FIC: Dispelling the Darkness (4/?) PG-13

["Red Willow" <reddwillow@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Dispelling the Darkness
Author: Red Willow
For Disclaimer, Summary, and other info, see parts 1, 2...



It had been a day short of three weeks since taking the sick witch to the 
emergency room where the doctors immediately admitted her. Three weeks 
since her sudden descent into the darkness that threatened to swallow the 
young redhead. Three weeks since Buffy had eaten a meal at home, had slept 
in her own bed, or had spent more than a few short hours away from Willow. 
Three weeks of hospital care by confused doctors and questioning nurses, of 
antibiotics, platelets, and hemoglobin to fight an illness they couldn?t 
explain. Three weeks of dying and no answers, no solutions, there was only 
the hope for recovery and the unwillingness of the Slayer to believe 
otherwise.

Buffy sat as she always did in the failing afternoon light of the small 
hospital room where her friend lay quiet for a change. Legs crossed in mock 
casualness, eyes closed, her right hand extended with her forearm on the bed 
where she held her friend?s cool hand, feeling the weak, but steady pulse. 
The curtains were drawn, only allowing a small sliver of light from CCU?s 
main area to filter through.

Over the past few weeks Buffy had gone through a whole slew of emotions 
ranging from anger to grief, frustration, hopelessness, and faith. The 
Slayer had a ?dawning? of sorts after speaking with her sister about 
Willow?s recovery. ?Buffy? you can?t expect Willow to fight this if you?re 
not willing to believe she can.? The youngest Summers had said and Buffy 
knew she was right. If Willow didn?t think anyone else believed she could 
pull through, surely she would give up as well. After that realization, 
Buffy resigned herself to have nothing but full faith of not only finding 
out how to help Willow, but that she would pull through and survive as well.

***

The old witch smiled warmly as Giles stepped aside to let her enter the 
small cottage where he and several of her coven had been gathered. Shadows 
danced across the far wall while the fire flickered and crackled in the 
stone fireplace behind them. At a small pine table in the corner, two other 
women, in their mid-fifties, poured over ancient Latin texts.

He helped her with her coat and began his report.
?We?ve found a reference to something called? ah? Morbi Malitiosi.?
The powerful witch nodded, recognizing the name.
?Ah? I should have known. Disease of the Wicked.?
?Yes. You?ve heard of it??
?I?ve heard, but never? never witnessed. I believe the last known case was 
over 400 years ago. Correct??
?Exactly.?
?Hmm?? The witch walked over to the other two who belonged to her coven, 
giving them each a once over with her warming hand. The witches hardly 
seemed to notice.
?Ahh? you still seek answers.? The witch turned and faced Giles who stood 
polishing his glasses.
?From what we?ve been able to gather, this? ah? disease was left from the 
dark magicks Willow harnessed-?
?But you already know this Rupert Giles.?
?Yes? but what we don?t know is? how this is possible? how do we fight it.?
The witch had taken to studying the fire as if it held some message only she 
could see. Giles was not sure he believed otherwise.
?I was sure you would have figured that out by now.?
?Ah? well? um??
The old woman sighed, running her hand through her gray tresses, and turned 
to face him again.

?She is dying. You realize this, yes??

He was not able to say anything, choking back tears. The thought of losing 
Willow after all they had been through to help her, after Xander stopped 
her.

?You harbor guilt, but it is not yours to keep. Guilt, in part is the fuel 
that feeds her illness. Disease of the Wicked.? She repeated the old Latin 
name for what Willow had and nodded in contemplation.
?He was the key when she needed it.?
?Excuse me?? Asked Giles, brought out of his thoughts by the powerful witch.
?The young man that loves her, her childhood friend, her loyal??
?But how does he-??

The old woman shook her head.

?His job is done now.
But there is still one among you whose love is hidden, who was not able to 
save her because of thier own ignorance and fear. Much of that is still 
hidden from me.?
?What?? Who could???

The witch didn?t let him finish.

