FIC: Under the Willow Tree

["xenarip13" <xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx>]

Title: Under The Willow Tree
Author: Bynx 
Email: xenarip13@xxxxxxxxx
Status: Finished
Pairing: Buffy/Willow
Season: i am totally unsure
Spoilers: yeah there are but again unsure
Rating: nc-17
Archive: i don't know why you would but sure just let me know where 
it goes
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. The god creator Joss Whedon does. I 
make no profit whatsoever other than the joy of the story.
Notes: I am but a lowly lurker trying out my hand. I normally write 
Faith/Cordelia or Bianca/Maggie, but these ladies are my favorite 
pairing so I tried. Thanks for Reading.


She sits silently in agony, under her willow tree, she found this 
place a long time ago. It serves her purposes for privacy when she 
has to hide from those who care about her. Tonight, she definitely 
needs to hide. Agony, pain, loss..for her none of these words are 
new in her vocabulary. Hell, how could they be? She is the Slayer. 
Everything she does helps to end these words for others, but it only 
seems to compound them in her own life. Agony has become her 
favorite of late. Here, under her willow tree, she doesn't have to 
hide it and now she can't hide it from her friends either. They know 
her agony now. It was laid before them in song. They didn't need to 
know the pain she suffers, but they do now. They didn't need to see 
her inner anguish over being torn from what she believes was heaven. 
They didn't know...didn't know she was at peace, no worries, that she 
was absolutely loved. What could they do about it now? 
Nothing..just like her...nothing but suffer and wasn't her suffering 
supposed to be enough? Isn't that the way it always was...The Slayer 
suffers so that others do not have to? Well, apparently not this 
time and she had to run from their guilty, pity filled faces. She 
could not stand there and see them that way. Suddenly, here she is 
from heaven into her own life again only this time it really felt 
like HELL not just unfair, but like Hell. How could she tell them 
that? She couldn't, but she could se it on all their faces. Well, 
except Willow's, she avoids her now. She always finds a way to be 
out of her way...out of her life and yet still there on the 
outskirts. To her, the most heart wrenching part of being pulled 
from her paradise was knowing who had called her back. It was the 
one she loves above all others. How is she supposed to deal with 
that? Not that she is being given the chance to anyway. To 
forget...if only she could forget.

Forgetting...she kissed Spike in an attempt to forget and a chance to 
dive into something else to put her hate and anger there. How 
fucking ignorant had that been? Can we say VERY? I knew we could. 
Now, she lets herself feel very little in an attempt to not hurt so 
much, but she notices everything around her. Willow avoids her like 
she is some demon spawn either out of fear of her anger, guilt or 
both. Tara left Willow and all she knows about that is that it was 
over magic misuse or something like that, because Willow won't tell 
her. Giles has left again. Dawn..well she is just Dawn...happy to 
have her sister back, but sad they didn't know she was at peace. The 
rest of the Scoobs all walk on eggshells around her. Spike keeps 
trying to win her love. What a joke. Then, the dancing, singing 
demon...if it wasn't for that little bit of excitement none of this 
would be happening. She could have kept right on suffering alone as 
it has always been and should be. All she wants to do is die again.

She hears someone or something beyond the low hanging branches of her 
willow tree. Perhaps tonight, she will let them have their victory. 
All it would take is one wrong block, one slow swing, or any defense 
misplaced and she could be done. It could be believable. After all, 
she is distracted. Of course, if she did that, she would never see 
Willow again. She has become the only glimpse of beauty in this 
insane existence yet seeing her is painful as well. A love that she 
knows cannot be. Willow could never love her the way she loves 
Willow. She is in love with Tara. You can see the pain she struggles 
with everyday knowing that Tara is gone. The intruder is getting 
closer now. She sits waiting to see if she can let herself be killed 
knowing that her survival skills will kick in and save her ass even 
if she doesn't want them to, but there is always hope she can hold 
them at bay and die tonight. As the intruder parts the branches, 
Buffy smells Willow's familiar, spicy scent.

" Oh,..B-buffy...I didn't know anyone...you..still c-came here..." 
she stammers. Willow's overwhelming guilt shows in her eyes. Truth 
was, she didn't know if she could call it an error. She couldn't 
live without Buffy. She didn't know where she went..Heaven or Hell. 
She just knew she had to have her back. Yeah SHE couldn't live 
without her...who cared if the world could or not?

"It's fine Willow. I was ...well just here," Buffy doesn't look up, 
she can't take the pain she knows is in Willow's expression.

" Oh, I ..could l-"

" Willow, why do you avoid me?" Buffy blurts out suddenly. She just 
has to hear Willow say it. She can't take the silence anymore, " You 
bring me back, but now you stay far away from me."

"Me? I am not. I live at your house.."

