Re: CORRECTED VERSION (I hope): October 2002 Gutter Report

[GHRDR <ghrdr@xxxxxxxxx>]

TO: Director of Public Safety: All department
heads: and all other interested parties.
FROM: C-I-C of the Viking Pigs (Gator)
SUBJECT: End of the Month State of the Gutter and
Woods Outback Report for October 2002

>Item 6:
>Regarding the Viking Pigs. Yes I know they have
been running amok in the Outer Vegetable Territories
looking for something they are calling the 'Golden
Pineapple' in a series of chomp and destroy missions. 
However, I'm not sure what you guys expect me to do
about it? I'm the Director of Public Safety for the
Gutter and Woods Outback... not the Outer Vegetable
Territories...while the Viking Pigs running amok
anywhere is always annoying - especially when they
insist on singing 'In the Navy' while conducting the
actual raid. There is not much I can do about it,
other then offer the UVE some of our flamethrowers and
more militant Gutter and Woods Outback dwellers, who
enjoy roasted pig and BBQ, to help repulse the
invaders.

Ahem. Some of the Viking Pigs were actually the
root cause of the incendiary mishap. They startled
the poor veggies preparing the firebombs.
A few of the Viking Pigs were caught in the
resulting blast. Rest assured, we gave them a full
veggie funeral, complete with the consumption of the
deceased, even though they weren't vegetables. It
made for quite a nice Luau. So nice in fact that
further incidents of amok Viking Pigs raiding
the Outer Vegetable Territories may be met with
slightly less accidental accidents. As the Head of
the United Vegetable Empire, I do not condone
such actions. I will, however, expect my subjects
to invite me to the par... er funerals.

Tater I will need the actual numbers and personal
affects of the deceased Viking Pigs. We appericate
your veggies honouring our tradition of burning the
dead. The deceased have now moved on to the 'Big
Feast'
in the sky. Where they sit with their Gods and feast
on all the Veggies they can eat.

After talking with the Viking Pigs that came back
from the mission to find 'The Golden Pineapple' a
finger most be pionted at the real mischeif maker. My
Viking Pigs were told that the pineapple in question
would send them to immeditaly to the 'Big Feast'. The
description of the little mischeif maker somehow
matches that of the Director of Public Safety. Even
down to the fact that they spouted off Rahne/Wanda
ideas every few lines....

Btw, the 'Golden Pineapple is on my desk serving its
porpuse as a paperweight. Like it always has....

=====
Ghrdr
Lurking Gator, Mad Torturer...1st Class, C-I-C of the Viking Pigs, Arch Duke of Hell(in training)

There can be no great genius without a touch of madness, in my case I'm a bit more touched...

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