?But even this will not be enough now. However, if you all believe, if 
Willow knows you believe then perhaps she will too.?
?I? I don?t understand.?
?The darkness that threatens to swallow young Willow is a manifestation of 
her own guilt, her crimes, her anguish and shame, as well the grief she was 
not able to experience over her fallen lover. Those things are so great, 
that they give cause for the dark forces to rise in her once again, only 
this time, it will kill her. Disease of the Wicked Rupert Giles? this is her 
war now.?
?How? how do we???
?I told you? there is nothing you can do?? She took his hand and leaned 
closer, lowering her voice. ?Love and understanding. Believe that she can 
fight, and she will. Only she can defeat the blackness that engulfs her.?

Giles was still confused. Faith? Love and understanding? How could these 
possibly be the only answers.

?But? the texts.? He indicated the ancient papers that still sat between the 
two witches who were now studying the interaction between the Watcher and 
old woman.
?They hold mere references. A name for something they witnessed, could 
barely explain, and never cure. There are no more answers here Rupert. Go 
back to Sunnydale. Forgive her, and have faith.?

Giles sat down heavily on the worn couch, holding his head in his hands.


***

Buffy took a clean cloth from the cupboard and held it under the running 
cold water, soaking it. She wrung it out and took it back to Willow?s 
bedside where she wiped the redhead?s face softly, letting the coolness of 
the damp washcloth linger on fever flushed cheeks. Her fever had spiked 
again and although there was an ice mat under her, Willow still tossed and 
turned against sweat-dampened sheets.

?Geeze Will? you?re not looking so hot.? Buffy spoke softly, more to herself 
than to her friend.
?I know you you?re going to beat this? so you might as well just hurry up 
and do it??

A few short hours before, Willow had been almost peaceful, sleeping soundly 
while Buffy continued to hold her hand.
The sun had set and Buffy knew she needed to go on patrol. She waited for 
Xander to show up so that he could sit with their friend until she got back. 
Just a few short sweeps and nothing more. Vamp activity had been pretty 
low in the weeks following the Slayer?s best friend?s try at ending the 
world.

Xander had arrived and tapped on the glass, indicating his arrival before 
beginning to don his own protective wear.
The Slayer looked up and nodded. Turning to Willow, Buffy brought the 
redhead?s hand to her face and kissed the back of it softly.

?I have to go now Willow. Patrol you know, help keep the world safe. Don?t 
have too much fun without me.?

She stood to leave when Willow?s hand clamped down on her own. Buffy looked 
at their hands and marveled at the force with which Willow held her. The 
redhead?s eyes were still closed but a slight grimace had appeared on her 
face.

?Will?? Buffy leaned closer to her friend, their faces mere inches apart.
?Don?t? don?t leave??
?Will? can you? are you there??
?Here.? Willow responded, still not opening her eyes. She squeezed Buffy?s 
hand again as if to demonstrate that she was indeed aware of what was going 
on.

Xander slid the glass aside and stepped in to see Willow mouthing words he 
couldn?t make out. Buffy was practically bent over the redhead, listening 
intently.

?Is she?? Xander asked.
Buffy nodded and Xander came up beside her. He put his hand on top of Buffy 
and Willow?s entwined fingers.

?Xan?? Willow whispered.
?Yeah baby? I?m here.?

For a few moments no one said anything. Buffy and Xander both held their 
breaths, hoping their friend would say something else.

?It?s coming? soon there?ll be nothing? nothing left? of me.? Willow finally 
said, her voice a raspy whisper.

Buffy and Xander looked at each other, wanting to believe that the witch was 
merely starting to hallucinate or talk gibberish again. Both knew however, 
that Willow probably had a very good idea what she was talking about.

?Shh? Willow?? Xander started, but the tears that welled up threatened to 
spill and he couldn?t help but turn away, forcing the lump back down his 
throat.

Buffy kissed Willow on the forehead and tried to sooth her with quieting 
whispers in her ear.

?Xan? clothes fluke? you look good in a tux??

Xander turned around, tears evident on his shiny cheeks.

?What?s that Wills?? He asked, not understanding the reference.

?Tara?? She whispered, ignoring Xander?s question.