" All the same you do avoid me...Why? Is it because you are afraid? 
Do I scare you..do you not want to be my friend?"

" Buffy, why would I be afraid of you? Your..."

"I thought maybe you were afraid I was angry at you. I was angry, 
but never at YOU. I wouldn't hurt you will if you were afr..."

"No! I never thought you would hurt me...Don't ever think that!"

"Then, please tell me why."

"Buffy, I-I c-can't...please.."

"No, we've always been honest with each other. Tell me. I need to 
know."

"Oh yeah we've always been honest...that's why you never told us 
about us pulling you out of heaven..honesty...you didn't even tell me 
and ... and.. I am the one who did it..."

"I am here now...nothing can be done about that unless I do it...I 
just didn't want you to suffer knowing...I am the one who 
protects...so I was trying to protect...you...I can't leave. Tara 
leaves...Giles leaves...everyone walks on glass around me and now you 
leave in your own way, too and yet I can't leave. I know if it isn't 
fear then it has to be guilt. I know that, but why?!" Buffy pleads 
sternly and Willow bends.

" I..me..I took away your heaven. No one else did that...I did... 
ME! I can't fix it...I wouldn't if I could...I am guilty of 
destroying my best friend's peace. I know you must hate me.." Willow 
sighs, " It was selfish...purely selfish.."

"Willow, you thought I was in Hell. You thought the world needed 
me. You brought me back to save me how could I hate YOU for that. I 
just hate that there was no way for you to know I was safe. You 
couldn't have known. How is that selfish? I don't hate you...never 
could."

"Don't say that Buffy when you hear the truth you will feel...you 
will hate me. I did..yo..I thought you were in Hell, but..." Willow 
swallows, " I didn't want to know where you went...it wouldn't have 
mattered..I didn't care about anyone else...I.."

"What? You what?! I don't understand..just tell me. Don't you see? 
I have lost everything, but you..you're still here..make me 
understand...please we can still be honest with each other...we can 
still have that if we want it. What do you mean you didn't care 
about anyone else?" Buffy runs her hands through her hair, " I'm 
sorry for yelling.."

"It's okay. I deserve it. I pulled you back. I did it because I 
need you... I wanted you here..I didn't think I..no..I didn't care if 
what I was doing was wrong.." she whispers.

"You wanted me here?" Buffy looks up.

"Yes, I just couldn't be without you here. I did magik no one should 
touch..and just for me...I'm so sorry.."

" I...even if I was in Hell. You shouldn't have risked all that."

" I..DAMN IT! I can't tell you..It's why Tara left me..it's why..I 
did everything," the last part was barely a whisper.

"Tara left you over magik. I know that Willow. You thought I was 
suffering...you thought I was needed. You shouldn't feel guilty."

"You don't understand. I didn't care. I was suffering here 
without...without you. Tara left over magik, but not because of the 
type of magik it was. She left because I used it to get you 
back..she knew why I did it..She left because she knew how much I...I 
did the magik for me not for the good of others, but for me 
and...why" Willow's figure slumps at the shoulders admitting defeat 
and knowing she must tell the truth no matter what the cost. The 
price now for her selfishness was so high that it neede to be 
finished, "See, she knew it all and just let me go knowing I wouldn't 
stop until you were back. She helped me even and then she left. I 
hurt her terribly. I am guilty of so much pain. 
So,hereiswhyandthenyoucanhatemeforeverandiwilllivewiththat.." she 
babbles quickly and breathes deep, "You left me and I..needed you..I 
needed you not the world..the world could be DAMNED for all I cared. 
I couldn't survive without you. You left me without me being able to 
tell you I loved you, needed you, and I couldn't be without you...you 
just left...I'm sorry I took away your reward, your peace...I am so 
sorry..." her shoulders quaking as she puts her hand sup to her face 
to cover her sobbing.

Buffy stands and takes small steps to stand infront of Willow, "Say 
it again, Willow," she touches Willow's hair, "Say it again."

"I'm sorry," Willow mutters.

"No," Buffy runs her hand softly along Willow's hair, "tell me again 
why you called me back..please.." Buffy's voice cracks as tears fill 
her eyes.

" I l-love you..I didn't mean to fall in love with y-you, but..." 
Willow drops her hands, but refuses to look at Buffy.

"Ssshhhh..." Buffy moves Willow's face to be able to see her 
eyes, "How do you l-love me?"

Willow looks into Buffy's eyes knowing she can't lie anymore, "I love 
you with v-very core of m-my being..with all that I am and all that I 
will ever be...so much that I couldn't let death stand in the way.." 
she shudders at her confession.

