FIC: The Spaces Inbetween (9/?) NC-17

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: The Spaces Inbetween
Author: Red Willow
Email: reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx or nick_elodian@xxxxxxxxx
Disclaimer: All characters and reference to belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant 
Enemy, and all them
other peeps. I'm just using them to make my own fun. Casey and Claire are 
mine though. Girl on Girl action.. you know like.. you no read.
Distribution: Story belongs to me. If ya want it, just ask and credit me.
Pairing: W/B with a little bit o' Tara and a smidge of Spike
Rating: NC-17 (up to)
Summary: part 9 of ? S6 and veering off into AU land. Tara's left Willow. 
Buffy slept with Spike. Willow's trying to keep
away from magicks. The spaces inbetween refers to the time between one
relationship and another.... the fight and the makeup, the time spent in 
reflection, dreams...
alone time....
Feedback? I thrive on feedback. Hope you enjoy!

*************************

The once piercing pain in my head had subsided to an annoying dull ache, but 
the room still spun in a merry-go-round fashion that had me craving the 
comfort of my bed and dark room where I couldn?t watch the furniture float.

Buffy knelt in front of me as Dawn showed the paramedics to the door.
?Thank you!? Buffy said towards them before turning to me.

She cupped my chin in her soft warm hand and urged me to face her. I gave 
her a lopsided smile and sighed. I still couldn?t believe what kind of day 
we had had. I shouldn?t be surprised though, this was so the religion of 
our lives.

?How you feeling?? She asked me before touching her lips shortly to my 
forehead.
?Yucky.? I responded, closing my eyes.
?I?m sorry. I?m sorry I let him hurt you. And I?m sorry I had to kill him.?
?Are you?? I asked, unsure if I believed her.

She shrugged, opened her mouth to say something, then decided against it and 
didn?t respond at all.
?It?s ok, Buff.? I reassured her. Spike had grown on all of us in some 
weird way after all, he had helped us out a lot, watched over Dawn, and 
worked with us. But take away the chip and he would still be that evil 
vampire who wanted us dead. That thought never escaped me.

Buffy leaned closer to me after glancing at Dawn where she was closing the 
door after the paramedics.
?Will, I don?t want Dawn to know Spike?s chip still worked.? She began to 
whisper.
?Okay.?
?I just? I know how close she was to him? how much she considered him a 
friend.?
?I know. It?s okay.?
?Thanks.?

I gave her a smile. I wanted her to know that I understood why she did it. 
Why, after all this time she finally managed to do what should have been 
done when he first showed up on Giles? doorstep chipped. But, even I had 
argued that he was harmless, couldn?t defend himself. I cleared my head of 
all thoughts on Spike. There?d be time enough later to reflect on him. 
Right now I just wanted to be in my bed, and maybe with a certain blonde 
Slayer in my arms.

?Is she ok?? Dawn asked from the foyer.
?Just a deep gash, a bump. Nothing major. They said we could have wrapped it 
and it would have been fine, but glad we thought enough to check anyway.? 
Buffy told her, glancing from me to Dawn.

Buffy stood up and held her hand out to me, offering to help me up. I took 
it gladly, though I had to hold out my other arm to create balance. The 
paramedics said I wouldn?t be dizzy after I got a few hours of sleep, 
however, and I was gladly looking forward to it.

?You okay?? Buffy asked, after I regained my balance with her help.
?Still a little dizzy? but much, much better. I-I think I don?t want to be 
the one with the head wounds anymore.? I quipped glancing between Buffy and 
Dawn.
They both smiled, sympathy evident on their faces.
?You got it Will, we?ll take you off the list for traumatic head wounds 
first thing in the morning.? Responded Buffy.
Dawn stepped toward me and wrapped her small arms around me, hugging me 
tight.
?I?m sorry you got hurt.? She whispered.
?Mmm, me too. Why don?t you go back to bed Dawnie. In fact, I think that?s 
where I need to be too.?
?I was just about to actually.?
?Yeah, it?s late? I need sleep.? Agreed Buffy.

Dawn made her way up the stairs easily, while Buffy urged me to take my 
time.