Buffy and Xander glanced at each other, scared to address the matter. They 
both wondered if maybe in her dazed state she had forgotten the reason she 
went psycho to begin with.

Buffy didn?t know what else to say. ?She?s? she?s not with us Will??
?I know? they use her voice. It calls for me to follow. But I know? her 
light?s not welcome there. The black? so much? darkness??

Again Buffy wasn?t sure what to say. She held Willow?s hand, aware that the 
grip on her hand hadn?t let up.

?I?ll be a ghost again?? Willow said with a hint of a smile on her lips. 
She grimaced before coughing harshly. Xander grabbed some ice chips and let 
Buffy feed a few to Willow.
?Nice?? She admitted. ?But it? won?t let me. Nothing left.?

Xander was on the verge of not being able to take much more. He couldn?t 
tell if Willow knew what she was talking about and even though Xander 
thought maybe some of it made sense, the look of confusion on his best 
friend?s face was tearing his heart out.

After a few minutes of Willow not saying anything else, Buffy turned to 
Xander.

?I guess? I should go on patrol now.?
?Um?? He looked at Willow and saw the pained expression cross her features. 
?Are you sure you should??
?Well?? Buffy looked back toward Willow who almost seemed to be pulling the 
Slayer?s hand closer to her body. Buffy noted to the flushed cheeks of the 
redhead and realized that a thin sheen of sweat had developed there. 
?Maybe??

One of the many monitors began to beep and Buffy jumped in response.
?What?s that?? Asked Xander.
?Dunno.?

Before either of them could leave to find a nurse, Melissa slid the glass 
door open and wandered in as she finished putting on her gloves.
She walked to the beeping machine and hit a button, silencing it.

?Wow. What timing I have tonight.? The young nurse said.
?What was that?? Asked Buffy, studying the nurse?s movements.
?Monitors her temp. Seems our patient?s fever is back up.?
?Oh?? Xander stepped back, letting the nurse work. ?She was? she was just 
talking to us.?
?Oh yeah?? Melissa asked. ?And you understood her??
?Something like that.? Buffy offered.
?That?s good.?

The nurse had put an ice mat underneath the redhead to help bring the fever 
down and checked the rest of the equipment before leaving. Buffy told 
Xander she wasn?t going on patrol and gave him an easy way out by asking him 
to check on Dawn even though Anya was staying at the Summers? residence with 
her.


Now, nearly three hours later, Willow was still suffering from the fever and 
Buffy hadn?t left her side the whole time. Amazing though, was the fact 
that Willow had remained quite awake throughout the night. A first since 
they had admitted her. Buffy held that fact close to her heart, the 
newfound faith of her friend?s recovery dancing around it.

?So I guess you?re not going to talk to me anymore huh?? The slayer said, 
continuing to wipe Willow?s brow with the wet cloth.

It had been a while since the redhead had said anything, whether about the 
?darkness? that was following her or one of the many references she made to 
the years spent together, most of which came from high school.

?I? I think something?s happening? the battle still rages but? many of their 
knights are? falling.?

Buffy sighed, wishing she could interpret everything that came out of 
Willow?s mouth.

?Yeah? sometimes they do that.? Buffy spoke softly, absently rubbing the 
back of Willow?s hand with her thumb. She briefly thought back to when they 
had tried fleeing from Glory, only to have the Knights of Byzantium on their 
tail.

?Buffy??

Buffy squeezed Willow?s hand. ?Right here love.?

?Love?? Willow repeated the word and smiled.

Buffy sighed. Staying beside her best friend was becoming harder and harder 
to endure. All this time she had hoped and relished any waking minute 
Willow had. Now though, it seemed that Buffy found herself hoping her friend 
could fall back to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time. She didn?t 
understand how Willow could be awake all this time, especially given the 
state she had been in the last couple of days, mostly sleeping and mostly 
restless.

?It wants me but I have spies keeping watch.? She said and smiled again, 
almost proudly. ?Love?? She repeated the word again and this time Buffy saw 
open eyes staring back at her. Though Willow had been waking and talking for 
the past 3 hours, she had hardly opened her eyes.