Buffy's hands grip Willow's shoulders tightly as she pushes Willow 
against the tree. She sees Willow's eyes go wide with fear just 
before she captures her lips in a soul searing kiss. The next 
feeling Buffy has is Willow's fingers digging into her back trying to 
pull Buffy even closer to her as if she wants to accept all of 
Buffy's rage, anguish, and sorrow into her.

"Willow..." she growls into the redheads neck after breaking the 
kiss, "Is this what you wanted? Is this why you brought me back?" 

"N-no...Y-yes..I j-just you is all I wanted...n-not s-sex...you I 
want you..yes like this, but for love...for you to just be here...I 
do want you like this...Goddess help me is it wrong?...I'm sorry. I 
just l-love YOU.." Willow cringes away as a tear falls.

"No...not wrong.." Buffy pulls her into her embrace, "Wonderful..it's 
beyond Wonderful!" Buffy kisses the tears away, "Willow, I ...I 
want...so badly, Willow and ... I..I need.." she stammers out as her 
hands roam Willow's curves, "please?" she pleads as her desires 
become undeniable. Her hands roam upwards to cup Willow's breasts.

"Yes...Goddess, YES!..whatever you need...want..take whatever you 
need.."

"MINE!" Buffy growls throatily as she rips open Willow's shirt 
sending buttons flying everywhere. She raises the redhead's skirt 
sensually running her fingertips along her thighs until she reaches 
her panties tearing them away. Willow's breath catches in a gasp at 
Buffy's wantonness.

Willow's breasts bare in the moonlight filtering through the branches 
absorb all the Slayer's attention. She gently runs her fingertips 
over the small but firm peaks causing a moan from Willow. 

"So long..." Buffy breathes out right before leaning into devour 
almost an entire peak into her mouth. She teases the nipple taut, her 
hands reaching around to hold Willow by the small of her back close 
to her. Willow reaches into Buffy's blonde tresses holding her 
closer as if the Slayer might change her mind and leave her wanting. 
Buffy transfers her attention from one lovely breast to the other 
sliding upward to claim Willow's lips in a bruising passionate kiss. 
Their tongues duel for dominance, but Buffy wins as her passion long 
denied and ignored, returns to her with her beautiful witch in her 
arms. She sucks on Willow's tongue causing the little witch to grind 
her hips up into Buffy's. Buffy pulls away looking into those fiery 
green eyes seeing such passion and love there her own desire can wait 
no more. She drops to her knees in front of her love pulling at the 
skirt frantically until Willow grabs her hands and undoes the 
buckling for the Slayer. Buffy smiles for the first time since her 
return as the skirt falls and Willow's hand caresses her cheek. Her 
Willow, Buffy loses her self to Willow's flesh, creamy, soft, as she 
runs her tongue around Willow's navel she finds out delicious as 
well. Her hands creep up to playfully tease nipples as she licks 
slowly, sensually along hipbones, navel, and down her thighs. Willow 
is reduced to moaning incoherently as Buffy continues her assault. 
As Buffy closes in on the source of Willow's need, the redhead 
involuntarily bucks her hips up to meet Buffy. This causes the 
Slayer to smile as a child on their birthday, but then this IS her 
birthday finally alive again. She blows a cool breeze across short 
red curls trying to remember what she likes since her passion is 
screaming at her regardless of her not having any experience. Noting 
the slight hesitation, Willow moves her hands back to Buffy's hair 
stroking lovingly. The contact is all she needs, Buffy moves 
Willow's legs wider then slowly runs her tongue along her love's 
outer lips reveling in the flavor wanting to devour her Willow 
whole. She moves her hands from hard nipples down Willow's ribcage 
to grab Willow's hips, sliding around to hold tight to Willow's 
cheeks as she dives desperately into her lover.

"Oh GODDESS!!!! Buffy...oh ..mmmmm" Willow digs her hands into 
Buffy's hair tightly holding on as the Slayer voraciously attacks her 
core.

Buffy can't get enough of Willow's taste. It is spicy, hot...lovely, 
sweet...she realizes this is 'home'. Willow is her home. She runs 
her tongue through each fold of her lover's sex not leaving anypart 
untouched..she lavishes long passes over Willow's bud loving the 
moans and writhing she gets as she does this. Wanting to taste the 
source of Willow's flavor, she moves to her lover's opening moving 
her tongue in a lazy circle around it before plunging her tongue as 
deep as she can into her Willow. This cause Willow to raise and wrap 
one leg around Buffy's shoulder as Buffy keeps rhythmically moving 
her tongue in and out of her lover trying to taste all her depths. 
As Willow's hips buck in time to Buffy's questing tongue, Buffy 
brings one hand around slowly to glide up the inside of Willow's 
thigh as she quickly replaces her tongue with two fingers deep inside 
her lover. 

"BUFFY!!!..harder!!!"

