Re: Fic: Seeing Red (parts 1-3/?) W/B C/X NC17

[danspector@xxxxxxxxx]

Bear,

1. Hilarious disclaimer, and I couldn't help but laugh at your working
out your "issues" in the cemetery.

But why did you just post the edited version? What happened to:

"The four other vampires watched their leaders crumble into dust.
Marty, Nixon, it was as if they had never been. The large blond vampire
named David tried to rally his troops.

" 'Steven, the night is still young!" David exhorted. "You can still
torment these twisted lesbians and bathe in their blood!" However, he
had to cut his peroration short, as he noticed that Buffy had just torn
Steven's head off with her bare hands. She regarded the smirking,
stupid visage with contempt, as it crumbled into dust.

"David, fury written all over his face, leapt to the attack--and right
onto the stake Buffy had casually twirled up to meet his onrushing
chest. As he crumbled into dust, David seemed most upset that he
wouldn't get to savor unlife in the newly-dry-cleaned shirt he had been
buried in. 'Hmm,' he couldn't help noticing with his last words, 'they
got the mustard out.'

"The third vampire was no challenge. Doug, petrified, had stood stock
still as Willow buried a crossbow bolt in his heart. Still, the redhead
couldn't help feeling a certain sympathy for the now-destroyed vampire.
'He probably had a very unhappy life,' she mused. 'He might have been
one of those really pathetic people who only felt alive when their
girlfriend looked at them. Thank God I know enough to appreciate all
the wonderful people in my life besides my girlfriend. Even Cordelia is
really very kind, now that she's stopped being...not.' 

"The last vampire tried to flee, but Buffy effortlessly grabbed hold of
his coat and drew Greenberg back towards her. She decided to make this
one suffer, so she smashed him to the ground, and slowly, slowly, bored
in on his chest with the stake. Finally, she put him to eternal sleep
and was overcome with a strong urge to yawn.

"Buffy and Willow started back towards the car where Giles and the
others waited. As they drew near, they saw a strange brown-haired woman
with eyeglasses observing the Citroen, muttering phrases like 'they can
never know' and 'each night I save you' before breaking into a chorus of
the Doublemeat Palace jingle.

" 'Can we help you, um, ma'am?' Willow inquired politely.

" 'Janey, call me Janey,' the clearly mad woman cackled 'That guy in
the tweed, he's so hot!' she crooned, pointing at Giles. Willow had to
agree, she'd always fancied the Watcher, but Buffy merely shuddered
(although Willow wondered how much of that was really sincere).

" 'You know why he's hot?' Janey rambled on. 'Because he's British!
All British guys are hot!!' she giggled madly.  

" 'You obviously haven't met the same British guys I have' Buffy
muttered, reminding herself of a certain peroxided hunk of garbage that
needed taking out, and soon. Suddenly a younger man and woman rushed
up, and gathered Janey up in their arms.

" 'Has she been bothering you?' asked the young man, introducing himself
as Diego and the woman as Rebecca. 'She says some crazy things, but
she's mostly harmless,' Rebecca added.

" 'You want me to thin the herd a little?' Janey asked a nearby tree.
'Now, now, Janey,' Diego said, trying to calm the addled woman, who was
starting to sob. 'You'll have to forgive her,' he said, 'almost
everyone she worked with started doing horrible, violent things, and
it's unbalanced her a little.'

" 'Oh, it's okay,' Willow said, 'she didn't really do anything awful,
just said a lot of stuff. We'll get going and let you take care of her.'  

" 'Thanks,' Rebecca said, 'and, if you don't mind my saying so, you two
make a lovely couple. I wish everyone could be as happy as you.'

" 'That's very nice of you, thanks,' Buffy said, She decided to get
Willow and the gang out of there. Even though Rebecca and Diego seemed
like nice people, you never could tell what might happen if you hung
around places like that for too long..." 

(Boy, can I run a joke into the ground or what?)

2. Nice work in the hospital scene, with Willow's tension re: Joyce
playing into things with Buffy and vice versa.

My only complaint would be that Willow and Cordy had actually made up by
the middle of "Phases" (the scene got cut, but that's why they've gone
from "1-800-I'm-dating-a-skanky-ho" to complaining about their men at
the Bronze). Will might still have some buried resentment, but Cordelia
really grew marvelously; did you realize that "Halloween" ("And you
went mental when?") is the last time she ever insults Willow? (I don't
count the flubbed compliment in "Becoming Part 1"; she meant well.)
Even post-Clothes Fluke, she takes it all out on Xander (and, oddly,
Buffy), not the girl who kissed him. So I thought the tension there was
a little high, and Cordy a little too Season 1. But you still write a
marvelous Xander.

3. Ick. Deserved, but ick. (Although, actually, I might have had
Giles cut Angel's heart out with a chain saw. [We know he has one
{"Fear, Itself"}.]) I guess the librarian doesn't mind having to get
vampire out of the carpet...

Keep up the good work (even the ick, if need be),

Dan