?Buffy?? She asked, looking up at the Slayer with questioning eyes.
?Yeah Will? right here.? Buffy leaned down and kissed her on the forehead 
again.

?I-I?m glad? you didn?t leave.?

Buffy smiled warmly. ?I?m not leaving you.? She said simply.
?But? what about protecting the world? from? things like me??
?What? No Willow??
?You shouldn?t be here.? She stated simply, turning her head away from the 
Slayer, acting as if she had just woken up and realized for the first time 
that Buffy was beside her.
?Will?? Buffy started.
?A-are you here to make sure?? Willow asked.
?M-make sure???
?That I die.?

Buffy was struck to the core of her with shock. She momentarily let go of 
Willow?s hand, having felt the hand slacken when the redhead turned her face 
from her.
Buffy swallowed and tried to regain her composure. She picked Willow?s hand 
back up and squeezed hard, bringing it to her lips, wishing she didn?t have 
to wear the protective mask that blocked her kisses.

?You?re not going to die.?
?I?m already there??
?No. You. Aren?t.? The Slayer said forcefully. ?I don?t care what you did 
and what this? thing is? that?s trying to take you from me? but I won?t let 
it? You?re going to get better, and you?re coming home with me where you 
belong!?

Buffy?s rage at the sickness that consumed her friend had finally shown 
itself and she felt horrible for taking it out on her best friend. Not only 
that though, but these new feelings that had arisen in her lately had her 
head spinning. Calling Willow ?love,? constantly kissing her on the 
forehead or hand, telling her she was coming home with the Slayer where she 
belonged? Buffy tried to dismiss all of this and more as her reaction to 
her dying best friend who she loved and didn?t think she could live without.

<Come on Summers, you?ve felt like this for awhile. Maybe it?s time you 
admitted it.>

Buffy was brought out of her thoughts by a low scream from Willow. The 
witch writhed in pain on the bed, clutching both Buffy?s hand and the 
bedsheet.

?Owwww? Ohhh? please!? She moaned loudly, her eyes shut tight against the 
pain and whatever horrible thing gripped her.

?Will!? Buffy tried to calm her friend down by putting her hand on her 
friend?s back. But the pressure there only made the redhead howl louder. 
Buffy immediately pressed the call button for the nurse.

?Oh the horrible things I did!? Willow continued to lament, squeezing 
Buffy?s hand. ?Tara! Oh owww? the pain! I can?t stand it? let me die let me 
die why won?t it let me die?!?

The tears splashed down Buffy?s cheeks as she stood over her friend?s 
writhing and screaming body, realizing for the first time just how much her 
heart was breaking.

***

[ Willow sat on her bed, hair wet, wrapped in a blanket. Buffy stepped into 
the doorway and observed her troubled friend.

Noticing Buffy, Willow spoke up. ?Is she okay??
?She?s sleeping. The E.R. doc gave her something for pain? it knocked her 
out.?
?But she?s gonna be all right?? Willow asked anxiously.
?It?s a fracture? so, you know? it?s gonna take some time.

Willow looked away not able to meet the blonde?s eyes.

?God, I?m? sorry? I?m so??
<God Willow? what happened to you?> Buffy thought before speaking. ?I just 
don?t understand. I don?t understand why you?d go to see somebody like 
Rack? and I certainly don?t understand why you?d drag Dawn into it.?
?I don?t know? The magic? I-I thought I had it under control? and then? I 
didn?t??

Buffy watched her friend struggle with her words, angry still at Willow?s 
actions, but sympathy and understanding slowly wedging their way in.

?Because of Tara?? The Slayer asked.
?No. It started before she left.? Willow paused, sighing quietly. <You?ve 
really messed everything up now haven?t you?> She thought. ?It?s why she 
left.?

Buffy thought about this for a minute, trying to figure out what she had 
missed. The couple has seemed so happy. Then she remembered the few short 
conversations she had had with Xander and Anya about Willow?s magic use and 
realized, not for the first time, just how much of an absent best friend she 
had become.

?Seemed like things were going well?? Buffy said, despite herself.
?It was. But I mean? if you could be? you know? plain old Willow or super 
Willow? who would you be??