Willow jerks fast to Buffy's pounding fingers as Buffy places her 
lips over Willow's clit sucking hard while racing her tongue over it 
in it quick hard flicks. Willow's hips try to keep time but now she 
is simply in a mindless bucking state as Buffy uses her strength to 
control both girls balance and bring Willow over the edge.

"Oh GODDESS...I...mmmmm...BUFFY!!!" Willow cries out as her orgasm 
overtakes her sending her soaring. 

Buffy continues to push into Willow as she crests over the edge and 
begins to come back down her legs shaking, her breathing labored, and 
Buffy slows almost pulling out of her lover. Then, with gentle flicks 
of her tongue she immediately pumps in and out of her lover high 
speed pushing Willow to another heart stopping explosion. As Willow 
returns to earth, Buffy rests her head on the red head's thigh 
smiling slowly she removes her fingers from her lover. She holds 
Willow standing as the girls legs tremble and her breathing slows. 
Buffy moves slowly bringing Willow into her lap. She touches her 
cheek lovingly having spent her urgency she holds Willow as the red 
head weeps lightly.

"Willow, I'm sorry...did I hurt you?" She asks suddenly concerned.

"n-no...I...you..." Willow stammers overcome.

"I am sorry...I" Buffy blushes.

"Oh..B-buffy ... if you didn't w-want t-to.." Willow tries to move 
away.

"God..no Wills, I'm not sorry about .. about this..It was so...there 
are no words...I'm sorry I didn't say something first..before we.."

"Uh..I see." Willow's face cringes.

"No..Willow..I just should have told you that ... I...before I took 
you I should have said I love you, too. I do and I should have said 
it before I...so you would no it wasn't just..."

"Oh Buffy, I didn't think that...I didn't, but could you say it 
again?" her face turns crimson.

"Willow, I love you. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul."
she hugs the redhead tight to her.

"Then, you forgive me?" Willow asks her voice shaking with fear.

"My God, Wills, there is nothing to forgive...not one damn thing. 
What should I forgive you for...bringing me back to be loved? Loving 
me enough to want me at whatever cost? Why would I need to forgive 
you for that? Willow, I feel again..the cold is receding..the pain 
is slowly going with you here in my arms. Yes, it will take longer 
to forget the peace of that place, but you are my heart and you can 
give me peace...please Willow forgive yourself for I have nothing to 
forgive you for. I would have done the same thing for you if I could 
have. I need you now just as you needed me...maybe we can be peace 
for each other? Just love me Wills...hold me..you are my heaven on 
earth Wills and don't you forget it, as if I would let you. I love 
you, My Willow...forever. I wanted to die tonight," Willow 
cringes, "Sshh, but now I have a reason to want to live. I live 
because of you and I love because you are here." Willow shivers," Oh 
Wills, you have to be cold. I demolished your shirt...I.."

"I am not cold, Buffy. I just can't believe all you said. I never 
thought..I only hoped...Buffy I love you so much..I can try to be 
your peace for you, but will I be enough?" Willow moves so she can 
gather together her clothes. She begins to slide on her skirt. 

Buffy reaches out and helps her buckle it, " You have always been 
enough, Willow. I could just never tell you." 

Buffy reaches down and picks up the tattered shirt holding it so 
Willow can slide into it, "I jumped on purpose,Willow. You should 
know. I want us to be truthful from now on so," Buffy wraps the 
shirt around Willow from behind her arms holding her against Buffy 
tightly as she whispers in Willow's ear, " I jumped on purpose. I 
was so tired, Wills. I couldn't take it anymore. Mom was gone, 
Riley left even though that was right he still left. Xander was 
doing well, you had Tara and as far as I knew, you were happy, Dawn, 
well, I knew you would take care of her. I just couldn't go on 
anymore. I wanted to tell you everything before I left, but I 
couldn't. How would that have been fair after you found someone so 
special. I just didn't want to fight anymore. I was so tired, 
Wills...so tired. Will you forgive me, Willow for making you have to 
bring me back and go through all that guilt? Please Willow?" she 
turns to tears.

Willow turns in her arms and kisses Buffy with love and a kindling 
passion, "Buffy, you should have come to me. All the time we 
lost..all the pain..we could have..of course you are forgiven, love, 
of course. We should get home. I love you, Buffy Anne Summers. 
Let's get home before we both freeze." She gives Buffy a big hug.

"I love you, Willow Summers..if you will have me?" Buffy holds Willow 
closer waiting frightened.

"I already do love...I already have you and I am never letting go. 
walk me home?" Willow moves holding her shirt together as Buffy 
places her arm around her holding her close.

"Thank Heaven," Buffy smiles and kisses Willow softly as they begin 
life together out from under the Willow Tree.



Fin