?d 
like to pick option number one, but it?s probably a better bet for two.

?Hey Will!? I knocked again, way harder this time. I could break the door 
down easily if I wanted to, but that was no way in my future plans. ?Come on 
Will, we need to talk!? I continued to shout over the music. I knew the 
song was going to end soon, and I hoped she?d relent during the short 
silence that would follow.
?Willow!? I shouted again just as the song went off. Finally, sweet 
silence, even if only for a few short seconds. ?Please Will! Don?t shut me 
out!?

?Go away Buff-.? She flatly began, and then the blare of another song swept 
up between us, cutting her off, and making it clear to me that I needed to 
give up the fight, at least for now.
I sighed heavily and said, ?Ok Will,? as I slid my fingers across the cool 
material of her door, before I moved on down to my room.

I threw the Cd Tara had given back to me on my bed and grabbed my jacket. 
I should have been out on patrol already and I figured this would give 
Willow some time to calm down and maybe decide to talk to me again. Dawn 
had already asked me if she could go to a movie with some of her friends and 
I relented of course. And why shouldn?t I? I?m never here anyway.


It was dark, slightly breezy, and I was in a cemetery looking for something 
to kill. Destruction girl, yup that?s me. I didn?t want to spend a lot of 
time out here though. Stake a couple of vamps, get a little dirty, and then 
head back to the house to have that little heart to heart with Will that 
would smooth out the creases between us and heal all wounds.

But who was I kidding? I knew things were different between us. Different 
since I came back, was brought back. Different since they all found out 
where I really was. Different now that I was sleeping with Spike. Or, no. I 
guess maybe sleeping with Spike was just a byproduct of the different-ness. 
And now Willow knew and she hated me and probably wouldn?t ever speak to me 
again and therefore, I would once again lose the opportunity to finally be 
with her. Just like I did when Oz left because I was too rapt up in Riley 
and still trying to kill all those naughty feelings I had, er? have for her. 
Can we say, sigh.

I slapped my trusty stake against my open palm, whistling a sort of come and 
get it tune.
?Hello? vampires? Doesn?t anyone want to suck my neck tonight? Hellooo??
I was standing in the middle of the cemetery, stake in hand, just waiting 
for a good fight when I heard him behind me. Oh great, just what I needed.

?Hello Slayer.?
I didn?t even bother turning around.
?Hey Spike.? I responded, putting particular emphasis on his name.
He came up behind me, his face close to my neck and his arms going around my 
waist. I wanted to move, I wanted to turn around and glare at him for 
assuming he was welcome to me, for assuming I would just open my legs and 
let him stick me anywhere he wanted. I wanted to put my hand up in his face 
and blow him off. Not, like blow him?

None of this I did though. I simply stood, motionless, letting him slide his 
cool hands over my jeaned butt and my cottoned stomach. He nuzzled my neck, 
whispering his seedy needs into my ear. He proclaimed he knew what I wanted, 
what I needed. He assumed he was the only one who could give it to me.
His fingers whispered over my breasts, catching my nipples, disappearing 
again up my neck, down my thigh. I felt his tongue on my earlobe, his stiff 
pole nudging my backside. I felt that familiar want to abandon myself and 
let him have me start to flood my senses.

All I could do was stand still though. I wanted to flee, to be done with 
him for good. And still, I stood frozen in place, that shameful arousal 
crawling up between my legs. I found myself caught between a sick and 
twisted passion, a need to feel something that I thought only he could 
understand. Caught between that and Willow?s words.
?You really want to feel something?? She had shouted. ?Then why are you 
fucking a dead man?!?
Her words hurt. Repulsed, disbelieving, angry, and hurtful words, yes, but 
the truth. A truth that slaps you hard in the face and wakes you up from a 
self-induced nightmare you had convinced yourself was salvation. Fucking a 
dead man.

I heard Willow?s voice like a whisper in my ear.
?That you?d rather be with Spike? than me.? She
had told me. That I?d rather be with Spike? Never. Never rather be.

But yet, here I was, with Spike.

?Oh! Spike, no? get off me!? I finally shouted, reacting, breaking away from 
his embrace. I took several steps before turning away from him.
?Oh, what now Slayer? Is that anyway to treat your-?
?Nothing, Spike.? I cut him off. ?You?re my nothing.?
He didn?t say anything for a moment, choosing instead to measure me up. He 
probably thought I was just playing with.
Smirking, he said ?So, little miss Buffy wants to play tonight eh?? He took 
a step toward me, spreading his arms out wide. ?Ok then. What game are we 
playing tonight luv??

Oh how well I knew him.

?No more games Spike. I?m putting an end to this freak show.?
?Say what??
?You heard me, it?s over. It was a mistake and I don?t plan on repeating it 
again.?
?Buffy?? he started with an almost whine, ?You need me??
?No Spike??
?Yes, you do.? He said stepping closer to me. ?I make you feel? down here?? 
he finished, grabbing the waistband of my jeans and tugging them toward him.
?Ugh? Spike, get off.?
I pushed him away and glared at him. He looked at me, confusion and hurt 
battling for territory over his slightly pale features.
?Buffy,? he whined, ?I?m in love with you.?
All I could think was how if I had a normal life I would not have to 
experience so many very weird and disturbing things.

?You?re in love with pain. Admit it. You like me? like being with me because 
you enjoy getting beat down.?
?Aww, come on now, that?s just the fun part.?
I rolled my eyes at him but he continued.
?What we have is real Buffy, it?s fire and passion, and? and I love you??
?I know you think you do.?
?I do? you make me? you make me feel like a man.?
I just shot him a look. I had heard all this before, but yet, here we were 
again, having the same old conversation and I was so tired of it.
?You?re a thing, Spike. An evil, disgusting thing.?
?That hasn?t stopped you before luv?er?
?I was blind and now I see?? I said more to myself than him.

He grabbed me. Hard around the waist, digging his hands into me, and 
attempted to pull me into a kiss. I tried to push him off, tried to turn my 
head away from his kiss, his seeking tongue.
?Come on Buffy, you know you want it.?
I struggled against him, banging his shoulders and arms with my fists.
?Ugh? No! Spike, ugh, get OFF!? I screamed bringing my knee up into his 
groin. He released me immediately and fell to his knees, holding himself. I 
gave him a swift kick to the chest, toppling him, just for good measure.

?You? don?t? ever? touch me? again?? I panted, leaning over his groaning 
form, my forgotten stake back in my hand. ?If you try? to? to? if you don?t 
leave me alone? if you don?t? I promise I will stake you??
He looked up then, his grimace turning to a smirk.
?And this time? I mean it.?
?You?ll be back slayer.? He said softly, bringing himself up onto his 
knees, one hand still holding his bruised balls.

?Not likely, Spike.? I said as I walked away from him, confident that I 
really would stake him this time if he came after me. A good Spike staking 
was long overdue.

I walked out of the cemetery in the direction of my house, in the direction 
of Willow.




"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com