?Shit.? I growled.
?You?re almost there.? Responded the Slayer, her muscles rippling with the 
weight of my frame against her.
?Stupid mother- ?Can?t believe him? shithead? wouldn?t be so damn bad if the 
room wasn?t spinning! Goddamnit? Did that table have to have a marble top?!? 
I cursed and growled all the way to my room with Buffy, my love, protector, 
and savior, trying to not laugh the whole time.

She helped me to the bed; though I was confident I could have managed on my 
own if I took it slow. But I know her and her Slayer instincts. And being 
that close to Buffy? Who would give that up?

This was certainly interesting. I saw my jeans and panties from earlier in 
the day still beside the bed where I had slid them off in a desperate need 
to?er? scratch an itch. I hoped Buffy hadn?t seen them. Generally I was 
real neat about those things. She didn?t seem to notice though, as she was 
still focused on my feet.

?Buffy? What is it??
She looked up and me and smiled awkwardly.
?I uh, I just didn?t know if? uh? you needed help with um? anything.?

What was so weird about this situation was that on any other occasion she 
would have helped, no matter if I wanted her to or not. But now the game 
rules had changed and there was new meaning to everything we did. New 
rules, or no rules?

?No, no I?m ok. I um?? I looked down at my sweatpants and tee shirt. ?Kind 
of figured I?d just? sleep in this?? I finished tugging on the hem of my tee 
shirt.
?Good? okay, good. Um. I need to use the bathroom and then? I?ll uh? come 
check on you??
?Yeah? okay.?

She walked around to the other side of the bed and entered the bathroom 
through the enjoining door. Quickly, because I was embarrassed, I leaned 
over, chancing the dizzy spell and the new twinge of pain in my head, to 
grab my pants and throw them in the hamper. I slid under the covers and 
waited for Buffy to return.

I heard the toilet flush, Buffy cough, and the sink running. I even heard 
the little squeak that the hand towel rack made. When the house was quiet 
and you paid attention, you could hear everything. That made me think of 
Tara. We made love every chance we got. Most of the time we would put 
music on to drawn out the sounds we made, but I think even then Dawn and 
Buffy probably heard us sometimes we were so loud. I wasn?t going to deny 
it, I was a screamer.

?Penny for your thoughts.? I heard Buffy say softly and brought my 
attention to her.
?You know me,? I shrugged, ?Always thinking about something.?
?Anything you want to talk about?? She asked putting her knee on the bed. 
I thought she might sit, but she stayed her position.
?Mmm, not now? tomorrow, or next week even?? I shrugged again, smiling. 
?Nothing important at all.? I reassured her with a smile.
?Sure??
?Yep.?
?You uh? need anything??
I glanced around, then added, ?No, I-I?m good.?
??Kay? I?ll uh? see you in the morning? or uh, well I guess, later in the 
morning??
She turned to walk out of the room.

Come on, Willow, pipe up. I wanted her to curl up beside me and hold me 
and make me feel safe and love me. I wanted to feel those strong warm 
Slayer arms around me, smell her, hear her breathing, and feel her 
heartbeat.

I watched her walk around to the other side of the room, pausing in the 
doorway.

?Buffy!?
She straightened up and turned, and a wave of concern crossed her features.
?What? Are you okay?? She asked stepping back towards me.
?Buffy? I-I-I? I just??

She came back to the side of the bed, looking at me with her beautiful 
soulful eyes, telling me she?d do anything for me. And somehow I knew it 
was true. I realized that I had always known that, always knew she?d risk 
her life to save me, always knew that she?d do anything to protect me. It 
hit me, that if I had looked closer, had any idea of the feelings that 
mirrored my own in my friend, that I would have seen the desire burning in 
those eyes, I would have seen how she would also do anything to have me, to 
please me.

?What is it Willow??
?Stay?? I ducked my eyes briefly before looking at her again and willing 
her to oblige with my eyes. ?Stay here? with me??
?A-are you sure??
I nodded slightly, mindful of the dull pain still nagging at my poor head.
?Yes.? I glanced away from her then chanced her eyes again.
?Please??
She nodded, her eyes locked on mine.
?You had me at stay.?

I couldn?t help the wide smile and joy that washed over my face, and I 
couldn?t help but wonder if we?d really get any sleep. I had to clear those 
thought from my mind though, we both needed sleep, and I honestly didn?t 
know if my head could take anything else.

