Re: Fic: Whenever you call 1/? NC17

["Shannon" <willows_gal_15@xxxxxxxxxxx>]

I thought it was terrific, loving the phone sex idea ;) But if you 
don't mind a bit of contructive criticism.... You need to use more 
contractions, like instead of "I am" write "I'm"... it might help you 
get into the character a little bit more. And also on the subject of 
characterization, I don't think Buffy would be so... umm I don't 
actually know the word I'm looking for, but it's something along the 
lines of stiff... she's more carefree. And Willow's a little bit more 
bubbly. Not sure if she would be in this situation, but yeah. I 
actually think you wrote her very well, except for a few little 
details. For example, given that she's just been thinking about her 
now "special friend" her voice might've been a little husky, or a bit 
breathless.

Or you could just ignore everything I've just said, 'cause I think I 
suck at writing. **Blushes**

Shannon

http://www.geocities.com/lusty_wrong_feelings