The redhead looked at Buffy for answers, then realized she might be asking 
the wrong person that question.

?I guess you don?t actually have an option on the whole? super thing.? She 
looked down at her hands, feeling stupid.
?Will?? Started Buffy. ?There?s nothing wrong with you. You don?t need 
magic to be special.?
?Don?t I?? Questioned Willow. ?I mean, Buffy? who was I? Just? some girl.? 
Willow looked down again, and lowering her voice she said, ?Tara didn?t even 
know that girl.?
?You are more than some girl. You?ve always been more than just some girl to 
me.?

Buffy walked into the room and stood near the bed.

?A-and Tara wants you to stop. She loves you.?
?We don?t know that.? Willow said softly, barely able to meet the other 
girls? eyes.
?I know that. I promise you.?
?I just? it took me away from myself? I was? free.?

Buffy looked down pensively.

?I get that. More than you? But it?s wrong. People get hurt.?

Buffy sat down beside Willow on the bed, aware just one more time of how 
distant they had been since she had been brought back.

?If something had happened to Dawn tonight? something worse?? Willow?s voice 
was almost inaudible.
?I know?? Nodded Buffy.
?No? I don?t think you do? I mean? God Buffy? Last year I was willing to die 
to help save her? for you?? She shot a quick glance towards Buffy, 
remembering the quick kiss they shared before continuing. ?A-and now? I-I? I 
was out of my mind, I? I almost? I did things I can?t even?? She trailed 
off, not wanting to say the awful things that had flashed through her head.

Buffy placed a gentle hand on her best friend?s knee, the blazing anger 
finally fading away completely.

?It won?t happen again? I promise. No more spells. I?m finished.? Willow 
decided.

Buffy frowned, thinking of her own night spent with Spike. It had been a 
mistake and she knew she could never do it again.

?Good. I think it?s right? to give it up.? Buffy started. An image of Spike 
moving against her flashed across her mind briefly. ?No matter how good it 
feels.?
?It?s not worth it. Not if it messes with the people I love.? She looked 
over at the Slayer again. ?You and Dawn? Xander? you guys are my family? ya 
know? My parents don?t care? I don?t even know where they are right now? I? 
I can?t lose you guys too? I already lost Tara??

Buffy wrapped her arm around the Willow and pulled her close. The other girl 
leaned against her friend, her head on her shoulder.
?Family.? Buffy agreed.

Willow closed her eyes and fought back the tears that threatened to spill. 
She was already feeling the effects of the withdrawal, wanting to do 
magicks, and it had only been a few hours. She tried to shake the feelings 
by continuing the conversation.

?The magic wasn?t all great. I won?t miss the nosebleeds? a-and the 
headaches and stuff.?
?There you go.? Nodded Buffy, squeezing her friend?s shoulder softly.
?Or? keeping stinky yak cheese in my bra.?
?Huh?? Buffy leaned sideways slightly and frowned.
?Don?t ask.? Added the redhead.
?Now I don?t have to.?
??Cause it?s over.?
?Exactly,? Agreed Buffy, ?It?s over.?

The two girls sat in relative silence for a few minutes, Buffy?s arm still 
wrapped around Willow protectively, lovingly.

?Buffy??
?Yeah??
?I really am sorry.?
?I know Will??

After another moment of silence, Buffy unwrapped herself from Willow.

?I uh? I really need some sleep.?

Willow nodded in agreement.

?We?ll uh? we?ll take care of some stuff in the morning.?

Willow knew Buffy was talking about all her magic supplies and nodded in 
agreement again before watching Buffy head through the door to her own room.

Buffy strung up garlic around her window in order to make sure a certain 
bleached blonde vampire she had slept with wasn?t able to get in. She sat 
with her knees drawn up, wearing the same clothes she had been in all day, 
shadows crossing her face from the moonlight.