***

?You uh? need anything?? I asked, stalling again. I didn?t want to leave 
her, especially now. I wanted to crawl into her bed and hold her to me 
tight, protect her from anything else that would try to harm her. I 
constantly vow to never let her get hurt, but still, somehow, she always 
does, killing a part of me in the process.

?No, I-I?m good.? She replied after glancing around.
I wondered if she wanted the same thing I did. Which one of us would have 
the courage to approach the subject? Six years of friendship and there was 
so much we held from each other, so many things that took forever to tell. 
Now this.
??Kay? I?ll uh? see you in the morning? or uh, well I guess, later in the 
morning?? I said, realizing it was already very close to ?morning?.

I slowly walked around the foot of her bed, trying not to look at her 
through the corner of my eye, trying not to get lost in the fractured sight 
of her, trying to be strong enough to let her get rest, not to push her, 
give us both time. I hesitated as I approached the doorway, debating 
whether or not to just give in and go to her.

?Buffy!?
I turned around, scared that something was suddenly horribly wrong.
?What? Are you okay??
?Buffy? I-I-I? I just??
I couldn?t resist that voice or the gentle plead it carried with it. I was 
at her bedside at once. I would have been on my knees in front of her if I 
thought that was what she wanted.
?What is it Willow?? I was desperate to know if she was okay.
?Stay?? She said in this soft, almost child-like voice.
?A-are you sure??

The question left my lips before I had a chance to process it. What if she 
changed her mind and decided that maybe it wasn?t such a good idea after 
all?

?Yes.?
She looked up at me with eyes that spoke volumes of fear and guilt. I don?t 
know if she thought I was going to say no. Maybe she just had the same fears 
and doubts I had about rushing into things. I knew she was nervous about 
the whole situation; we had talked about this earlier, before the big fiasco 
with Spike.
?Please??
?You had me at stay.? I said, almost breathless, aware that my heart had 
begun to race.
A smile spread across her face, lighting her cheeks in a certain glow that 
seemed to make my mouth dry. I was lost in her completely. And surely, I 
always had been, but now, I had permission; I had knowledge and acceptance 
and I had her.

?Do you mind? um? if I, take off my clothes?? I could? um? it?s just that? 
ya know? slaying? and?? I asked, the unease apparent in my voice. I managed 
a weak grin.
?Strip.? She responded with a grin of her own. ?Uh, I-I mean? I didn?t mean 
that? like how it, uh, sounded? like? I meant it??
I nodded and said, ?I got it, Will.?

I closed the door and moved back around to the other side of the bed where 
I switched the lamp off.
The room was entirely cloaked in darkness since the window?s blinds and 
curtains were drawn so tight, not even the faintest bit of moonlight could 
penetrate. My advanced ability to see in the dark kicked in after a few 
seconds, however, and I could see Willow?s pale features and the nervousness 
just below.
Quickly, I stripped down to my bra and panties.

?Willow?? I whispered sliding under the covers next to her. I didn?t touch 
her, not sure what she wanted from me. I lay still, propped up on my elbow, 
simply looking at her. She was staring straight ahead, in the same position 
as before.

Maybe staying in the same bed wasn?t such a good idea. Maybe it was too soon 
for us to be this close with this new aspect of our friendship, or 
relationship. I didn?t even know what to classify us as. Or, maybe it was 
too soon after Tara for her to share this bed with anyone. The image of 
Tara?s fingers stroking my own from earlier flashed into my thoughts for a 
very brief moment before I was aware that Willow was shifting beside me.

?Buffy??
?Yeah?? I asked, focusing totally on her. Anything she wanted I would give 
her, I decided.
?Hold me??
Definitely.

I slid my right arm around her waist and gently pulled her closer, while I 
slid my left arm around her neck, mindful of her head, and cradled her there 
in my arms, resting my chin gingerly on her shoulder. She pressed her back 
against my chest and I was painfully aware of her ass in my lap. How I 
wished for her to be as bare skinned as I was. I brought my knees up 
against the back of her legs, spooning her.