<Things have really fallen apart. And where have I been?> She questioned 
herself. Tears welled up in her eyes as she thought about Willow hurting her 
sister. The image of a pleading and crying Willow on her knees savagely 
tore at the Slayer?s heart. <She?s in love with me.> She reminded herself. 
<She was willing to die for me, to die to help save Dawn when we were 
fighting Glory. She said she loved me above all else.> Buffy shook her head, 
trying to clear her thoughts. <I kissed her. I wanted to kiss her and I 
did. She?s never said anything about it though. I guess me being dead would 
have? maybe it made her forget.>

Buffy got up and began peeling away her clothes to get ready for bed.

<She brought me back. She risked? so much? probably her soul? to bring me 
back from the dead. She didn?t know I was? I was in heaven? They had no way 
of knowing. She brought me back and I? No, I don?t hate them? I could never 
hate her for thinking she was doing the right thing. And now? now she?s 
addicted to magic and I never even noticed.>

She dragged a white tank top on, followed by light blue boxers and headed 
across the hall to the bathroom.

<I always said it never changed anything? and I thought? but now. Maybe 
knowing she?s in love with me has changed things. Maybe it?s changed me.>

Buffy studied herself in the mirror, remembering several occasions where she 
had actually questioned her feelings for her best friend. <I?ve almost 
kissed her before.> She thought, remembering when Willow had told her about 
Tara and the embarrassment that had flooded her at realizing just how close 
she had come to leaning over and placing her lips on the redhead?s.
<Am I?? Do I??>

Deciding to check on her sister, Buffy headed back up the hall toward Dawn?s 
and Willow?s rooms. She opened the door just enough to see that her sister 
was sound asleep, the arm encased in a cast on top of the covers.

Turning to go back to her own room, Buffy heard a whimper from Willow?s and 
decided to check on her as well. The door was still ajar and it was easy 
for the Slayer to peek inside.

The sight that greeted her stopped her in her tracks.
Willow was shaking and whimpering on the bed, hands clenched in tight fists. 
In the moonlight Buffy could make out the sheen of sweat that coated her 
friend?s body.

?Willow?? She tried softly.

Willow was awake but hardly heard the soft-spoken word of the Slayer. The 
burning and scratching that infested her body was terrible and it took all 
her concentration not to dig her nails into her wrists.

Buffy stepped further into the room, not wanting to frighten the other girl 
in case she was having a nightmare. She didn?t know Willow was still awake, 
suffering from the effects of withdrawal.

?Will?? She tried again a little louder this time.

Willow thought she heard Buffy say her name, but with the other voices 
snickering and tormenting her she dismissed it. She continued to shake, 
unable to control the spasms her muscles were going through. She groaned in 
pain and rolled onto her back, clutching her stomach.

The blonde saw Willow?s open eyes, even if Willow didn?t notice her standing 
there. <Oh God, she?s awake.> Buffy thought, going to the bed on instinct.

?Will??

She touched Willow?s shoulder and the redhead flinched, staring at her with 
wild, unfocused eyes.

?Oh God Willow?? Buffy whispered, not believing this was happening.

?B-B-Buffy.? Willow whispered hoarsely. ?Please? I??

Talking was too much for the addict and she squeezed her eyes shut.

<I?m not leaving you Willow.> The Slayer thought, crawling onto the bed and 
spooning Willow, wrapping her arm around her.

?Is this okay?? Asked Buffy. ?Will you let me hold you tonight??

?Y-yes?? Willow agreed in another whisper.

She scooted back against Buffy and prepared to let the Slayer hold her 
shaking form for the rest of the night.

?I?m so sorry you have to go through this Will?? Said Buffy, pulling the 
girl to her tighter. She smoothed back a red splash of hair and left a 
lingering kiss on Willow?s damp temple.

?I-I? I love you?? The redhead whispered.
?I know you do.? Buffy kissed the back of her head. ?I love you too?? <More 
than you know, maybe more than I?m willing to admit.> She added silently. ]




"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound
anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that
as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like
beautiful music"
-Soren Kierkegaard


Willow: Oh Buffy, you really need to have every square inch of your ass 
kicked.
Buffy: Then show me what you got, and I'll show you what a Slayer really is.

Who the hell am *i* to capitalize myself?


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