?Like this?? I whispered in her ear. I could feel the heat from her body, 
extremely aware that she must be feeling the heat from mine.
?Mmm hmm? feels so good.? She whispered back, wiggling her body tighter 
against mine.

My hand tightened its grip on her taught stomach and the arousal I felt 
earlier flared, coming back to life. I let out my breath slowly, telling 
myself to gain control. This is so not the time to make a move.

But of course, my body did not listen to the logic of my brain and I made a 
move anyway, bringing my hand down to where her shirt stopped. The white 
cotton draped over her hip and I fingered the underside as if debating on a 
new course of action. It wasn?t long however, before I slid my hand 
underneath her shirt and moved it slowly back up to her stomach, resting it 
on the same spot as before. There was a suddenly sharp intake of breath and 
Willow?s body jerked slightly. I wasn?t sure if this was a good thing or 
not, so I stayed my hand, deciding I would wait for another sign.

When none came, I flattened my palm against her warm smooth skin and 
brought it up toward me slightly, before sliding it back toward the center 
of her stomach, only this time, further up her body. Another couple of 
inches and I would have been able to reach my fingers out to the undersides 
of her breasts.

She was breathing harder now and I took that as a good sign. I kissed her 
ear, very lightly, before whispering,
?I love you Willow.?
She moved her own hand under her shirt, resting it on mine, before 
responding.
?I love you too.?
With that, she moved my hand further up, resting it between her breasts. Oh 
my God, oh my God.
?W-willow?? I managed.
?Hmmm??
?Uh?? My breathing was ragged, the flood of heat crawling over my entire 
body from one throbbing core.
I wasn?t able to say anything else.
She must have sensed my growing apprehension because she gripped my hand 
tighter, holding me to her.
?Buffy? I want to tell you something.
?O-okay, what is it??
?I want to make love to you??
?I? uh? m-me too? but??
?But, can we? sleep? first??

I let out the ton of air I hadn?t noticed I was holding. This was a good 
thing. We needed to wait, to talk, and figure things out.

But figure what things out? My body was screaming in desire with an aching 
need that was literally causing a twinge of pain between my bare thighs. I 
wanted her, worse now than ever before, because she was tangible, someone 
allowed, someone who wanted the same thing. Her body, her heat against mine 
was almost unbearable. I knew she felt it too, I could hear her unsteady 
breathing and feel her heart racing in her chest. My body and mind were 
feuding, logic and hunger battling for victory.

?G-good? yeah, sleep? sleep is a good thing?? I agreed, trying to cover the 
need and tension in my voice.
Neither of us spoke for several minutes, curled into each other. I thought 
she had finally gone to sleep when her breathing returned to normal. Now I 
can sleep, I thought, regaining control of my own breathing and slowing the 
thudding in my chest.

?Buffy?? She whispered, her voice barely audible.
?Huh?? I responded, my eyes shooting open. I hadn?t even realized I was 
about to fall asleep. It really had been a long day and I was exhausted, 
even if I was horny as hell.
?I?m sorry.? She said in this soft, almost vulnerable voice that made my 
heart break.
What could she possibly be sorry for?
?For what?? I asked, bringing my head off the pillow and back to her 
shoulder.
?For not? wanting to? tonight.?
?What?? The confusion was evident in my voice. Did she really think she 
needed to apologize for wanting to sleep, especially considering the bump on 
her head, instead of making love?
?I-I told you I wanted to? make love? but? and I know? that you? want to 
too? but??

Of course I wanted to make love. Wait. Make love? I didn?t just want to 
make love, I wanted wild monkey love, to do the wacky, swing from 
chandeliers and run around naked love, growling and tearing the sheets love, 
I wanted hot sweaty sexy love, kinky love, fire and passion and cuddle love.

?I-I can wait Will?? I squeaked finally. ?Go to sleep.?
?O-okay.? She nestled tighter to me before drawing in one last deep breath 
and welcomed sleep.

I laid my head back on the pillow after giving her a light kiss on the 
shoulder, and smiled to myself. I love her so much. This is the way it?s 
supposed to be, every night. This is the woman I want to wake up next to 
every morning. Then and there I decided that if she?d let me do that, then 
I could wait for as long as she wanted.


***
aren't i way evil? bwahahaha!
***


"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


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